Old Friends, and Demons
by KimberlyJordan
Summary: This is a sequel to "What If" My take on how things might have been between Deacon and Rayna 5 years into marriage, with a child, and all the issues that come with fame, and celebrity. It pre-dates the show by several years, and I added Maddie in 1993, rather than 1999.
1. Chapter 1

Deacon was pacing by the window of terminal A6 at the Nashville International Airport. Rayna's flight was already 45 minutes late.

"Excuse me ma'am is there any further information on flight 186 from Berlin?" he asked the ticket agent for the 3rd time

"I'm sorry, sir. All we have is that it will be delayed for mechanical issues. No ETA at the moment, but we will update everyone as soon as we hear something. Again, there is no danger to anyone onboard. The captain has simply requested an emergency landing as a precaution, and they are looking at possible airports to land to check things out."

"Thanks." Deacon said as he turned his attention to the 4 year old twirling by the window in her purple tutu

"When's mama's plane comin daddy?" Maddie asked for the umpteenth time

"I'm not sure sweetie. They need to fix the plane. It's gonna be a little longer"

"…but she said she'd be here for my cital." Maddie's little face twisted in disappointment

"I know, baby. She's tryin to get here, OK?"

"She ALWAYS says she's comin, and doesn't." Maddie stuck her bottom lip out, and crossed her arms

Deacon couldn't deny that Maddie was right. Rayna had been touring pretty heavily the past 2 years, and for the past 3 months hadn't been home at all. She was finishing up the last leg of a tour in Europe.

It was late September 1997.

Deacon and Rayna were about to celebrate their 5 year anniversary, which also happened to land on the same night as the CMA's. Deacon was not happy, but he'd learned to accept the downside of the music business. Sharing Rayna with millions of fans hadn't been easy, and Maddie was really struggling with Rayna's absence.

He glanced at the departure / arrival screen again. It had just changed. Flight 186 was now scheduled to be 3 hours behind its original arrival time of 4:30pm, and now showed a 7:30pm arrival time in Nashville.

"DAMMIT" he cursed as his cell phone rang

"You said a BAD word, daddy" Maddie sang as Deacon answered his phone

"Hello"

"Hey, Babe. Are you and Maddie at the airport?"

"Yep, been here over 2 hours. The arrival time just changed on the screen to 7:30pm." Deacon tried to keep the irritation out of his voce, but Rayna knew he was upset

"I'm sorry. Somethin's wrong with the plane. I couldn't call from the air. We just landed in Chicago. Tell Maddie I'm so sorry, but I'm not gonna make it." Deacon could hear Rayna's voice cracking. He knew she missed Maddie horribly after 3 whole months away.

"You wanna talk to her? She's right here. Maddie C'mere. It's mom." He said as the little girl bounded over and grabbed the phone

"Mama, I got my purple tutu on, and we're here waiting to pick you up for my cital. Are you comin?" the little girl pleaded

"No, baby. I'm am soooo sorry sweetie! I'm stuck in Chicago for a little bit longer, but daddy's gonna take you to your recital, and I promise promise promise I will be there to tuck you in tonight, OK?" Maddie burst into a fit of tears as she shoved the phone back to Deacon

"I gotta go, Ray. She's in full melt down mode. She was so excited that you were gonna make this one." The line went dead

"Deacon, DEACON?" it was too late, he'd hung up. There was no point in calling him back. He was dealing with a temperamental 4 year old in a busy airport.

Maddie was extremely intelligent for her age. She was already showing signs of stardom. She could sing, and dance, and was excelling in pre-school. She had started to learn the piano, but her eyes always lit up when Deacon played guitar. He'd promised to teach her when she was big enough to hold one.

The downside to being the gifted artist type like her parents, was Maddie also got the worst of both Deacon and Rayna.

She had Rayna's diva tendencies, and Deacon didn't help matters much by ALWAYS giving her what she wanted. He felt bad with Rayna gone so much. He often indulged Maddie's every whim. She was his little angel, and had him completely wrapped around her finger.

The bad part was when Maddie didn't get her way it usually evolved into a fit of rage and tears. She certainly got her daddy's temper.

Maddie was sitting on the window ledge crying, large tears were running down her chubby cheeks. It broke Deacons heart every time his little girl cried like that.

"C'mere baby girl." Deacon softly said as he scooped Maddie into his arms and held her tight as the little girl sobbed into his chest

"I hate her!" Maddie cried as she tightened her grip on Deacon

"Hey, I don't want to hear that about your mama!" he firmly, but calmly said as he sat Maddie in a chair and wiped her tears away

"She NEVER comes when she says she will! I do hate her!" Maddie stated a little more forcefully

"Maddelynn Grace Claybourne, that is ENOUGH!" Deacon knew he was losing this battle. Maddie was a very headstrong little girl.

Rayna was the disciplinarian. Deacon was the "fun" parent that rarely said no.

He also rarely raised his voice to Maddie. In the 4 years since Maddie's birth he could count the times on one hand he'd really had to punish Maddie, and those times had hurt him a lot more than they'd hurt her.

He'd never physically punished Maddie, and swore he'd never lay a hand on her, no matter what she did. He'd suffered so much abuse in his own childhood, he was adamant that Maddie would never be exposed to that.

Rayna on the other hand, would spank Maddie, with an open palm on the butt if she really misbehaved.

Deacon didn't like it, and they'd had some pretty ugly fights over appropriate punishments for Maddie.

"Look, sweetheart, I know you're mad, and hurt, but we don't say we hate anyone, ever, OK?" Deacon was doing his best to avoid a colossal tantrum in the airport terminal

Maddie had stopped crying, but her little arms were folded on her chest and her bottom lip was out.

"C'mon, let's get you to your recital." Deacon said as he grabbed Maddie's hand

"NO" Maddie screamed

"MADDIE, PLEASE DON'T MAKE DADDY MAD, OK!"

"I DON'T CARE. I DO HATE HER. I'M NOT GOING TO MY TUPID CITAL!" Maddie was at an eardrum piercing decibel now with her screaming, and people were starting to notice

Deacon took a deep breath. He'd already had a bad day. His record label Belcort was breathing down his neck for new material, and he was struggling with writers block.

He still had his Thursday night Bluebird gig, but with Rayna gone he hadn't been able to make many of them lately to try out new material.

He wasn't touring with Rayna anymore. They'd talked when Maddie was around 2 ½ and decided Deacon would assume the stay at home dad role for a while so Rayna could go back on the road.

Deacon had done well with a solo album of his own, but Rayna's solo career was really taking off.

Rayna's last few months of pregnancy, and Maddie's first year of life had been the best ever time in their relationship. Deacon was so in love with a pregnant Rayna. He'd bonded with Maddie before she was ever born.

Deacon couldn't keep his hands off Rayna's belly. He'd sing and play guitar for Maddie just to get a reaction, and she usually kicked and wiggled at the sound of his voice.

They both took an entire year off after the first tour to settle into married life, and get used to having a baby.

The tour had been an amazing success. Their first album had released. They were newlyweds, and Maddie's due date was looming.

They'd bought a secluded cabin about an hour outside Nashville. As soon as they'd stepped on the huge porch facing the Cumberland River, and before they'd even set foot inside they'd both said they wanted it.

So many of Maddie's firsts had happened in the cabin. Her first smile, first words…"daddy" of course had been her first word followed shortly after by "mama". Deacon swore she said "guitar" before "mama", but he let Rayna have "mama". He knew it stung a little that Maddie was such a daddy's girl.

By the time Maddie was a year old Rayna was begging Deacon to move back to the city. They were both working again, and the hour commute with a toddler was just too much.

They settled for a modest tri-level with room for a studio, and office space for both of them. There were 3 bedrooms, a gourmet kitchen, and a swimming pool. Everything they needed and minutes from downtown Nashville.

They held on to the cabin for weekend getaways, and Deacon loved to fish when he had time, but the cabin visits were fewer and further between as life, schedules, and music took over. It had been nearly 2 years since they'd spent any time there as a family.

They'd tried a year- long US tour as a couple again when Maddie was 18 months old. By that point they'd been married 2 years. The newlywed bliss had worn off, and living on a bus with a toddler was not a good time for either of them.

They'd found out the hard way Maddie easily got motion sickness. Deacon spent more time than he cared to remember cleaning up puke that year. Rayna couldn't do it without gagging. Potty training had been nearly impossible on a bus with the crazy schedules, or lack of.

Maddie barely slept on the bus, and if she did it was between Rayna and Deacon which meant their love life was non-existent for almost an entire year.

Deacon had wanted to hire a nanny, but Rayna was completely against it. She had been raised almost entirely by nannies, while her own mother Virginia Wyatt toured, and her dad was just too busy to deal with Rayna and Tandy.

To this day Rayna had refused Deacon's pleas to hire some help with Maddie. While Rayan toured it was entirely up to him to deal with all things Maddie. Tandy was available to help, but Deacon hated to bug her a lot. She worked full time for Lamar.

By the time Maddie was 2 ½ , and after the horrendous attempt at the family bus tour, it was clear things were not working.

Deacon and Rayna were at an all- time low in their marriage, barely speaking, and at each-other's throats when they did.

They finally sat down for a serious heart to heart, and decided that since Rayna's career was doing the best she'd continue touring solo, and Deacon would return to Nashville with Maddie to give her some stability and more of a regimented schedule better suited for an active toddler.

They also both felt some serious time apart might be a good thing. The year on the bus had been really hard on the marriage. Rayna had even suggested divorce at one point during a nasty fight.

It was the one and only time the D word ever came up. Neither of them wanted that, but the music industry, and the lifestyle had taken its toll on their marriage just like everyone said it would.

Deacon had walked out on Rayna that night, but came back the next day tearfully pleading with her not to leave him, and not to take Maddie away from him.

They had gotten some counseling, and Rayna continued to tour so they were away from each other for a while.

Rayna had been touring solo for 2 years now. She was normally home a couple times a month, but this last leg in Europe had been a full 3 months away with no time to come home. It was an 11 hour flight, and there just wasn't time between shows.

Deacon considered flying over to see Rayna, but Maddie still had motion sickness issues so a flight that long would be more than she could handle. She was good for a 3 or 4 hour flight, but usually after that she would start to whine about feeling sick.

Deacon was happy Rayna was about to come home for a few months. He was looking forward to celebrating their 5 year anniversary, and Rayna wasn't planning anymore touring until January 1998. They'd be together through the holidays and he wanted to spend some time at the cabin as a family.

Maddie had been missing Rayna a lot lately and needed some quality time with her mama. Rayna had promised once she got home it was all about family for the rest of 1997, and the only exception was the night of the CMA's.

She had her 6th nomination. She'd had 3 wins since the 1992 album. Deacon had had one win of his own for his one and only solo album, and they'd won in 1992 with No One Will Ever Love You as a couple.

"Honey, please…daddy's had a tough day. C'mon, let's get you to your recital. You get to dance with all your friends. You like that sweetie, and they'll miss you if you don't go." Deacon was trying to calm down himself and diffuse the Maddie bomb

"NO, MAMAS NOT COMIN. I'M NOT GOIN. I DON'T WANNA. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!' Maddie continued with the high pitched screams

Deacon was losing patience. He glanced at the clock on the wall 6:30pm. He needed to get Maddie downtown by 7.

Talking to her wasn't working. He knew if he could just get her to the dance studio with her friends she'd forget about Rayna for a while anyway. He took another deep breath and picked Maddie up. She immediately went into full on temper tantrum mode as he walked through the airport with a kicking screaming 4 year old in his arms.

"PUT ME DOWN. I DON'T WANNA GO. I HATE YOU! I HATE MAMA. NO BODY LOVES ME. I DON'T WANNA GO DADDY….NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She screamed all the way to the truck

Deacon struggled to get Maddie buckled into her car seat, as she continued to fight him, and squirm, all the while continuing to scream at the top of her lungs.

He finally got her buckled in and climbed into the driver's seat. He turned up the radio to drown out her tantrum as he pulled out of the airport parking lot. She continued to scream for the next 15 minutes anyway until she realized she wasn't getting a reaction from Deacon anymore.

He pulled into the dance studio parking lot. Maddie was quiet as he shut off the radio and engine. He glanced in the rearview mirror at his little girl. Her face was red and tear stained, but she wasn't screaming at least for the time being.

He got out and walked around to unbuckle Maddie. He scooped her into his arms and into a hug.

"I love you, baby girl." He whispered as he stroked her hair and wiped her tears away

"I love you too, daddy." She said as she tightened her grip around his neck

"You ready for your recital?"

"Do I have to go, daddy?"

"No, baby. You don't, but all these people are here to see you dance. Just like all mommy and daddy's fans buy tickets to see us sing. It's not fair to these people that want to see you dance if you don't show up now is it?" he tried to reason with a now much calmer Maddie

"…and I really want to see my little ballerina dance, OK? Can you do that for me sweetie, please?"

"OK, daddy" she smiled at Deacon

"That's my girl." Deacon was happy the tantrum was over, but he was exhausted.

An hour later a happy Maddie was jabbering away in her car seat behind Deacon about the recital and her purple tutu, and someone else's pink tutu.

"Can we get ice cream, daddy?"

"You haven't even had dinner." Deacon said as he realized with the airport delay and tantrum he'd forgot and really hadn't had time to feed Maddie dinner.

"How about pizza, and if you eat a whole piece, we'll get ice cream on the way home?"

"OK, daddy." Maddie happily chirped from the backseat

2 hours later at almost 10:30pm Deacon pulled into the driveway at home. He hadn't heard from Rayna since he'd hung up on her at the airport, but every light in the house was on so she was home.

"Mamas home, mamas home." Maddie happily cheered from the back seat, and had her car seat unbuckled, ice cream cone dripping all over her shirt, and was out the door before Deacon even got the key out of the ignition.

Deacon walked in the back kitchen door to a very happy little girl in her mama's arms, jabbering about the recital, as Rayna dabbed her shirt trying to get the chocolate ice cream out of it.

"My favorite site in the world. My girls together." Deacon said as he wrapped his arms around both of his girls and kissed Rayna

"I've missed you so much baby." He whispered in Rayna's ear

"I wouldn't know with the way you hung up on me earlier." Rayna said with some irritation in her voice

"I'm sorry, OK? Maddie was about to throw a fit." He said as he put the leftover pizza in the fridge

"Yeah mom, you promised you'd be at my cital, and you lied." Maddie suddenly remembered that Rayna had broken a promise.

"I'm so sorry baby. Why don't you go upstairs and take off those sticky clothes. Pick out some pajamas and a book. I'll be up to give you a bath and read to you, OK?"

"OK, mama." Maddie agreed as she bounded up the stairs full of energy on an ice cream high.

"Are you hungry, Ray? Leftover pizza?" Deacon said as he took Rayna in his arms, and attempted a kiss.

"Pizza and chocolate ice cream at 10:30pm, Deacon, REALLY? She's never gonna go to sleep." Rayna said as she pulled away from him.

"I'm sorry, Ray. You know we didn't have time for dinner between the airport and recital."

"…and the ice cream?" Rayna asked

"She asked if we could get ice cream. She was really upset about you missing the recital. What's the big damn deal, Ray?"

"The big deal, Deacon is we've talked about this. You just give her whatever she wants whenever she wants it. You have to learn to tell her no once in a while."

"Well, you know, tonight wasn't really a good night to upset her more, Ray. You didn't see how hurt and upset she was that you didn't make her recital."

"Oh and that's my fault? I had no control over it, Deacon."

"I'm not sayin it's your fault, Ray…I just…I don't know what the hell I'm sayin, or why we're even arguing." Deacon was getting frustrated. Rayna had gone back to doing dishes.

"MAMA, ARE YOU COMING?" Maddie yelled from the top of the stairs

"I'll be right there, baby."

"Can you finish loading the dishwasher, PLEASE, Deacon? This place is a mess."

"FINE, RAY…ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANNA BITCH ABOUT TONIGHT, HUH?" Deacon asked, as his anger from the entire day finally got the best of him. Rayna simply signed and stomped upstairs.

"WELCOME THE HELL HOME, RAY!" Deacon yelled as Rayna got to the top of the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

Deacon could hear Rayna reading to Maddie as he climbed the stairs. It had been over an hour since Rayna had gone up to give Maddie her bath, and try to get the little girl to sleep.

Maddie was still very much awake and jabbering a mile a minute. Rayna sounded exhausted. He stood outside Maddie's door and listened to the 2 most important people in his life talk and laugh. He was happy to have Rayna home and safe, even if they weren't exactly getting along at the moment.

"I'm thirsty, mama." He overheard Maddie say

"You stay in that bed, Maddelynn Grace! I'll get you some water." Rayna sternly said as she came out in the hall to get water from the bathroom.

"Not going so well in there, huh?" Deacon shrugged as Rayna brushed past him without answering.

"MAMA…I DON'T WANT WATER! DADDY LET'S ME HAVE MOUNTAIN DEW. I HAD TWO MOUNTAIN DEWS WITH MY PIZZA TONIGHT." She proudly announced as Rayna came back in the room with a small cup of water.

"Oh, you did, huh? That explains a lot!" Rayna shot a glare in Deacons direction in the doorway, as Maddie noticed he was there.

"DADDY! TELL MAMA I CAN HAVE A SODA, AND MY BEDTIME COOKIE." Deacon cringed as he sat down on Maddie's bed, afraid to look in Rayna's direction.

"Sweetie, I think you've had enough sugar tonight, OK?"

"…BUT DAD! JUST ONE NILLA WAFER, PLEASE?" Maddie pleaded with Deacon. If Rayna wasn't there he'd give it to her.

"NO, kiddo. It's time to go to sleep." Deacon was praying Maddie would cooperate. He knew Rayna was getting pissed, as Maddie confessed to a bedtime routine that had become a regular occurrence in Rayna's absence.

"…BUT DADDY YOU ALWAYS SAY YES! I WANT MY COOKIE!" Maddie folder her arms, and the bottom lip came out as Maddie's pleas became louder.

"You're gettin daddy in a lot of trouble here sweetie! I thought the bedtime cookie was our secret?" Deacon whispered in Maddie's ear, as he nuzzled the little girl with his chin scruff.

Maddie squealed with delight as Deacon tickled and played with her to diffuse the tantrum that seemed to be coming.

"Deacon, PLEASE don't wind her up any more than you already have tonight!" Rayna begged

"OK, mamas right, baby girl. It's really late. You should have been asleep a long time ago." He laid Maddie back in her bed and tucked the covers tight around her.

"Daddy, will you play me a song on your guitar?" Rayna shot Deacon another glare that said "don't even"

"Maddie, it's been over 2 hours. We've read to you, and played with you. You've had your drink. It's time to go to sleep now, OK?" Rayna sternly said as the little girls bottom lip started to quiver and tears started to fall.

"…but I'm not tired…Daddy…please…one song….pleeeeeaaaaassseeee daddyyyyyyyyyyy…" Maddie was pleading with Deacon now through tears, and his heart was breaking.

"Go to sleep sweetie." Deacon said as he kissed Maddie's forehead and left the room. He couldn't stand anymore. If Rayna wasn't there he'd have given the little girl whatever she asked for.

Another hour passed before Rayna came into their bedroom. She didn't say a word to Deacon as she got ready for bed.

"Guess I'm in the dog house, huh?" he tried to lighten the mood as Rayna slipped into bed.

"Jesus, Deacon. Have you just let her have whatever she wanted for the last 3 months?"

"No, Ray…It's just…she's been so upset with you gone. If she wants something that's not too unreasonable, I don't see any reason to deny her that. What the hell would one song have hurt? Huh?"

"Because it's not just ONE song, Deacon! It took 3 hours to get her to sleep. It's a story, and another story, and a drink, and a song, and another song…ITS 1:30AM, DEACON! SHE'S 4 YEARS OLD!"

"Well, I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree here, Ray!"

"...and what happens when she gets in school, Deacon? She's difficult in the morning as it is."

"I dunno, Ray. I really don't wanna argue, OK? I've had a really shitty day…"

"Yeah, well, mine hasn't exactly been great, Deacon! I wanted to be there for Maddie tonight. Spending 16 hours traveling sucked!"

"Ray, C'mon? Can we stop this, please? It's your first night home. I haven't seen you for 3 months. Why don't you let me relieve some of that stress?" Deacon began dotting kisses along Rayna's neck and behind her ears as he massaged her shoulders.

"How about we table the argument, and skip right to the makin up?" Deacon playfully asked as he continued with the slow neck kisses.

"I've missed you so goddamn much, Ray." He whispered as Rayna turned to face him.

"I've missed you too, babe." She said as she planted a long, deep kiss on his lips, and unbuttoned his shirt to press sweet gentle kisses down his chest.

After a couple hours of pretty intense love making they were both exhausted. It was 3:30am on a late September Saturday morning.

Deacon could frustrate the hell out of Rayna where Maddie was concerned, but she couldn't deny he was an amazing father, and their little girl thought her daddy hung the moon.

She couldn't believe they'd been married almost 5 years. Deacon was only getting better looking with age. He didn't have a single gray hair yet. His wrinkles were in the all the right spots, and his smile and twinkling deep, blue eyes could still melt Rayna's heart.

Maddie was looking more like Deacon every day. Her hair was getting darker. She had his eyes, and facial features. She loved the guitar even before she was born. Deacon used to play guitar and sing to Rayna's belly.

She thought about the day Maddie was born as she watched Deacon sleep peacefully next to her.

He was an amazing, sweet, caring, loving, doting daddy from the second he saw the first glimpses of Maddie on an ultrasound.

Deacon was the first person to hold Maddie the day she was born. There was a problem cutting the umbilical cord. The doctor had to help Deacon, but he had to give Maddie to Deacon to cut the cord himself.

Maddie was a mucous covered mess, but he didn't care. As soon as the cord cut free he had her against his chest, and didn't want to let go for the nurses, but they had to clear Maddie's airways and check her over. Rayna got to hold her a few times at the hospital, but Deacon barely let her go.

He sat holding her, and just staring into her little face for hours on end. He loved feeding her, and even changing her. She had his heart, and he was completely wrapped around her little finger.

Deacon was the only person that she'd stop crying for. He'd lay on the couch with her on his chest, or walk the house holding her for hours calming her down when she was sick or upset. He drove around Nashville all night several times when she was colicky because the car was the only thing that worked to make her stop crying.

She had her daddy's temper from the first breath and could scream her little head off. They'd barely survived the terrible two's. Maddie had at least half a dozen throw herself on the floor temper tantrums daily for the better part of that year. Rayna often had to just leave the room and bawl herself out of frustration. Deacon had to walk away himself on several occasions to cool off. It didn't help that they were stuck on a tour bus during that time.

Rayna still wasn't sure how they'd managed to stay married during that period of time, but she couldn't imagine her life without Deacon.

The one time in their marriage divorce had come up was during Maddie's terrible two's, and about 10 months into that horrible bus tour.

Maddie had a particularly bad day of tantrums. They were both exhausted after shows 3 nights in a row, and little sleep with Maddie between them every night. They hadn't had sex in over 6 months, and were fighting daily about every stupid detail of everything.

Everything that could have gone wrong during that nights show, had. Equipment failures, sound problems. Their drummer had quit suddenly, and the new one really hadn't had time to learn the show.

Deacon had gone to 3 AA meetings that day, and left Rayna with a screaming toddler on the bus.

They were in Kansas City, and the next show was in Yuma, Arizona 23 hours away by bus. They had to leave right after the show, and drive all night, and all day the next day to make Yuma in time.

It was well over 100 degrees in July 1995 driving through the desserts of Arizona. The bus was hot as hell with the air conditioner running full blast. Rayna was having a melt-down physically and mentally with the heat.

The bus seemed to be getting hotter and hotter. Maddie was sweaty and extremely crabby as Deacon tried to cool her down with a wet wash cloth. He was trying his best to keep the little girl happy and preserve what was left of Rayna's nerves.

"There you go, baby. I know it's hot." He said to Maddie as he wiped her little red face with a cool wash cloth, and stripped her down to her diaper.

"Is that better?" he playfully asked a half-naked Maddie as he got some ice and began teasing her with it on her little belly

Maddie was squealing with delight as Deacon continued the ice game with her, but Rayna had a headache from the heat and wasn't as amused.

"DEACON, PLEASE DON'T MAKE HER SQUEAL LIKE THAT!" Rayna had snapped holding her throbbing head

"What the hell do you want from me Ray? I'm tryin to keep her happy. Do you want her screaming her head off again?"

"More, daddy." Maddie had squealed grabbing his hand with the ice

"She's happy for the first time in days, Ray!"

He ignored Rayna and went back to playing with Maddie and ice cubes as the little girl continued to squeal louder with joy.

"GODDAMMIT DEACON! MY HEAD IS SPLITTING HERE." Rayna had yelled at Deacon

"Fine, Ray!…OK sweetie. Let's put the ice away. Mommy's a crabass!"

"Mama crabass, mama crabass, mama crabass…" the little girl had started to repeat over and over.

"REAL NICE, DEKE! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY IN FRONT OF HER!"

Deacon put the ice in the sink and Maddie started to cry again.

"HAPPY NOW, RAY? HUH?"

"IS THAT BETTER FOR YOUR HEADACHE? YOU WANNA LISTEN TO HER WAIL FOR THE NEXT GODDAMN 3 HOURS OF THIS RIDE, HUH?"

Deacon picked Maddie up and walked around with her a little. It only made her cry harder being against his chest and getting hotter. He tossed her in the air and got a smile, sat down and bounced her on his knee playing a horsey game. Of course that just made her squeal with delight again.

'DEACON, SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T TAKE THAT HIGH PITCHED SQUEAL RIGHT NOW. PLEASE STOP!"

"You know, Ray…why don't you go lay down in the bedroom and shut the door?"

"BECAUSE IT'S EVEN HOTTER IN THERE WITH THE DOOR CLOSED, DEACON! DON'T YOU THINK I'D DO THAT IF IT WAS POSSIBLE?" Rayna snapped again

Deacon took a deep breath and continued playing with Maddie

"SHE'S TURNING GREEN, DEACON! STOP BOUNCING HER BEFORE SHE…" Rayna didn't even get the words out before Maddie threw up all over Deacon's shirt, jeans, and herself.

He calmly sat Maddie down and retreated to the bedroom to change his clothes. When he got back Maddie was sitting in puke screaming her head off. Rayna had tried to clean it up, and was puking herself.

He grabbed Maddie, took her diaper off, and hosed her down in the sink. Once she was diapered again and crying in her playpen, he cleaned up the couch and carpet, as Rayna puked in the bathroom.

"You alright, baby?" he asked Rayna as she came out of the bathroom

"No, Deacon!" Rayna said as she decended into a fit of tears and frustration that had been building for months

"I can't keep doing this. We're miserable. Maddie cries constantly. It's so goddamn hot in here, everything's going to hell with the show, and us….." she was bawling and Deacon didn't have a clue what to do.

Maddie was screaming again. Rayna was bawling. The bus was getting even hotter. Deacon felt the air conditioner vent and hot air was coming out.

As he stood up to go check with the driver, the bus lurched, and they felt the driver pull to the side of the road.

Deacon continued to the front to talk to the driver. The engine had died and the driver was trying to start it again, but it wasn't sounding good. Deacon and the driver got out to take a look at the engine. Neither of them knew much about mechanics, but there was steam rolling out of the engine compartment as they lifted the hatch.

"That can't be good." Said Deacon sarcastically

"I think we're overheated." Said the driver

"We can get some water in the radiator, let it cool off, and see if it'll start, but I don't think we'll get far before it happens again. I'll just call for a tow to the nearest garage." Said the driver

"Where's the other bus with the band, and road crew?" asked Deacon

"They're quite a bit ahead of us, sir. Remember your wife wanted to stop a few times with the baby?"

"I'll call and see where they are?" said Deacon

After several calls Deacon and the driver climbed back on the bus. Rayna was still sobbing. Maddie had fallen asleep.

"OK, Ray…here's what we're looking at. We're still a few hours from Yuma. The guys and the other bus are already there. It's gonna be a couple hours before the tow company can get something big enough out here to tow this thing. We're stuck for now."

"I want to go home, Deacon!"

"Ray, we're a few hours from Yuma. We'll get the bus fixed, and make the show."

"No, Deacon. I can't do this anymore. It's too hard on Maddie, and us. Call Edgehill, or I will. The rest of this tour is off."

"RAY, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING? Edgehill is gonna be pissed. We have 2 more months of shows. We're under contract."

"I DON'T CARE, DEACON! I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE. I'M DONE….WITH THE TOUR, WITH US, I JUST WANT OUT."

"Ray, C'mon. You sound crazy now. What do you mean you're done with us?"

"I'm not happy, Deacon. We fight all the time. It's not good for Maddie, or us. I don't even feel like we're in love anymore. I want a divorce!"

"Baby, please…you don't mean that." Deacon pleaded

"YES I DO, DEACON! I'M DONE. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT A LOT. I'M CANCELLING THE REST OF THIS TOUR. AS SOON AS WE GET TO THE GARAGE I'M BOOKING FLIGHTS FOR MADDIE AND I BACK TO NASHVILLE."

"Rayna…please, don't do this. I love you, and Maddie more than anything in this world…."

"IT'S OVER, DEACON!" Rayna yelled as she grabbed a sleeping Maddie and slammed the bedroom door.

Deacon was devastated, and left the bus. He'd hitchhiked a ride to the town where the bus would be taken for repair, and found a bar. He had his first drink in over 3 years that day, but to his surprise it didn't taste good and he stopped after his second. He didn't want alcohol. He wanted his wife and baby girl back.

Rayna and Maddie flown back to Nashville that afternoon, but she had been worried about Deacon as she boarded the plane. She hadn't seen or heard from him since he'd left the bus, and had no idea where he was. It was 113 degrees in the Arizona desert that day and he was walking. As bad as things had been between them that year, she knew she'd regret it for the rest of her life if something happened to Deacon.

Deacon had rode with the driver on the bus back to Nashville. They drove straight through an entire 23 hours.

Deacon had shown up at the house late the next night to pack some things and get his truck. Rayna heard him come in and was happy he was OK. She stayed in the bedroom and listened as he shuffled around and packed things downstairs. Eventually he came upstairs, but he didn't come in their bedroom.

She heard the nursery room door open, and close again. She turned the baby monitor on. Deacon was talking to Maddie. He had picked the sleeping toddler up, and was sitting in the rocking chair with her on his lap.

"Hey, baby girl." He said as he pushed dark locks off her forehead and watched her breath as she slept peacefully in his arms.

"Daddy loves you so much. I'm not sure I'll get to do this much after tonight. You be a good girl for your mama, OK? I hope you always know how much I love you. I'm always gonna be here baby. Please don't ever think I left you." His voice was cracking as he talked to the sleeping toddler

Maddie woke up.

"Hey sweetie. I'm sorry I woke you up." Deacon whispered as Maddie rubbed his chin scruff with her chubby little hand and giggled as he kissed her fingers

"Daddy." She sleepily said

"What, baby?"

"Butterfly, daddy?" Maddie was asking Deacon to sing

"OK, sweetie. Go back to sleep." Deacon whispered as he started Bob Carlilse's Butterfly kisses

There's two things I know for sure:  
She was sent here from heaven and she's daddy's little girl.  
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night  
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes  
and I thank god for all of the joy in my life  
Oh, but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;  
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair;  
"Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."  
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."  
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right  
To deserve a hug every morning And butterfly kisses at night.

Deacon couldn't finish the song. He completely broke down in tears after the second verse, thinking about all the firsts he'd miss with Maddie if he and Rayna weren't together. Maddie had fallen back to sleep. He gently placed her back in the crib.

Rayna thought he'd come in their bedroom, but she heard his boots on the stairs.

She laid in bed for a little while longer thinking about Deacon. Yesterday she had been so sure she wanted a divorce, but now she wasn't so sure. She was suddenly afraid if she let him walk out that door tonight, she'd never get him back.

She got up and crept downstairs. Her heart sank when she didn't find him anywhere in the house. Had he already left? She opened the door leading to the garage.

He was standing in front of his truck with the hood up, and Rayna's truck running with the hood up. He was connecting jumper cables when he heard the door and looked up.

"Ray…I…I'm sorry if I woke you. I came to get a few things, and pick up my truck. Damn battery is dead after sitting for 10 months. I'm just gonna jump it and I'll get outta your hair. I'll come back when you're not here for the rest of my stuff, OK?" He said fighting back tears.

"We'll have to figure out a schedule with Maddie soon. I don't wanna go too long without seein her." He looked away so Rayna wouldn't see the hurt in his eyes

He focused his attention back on his truck as he tried to start it, but only got a clicking sound

"DAMMIT" he cursed as he got out to adjust the cables

He tried the ignition again. This time a little more life, but the truck still wouldn't start

"FUCK" he cursed as he tried to start the truck a few more times with no luck

"Deacon, why don't you come back inside, please? You don't have to do that tonight. It's late, and you look exhausted."

"I'M FINE, RAYNA! I'd really rather just go up to the cabin and be alone. Go back to bed!"

He turned the key again. This time the truck started. Rayna had to stop him. He was going to leave.

"Deacon, I don't want you to go. Please come inside so we can talk?"

Deacon got out and was disconnecting the cables. He shut Rayna's truck hood and turned the ignition off. He closed the hood on his suburban, but left it running as he stared at Rayna.

"You don't want me to go tonight, or you don't want me to go period?" he asked

"I don't wanna lose you, Deacon. I love you. I'm sorry about yesterday. Maddie needs her daddy. I don't want her to think you left her, either."

"You were listening?" he asked

"The monitor was on."

"…and what about you, Ray. Do you need me, or you just …" his voice cracked and trailed off as tears filled his blue eyes

"I need you too, Deacon. I don't care how hard things get, or how many stupid fights we have. Please don't leave me, babe." She said as she started to sob standing in the garage in her nightgown.

Deacon turned off the ignition, and closed the overhead garage doors as he led a sobbing Rayna back into the kitchen.

He pulled her into his arms and held her tight as they both cried.

"I never wanted to leave you, sweetheart. I love you and Maddie with all my heart. Nothing will ever change that. No stupid fights, or 10 months of pure hell on a bus." He laughed

"I do have a confession though, I took a drink for the first time in over 3 years yesterday, Ray." He was shaking as he told Rayna worried about her reaction

"So, you're drinking again?" Rayna's eyes went cold at the thought

"No, no sweetie. For the first time EVER I stopped after 2 without any help, because you and Maddie mean more to me than anything else in this world, and I knew I couldn't put you through that again. I just wanted you to know. No secrets."

As Rayna watched her gorgeous husband of 5 years sleep peacefully, she thought about how lucky she was to have Deacon. They may not agree on everything, and they certainly have some passionate fights, but she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loved her and Maddie.

He'd given up so much for her. His own career had been on hold for more than 2 years now so Rayna could pursue her dreams, and keep touring while he stayed home with Maddie. She'd been away for a full 3 months and dumped everything on him, and he did it without complaining.

She curled up close to Deacon and drifted off to sleep, happy to be home, and happy to have such a wonderful, loving husband. Nothing else mattered right now.

[Type here]


	3. Chapter 3

Deacon glanced at the clock on the night stand…6:56am. He heard the shower in the master bath running, and Rayna's side of the bed was empty.

He opened the bathroom door just as a wet, and smooth shaved Rayna stepped out of the shower. He loved her long legs freshly shaved and wrapped around him.

"What are you doin up so early, baby? Thought I wore you out a few hours ago?" He smirked as she toweled off

He couldn't resist a naked Rayna, and wrapped his arms around her from behind as he started a line of kisses down her spine, and back up around her neck.

She turned around and gave him a sweet morning kiss on the lips.

"That was quite a welcome home after 3 months away from you, babe. I may have to leave more often if that's what I get when I come back." She smiled in his arms

"Oh I don't think so. I don't plan to let you out of my sight anytime soon." He smirked as he tightened his grip around Rayna

"Come back to bed, Ray? It's early. Maddie won't be up for hours. You've only had a few hours of sleep."

"I'd really love nothing more than to stay in bed, in your arms all day, Deacon, but I have a meeting down at Edgehill at 9am."

Deacon immediately released his hold on Rayna as his demeanor went dark

"What the hell, Ray?"

"DEACON, before you lose your temper, let me…"

"NO, RAYNA! We talked about this. You promised after this 3 month Europe deal no more work for a few months, with the exception of the CMA's."

"I know, babe. This is a promotion thing for the CMA's and a little about my January album release. We're not gonna be ready for a January release if I don't put the finishing touches on it before the holidays."

"So, you're planning to finish the album THIS YEAR, which means more studio time?"

"Yeah." She said as she looked away from Deacon's heated gaze

"FINE, RAYNA…I DON'T KNOW WHY THE HELL YOU EVEN BOTHER TALKING TO ME ABOUT ANYTHNG. YOU'RE GONNA DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE ANYWAY!" he yelled as he put on a T shirt and left the bedroom

20 minutes later she came downstairs. Deacon was slamming things around in the kitchen, making breakfast, clearly still pissed off.

Rayna poured herself a cup of coffee and went out on the porch with the newspaper to avoid any more conflict.

15 minutes later Deacon stepped out on the porch with one of his famous omelets for her.

"I was planning to make you breakfast in bed this morning. I guess that's shot to hell, but the least I can do is feed you before you leave." He said trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.

"Thanks, babe. You're too good to me."

"I know." He tried to smile as he sat down to eat with Rayna.

"So I guess if we're doin our own thing, and the family thing is out, I'm gonna go ahead and go to the Bluebird tonight." He said clearly still miffed

"OK, babe. You've missed so many Thursdays down there lately. I think you should go."

"Why don't you come, Ray? You haven't come to one of my gigs in more than a year."

"I'd love to Deacon, but you know I can't just walk in there unnoticed. It always ends up a fan frenzy. I'd really rather just spend a quiet night with Maddie."

"You're right." He sighed, wishing sometimes they didn't have to worry about where to go, and crazy fans chasing Rayna, paparazzi always lurking.

He missed the days of just being able to take Rayna out for a nice dinner, or date night alone. Now it required at least one security man, and some careful planning ahead of time if Rayna was going to be in a very public place.

She could still get away with grocery store shopping, and minor errands if she wore a hat, sunglasses, and bulky shirt.

They lived in a modest, but gated community, and the house was equipped with a state of the art security system, and cameras.

Both of their vehicles had dark tinted glass.

Luckily he'd been out of the spotlight long enough now that most people didn't recognize him, and they'd kept Maddie shielded from cameras enough that she wasn't recognized easily.

He'd get the occasional odd glance if someone noticed him, and once in a great while someone would ask for an autograph or picture with him, but it was usually to ask…

"Aren't you Rayna Jaymes's husband?"

He'd usually laugh and say "I wish" especially if Maddie was with him. Maddie would usually blow his cover and say "Yes you are daddy"

He'd kept a low profile the past 2 years with only Bluebird Thursdays, and occasional fundraiser gigs in public. He was still writing a lot, but mostly for other artists, and he'd co-written 90 percent of Rayna's songs.

There were times when he missed the big arena shows, and the energy from a crowd of thousands. He still performed onstage with Rayna when she had shows in, and around Nashville.

They wouldn't make a big production out of it though. As far as anyone knew he was just her lead guitarist. They kept their personal love life away from cameras these days.

The days of practically making out on stage, and running to the bus, or hotel room right after a show to make love ended with a baby. Now they rushed home for bath time, Disney theme songs, and bedtime kisses with Maddie.

Deacon loved that little girl more than anything, and he'd never regret the time he was getting with her now. Although at times when Rayna would call right after a show, from her dressing room, crowd still going wild in the background, he really missed the spotlight, and energy, and wondered what might have been.

It was always in the back of his mind that when Maddie was a little older, he might pick up where he left off, and try another solo album. People in the business knew his name well. He was still Nashville's best guitarist, and one of the best songwriters.

The offers to tour with big names, and co-write with some of Nashville's elite came in regularly. He often accepted the co-writes, but never the tour offers. If and when he decided to hit the road again it would be with Rayna, or on his own solo tour.

"I gotta go, babe. Thanks for breakfast. I'll only be a few hours, OK?"

"Ray…DON'T…OK?…I know how this goes. You'll get down there, and one thing will lead to another. You'll call me in about 12 hours apologizing for being so long…JUST GO!"

"DEACON!" She suddenly felt horribly guilty again for leaving.

She ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair as she kissed him goodbye.

"I don't deserve you." She smiled as she opened the garage door

"Oh, hey, Ray…If you're gonna be later than say 6ish. Call me. Bluebird tonight at 7, OK?

"OK, babe. Kiss Maddie for me. I love you."

"Uh huh…" he replied still perturbed she was leaving after their talk about family time the rest of the year

Maddie came out on the porch just as Rayna's truck left the driveway. Deacon wished she'd been just a few minutes later coming outside and not seen Rayna leave. She climbed into his lap as the tears started to fall.

"Daddy…why's mama leaving? She just got home. When is she comin back?" she pleaded for some answers

"Later today, sweetie. It's not like before. She'll be here before bedtime, and I think she wants to spend some time with you later. How about you pick out some movies to watch with her?"

"NO, CAUSE SHE WON'T BE HERE. SHE'S NEVER HERE ANYMORE!" Deacon's heart was breaking as his little girl sobbed into his chest.

"I know baby. I miss her too." He tried to reassure Maddie as he rubbed her back

"Are you hungry? How about breakfast?" Anything you want?"

"Pancakes" she happily said

"OK, will you help me make em?"

"YAY…can I put the chocolate chips in them?"

"Wait a minute, you said pancakes. You didn't say anything about chocolate chips."

"We ALWAYS put chips in them, daddy!"

"Tell you what. You got me in a lot of trouble with mommy last night about the bedtime cookies. That was supposed to be our secret, remember?"

"If mommy asks keep your little yap shut about the chocolate chips, OK?"

"OK, daddy. I promise. Sorry I got you in trouble. Did you get a time out?" Maddie asked so seriously Deacon had to laugh

"No, baby. Just got yelled at." He said still laughing

Several hours later Rayna arrived home to find Deacon sound asleep on the couch with Maddie sleeping on his chest. It was adorable. She had her little hand on his cheek.

She had always loved the scruff on Deacon's chin. Even as a baby she'd cuddle up as close to his chin as she could get. Rayna hated to wake Deacon, but it was almost 5 and he had the Bluebird in 2 hours.

She leaned over him and kissed him gently on the lips as she stroked his hair. He was so peaceful laying there with Maddie.

"Oh, you're home." He smiled as he sat up and gently placed Maddie on the couch as not to wake her

"It's almost 5, babe. Do you want me to make you something for dinner before you go?"

"No, Ray…I'll just get something at the Bluebird."

"How'd today go? You get a lot done?' he asked as he followed Rayna to the kitchen

"Not as much as I'd hoped." She said

"Back tomorrow?" he couldn't help but sound upset

"Yeah, I'm sorry, babe…I…" he cut her off

"Whatever, Ray. Maddie was pretty upset. She got up just in time to see you pull out of the driveway. She cried for a little while." He purposely made Rayna feel bad adding the part about Maddie crying.

"I told her you'd spend time with her tonight. Please don't make me a liar." He begged

"Absolutely, tonight it's all about Maddie. I'm not going anywhere else."

"OK, C'mere. I missed you today." He pulled Rayna close and planted a slow, passionate kiss on her lips.

"I won't be too late tonight if you wanna wait up." He smiled as he pulled away from another slow kiss on his way out of the kitchen to get ready

"Oh, Deacon…the bag on the bannister is your tux for the CMA's Sunday. Try it on, make sure it fits OK? They used your measurements from last year. The shoes and socks are in the box on the bottom step."

"Ahhhh hell, Ray…you know I hate those damn monkey suits. Shiny dorky shoes too? REALLY?"

"Deacon, PLEASE? I'm nominated for "This Time". It's your song too. They'd like you to accept with me if it wins."

"How about my black boots, and no tie?" he asked hopeful she'd compromise

"DEACON..come on? It's one night. You'll survive. I promise." She pleaded for cooperation

He grumbled as he grabbed the bag and box and started up the steps,

A few hours later Deacon had finished his set at the Bluebird. He was ordering a diet coke when a familiar voice sounded behind him

"Freakin Deacon Claybourne. How the hell are you?" Luke Wheeler shook Deacon's hand as he approached

"Wheels up!" Deacon smiled as he greeted an old friend

"What the hell have you been up to man? I never see anything about you anymore in the headlines. Always about the beautiful wife of yours!"

"Not much, still writin, local gigs, mostly doin the stay at home dad thing." Deacon replied

"What about you, man? I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. Is that true?" Deacon asked

"Yeah, yeah…thought it was just postpartum depression. Our youngest is only 10 months olds, but Stephanie just couldn't take the lifestyle, you know?"

"I'm gone all the time. She's stuck at home with 2 youngins. Colt is just a few months younger than your little girl, and then Sage just hit 10 months last week."

"That's rough, man. Sorry to hear that, but I know this business is a killer on relationships." Deacon said knowing all to well what Luke's wife is going through being the parent at home.

"Yeah Rayna said it's tough on you sometimes with her gone all the time, and Maddie bein so young still. Cute little shit by the way. Rayna showed me some pictures of her last month in California."

Last month in California caught Deacon's attention.

"Ray wasn't in California last month." Deacon corrected Luke

"Yeah she was. BCPA fundraiser deal. It was August 16th. Also my birthday. We were both speakers, and performers. Had dinner with her that night before we boarded the plane at LAX to head back to Europe." Luke noticed Deacon seemed to be in the dark about that trip

"Hey, I'm sorry man. Maybe I said too much. I know you two have had some problems too…." He trailed off as Deacons face turned 50 shades of red in anger

Deacon took a deep breath and tried to smile

"No, I'm sure she just got busy and forgot or…"

"Anyway..good to see you Luke." Deacon said as he turned back to the bar and his diet coke

"Hey…you too Deke. I'll see you and that gorgeous red head at the CMA's Sunday. That's why I'm in town. Rayna and I are going head to head in a couple categories. May the best MAN win!" Luke laughed as he walked away

Something about Luke Wheeler had never sat right with Deacon. He knew Luke had a thing for Rayna back before they got married and apparently still did.

He was beyond pissed that Rayna had apparently been in the states last month and hadn't bothered to tell him.

Deacon was furious the more he thought about it. They'd talked on the phone every night while she was in EUROPE. So she must have lied that night if she was actually in California.

How the hell could she have been 4 hours away by plane and not bothered to see Deacon and Maddie, or even admit she was in the US? Why the hell would she lie to him?

He grabbed his guitar and headed for the parking lot. He was doing his best to calm down as he drove the 15 minutes home.

The house was dark, and quiet as he entered the kitchen from the garage. He climbed the steps and peered in at a sleeping Maddie as he walked down the hall towards their bedroom. The bedroom was dark, but there was light coming from the bathroom.

He quietly opened the door. Rayna had her head on a towel against the back of the tub and her eyes closed as she soaked. She hadn't heard the door with the jets running.

Deacon pulled her makeup vanity stool up to the tub and hit the button to turn the jets off as he sat down.

"Hey babe. How was your gig?" she said startled as she realized Deacon was in the room

After more than 7 years together Rayna could read him like a book. He was very upset about something, and she sensed a colossal fight was coming.

"Deacon, what's wrong?"

****silence**** as he thought about how to even begin

"Deacon, I'm not a mind reader. What's going on?"

"I ran into Luke Wheeler tonight at the Bluebird."

"…and?" Rayna wasn't sure where he was going with this

"Why don't you tell me, Ray? You seem to be the one keeping all the secrets."

"Deacon, I have no idea where you're going with this. You're obviously upset. Just tell me what's bothering you?"

"Were you in California last month?" he asked accusingly

"Deacon, I really don't like your tone. What are you accusing me of here?"

"Didn't say I'm accusing you of anything. JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION, RAY."

"YES"

"Any particular reason you didn't bother to tell me you were in the states?"

"I knew you'd want to see me, and I didn't have time." Rayna confessed

"YOU SURE AS HELL HAD TIME FOR LUKE WHEELER!"

"Deacon, please don't make this more than it is."

"…AND WHAT EXACLTY IS IT RAY?" Deacon was losing his temper and Rayna knew he was furious

"WELL? …I DON'T GET IT, RAYNA. YOU WERE 4 HOURS AWAY BY PLANE AND YOU COULDN'T BOTHER TO SEE ME OR YOUR DAUGHTER FOR A FEW HOURS?"

"JESUS RAY, IF YOU'D TOLD ME I COULD HAVE FLOWN OUT WITH MADDIE TO SEE YOU." He was becoming more irate and getting louder at the lack of response from Rayna

"I didn't have much time, Deacon. I knew Maddie would just be upset and cry when I had to leave."

"SHE CRIED EVERY GODDAMN TIME YOU TALKED TO HER ON THE PHONE! YA DIDN'T STOP CALLING!"

"YOU WENT 3 MONTHS WITHOUT SEEING US, RAY. YOU COULD HAVE SEEN US AFTER 6 WEEKS AND INSTEAD YOU CELEBRATED LUKE'S BIRTHDAY WITH HIM, AND DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO TELL YOUR HUSBAND YOU WERE IN THE STATES."

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK HERE, RAY?'

"Deacon, please calm down. You're going to wake up Maddie."

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, RAY! I WANT A GODDAMN GOOD EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU LIED TO ME?'

"I WAS GOING TO CALL YOU, ALRIGHT. LUKE JUST HAPPENED TO BE ON THE SAME FLIGHT FROM EUROPE. WE TALKED. HIS WIFE HAD JUST LEFT HIM. IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY. HE WAS DEPRESSED, AND ALONE. I AGREED TO DINNER WITH HIM."

"YEAH WELL…I WAS ALONE AND DEPRESSED TOO. YOU THINK IT WAS EASY LISTENING TO MADDIE CRY HERSELF TO SLEEEP EVERY NIGHT FOR 3 FUCKIN MONTHS, RAY, HUH?"

"I'M HAPPY AS HELL YOU COULD COMFORT LUKE IN HIS TIME OF NEED WHILE I SAT HERE WITH OUR DAUGHTER BAWLING HER EYES OUT, AND ASKING WHEN SHE WAS GONNA SEE HER MAMA AGAIN!'

"Deacon, I'm sorry. I should have told you"

"YEAH WELL YA DIDN'T AND I REALLY DON'T GET WHY UNLESS THERE'S MORE TO THIS? WHAT THE HELL ELSE DON'T I KNOW ABOUT, RAY?"

"YA KNOW IT WAS ONE THING WHEN WE WERE DATING TO SEE LUKE, BUT WE'RE MARRIED, RAY, AND I'M NOT OK WITH IT."

"OH FOR CHRIST SAKE, DEACON. NOTHING HAPPENDED WITH LUKE WHEN WE WERE DATING, AND NOTHING IS HAPPENING NOW. WE'RE FRIENDS. THAT'S ALL!"

"UH HUH…SUCH GOOD FRIENDS YOU DISCUSSED OUR PROBLEMS WITH HIM?"

"I DON'T KNOW DEACON. WE TALKED ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS THAT NIGHT, AND ON THE FLIGHTS."

Maddie had heard the yelling an came into the bathroom.

"Daddy, mama…why are you yelling?" her bottom lip was trembling

"Go back to bed, baby. I'll come tuck you back in, in a few minutes, OK?" Rayna said

"I don't wanna go back to bed. I wanna sleep with you."

"Maddie, please, baby, just go back to your room."

"NO, I WANNA SLEEP IN YOUR BED. I'M NOT GOING BACK TO MY ROOM!" Maddie was standing her ground, but Deacon was not in the mood for a tantrum.

"MADDIE. DADDY IS NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS RIGHT NOW! YOU LISTEN TO YOUR MAMA AND GO BACK TO BED, NOW!" Deacon yelled at her which she wasn't used to.

Maddie stood her ground and stayed in the bathroom doorway.

"I WANNA SLEEP IN YOUR BED!" she demanded louder

Deacon snapped

"GODDAMMIT MADDIE. GET YOUR ASS BACK IN BED NOW! I'M NOT PLAYING THIS GAME TONIGHT, NOW, GO! His face was beat red. He knocked several of Rayna's cosmetics off the vanity as he slammed his fist on the top. Bottles of perfume shattered as they hit the tile floor. He'd never snapped at Maddie like that before. She was terrified to see the full force of his temper, and ran back down the hall to her room crying.

Rayna quickly climbed out of the tub and grabbed a robe.

"DEACON, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? THIS ISN'T HER FAULT." Rayna yelled at him as she went to check on Maddie.

He heard Rayna soothing Maddie as he passed by the doorway on his way to the stairs. She was crying.

"Why did daddy yell at me? He said a bad word. Why is he so mad mama?"

"It's not your fault, baby. He's mad at me. Not you. C'mere, it's gonna be OK." She said as Maddie cried in her arms

"He doesn't love me anymore." Maddie sobbed

"Oh baby, he loves you very much, and he's sorry. He didn't mean it."

Deacon suddenly remembered being a terrified little boy, crying in his own mother's arms after his father had lost his temper.

He felt horrible. For the first time in years he wanted a drink. Maybe he was more like his father than he wanted to admit.

He was still furious with Rayna for lying to him.

He needed to cool off, away from them before he caused any more damage.

Rayna heard him go down the stairs, and out the garage door. It had been years since he'd lost his temper that way. He'd been mad, but never like that with Maddie. He hadn't broken anything in a fit of rage in almost 6 years until tonight. Rayna was terrified that the old Deacon was still very much lurking deep inside her seemingly gentle husband.


	4. Chapter 4

Rayna had been sitting with Maddie trying to get her back to sleep for 45 minutes. She was exhausted after a long day at Edgehill, and only a few hours of sleep the night before. Maddie was shaken after Deacon's outburst of anger, and pleading with Rayna to let her sleep in their bed.

Deacon had always been so gentle and easy going with Maddie, even when she tested his patience. Rayna knew he was beyond pissed this time to have had such a strong reaction. She wondered just what, and how much Luke had told Deacon about the night in California.

"Mama…..plllleeeeaaassse….I wanna sleep in your bed….ppppllllllleeeeaaaase." the little girl continued to beg

"Oh alright Maddie, but just tonight, OK?" Rayna finally gave in too exhausted to argue anymore.

"OK, mama. Is daddy coming back?"

"I'm sure he'll be back sometime tonight, sweetie."

"Why is he so mad at you, mama?"

"You know, baby..it's kind of a grown up problem, but you don't need to worry about it, OK?"

Maddie went right to sleep in Rayna and Deacon's bed. Rayna wished she could sleep, but she was worried about Deacon.

He'd been good for a long time. He really wasn't attending AA meetings much anymore, and he was at a point where he was able to have a drink here and there, and stop easily after one or two.

She figured that's why he'd stopped the AA meetings. They generally pushed complete abstinence.

She kept staring at the clock….1:24am….2:14am….3:02am

3:46am She heard the overhead garage door open, and a few minutes later the door from the garage into the kitchen.

Deacon was home, and safe. He didn't come upstairs, but she felt better knowing he was at least in the house and drifted off to sleep.

Rayna woke up around 8am with Maddie sprawled in the center of the bed. For 4 years old and only 36 pounds she could certainly hog a king sized bed, which was the main reason Rayna usually refrained from letting her sleep with them.

Deacon hadn't come upstairs all night.

Rayna laid in bed a little longer wondering if she should venture down to check on him. Surely he'd have calmed down by now.

She quietly opened the bedroom door. She could hear the living room TV. He was watching the weather channel.

As she crept down the steps she could see Deacon sitting in his recliner. He had a couple tackle boxes, and some fishing poles nearby. He was putting line on a reel.

"Good morning." She said as she passed through the entryway between the living room and kitchen on her way to get some coffee.

Deacon didn't say a word.

She got her favorite world's best mom mug down from the cupboard. Apparently Deacon had been up a while. He'd gone through almost an entire pot of coffee already.

She took a deep breath and headed into the living room.

"Good morning." She tried again, as she sat on the couch across from him

"Morning." He said without even looking up from his fishing reel

He was clearly still upset.

"Deacon, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was in California last month."

*****silence*******

"DEACON, PLEASE…talk to me?"

"I don't wanna talk about it, Rayna." He said rather flatly, as he finished loading line into his fishing reel.

"Gonna take a shower, and head up to the cabin for a few days."

"So you're just gonna leave? You don't wanna deal with this?" Rayna asked

"Nope, not really." He said as he made his way to the stairs, still avoiding Rayna's gaze.

"Maddie's in our bed. She was pretty upset last night after you left."

"OK." He nodded and swallowed a lump in his throat as he ascended the steps.

Rayna knew he felt horrible for yelling at Maddie. She was hoping Maddie would be OK with things this morning, but wasn't sure what the mood would be like when the little girl woke up. Maddie generally was more of a night owl like her parents, and mornings were usually a battle if Maddie needed to be anywhere early.

Deacon quietly entered his bedroom careful not to wake Maddie. He slipped into the bathroom and closed the door.

20 minutes later he came out. Maddie hadn't moved. He packed a small duffel bag, and his toiletries and headed back downstairs.

"Is Maddie awake?" asked Rayna

"No, she's still asleep." He said still completely avoiding Rayna's eyes.

He grabbed his fishing gear and headed out to the garage. Rayna followed, him and watched as he loaded his suburban.

"Sooooo…you're just gonna leave, and go fishing?" Rayna asked more pointedly this time

"Yep…that's the plan." He said as he entered the kitchen and started another pot of coffee for the road.

Just as Deacon finished filling a thermos full of coffee for the road, Maddie walked into the kitchen. She stopped dead in her tracks when Deacon turned around.

He immediately softened at the sight of his little girl.

"Good morning, sweetie." He said as Maddie just stared at him hugging her teddy bear a little tighter.

Deacon reached for Maddie, and she stepped back away from him. He felt like the worst father in the world as he realized she was afraid of him.

He'd never wanted Maddie to know that feeling, or feel as bad about him as he'd felt about his own father as a kid.

He felt physically ill thinking he'd hurt Maddie that way.

"Hey…C'mere, baby girl…please?" he tried to coax her into his arms, but she only hugged her bear tighter as she stared at Deacon.

He took a step towards her. She ran out of the kitchen, and up the stairs, to her bedroom.

"DAMMIT." He sighed and looked at Rayna for the first time all morning.

"I didn't mean to hurt her, Ray." He said as he swallowed a lump in his throat.

"You scared the hell out of her last night, Deacon!"

"I'll make it up to her, somehow."

"By leaving, Deacon?"

He took another deep breath, and headed for the stairs. Maddie was inside her little playhouse in the corner of the room, still clutching her stuffed bear for dear life.

He knelt down to Maddie's level, and knocked on the playhouse door.

"Anybody home?" he said, with no response from Maddie.

"Maddie, baby…please come out. I'm sorry I scared you last night, sweetie. Come on. Please come out and talk to daddy."

Maddie slowly came out still not wanting to get too close to Deacon.

"Thank you for coming out." He said as her shell started to crack and a half smile appeared on her little face.

"That's my girl. Maddie, I'm soo sorry kiddo. I'm not mad anymore. I didn't mean to scare you last night. You think you can forgive me?

"Why were you so mad at mommy?" she asked

"It's kinda complicated, baby. That's probably one for when you're older. You don't need to worry about that right now, OK?"

"Are you still mad at her?" she pushed

"Yeah, baby. I am, but I'm not mad at you. I shouldn't have yelled at you, or broke mommy's perfume bottles like that." He said, not wanting to lie to Maddie. He was still furious with Rayna.

"I'm gonna go away for a few days, Maddie." He said as her little lip started to quiver

"…but why, daddy?" she asked as the tears started to fall.

"I'll be back before you know it, OK?"

"Can I have a hug, baby girl?" he asked as Maddie fell into his arms

"I love you so much, Maddie. I am so sorry, baby girl. Can you forgive daddy?" he asked his own eyes a little misty.

"Yeah. I love you too daddy."

Deacon scooped Maddie up and headed back downstairs with her.

"Everything alright between you two again?" Rayna asked as the smiling duo entered the kitchen

"Yeah." Deacon said as he sat Maddie at the kitchen table

"You be a good girl for mom, OK?" Deacon said as he nuzzled Maddie with his chin scruff as she giggled

"I'll see you soon, baby girl." Deacon brushed Maddie's hair out of her eyes as he turned to head to the garage.

"DEACON! You're still leaving?" Rayna asked as she followed Deacon out to the garage and closed the door so Maddie wouldn't hear them.

Deacon opened the overhead garage door and climbed into the driver's seat of his suburban without another word to Rayna.

He had the engine running, sunglasses on, and was about to close the driver's side door when Rayna caught it.

"DEACON! Please don't leave like this.' Rayna pleaded

"WHAT, RAYNA? I said I'm going to the cabin for a few days."

"What about our anniversary? The CMA's?"

***silence***

"Ya know, Ray…I'd say our anniversary is pretty much shot to hell at this point, and as for the damn CMA's. Good luck! I'm sure Luke will be there to congratulate you on your wins. Now if you don't mind. Get the hell out of the way. I'm leaving." He said as Rayna stepped back, and he slammed the car door.

Later that afternoon Rayna and Tandy were sunbathing by the pool as Maddie splashed in the shallow end.

"So Deacon just left? Tandy asked

"Yeah, he's pissed. Said he's going to the cabin for a few days."

"What happened?"

"I was in California last month, just for a day. I was busy, and I really just wanted to relax after the long flight. I didn't tell Deacon I was back in the states."

"Why not, Rayna?"

"I dunno, Tandy. We're just never on the same page anymore. Seems like we fight about everything. Anyway, I didn't tell him. He ran into Luke Wheeler at the Bluebird last night. Luke apparently told him about California."

"So Luke was with you in California?" asked Tandy

"Yeah, he was touring in Europe too. We both ended up on the same flight to California for this BCPA fundraiser thing. I'm sure you've seen the tabloids about his messy divorce? It was his 30th birthday. He was all bummed about his wife leaving him. Anyway…I don't even know how, but I agreed to have dinner with him. One thing led to another. We had some wine…"

"Rayna, please tell me YOU DIDN'T?"

"No, GOD NO…Tandy…I'd NEVER cheat on Deacon. I love him, but Luke did kiss me when he walked me back to my hotel room. For a split second I kissed him back. I don't know what the hell happened. I came to my senses and realized what I was doing. I told him I loved Deacon and asked him to leave. He apologized, and that was that. We flew back to Europe the next morning on the same flight, but I haven't seen him since."

"So, Deacon's pissed off about the kiss? Luke actually told him he made a move on you?" Tandy asked

"No, that's just it. I don't think he even knows about that part. He's pissed about me being in California and not telling him so he could fly out and see me. He's not happy Luke was there, but he didn't mention the kiss."

"Soooo, are you gonna tell Deacon everything?"

"If he's this pissed already, Do you really think I should?"

"What if he finds out?"

"He won't. No one else knows, and Luke's not stupid enough to tell him he kissed me. He's seen Deacon's temper."

"I don't know, Rayna. You're playing with fire."

"Things with Deacon are just so tense as it is. He's not happy I was gone for 3 months. He's really not happy I'm working on next year's album already. Edgehill just asked me yesterday to do a Christmas album with some of their other artists. They want Luke and I to sing Baby It's Cold Outside together. Deacon is going to flip out when he hears that."

"Well you know, Rayna, Deacon really has been a saint since you guys got married."

"Tandy Hampton! Are you really singing Deacon's praises?" Rayna was shocked

"I know Deacon was not my favorite person when you guys got together, and I thought he was all wrong for you. His drinking scared the hell out of me, but for the last 5 years he's been an amazing husband to you. He's been the best father I've ever seen with any kid to that little girl. I love my niece, but you know as well as anyone that Maddie's not the easiest child to deal with. He put his own career on hold so you could keep touring. Not to mention he took all the heat and got fired from Edgehill after that tour that YOU wanted to cancel with 2 months left."

"Yeah, I know Tandy. I owe Deacon my life, my career. I couldn't believe he took that hit with Edgehill. Told them it was all his fault. He wanted out of the tour. They bought it, and fired him. He gave up all rights to the songs he wrote 1992 and before. All so they wouldn't fire me." Rayna teared up thinking about everything Deacon had sacrificed for her, and Maddie.

"I don't deserve him, Tandy."

"Oh sweetie, you do to. He loves you. Things will be fine. He just needs to cool off. He'll be back, and you'll make up."


	5. Chapter 5

Sunday September 27th had arrived. Rayna had a house full of people helping her get ready for the CMA's. Wardrobe people, hair and makeup people. Tandy was at the house helping out with Maddie and planning to take the little girl home with her later for a sleepover.

Maddie loved the excitement. One of the cosmetic's girls had painted Maddie's fingernails and toenails to match Rayna's. She refused to put shoes on now. She was running around the house showing everyone her pretty toes.

Rayna was happy to see her little girl smile. Deacon had been gone 3 days, and Maddie missed him. He'd only called once the night before, and only wanted to talk to Maddie. His demeanor with Rayna had been icy at best as he asked to speak to Maddie. Obviously he was still mad.

"So have you heard from Deacon?" asked Tandy when they were finally alone in Rayna's bedroom.

"He called last night, but only wanted to talk to Maddie." Rayna sadly told her sister.

"He didn't say anything about coming home, or your anniversary?"

"Nope, not a word. He hung up before I took the phone back from Maddie. I don't know what to do. I thought about driving up to the cabin to talk to him, but he doesn't seem to want to talk to me." Rayna said as tears threatened

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. Don't cry. They just spent all that time on your makeup." Tandy smiled

"I know. I feel horrible for lying to him."

"Why don't you try to call him one more time. I'll give you some privacy. Good luck." Tandy squeezed Rayna's shoulder and smiled as she left the room.

Rayna dialed Deacon's cell number. On the 5th ring his voicemail picked up.

"Hey, babe. Guess you still don't wanna talk to me. I just…Deacon…I'm soo sorry…please call me back? I miss you. Maddie misses you. I love you so much, and I hate that things are like this between us on our 5 year anniversary. Please, Deacon…" she hung up as the tears started to fall.

An hour away Deacon was sitting alone on the porch, at the cabin staring at a 24 karat gold bracelet he'd bought Rayna a few weeks before she came home from her European tour.

He'd put a lot of thought into it. It had several charms symbolizing their 7 total years together. A Bluebird with tiny sapphires because that's where it'd all began. A truck to symbolize all the good times in his old Chevy. A tiny bridge because he'd kissed Rayna for the first time on the John Seigenthaler. Of course a guitar with his birthstone. A microphone with Rayna's birthstone. A tiny ballerina with Maddie's birthstone. A bus to remember that horrible tour, and that they'd survived it together. A cabin to symbolize their first real home as a married couple. Last a tiny 5 with 1997 engraved to symbolized 5 years of marriage.

He closed the box and stared at the river. He was still mad, but he missed Maddie horribly and he really missed Rayna too. She'd lied to him, but he'd put her through hell and lied to her before too. She forgave him, and married him after all of it. Today was 5 years of marriage, and even though not all of it happy. He'd never love anyone as much as Rayna, and he'd even rather be back on that miserable bus tour with his girls than sitting alone at the cabin.

He got up and went inside. His cell phone light was flashing green. He'd missed a call.

As he listened to Rayna's message. Her voice cracking through tears, he knew he needed to go home and make things right. They were both miserable apart. She'd just been gone 3 months, and now he could be with her, but he was sulking like a spoiled brat at the cabin.

He glanced at the clock. 5:36pm. He could be home by 6:30, shower, put on his tux, and slip into his seat next to Rayna at the CMA's by 8pm.

He pulled into the driveway at 6:42pm. Tandy's car was there.

As he entered the kitchen from the garage an overly excited Maddie bounced into his arms as he dropped his duffel bag to catch her.

"DADDY" the excited little girl shrieked as Deacon nuzzled her, held her tight and covered her with kisses

"Daddy missed you so much, baby." Deacon beamed as he held Maddie in his arms

"Look at my fingers and toes daddy! They're just like mommy's." she was so happy to show Deacon her painted digits

"Oh, those are beautiful sweetie. I love them, and I love you." He said as he nuzzled a shrieking Maddie

"I love you too daddy. Are you going to the M..A's with mama?"

"Yeah, sweetie. I need to get ready." He said as he kissed Maddie a few more times and put her down

Tandy came into the kitchen. Surprised to see Deacon.

"Hey, Deacon. Glad you're home"

"Hey, Tandy. Yeah…good to be home. I'm gonna get ready and meet Ray the Bridgestone. Maybe I can catch the last hour of the show." He said as he took the stairs two at a time.

30 minutes later a very dapper Deacon came downstairs in his full tux ensemble.

"Wow, Deacon! You really clean up good. I've never seen you in anything, but cowboy boots and denim." Tandy joked

"You're so pretty daddy," Maddie said as she jumped into his arms again

"I think you mean handsome, sweetie." Tandy corrected Maddie

"You smell good, daddy." Maddie said as she nuzzled Deacon's freshly shaved face and aftershave

"You even shaved, Deacon!" Tandy was in complete shock. She never expected a clean shaved, baby faced Deacon.

"Well, ya know…the scruff didn't really seem right with a tux on." He smiled

"OK, well, I'm off. You be good for aunt Tandy." He shot a serious look Maddie's direction.

"She'll be fine. I'm taking her back to my place for the night. You'll be ALONE later." Tandy smiled at Deacon.

"Thanks Tandy. What would we do without you?" Deacon kissed Tandy on the cheek and nuzzled a squirming Maddie one last time as he headed out the door

Between the traffic and parking it was almost 9pm by the time Deacon got into the arena. It was another 35 minutes before he was able to find his seat. With a live taping they won't let you wander around. He had to wait for a commercial break. It was 9:42pm when he slipped into his empty seat next to Rayna and grabbed her hand, as he gently kissed her cheek.

"Happy Anniversary, baby." He whispered in her ear as he kissed her cheek

"Deacon!" She almost fainted at the sight of him. Both because he was so handsome, clean shaved and in a tux, and dress shoes. Mostly because he was there. She had tears in her eyes.

They couldn't really talk with the show going on. They had run through the nominees for single of the year before the commercial break and were about to announce the winner.

"….and the CMA for single of the year goes to Rayna Jaymes for This Time" the crowd went wild as Rayna grabbed Deacon's hand to accept with her.

"Oh my gosh. This is an honor for so many reasons. I've never won single of the year before, and I owe this one to this guy. My love, my life. My husband co-wrote This Time. Actually he did all the work." Rayna joked with the crowd as she handed Deacon the award.

Deacon led Rayna back to their seats.

"…and now for the BIG one. The nominees for your 1997 Entertainer of the year are:

Garth Brooks

Vince Gill

Allan Jackson

Brooks and Dunn

And

Rayna Jaymes

"…and the winner is…Rayna Jaymes!" the crowd went crazy again as Deacon helped Rayna up. He pulled her into his arms for a long slow kiss, and whispered into her ear

"So damn proud of you, baby." He said as Rayna pulled away from his embrace to accept the award.

"I'm sorry. I'm a little emotional tonight." Rayna began with tears in her eyes and voice cracking

"First off I'd like to thank ALL my fans, my label, my manager Bucky Daws, my band, my crew, my publisher. This wouldn't be possible without everything you've all given me this past year."

"…but there's one person in this room tonight that I owe my love, my life, my career…he's been my rock, my biggest fan, my best friend, the love of my life. He's selflessly given and supported me since the day we met. Tonight is our 5 year wedding anniversary, and I couldn't imagine my life without him. My wonderful husband Deacon Claybourne. I love you baby. Happy Anniversary!" Deacon grabbed Rayna and planted another deep kiss on her lips as she made it to the bottom of the stage steps

"Did you really mean all that?" he whispered as he led her back down the isle to their seats with his deep blue eyes misting over.

"Every word, Deacon! I love you so much. I'm soo sorry. Please forgive me?" she said as Deacon smiled and kissed her forehead.

Tandy had let Maddie stay up, and they were watching the CMA's

"YAY mama won! Daddy kissed mama. No more fighting." Maddie cheered from Tandy's living room.

"Your mama and daddy love each other more than any two people I know, sweetie. I don't think any amount of fighting will ever change that." Tandy told a happy Maddie as she watched her parents on TV.


	6. Chapter 6

Rayna had walked away with 2 CMA awards, and Deacon had made her night with his surprise appearance in the last 15 minutes of the show. She was on cloud nine as the congratulations kept coming at the afterparty. She'd barely had time to talk to Deacon since leaving the awards show.

She finally made it to their table 30 minutes later. Deacon had a couple glasses of Champagne waiting as the toasts were about to begin. He pulled her chair out and slipped an arm around her as he sat back down.

"I'm sorry, babe. It's so crazy. I've barely had a chance to look at you. You are so handsome in that tux, and you shaved! You didn't even shave on our wedding day!" Rayna smiled at her gorgeous husband.

"I didn't think the scruff looked right with the tux but don't get used to the baby face. The scruff will be back tomorrow." He smiled

"You're awfully damn beautiful tonight, Ray. It's taking everything I have not to drag you into a coat closet." He playfully ran a finger along her neckline and was about to lean in for a kiss as Luke walked up.

Rayna felt Deacon tense as soon as Luke approached. He removed his arm from around her. She prayed Luke wouldn't say anything to upset Deacon all over again.

"Congratulations, Rayna." Luke smiled as he kissed Rayna's hand

"Congratulations to you too, Luke! Luke won CMA's for best video, and best music event before you arrived, Deacon." Rayna said as she tried to keep the subjects away from anything possibly upsetting.

"Guess we're tied two for two. Next year it's really on, huh, Ray?" Luke playfully asked

"Well…I think we know who has my vote in every category." Deacon said as he slipped an arm around Rayna again, and downed the last of his champagne.

"Hey man..if I was going home with this beauty she'd have my vote in every category too, Deke. You're a lucky man."

"I'm the lucky one, Luke." Rayna smiled as she looked at Deacon.

"Yeah..that was quite an acceptance speech." Luke said with a little more sarcasm than he intended.

"Well, I guess I should leave you two lovebirds alone. Happy Anniversary by the way. I can't believe it's been 5 years since you two got married in Denver on that first tour of ours. Time flies." Luke said as he left the table.

"Where were we?" Deacon said as he leaned in for that kiss Luke had interrupted.

"Why don't we get out of here?" Rayna whispered to Deacon as she pulled away from his sweet kiss.

"I thought you'd never ask." Deacon said as he offered Rayna his hand to help her up.

20 minutes later they were in Rayna's limo headed home.

"You know we have a 15 minute ride home, and we haven't made love in a limo since the 1993 CMA's." Deacon reminded Rayna

"You were younger and a lot quicker then." Rayna playfully ran her fingers through Deacon's thick hair as she smiled

"I can still be quick. I just prefer to take my time these days and not miss an inch of that beautiful body." Deacon smirked as he pulled Rayna's dress off her left shoulder and planted a kiss in that spot on the back of neck that always sent shivers down her spine.

"What do ya say, Ray? Want a pre-show before the big event?"

Before he could say another word Rayna had pulled him to the limo floor by the lapels of his tux jacket. He loved her aggressive side, and make up sex was always the best between them. It had only been 3 days, but he felt like he'd been away from Rayna for months.

Deacon had just zipped Rayna's dress back up as the limo pulled into their driveway.

They barely made it into the house before he was unzipping it again.

He left a trail of tuxedo pieces through the kitchen and up the stairs to their bedroom.

A few hours later Rayna had her head on his bare chest as they lay in bed talking, really talking, without any interruptions for the first time in a few days.

"I'm soo sorry for keeping the California trip from you, Deacon."

"It's OK, Ray. I'm not gonna say I'm not still disappointed, cause I am. I don't get why you kept it from me, but I don't wanna argue about it, or Luke Wheeler anymore."

"Why does Luke bother you so much, Deacon?"

"I dunno, Ray. There's just always been something about the guy that doesn't sit right with me."

Rayna was contemplating telling Deacon everything about the night in California, but she knew it would ruin the rest of the evening and send Deacon into a rage again. She decided it was best left alone for now at least.

"Let's just forget the whole California deal, and go from here OK, Ray? No more secrets, please?"

"I won't bring it up again." Deacon said as he sweetly kissed her forehead and pulled her close.

"OK, Deacon. No more secrets." She agreed with a twang of guilt knowing there was one more.

"Thanks for coming to the CMA's, babe. It meant the world having you there. I know you hate those things."

"It wasn't so bad, Ray. Seeing you so happy up there made it all worth it. I couldn't be prouder of you, baby. You've worked so hard these past 5 years. You deserve every success that comes your way."

"None of it means anything without you and Maddie, Deacon."

"Oh, speaking of me and Maddie..she helped me pick out your anniversary present."

He got up to find his tux jacket and the bracelet in the inner breast pocket. He handed Rayna the long, skinny box as he slipped back under the covers.

"You'll always have part of us with you." He said as he fastened the bracelet to Rayna's wrist

"It's beautiful, Deacon. I love it."

"Maddie picked out the ballerina, microphone, and guitar charms to symbolize the 3 of us. They have our birthstones."

"The bluebird, truck, bridge, bus, cabin, and #5 are were my choices. There's room for more if you wanna add your own ideas and memories."

"I love the memories you chose, but I don't remember diamond hubcaps on your old truck." Rayna laughed

"I hated that truck!" she said

"I think it hated you too." Deacon laughed

"…but we had a lot of good times in it, didn't we Ray?"

"The trip to Mexico our first Christmas together, all those times sitting on the tailgate somewhere out in the country writing together."

"What's the bridge?"

"Ray..I'm hurt…we kissed for the first time on the walking bridge. You don't remember?"

"Oh, yeah…how could I forget THAT kiss, which led to another first that night if I recall, also in the truck." Rayna laughed

"They didn't have a charm for that, or at least not one I could buy in front of Maddie." Deacon laughed

"I have something for you too, Deacon." Rayna said as she got up and left the room

She came back with Deacon's 1938 Martin guitar. His first ever guitar left to him by his grandpa Paul after he passed away.

"You're giving me my own guitar?" he laughed

"No, open it. I had it refinished, and appraised, and insured. It's worth about $50,000 now Deacon."

"It's beautiful, Ray. I didn't even notice it was missing. When did you…"

"A few months ago, before the European tour. I just picked it up last week. I'm surprised you didn't notice it was missing for 3 months."

"I was too busy missing YOU to think about a guitar I guess." He smirked as he pulled Rayna back under the covers for round 3.

Rayna woke up around 9:15 Monday morning. There were a dozen long stemmed roses on Deacon's pillow next to her, but he wasn't in the room. He'd left a card…

_Red roses in bed, next to your beautiful head_

_When we're apart I'm torn, damaged from a thorn_

_12 long stems to mend, as we learn to bend_

_D_

Deacon was always good with poetry, and music. Rayna heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. He came in the room with a tray.

"You're awake. Good morning, baby. How'd you sleep?" he asked

"So much better in your arms, Deacon. I'm so happy you're home. Thank you for the roses."

"I'm sorry for leaving the way I did, Ray."

"You hungry? I made some French toast, and bacon…and coffee." He smiled as he sat the tray in front of Rayna knowing her coffee was the first thing she went for every morning.

"You're way too good to me, Deacon. What did I ever do to deserve you?" she asked with that pang of guilt still plaguing her thoughts. She wanted to tell Deacon everything about California, but he was in such a good mood, and being so sweet. She hated to ruin it. She pushed her thoughts away again.

"Well you did it 3 TIMES last night, and we could go for FOUR…" he pulled her into his arms for a sticky syrup kiss as they shared the French toast.

Deacon glanced at the night stand clock…1:03pm. The breakfast tray and long stem roses were scattered on the bedroom floor. Rayna was sound asleep next to him. He hated to wake her, but they really needed to go pick up Maddie.

"Ray…Ray…wake up baby. We need to go get Maddie." He said as he began dotting her neck with little kisses and nibbles

"Can't we just leave her at Tandy's for a little while longer?" Rayna smiled as she began returning the kisses down his chest, and back up around his neck

"You're insatiable, Ray…I dunno if I'm up for 6 times since last night, baby. I'm not as young as I use to be. How about we move this to the shower?" he smiled as he lifted Rayna out of bed and carried her to the bathroom.

Rayna wrapped her arms around Deacon from behind as he shaved at the bathroom sink.

"Thought you said not to get used to the baby face." She laughed as she stole his towel and left him naked in front of the sink

"Well if all I have to do is shave my face to get sex 6 times in less than 24 hours I'll shave twice a day, Ray." He laughed as he stole her towel and smeared the shaving cream from his face all over her chest and face.

'Why don't you call Tandy and see if they've had lunch yet? Maybe we can take her to that botanical garden restaurant to say thanks for keeping Maddie so long." Deacon asked Rayna as he finished his shaving.

Rayna dialed her sister's number, and heard an excited Maddie in the background as Tandy answered.

"Hey, how's Maddie?" Rayna asked.

"She's good. We stayed up late, and slept till noon. Congratulations on the CMA's, Rayna. We were watching. I'm so happy for you. So how did the REST of the evening go?" a nosey Tandy inquired about Deacon

"Great…we're good sis. Thank you sooo much for keeping Maddie all night. I think this was really what we needed to kinda get things back on track between us." Rayna said smiling as she thought of how sweet Deacon had been since last night.

"Well, good. I'm glad you worked things out."

"Hey have you guys had lunch yet?" Rayan asked

"No, we got up so late…"

"Deacon wants to take you to that botanical garden place to say thanks for babysitting."

"OK, that sounds good. I'll get Maddie ready."

"We'll pick you up soon."

"Oh, shit. I was in such a hurry to get you in that limo last night, I forgot I drove to the CMA's. My suburban is still downtown." Deacon cussed at the empty spot in the garage his truck usually occupied

"We'll pick it up after lunch. I'm starving." Rayna laughed as she handed Deacon the keys to her Escalade.

"Ahhhh, hell Ray. You know I hate driving this thing. Too many goddamn gadgets and buttons. Give me my Chevy anyday." He whined as he adjusted the electronic seat and mirrors, and turned off the navigation.

Maddie was out the front door and had bounded into Deacon's arms before he even fully climbed out of the Escalade.

"DADDY, I missed you soooooooo much!" she shrieked in Deacon's arms as he planted kisses on the little girl

"Your face is still smooth, daddy." Maddie said as she missed Deacon's usual scruff.

"You like it, baby girl?" he asked as he nuzzled her

"I like your whiskers, daddy." Maddie gave her unhappy opinion of Deacon's new baby faced look

"Oh I don't know Maddie. Your daddy is awfully handsome all cleaned up and shaved." Tandy gave her opinion as Rayna shot a look her sister's direction

"What has gotten into you two?"

"What?" both Tandy and Deacon said in unison

"Ya'll just seem to kinda have this new bond, or something." Rayna smiled at the idea of Tandy and Deacon actually liking each other

"Well, I gotta keep my options open in case you ever really get sick of me. Ray. Got another sister waiting to take care of me." Deacon laughed as Rayna smacked him lightly on his new baby face

He buckled Maddie into her car seat as Rayna and Tandy laughed and giggled.

"What are you smiling about?" Rayna asked as Deacon climbed into the drivers seat

"Just happy to take all my girls out for lunch. I'm a lucky guy." Deacon beamed as he started the Escalade and squeezed Rayna's hand.


	7. Chapter 7

It was mid November 1997. Six weeks had passed since the CMA's and Rayna and Deacon's 5 year anniversary. Rayna had been home from the European tour almost 2 months.

Things had been great between Rayna and Deacon since the night of the CMA's.

He was back to every Thursday night at the Bluebird. He was working on a lot of new material for Belcort Records both recording and writing, but mostly writing for their publishing division and lyric sales.

He had a lot more studio time to work on things with Rayna home to occupy Maddie.

Rayna had promised Deacon minimal time away from home, but she still had obligations to Edgehill that Deacon wasn't aware of. He knew about her own album release coming up in early 1998, and that she was still putting finishing touches on it.

He wasn't aware of Edgehill's latest requests. Rayna and Luke were Edgehill's biggest stars. Right after the CMA's when Luke had some time in Nashville, before he had to leave on tour again, he and Rayna had spent some studio time laying down tracks for a Christmas album.

Edgehill had requested a couple duets with Luke and Rayna. She had kept it professional, and made sure they weren't ever alone together in the studio.

Luke wanted to talk about what happened in California, but Rayna didn't. She really wanted to just forget it. She hadn't ever told Deacon about the kiss, and really didn't plan to at this point.

Originally she had planned to tell Deacon everything about California, but then Edgehill dropped the Christmas duets on her. They were a hit. The execs at Edgehill loved them, and now had an even bigger request.

They wanted a full album of duets with Luke and Rayna for release in mid to late 1998.

Bucky had begged Edgehill to let Rayna out of it, but it didn't work. They were dead set on a dual release album between Luke and Rayna.

She was stuck between a rock and a hard place. She had requested next year's touring be minimal and restricted to the United States so that she could be home with Deacon and Maddie more. The compromise was the dual album with Luke.

She grudgingly accepted and signed the contracts with open ended dates and times for work on the album when Luke was in Nashville, and when she happened to be in the same city early next year.

She was dreading every minute of it, and had no idea how to tell Deacon. He was going to flip out. There was no way she could possibly tell him about the kiss now, and still expect him to be OK with her and Luke working together.

Deacon was enjoying his Thursday's at the Bluebird, but he was still struggling with writer's block. Belcort was really putting pressure on him for new material. They had been lenient when Rayna was on tour because they knew he was doing the single parent thing, but now the pressure was on for fresh material. He was starting to feel like he just didn't have the magic anymore.

The past couple years alone with Maddie had consisted of quiet concerts by her bedside with Aladdin, The Lion King, 101 Dalmations and every Disney theme song he could think of to get her to sleep at night.

"Hey, babe…what you working on?" Rayna asked as she snuggled up next to Deacon on the piano bench in their home studio one Friday afternoon.

Maddie was in preschool from 11-3pm on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Rayna and Deacon loved the quiet time ALONE a few times per week.

"What Do you think of this one?" Deacon began to play the piano and sing

**"Bless The Broken Road"**  
**(originally by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band) (Rascal Flaats)**

I set out on a narrow way many years ago  
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road  
But I got lost a time or two  
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through  
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

_[Chorus:]_  
Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you  
(Yes He did)

I think about the years I spent just passing through  
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you  
But you just smile and take my hand  
You've been there you understand  
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.

_[Chorus]_

Yeah.

Now I'm just rolling home  
Into my lover's arms  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you.

That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you.

"It's OK, but kinda ho hum…have you worked on anything more upbeat?" Rayna asked as she layed her head on his shoulder.

Deacon grabbed his guitar and moved to a stool as Rayna watched and listened

"This one's not really upbeat, but more catchy, and I guess more depressing." He said as he began to play and sing

I Miss My Friend

Song by Darryl Worley

I miss the look of surrender in your eyes  
The way your soft brown hair would fall  
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love  
But baby most of all

I miss my friend  
The one my heart and soul confided in  
The one I felt the safest with  
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again  
And let the light back in  
I miss my friend

I miss the colors that you brought into my life  
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes  
I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now  
Saying it'll be alright

I miss my friend  
The one my heart and soul confided in  
The one I felt the safest with  
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again  
And let the light back in  
I miss my friend

I miss those times  
I miss those nights  
I even miss the silly fights  
The making up

"Well…how about that?" Deacon asked hopeful she liked it

"Is that about me?" she asked

"You're always my inspiration, baby." He smiled

"When did you write that?"

"Oh I dunno. One night after Maddie went to sleep and I was missing you."

"I like it, Deke, but I think Belcort is looking for more upbeat, modern, happy, ya know." She said as lovingly as she could

"Yeah, I guess. I just don't have it anymore, Ray. Not sure what my problem is. I'm a happy guy. I have the love of my life and an amazing little girl. I just can't seem to snap outta this funk with my writing." He said as he sat his guitar down and joined Rayna on the piano bench again.

"You'll get it back, Deacon. Everyone goes through that. You're an amazing songwriter."

"Hopefully I'll get it back soon, or Belcort's gonna fire my ass."

"Maybe you could use an afternoon quickie to get the creative juices flowing?" Rayna playfully said as she unbuckled Deacon's belt

"You're certainly getting the juices flowing. Not sure they're the creative kind." Deacon laughed as he kissed Rayna's neck and undid her top few shirt buttons.

"You wanna go upstairs?" Rayna asked

"Nah..I'll just take you right here in the middle of my pile of scores and sheet music. Our bed is too far away. I can't wait that long." Deacon laughed as he pulled Rayna to the rug in the middle of the home studio.

Several hours passed as the day slipped away. Deacon loved time alone with Rayna at home, no interruptions, no calls, or meetings, or managers, or fans….

"Oh CRAP!" Rayna suddenly jumped up from a peaceful slumber in Deacon's arms

"WHAT, JESUS, RAY! You scared the hell out of me.

"It's 2:56…We have to pick up Maddie at 3. I can't believe we both fell asleep like that."

"Relax, Ray. It's 5 minutes away. So we'll be a few minutes late. Let's go."

"Why don't we pick up some sandwiches, and take Maddie to the park. It's a nice day." Deacon suggested as they drove the few miles to the preschool

"She'd like that. An early dinner, and maybe she'll go to sleep at a decent time tonight." Rayna said, still annoyed that Deacon spoils Maddie a bit too much and bedtime has been a nightmare as a result.

"I'll see if I can wear her out a little, Ray." Deacon laughed. He loved bedtime with Maddie. The quiet time singing to her or playing guitar, or just holding her till she falls asleep

"I know you think I spoil her, baby. She's not gonna be little forever. I just wanna spend every second I can being her daddy. In a few years she'll be embarrassed to be seen with me." Deacon laughed

"I hardly doubt that, Deacon. She is mesmerized by you and music. I think you'll always be close to Maddie. She's a daddy's girl. It kinda hurts sometimes. She asks for you when she's sick or hurt." Rayna said a tear in her eye

"Ray, she loves you. It's just I've been with her so much the past couple years. It'll get better in the next year when you're with her more." He said reassuringly as he squeezed Rayna's hand

Maddie bounded down the school steps with the teacher right behind her as soon as she saw Deacon's suburban.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Claybourne. We've had kind of a rough day."

"Maddie! We've talked about this." Deacon looked at her sternly as Rayna fastened her into the car seat.

"What's going on?" Rayna inquired

"We've had some issues with sharing, and apologizing, pouting, not wanting to nap, generally just doing what she wants, and not listening." The teacher continued as Rayna glared at Deacon

"We'll talk to her again." Deacon said as the irritated teacher walked away

"WHAT?" Deacon said as he closed Maddie's door and felt Rayna's glare

"You never said anything about problems at school, Deacon."

"I didn't think it was that big of an issue, Rayna, OK?"

"Anything with Maddie is THAT big of an issue, Deacon!"

"You let her do whatever she wants. You have got to stop this, Deacon!"

"I don't let her do whatever she wants, Rayna."

"REALLY? When was the last time you told her no without me making you tell her no?"

"FINE, RAYNA! You want me to be an asshole, and play the bad parent for a while?"

Rayna knew he was irritated as he got back in the truck. Maddie was quiet in the backseat. She knew with Rayna around things weren't all fun and games.

"Well…Miss Maddie…we were going to get some dinner and take you to the park, but I'm not sure that's such a good idea since you got in trouble at school today." Rayna said as she looked back at a now pouting Maddie

"Daddy always takes me to the park." She shot back at Rayna

"Not today, Maddie! Mom's right. You need to learn to be good in school. No park until we get a good report from your teacher." Deacon said as he glanced at Maddie in the rear view mirror.

Maddie started to cry in the back seat. Rayna could tell it was hurting Deacon more than Maddie, but he didn't say anything.

"So what do you want to do for dinner now, Ray?"

"We can still pick up sandwiches."

"OK" Deacon said as he turned into a Subway

"What's everyone want?" Deacon asked as they approached the to go speaker

"I'm NOT hungry. I'm NOT eating." Maddie protested from the back seat.

"Ray…what do you want?"

"Just order me and Maddie turkey clubs, and whatever you want, Deacon."

"I SAID I'M NOT EATING. I'M NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT! I HATE YOU. I WANNA GO TO THE PARK. PPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLEEEEESSSEE DADDDDDYYYYYYYYY. YOU ALWAYS TAKE MEEEEEE." Maddie was in full temper tantrum mode now.

Deacon couldn't hear the speaker over Maddie's screaming and started to lose his temper.

"ALRIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH MADDIE!" he yelled at the screaming kicking child behind him

"Let's just go home, Deacon. Forget the sandwiches." An irritated Rayna said as Maddie continued to scream and kick in the back seat

"GODDAMIT MADDIE KNOCK IT OFF!" Deacon yelled as his face turned bright red in anger. Maddie stopped kicking, but continued to sob in the back seat as Deacon pulled away from Subway

"GREAT FUCKIN FAMILY TIME, RAY."

"What are you pissed off at me for DEACON? She wouldn't act like this if you didn't give in to every damn thing she wants."

Neither of them said another word as Maddie sobbed the rest of the way home. Deacon had barely applied the brakes in the garage and Rayna was out of the truck, and slammed the door on her way into the kitchen leaving him to deal with a still sobbing Maddie.

All he wanted to do was take Maddie in his arms and comfort her, but Rayna was right. That would just be giving into her bad behavior.

He unbuckled her car seat and carried her to the kitchen. He put her down and she ran to the TV in the living room to turn on cartoons.

"Maddie. No TV." Rayna scolded her from the kitchen as Maddie ignored her and turned the volume up

Deacon took a deep breath as Rayna looked at him for support. He went to the living room and took the remote away from Maddie which only started another fit.

"I WANNA WATCH CARTOONS!" she screamed

"Go to your room, Maddie!" Deacon said

"NO! I'M WATCHING CARTOONS. YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING. I HATE YOU. I WANNA WATCH CARTOONS. PPLLLLEEEEEAASE DADDDYYYYYY!"

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Deacon tried more forcefully, but Maddie was stubborn.

"NO" Maddie said as she folded her arms on her chest

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Deacon grabbed Maddie and carried her up the stairs kicking and screaming the entire way. Rayan probably would have spanked her at that point, but Deacon refused to do that.

"YOU STAY IN HERE UNTIL YOU'RE READY TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY!"

"I'M NOT SORRY. I HATE YOU BOTH. I WANNA RUN AWAY TO A NEW HOME. YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE. DON'T MAKE ME STAY IN HERE DADDYYYYYYYYYY!"

Deacon came back downstairs as Maddie's temper tantrum escalated in her bedroom. She was throwing things, and knocking things over, and throwing herself on the floor as her fit raged on.

"HAPPY NOW, RAY, HUH? WAS ALL THAT REALLY NECESSARY? YOU WANT ME TO JUST BE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE TO HER AND MAKE HER CRY?"

"NO, DEACON, BUT SHE NEEDS TO LEARN TO BEHAVE HERSELF AT SCHOOL. HAVING A "TALK" WITH HER OBVIOUSLY DID NOTHING."

'WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, RAY. IF I'M DOIN SUCH A GOADDAMN ROTTEN JOB RAISING HER MAYBE YOU NEED TO STAY HOME AND DO IT YOURSELF."

Deacon slammed the garage door as he went out to his truck with Rayna right behind him.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING, DEACON?"

"I need to take a drive to cool off, alright? I'll be back. What do you want for dinner? I'll pick it up."

"The turkey club sandwiches are fine if you wanna go back to Subway."

"OK" Deacon said as he backed out of the garage.

20 minutes later he was sitting in a liquor store parking lot staring at a bottle of Jack he'd just bought. He was struggling with writing and Belcort breathing down his neck. He hated that he and Rayna couldn't agree on how to raise Maddie. He'd been drinking socially for the past couple of years, but always stopped after one or two. Right now for the first time in years he wanted to down the bottle.


	8. Chapter 8

Rayna heard the overhead garage door open. Deacon was back with dinner.

She had been looking over some of the material Edgehill had sent over as suggested duets for her and Luke.

She hurried to scoop it all up, and tuck it away in the studio before Deacon saw it. He was already in a bad mood. She didn't want to add any more fuel to tonight's fire.

At some point she was going to have to tell him Edgehill wanted her to do an album and eventually possible tour with Luke.

Deacon took a deep breath as he got out of his truck. He had managed to fight the urge to down the bottle of Jack, but he had taken a few big gulps from the bottle.

He was still on edge. He hadn't got much done in the studio today with Rayna's afternoon distraction, which he loved, but hadn't helped his case of writer's block much.

He had been looking forward to some fresh air and time at the park with Maddie, but that had gone to hell and ended in a temper tantrum and fight with Rayna which he wasn't sure was over yet as he slowly opened the kitchen door.

No one in the kitchen. He quickly hid the Jack bottle in the pantry on a high shelf behind some things. Rayna was OK with a drink or two socially when they were out, but she really didn't want the temptation in the house with Deacon's history.

Deacon was putting his jacket in the foyer closet and taking his boots off by the front door when Rayna came out of the studio.

"Hey, feeling a little better now?" she asked

"I guess." He unconvincingly muttered

"Deacon, I'm not trying to be a bitch, but Maddie is almost 5. She's not a baby anymore. She needs some structure, and discipline."

"I know, Ray. It's just…my childhood sucked! I guess I just wanna make up for it with Maddie, you know? I didn't get bedtime stories, or time at the park. My dad NEVER played with me, or said he loved me. Any interaction I had with him was abuse and punishment." Deacon's eyes misted over as he remembered a not so great childhood

Rayna's heart ached for Deacon. She knew his early life was horrible, and it broke her heart to think of a little boy that wanted love, and never got it. His father had been dead 10 years, but she knew it still haunted him. His relationship with his mother had improved in the last 5 years, and they visited Natchez from time to time now.

She wrapped Deacon in her arms and held him tight

"I know, babe. You're an amazing father to Maddie and she knows you love her. You just need to be a little firmer with her. One story or song before bed. Not 3 hours of us begging her to go to sleep. If she does something wrong, she needs consequences. Maddie is a very headstrong kid. She's going to challenge you, and push the limits."

"Wonder where she gets that?" he laughed

"She may have my stubborn streak, but she certainly has your temper Deacon!"

"I know, and it's not pretty in a 4 year old." He sighed as he held Rayna a little tighter

"It's not all that pretty in a 29 year old, either." Rayna laughed and kissed Deacon's cheek

"I'll do better, Ray. I'm sorry for spoiling her so much."

"I know, Deke. It's gonna be rough for a while. She's not used to you being strict with her. She's going to fight it every step of the way."

Maddie's bedroom door opened. She sat at the top of the steps with her little face in her hands. Deacon climbed the steps and sat next to her.

"Hey Sweetie. Are you hungry?" he asked as he put an arm around Maddie and slid her close to him

"I'm sorry, daddy." She said as she climbed onto Deacon's lap and started to cry

"I know, baby. You got daddy's temper. I know how that is. How about you tell mommy you're sorry too, and we'll have dinner. Then I think you have a mess in your room to clean up."

"Can I do it tomorrow, daddy?"

"No, baby girl. After dinner, OK?"

"…but I wanna watch TV after dinner, daddy. I already missed my after school shows." He little face was so sad

"Maddie…you got in trouble at school, you threw a fit, and you made a mess, plus you've been very rude to me and mommy. You're going to clean your room, OK?" he sternly said as Maddie contemplated her next move

"…but daddy…I'll be good. I promise. I wanna watch TV with you, and have popcorn."

"Tell you what. If we hurry up and have dinner, I'll help you clean your room. Maybe we'll have time for an hour of TV before bed. How's that?"

"….but DAD!" she was getting louder again

"Maddie! You wanna take your bath and go right to bed after dinner? STOP IT, NOW!"

Maddie wasn't sure how to handle this new more forceful Deacon. She was used to whining and getting exactly what she wanted, when she wanted it.

"I DON'T WANT DINNER!" She screamed as she squirmed away from Deacon, and ran to her bedroom, slamming the door.

Deacon slowly came down the stairs and into the kitchen. He sat down at the table as Rayna put a sandwich and chips in front of him.

"What do you want to drink?" she asked

"Water is fine, baby." He said as his mind wandered to the bottle of Jack hidden in the pantry. A double shot on the rocks is really what he wanted to answer.

She placed a bottle of water in front of him, and squeezed his shoulder as she sat down for dinner without Maddie.

"She's gotta eat, Ray."

"I'll take her up a sandwich in a little bit. Let her cool off again. That's what I do with you," Rayna smirked as Deacon took a bite of his sandwich

"What?" he asked

"Let you cool off, and then try to talk if you're mad." She smiled

"I guess Maddie is quite a bit like me, huh?" he laughed at the thought and what Rayna deals with between two of them with tempers

"She is you all over again Deacon, but I got a duplicate of someone I love very much." She squeezed Deacon's hand

"She'll be fine. I told you this is going to get worse before it gets better. You're doing great. Just stay consistent. Don't give in because she's upset. She knows she can cry and get her way with you. That needs to change. If that means she throws a fit. We're gonna have to deal with a fit."

"It's like the terrible two's all over again, Ray!" poor Deacon looked forelorn

"Well, we survived 10 months of that on a bus." Rayna smiled

"…and you almost divorced me." He looked sad at the memory

"Do you really think I could have gone through with it, Deacon? I never would have let you leave that night you came to pack and get your truck." She looked into his sad eyes

"Maddie is gonna be fine. We're gonna be fine. Trust me, please Deacon?"

"I love you, Ray. I do trust you. It's just hard. I don't want her to hate me, you know. I hated my dad."

"She doesn't hate you, Deacon. All kids say they hate their parents when they don't get their way. She doesn't mean it. She's just a frustrated 4 year old, that doesn't know how to deal with her emotions yet."

"I guess. I'm not really all that hungry. Think I'm gonna try some writing. You OK with Maddie, or you want me to try again?" he asked as he put his plate in the fridge for later.

"You've tried, and you did great. I'm proud of you for not caving. Go ahead. Try to get some work done. I'll deal with Miss Attitude." Rayna laughed as Deacon got up and went to the studio

He looked to the top of the stairs and Maddie's closed door as he passed through the foyer. He knew he was in for quite a struggle if that kid was half as stubborn as Rayna, and then to add his temper. Maddie was quite a mix of the two of them.

Several hours later Rayna knocked on the studio door.

"How's it going?" she cautiously asked

"Not great." Deacon said as he stared at the blank sheet in front of him

"What's Maddie doing?"

"She's in the tub. She finally ate her sandwich. She asked if you'd come kiss her good night in a little bit."

"I'll get her outta the tub and handle bed time, Ray. I kinda dumped her on you the last few hours. Why don't you go take a long bath and relax, baby." He said as he kissed Rayna on the forehead and headed up the stairs.

"How's it goin, big girl." Deacon asked as he entered the bathroom

"Good, daddy. Are you mad at me? Is that why you went in your studio for so long?"

"No, sweetie. I'm disappointed in your behavior today, but I'm not mad. I was working. I wasn't avoiding you, baby. You need some time with mommy, too." He tried to reassure her.

"You're turning into a prune with all those water wrinkles. Let's get you outta there." He said as he lifted Maddie and wrapped her in a huge towel.

"Do you know how much I love you?" he asked a dripping Maddie as he hugged her tight in the towel

"I love you more, daddy. I'm sorry for being bad."

"I know, baby girl, but you're growing up. You need to start acting like a big girl, and learn that you can't always have your way. We have to say no sometimes even when it's something you really want, OK?" he said as he slipped Maddie's pajamas on her and towel dried her hair as best he could.

"Will you play me a song, daddy?"

"I'd love to, sweetie. Just one, and then to sleep, OK?"

"OK, daddy."

Deacon grabbed the old guitar he kept in Maddie's room. Rayna was soaking in the tub in their master bath down the hall, but she had taken the baby monitor with her. She was proud of Deacon for staying consistent with Maddie, and only agreeing to one song before bed.

"This is a new one. We'll try it out on you."

**"**_**Daddies And Daughters"**__  
_

_From the moment that a baby girl is born  
Into this world  
A man starts to change, do crazy things  
Like paintin the bedroom pink  
To hold something so small and freil  
Absolutely scares the hell  
Out of any guy  
No matter how brave he thinks he might be  
When she looks up at him like he's superman  
She's got him in the palm of her hand_

_Daddies and daughters  
Have something no one else does  
You need a special kind of love  
It's hard to explain how  
Man tough as leather  
Can turn to velvet when she smiles  
Wove apart as they may seem  
Is nothing like the Love between...  
Daddies and Daughters_

_Before she even gets to second grade  
He's already startin to think about all the boys  
What's on there mind  
Cause he was once one to  
She's 16 and heading to the dance  
He says, "You ain't going dressed like that."  
She slams her door, starts to cry  
Thinks he ain't got a clue  
She'll finally understand it one day  
She'll live on to the love of his mistakes_

_No one she ever meets will ever be  
Good enough for her...for him._

_Daddies and Daughters  
Have something no one else does  
Wove apart as they may seem  
There's nothing like the Love between  
Daddies and Daughters_

Maddie was asleep by the end. Deacon quietly sat his guitar against the wall and kissed her forehead as he left the room.

"That was a little too easy." He said as he entered the master bath

"Temper tantrums wear her out. Maybe we should make her mad before bed every night?" Rayna laughed

"Feels weird. I usually sit in there with her for hours, but I really don't mind, Ray. I love the quiet time when she's being so sweet, and just wants me to hold her. One song just isn't enough, ya know?"

"Why don't we compromise on that, Deacon? One hour, and no more for bedtime." Rayna said knowing how much bedtime seemed to mean to Deacon. She didn't want to take away his special time with Maddie.

"Want some company in there?" he asked as he stripped off his clothes and climbed in the large tub with Rayna

She massaged his back and legs and kissed every inch of his neck and chest as he relaxed in her arms and let the stress of the day fall away.

"You're so tense, babe. Are you OK?" Rayna asked concerned

"Better now." He smiled as he turned and pulled Rayna into his arms and traced every inch of her soapy body so gently it drove her crazy.

The water was getting cold, and they were both exhausted as Deacon helped Rayna out of the tub a couple hours later. They both fell into bed and were sound asleep within minutes.

The phone ringing at 2:07am startled Rayna. It was Deacon's cell on his night stand.

"Deacon, DEACON, DEACON….your phone…" Rayna nudged Deacon awake

"Yeah….." a very groggy Deacon answered

"Mr. Deacon Claybourne?" a voice asked

"Depends on who the hell wants to know at this hour." An irritated Deacon sat up and looked at the clock

"I'm Dr James Simms, Natchez Regional Medical Center. Your mother Frannie Claybourne has been admitted. I'm sorry sir, but she's had a pretty serious stroke."

"Is she OK, where's my sister Beverly?"

"No, she's not doing well. We're doing all we can for her, but I'm sorry there's really just not much more we can do."

"Can I speak to my sister? Is she there?" asked Deacon

"Well that's the other issue Mr. Claybourne. Beverly seems to be suffering some sort of mental breakdown. We've admitted her to our mental health unit."

"What about my niece Scarlett? She 5 years old. Where is she?" demanded Deacon

"She's with one of our patient advocates, sir. She's shaken up, but otherwise OK. We're gonna need a family member to take the child soon or we'll have no choice but to call child protective services."

"No, please don't do that. I'm sure she's already terrified. Look, it's an 8 hour drive for me to get there. Is there someone at the hospital that can keep Scarlett till I get there? I'll pay them, just…." Deacon was shaking and Rayna took his hand

"Yes, the patient advocate can stay with her here at the hospital for up to 24 hours. It's already been about 10 hours. It took us a while to get your name out of Beverly."

"OK, I'm on my way. Thanks for calling Dr." Deacon broke down in tears as soon as he hung up and held Rayna so tight it hurt

"Deacon, talk to me. What's wrong?"

"It's my mom. She had a stroke. Beverly's havin some mental breakdown, and poor Scarlett is probably terrified." Deacon said as he pulled away from Rayna and got up to get dressed.

"Deacon, where are you going?"

"Natchez"

"Tonight, NOW?"

"They don't think she's gonna make it, Ray. I gotta go NOW!"

"Deacon, you're too upset to drive. Calm down. Let's talk about this."

"DAMMIT Rayna I don't have time. I gotta go. They need a family member to take Scarett."

"Where's Beverly?"

"Deacon, Wait. I'm coming with you…."

"NO RAY, YOU STAY WITH MADDIE!"

"NO DEACON, WE'LL DROP HER OFF WITH TANDY. I'M GOING. YOU'RE NOT STOPPING ME THIS TIME."

He stopped fighting and let Rayna take charge. He was too upset to think clearly.

He wanted to get there, to see his mom one more time, before it was too late.

He was worried about Beverly and Scarlett.

A lifetime of emotion was hitting him as he packed a few things, and grabbed some snacks from the pantry. He grabbed the bottle of Jack he had hidden, and took a huge chug from the bottle to calm his nerves.

"Tandy is on her way. She'll be here in a few minutes." Rayna told Deacon as she dragged a small suitcase into the kitchen

She immediately noticed the smell as she hugged him.

"Have you been drinking, Deacon?"

"Yeah, Ray. I can't handle this." He said his voice cracking

"Deacon, you're mom, sister, and niece are gonna need you to be strong. Where did you get Jack, anyway?" she asked

"I have it hidden in the pantry." He didn't even bother to lie. He was too upset to care.

Rayna got the bottle from the pantry, and was about to pour it down the sink.

"Rayna, please…I need a drink. I can't do this." He was shaking, and so distraught. Rayna hated to do it, but she handed him the bottle. He was too upset to argue with right now

Tandy arrived and about fainted at the sight of Deacon holding a Jack bottle.

"Rayna, What the hell is he doing?"

"Don't ask. I don't even know. I didn't know he had it in the house. I'll deal with that later." She said as she thanked Tandy for coming, and shuffled Deacon and his bottle out to her Escalade.


	9. Chapter 9

Rayna had been driving for over 4 hours. She was exhausted. Deacon was passed out in the passenger seat still holding a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

She was not happy with him, but at the same time thankful he'd passed out before finishing the bottle. The old Deacon would have downed the entire bottle and started another.

It was after 6am. The sun was coming up. She decided to stop for gas, and coffee while it was still early. Hopefully not many people would be around at 6am on a Saturday morning.

She pulled the visor mirror down, and realized how horrible she looked. Only a few hours of sleep. She'd gone to bed with wet hair that was now an unmanageable red, mess. She hadn't put any makeup on, and was wearing glasses. She had lost a contact trying to rush around getting ready.

Irritated, she purposely slammed the door as she got out to pump gas. Deacon woke up as the door slammed, and got out. He got sick in the garbage can between the gas pumps, and threw the half full Jack bottle away.

"I got that." He grumbled as he took the nozzle from Rayna and finished filling the Escalade as Rayna went inside without saying a word to him

She slammed the door again as she got back in the car. Deacon rubbed his aching head and sighed.

"Guess you're pretty pissed, huh?"

"More worried, Deacon." She said as she tried to hold back 4 hours worth of tears, and frustration.

"I'm sorry, baby. I fucked up. I slipped, and I…" he grabbed the door handle and puked again just as he got to the trash can.

He got back in and reclined the seat as he held his head.

"Deacon, your toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash are in the cosmetics bag. I packed you several clean shirts. Why don't you go in the bathroom and freshen up a little? You can't walk into a hospital looking like that."

10 minutes later a fresher Deacon climbed back into the passenger seat. Fresh breath, cologne, and a clean shirt. He'd combed his hair, and was looking, and smelling more presentable.

Rayna had a bottle of Tylenol, large bottle of water, a sandwich, and large coffee waiting for him.

"You're too good to me, baby. Thanks for taking care of my drunk ass." He smiled at Rayna as he popped a couple Tylenol.

"You want me to drive the rest of the way?" he asked as he looked at his exhausted wife

"NO, DEACON. YOU DRANK HALF A BOTTLE OF JACK DANIELS JUST A FEW HOURS AGO!" she irritatedly snapped

"Ray, I'm fine. I've puked so damn much there's not much left inside."

"I've got it, Deacon. Let's just get there." She said as she started the Escalade and pulled out of the gas station.

They walked into Natchez Regional Medical Center just before 11am.

Deacon asked the information desk where they needed to go.

Rayna put an arm around him as they walked toward his mom's room in the intensive care unit. She knew he wasn't going to take things well.

There was a nurse with his mom as they entered the room.

"Is she…" Deacon's voice cracked

"She's hanging on, but it's not good." The nurse said to Deacon and Rayna

"The Dr knows you're here. He's on his way up now to give you more details."

Frannie looked so weak and sickly laying in the bed. Her hair had gone from dark with some gray whisps to all gray in the past year since they'd last seen her. She was only 54 years old, but looked so much older now. She had monitors and tubes all over her. She was wearing an oxygen mask.

Deacon grabbed her hand as he sat next to her bed

"I'm here mom." He said voice cracking as he tried to stay strong with Rayna by his side

The Dr stepped into the room.

"Mr and Mrs Claybourne, I'm Dr Simms. We spoke on the phone." He said as he extended a hand to each of them

"Why don't we step into a consultation room?" He said as he led them to a small room down the hall with several chairs around a small table.

"I'm not gonna fill you with false hope. Your mother suffered one of the worst hemorrhagic strokes I've seen. There is a lot of damage. She didn't get immediate help which complicated matters more. She had also been on blood thinners for some heart issues which increased the bleeding."

"What are her chances?" Deacon asked

"At the most maybe 30 days, but I honestly don't see her making it more than a few more days. I'm very sorry."

"I think we'd like a second opinion." Rayna said

"Of course. I'll have the nurses station get you some information on other local Dr's or feel free to bring in anyone you'd like."

"Is she conscious? Can she talk, or does she even know what's going on?" Deacon asked

"We have her on something to help her sleep, right now. She was very confused and agitated when she woke up from surgery. She seemed aware of her surroundings, but as far as memory I'm really not sure at this point."

"What was the surgery for? Blood clot removal, or…?" Deacon asked

"No, hemorrhagic strokes are not caused by blood clots. It's a weakening in the blood vessels of the brain that eventually ruptures. It may have been a condition she always had, or it may have been caused by a past head trauma. We did our best to repair the blood vessels, but as I said there is a lot of damage."

"Head trauma, like from an abusive husband?" Deacon asked as Rayna felt him tense with anger

"It's entirely possible, yes if she suffered head injury at some point."

"Thank you. Dr. Simms." Rayna said. She knew Deacon was about to explode

"Sure. Again, I am very sorry. I'll have the nurses get you information on other Dr's. If you have any further questions, please have me paged. Take as much time as you need in here." He said, as he noticed Deacon's face getting red, and quickly excused himself.

"Deacon, please calm down." Rayna put an arm around him and tried to soothe him, but he was seething with anger, and pushed her away.

"IF THE SON OF A BITCH WAS STILL ALIVE, I SWEAR I'D KILL HIM WITH MY BARE HANDS RIGHT NOW, RAY!"

"I know, babe. Please calm down for your mom, your sister, and Scarlett. We need to find Scarlett and Bev, if they'll let us see her, OK?" she pulled Deacon into a tight embrace as he finally lost his composure and cried like a baby.

"I should have been here for her more, Ray. All those years after I left home. I barely called." All the years of guilt and hurt were hitting Deacon full force now.

"Deacon, you've mended things with her the past 5 years. She got to see Maddie quite a few times. She knows you love her. The past doesn't matter now. "

"I'm not ready to lose her, Ray. I haven't had enough time with her." Rayna had never seen Deacon so devastated. He had his head on her lap as she ran her fingers through his dark hair and just let him cry. She knew exactly how he felt. She lost her mom at only 12 and still struggled with it.

"I love you soo much, Deacon. I'm gonna be here every step of the way. You're not alone in this." She tried to reassure him

"I love you, Ray. I'm sorry I'm such a mess." He said as he finally gained enough composure to go back to his mom's room

Deacon sat by his mom's bed for the next 2 hours just watching her sleep, as Rayna went to find out where Scarlett and Beverly were.

He apologized for leaving, and not calling all those years. He told her about Maddie and how much he loved being a daddy. He forgave her for all the times he felt she hadn't protected him from his father. She squeezed his hand a couple time, but she didn't wake up.

Rayna had found patient advocate services and took custody of Scarlett

"Oh, my…you really are her aunt!" The woman said as Rayna Jaymes walked into the room.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Jaymes. I'm a big fan. When Scarlett said you were her aunt I just assumed…"

"It's OK. She's my husband's sister's daughter, and it's Rayna Claybourne. Jaynes is just my stage name." Rayna said as she shook the star struck woman's hand.

"Oh, right Deacon Claybourne is your husband now. I loved it when you two sang together years ago. Does he still sing?" the woman kept asking questions

"Ahhh, yes locally in Nashville he does, but he mostly stays home with our daughter, Maddie. She's just a little younger than Scarlett. Where is Scarlett by the way?" Rayna asked

"Oh…sorry…she's asleep in the next room. She's pretty upset. She finally fell asleep a couple hours ago."

"Well we appreciate you taking such good care of her. Sorry it took us so long to get here. Nashville is about an 8 hour drive from here. Do you have a business card? I'll make sure you're compensated for going out of your way." Rayna smiled

"Mrs. Claybourne it's my job. Meeting you is thanks enough." The young girl was beaming, but trying to remain professional.

Scarlet woke up as Rayna sat on the bed and brushed the blonde hair out of her eyes.

"Hey, sweetie. How are you?" We've missed you so much." Rayna said as a shy Scarlett clung to a teddy bear

"Where's gramma, and mama?" Scarlett said close to tears

"They're both here at the hospital sweetie, but we can't see them right now, OK?"

"Uncle Deacon and I are gonna take good care of you, OK?"

"Do you remember us, baby?" asked Rayna

"Yeah, but I want mama and gramma." Scareltt had tears on her cheeks, and was scared to death. It had been a year since she'd seen Rayna and Deacon.

"Come with me. We're gonna find uncle Deacon, and maybe get you something to eat." Rayna pulled Scarlett into a hug and led her down the hallway.

Deacon was still by his mom's side when Rayna walked into Frannie's room. She could tell he'd been crying, and there was no change in Frannie.

"Deacon, I have Scarlett out here in the waiting room."

"Hey Scarlett. How's my sweet niece?" Deacon asked as he sat next to a scared little girl

"It's OK, sweetie. We've talked on the phone a lot. It's uncle Deke. You know me." He tried to reassure her

"Uncle Deke?" she seemed to put the name and voice together and smiled at Deacon

"Yeah, C'mere." He pulled the little girl into his arms and held her tight

"It's gonna be OK. I'm here now, baby."

"I want gramma, and mama. Where are they?" she pleaded to see them as Deacon looked helplessly at Rayna with Scarlett in his arms

Rayna called Deacon out to the hall away from Scarlett

"Bev is with a Dr. for evaluation now, Deacon. They'll let us know soon if we can see her, and what they plan to do with her."

"Thank you, Ray. I don't know what I'd do without you. I have no idea what to do with Scarlett. She's scared to death, and doesn't really know us."

"You're great with Maddie, Deacon. She's only 6 months older. She'll be OK. We'll figure it out."

"After we know more about Bev, I think it would be best if maybe I check into a hotel with Scarlett, or maybe go to your mom's house so Scarlett can be in her own room tonight."

"I'd really rather you stay in a hotel close to the hospital, Ray. That house isn't in the best neighborhood, and we don't have any security with us."

"Mr. and Mrs. Claybourne?" a man in a suit asked as he approached Deacon and Rayna in the hall

"Yeah." Deacon answered

"I'm Dr. Henry Stein. I just evaluated your sister Beverly. We're gonna go ahead and admit her for a 21 day program, and re-evaluate after that for possibly longer. She's asking to see her brother."

"OK, yeah…Ray, can you stay with Scarlett. I'll be back." Deacon said as Dr. Stein led him down the hall and out of site

Deacon entered a dark, white room, sparsely decorated, and smelling of bleach. It reminded him of his days in rehab for alcoholism.

Bev was alone in the room and sitting on the bed staring out the window.

"Hey, sis…" he wasn't sure what to say as he approached

"How's mom, Deke?"

"Did they tell you anything, Bev?" he asked

"I remember a Dr. telling me she wasn't going to make it, and not much after that."

"Is she, OK?"

"No, sweetie. She's hanging on, but…." Deacon's voice cracked

"What about Scarlett? Where's my baby?"

"She's fine. She's with Ray."

"Take care of her, Deke. I can't do any of this without mama. She's been the one taking care of Scarlett since she was born."

"Sweetie, you're gonna be fine. You just need some rest."

"No, Deacon, I can't take this. I can't do this. I just want out, just wanna end it all, and forget…."

"Bev, what are you sayin? You have a beautiful little girl who needs you."

"Take her, Deke. Please just take her back to Nashville with you. There's no one else, and I can't take care of her."

"Where's Lester? Does he even see his daughter?" asked Deacon

"He hasn't been around since her first birthday. I have no idea where he is."

"I CAN'T DO IT, DEACON. I JUST WANNA END IT ALL. PLEASE SAY YOU'LL TAKE MY BABY?" She was begging Deacon to take Scarlett.

"OK, till you're better Ray and I will take her." He tried to hug his sister, but she just pushed him away, and slipped into a catatonic state

Deacon sighed as he entered the waiting room where Rayna and Scarlett were coloring together in a corner play area.

"Ray, can you come out here in the hall, please?" he said in such a serious tone he scared Rayna

"What's going on?"

"I just agreed to take Scarlett back to Nashville with us for a while."

"Deacon, we really should have talked about this first."

"WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO DO HERE, RAY? BEV BEGGED ME TO TAKE HER. THERE'S NO ONE ELSE!"

"OK, Deacon calm down, please. Where's her father?"

"Bev doesn't know. He hasn't been around in years. She said mom's been raising Scarlett, and she can't do it alone."

"Alright, Deacon. For how long?"

"JESUS, RAYNA. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. I JUST…I WANT A DAMN DRINK SO BAD…." He was losing his composure again

"C'mere Deacon. I'm sorry. You're right. We'll take Scarlett. Please just relax." She hugged him tight

"Why don't you take Scarlett, and check into a hotel. She shouldn't be here. I'm gonna stay with mom tonight."

"Are you sure you're OK, alone, Deacon?"

"No, Ray. I'm not sure about anything right now. Just get her out of here, OK." He kissed Rayna goodbye and turned to go back to his mom's hospital room for the night.


	10. Chapter 10

Rayna checked into a hotel a few blocks from the hospital. She hated leaving Deacon alone, but there was no one else to take Scarlett.

They ordered pizza and several on demand Disney movies to try to take the little girls mind off her mom and grandma.

Rayna's heart broke for the scared, confused little girl. Scarlett barely knew her and Deacon. She did seem to perk up a little with Deacon the few minutes she was with him.

He had been calling his mom and sister regularly for the past 5 years, and usually talked to Scarlett on the phone when he did. Her little face had lit up just a little when she made the voice and Uncle Deke connection.

Rayna had talked to Deacon's mom quite a few times, but she and Beverly weren't particularly fond of each other. Deacon's sister had a lot of hate and resentment issues that pre-dated Rayna's relationship with Deacon, but Bev seemed to blame Rayna anyway.

Beverly had never really gotten over Deacon leaving Natchez the way he did when he was only 16. She felt he deserted their mom, and her. Deacon's refusal to return to Natchez for his father's funeral had only made things worse. His mother had quit speaking to him for a couple years after that.

It was just before Deacon and Rayna took their first official tour that Deacon's best friend Vince had lost his mother to cancer. Deacon had returned to Natchez for the first time in over 8 years for Rosa Mason's funeral, and while there started to mend fences with his mom and sister.

Rayna thought back to that trip. Deacon had left their apartment in Nashville just weeks before their first big tour, and first big break in country music. They'd had a horrible fight because Deacon refused to let Rayna go with him.

Deacon had only been out of rehab a couple months at the time. He'd been sober 4 months. Rayna was terrified about his time with Vince. Together Deacon and Vince always seemed to get in trouble, and it always involved alcohol.

That trip had almost ended Deacon and Rayna's relationship. If it hadn't been for the tour and being forced together on a bus that summer, Rayna wasn't sure she and Deacon would still be together today.

His unplanned marriage proposal the night they got back together had completely shocked her, and probably Deacon himself a little too.

Finding out she was pregnant weeks later, and moving the wedding way up from the spring Nashville ceremony she'd been planning, to an impromptu sort of elopement with only their tour members present, in the Colorado Rockies had turned both their worlds completely up side down.

Rayna wouldn't have it any other way as she thought back over the last 7 years with Deacon. He had his problems, but she loved him, and she knew he loved her. She just needed to get him through this latest hurdle with his mom, sister, and Scarlett and hope that his love for her and his family would help him fight his demons.

Seeing him need that Jack Daniels bottle so much had scared the hell out of her. The fact that he had it hidden in the house bothered her. She wasn't ready to go down that road again with Deacon.

Drinking socially the past couple of years had bothered her at first, but Deacon seemed to be handling it OK. In the music business it kind of came with the territory, but now Deacon seemed to be slipping back into using it for the wrong reasons. He needed it to cope with stress, and hiding it was a very bad sign.

She wondered how long he'd been keeping alcohol in the house, and if he'd done it while she was away in Europe. She knew she had to get a handle on the situation. There was no way she'd ever leave Maddie alone with Deacon if she thought he was seriously drinking again.

Now wasn't the time. He was so upset. If he needed alcohol to get through this she'd deal with it, but eventually she knew they needed to sit down for a serious talk about his drinking before it escalated out of control again.

Her thoughts went to Vince. Deacon rarely heard from him. As far as Rayna was concerned if they never heard from him again she'd be fine with it. They had only seen him a few times in the past 5 years on their occasional trip to Natchez to see Frannie, Bev, and Scarlett.

Vince was still Vince. Drinking was all he thought about. Luckily he and Deacon just didn't have much in common once Deacon was a married man with a kid. She knew Deacon called him a couple times a month and sent him money against Rayna's wishes. He had burned through all of his mother's inheritance money within a year after she died.

Deacon felt kind of obligated to at least keep tabs on Vince. Rosa had left Deacon half of everything and a letter asking him to always look out for Vince. Deacon didn't really need the money. Rayna knew Deacon owned half of the house Vince lived in. He still made sure the household bills were paid and kept up the property taxes. He also paid for a lawn service.

They had put the house on the market after Rosa died, but Deacon had gone back to Nashville and out on tour. Vince let the place go to hell and no one wanted to buy it in the condition it was in.

Some investors had been interested for a lot less than asking price, but the realtor had such a hard time with showings. Vince was either there drunk, or wouldn't allow showings.

The realtor finally quit and told Deacon, Vince and the house were his problem. Deacon apologized to the poor woman and paid her the full commission plus some anyway.

Rayna knew if Vince found out Deacon was in town, he'd probably make an appearance. She just hoped in Deacon's already fragile state he'd fight the urge to go anywhere alone with Vince. All the times she had to bail them both out of jail, or go to the hospital at 3 am after a bar fight and stitches, broken bones, alcohol poison came flooding back to her.

Her phone rang on the night stand.

"Hey, baby. How's Scarlett?" Deacon asked

"Quiet. We've been watching Disney movies and having pizza." She said as she stroked the little blonde girls hair

"Did you eat anything, Deacon?" a concerned Rayna asked

"I'm not hungry, Ray."

"Deacon, you need to keep your strength up. Go to the cafeteria, PLEASE." She begged

"I'm fine, Ray. I'll eat later. Have you talked to Tandy? How's Maddie?"

"I tried to call, but didn't get an answer. Tandy probably took her shopping or something."

"OK, well, I just wanted to see how you and Scarlett were getting along."

"Has anything changed with your mom?" she cautiously asked

"No"

******silence*****

"I'll call you if anything changes, Ray…Hey, I love you. Thanks for being here, baby." His voice was cracking as he hung up before Rayna had a chance to say anything else.

Her heart was breaking for Deacon. She knew he was struggling, and his mom's death was going to be devastating for him. Losing a parent was bad enough, but Deacon also had the added problems with a sister completely losing it, and a 5 year old niece to try to explain all of it to, while fighting his own battles with addiction.

Deacon walked out the front doors to the parking lot. He needed some fresh air before going back to his mom's room. His back and neck were a tight mess of knots from sitting in an uncomfortable chair for hours. He missed Rayna and Maddie. He had a million things running through his mind.

How was he gonna raise another child if Bev didn't get better?

Would Rayna even be willing to take Scarlett…maybe forever?

What the hell was he gonna do about Bev?

Move her to a hospital in Nashville?

Leave her alone in Natchez?

How would Maddie react to Scarlett living with them?

What would all of it mean for his career?

How was he gonna get through his moms funeral?

First he had to plan a funeral. Where to begin there?

Work…Belcort was still breathing down his neck for new material?

Rayna would be going back on tour next year. He'd be home with 2 kids?

He just wanted the world to stop spinning. He was struggling to focus on any one thing. He wanted a drink. He wanted to just forget everything and not have to deal with any of this.

His phone rang in his shirt pocket

"Hey, Deacon. It's Tandy. How's your mom?"

"Not good. She maybe has a few days." He said trying to swallow a lump

"How's Maddie? Is everything OK." He said thinking it was odd for Tandy to be calling his phone

"She's fine. She was a little upset when she woke up this morning with both you and Rayna gone, but we went shopping, and she's OK now. That's actually why I called. She misses her daddy. Are you up for talking to her?"

"Yeah, always…"

"Daddy?"

"Hi baby. Are you being good for aunt Tandy?"

"When are you coming home, daddy? I want you."

"I know baby girl, but it's gonna be a few days. Grammas really sick, and she needs me right now, OK?

"Can you be strong for me?" he asked trying to be strong for her and not lose it

"I miss you, daddy." She was starting to cry

"Hey, please don't cry Maddie. I'll be home as soon as I can, OK."

"I miss you very much, kiddo. You can call me anytime."

"…but when will you be home, daddy?"

"Soon, baby, OK…until then you're gonna have fun with aunt Tandy. I love you. Can you put aunt Tandy back on please?"

I'm here, Deacon." Tandy said as Maddie cried in the background

"I fell horrible leaving her like we did." Deacon told Tandy

"She'll be fine. I'll keep her busy. Any idea when you'll be back?"

"Maybe a few days. If this drags on too long I'll stay and send Ray home."

"You both need to stay, Deacon. I can handle Maddie for as long as you need. Don't worry about anything here. We're fine. I'm sorry about your mom."

"Thanks, Tandy. I owe you big this time. Love you. Bye."

"Love you too, Deacon, bye."

He took a deep breath. It was good to know Maddie was in good hands and one less thing to worry about. He felt a little better as he walked back down the hall to his mom's room.

Hearing Maddie's little voice, and knowing how much she needed him gave him strength to keep going. Scarlett needed him just as much, if not more now. She was losing her grandma and from the sound of it, the most important person in her life. Bev was more of a mess than he was. They weren't close, but she needed him now too.

The next morning Scarlett seemed to be a little better with Rayna. She was talking more, and asked if they could do something other than watch TV today.

"Aunt Ray, can we do something today? I don't wanna watch TV anymore."

"Sure, baby. How about we start with some breakfast downstairs? We'll go shopping to get you some clean clothes, and whatever you want. How does that sound?"

"OK" she said with a smile for the first time since Rayna had picked her up

Scarlett loved clothes shopping. It was a new experience for Rayna. Maddie hated clothes shopping. Rayna was so happy to have a new little shopping companion she went way overboard and bought Scarlett a lot of pretty dresses. Deacon would probably freak out when the next credit card bill came.

She also bought Deacon a new black suit and black dress shirt, and herself a conservative black dress. They had rushed so quickly to leave home they weren't really prepared for a funeral.

Last stop was a toy shop. She didn't get the feeling Scarlett had really ever had a day for just her to be spoiled rotten and every little girl needed that sometimes. She let Scarlett pick out quite a few toys. She chose Barbie dolls and clothes for them. Rayna let her get all the Barbie accessories too. The house, the car.

Scarlett was such a polite appreciative little girl

"Thank you Aunt Ray for all my pretty clothes and toys." She'd said on the drive back to the hotel.

"You're more than welcome, sweetie. We're gonna get through all of this together. Your uncle Deacon and I love you very much, and whatever happens we're here for you, OK?"

"OK, Aunt Ray."

As Scarlett played with her new toys Rayna made funeral arrangements. She thought she might be jumping the gun a bit, but she didn't want Deacon to have to deal with everything all at once after Frannie passed.

She knew Deacon's mom loved her flower garden so all of the flowers she ordered were fresh and uncut plants. She'd spoken with the burial manager and made a donation and request for them to maintain the plot with flowers year round.

Everything was done. The clothes were bought for the services for all 3 of them. The casket, stone, minister, flowers, and even the obituary was ready to go. She'd keep it to herself until after Frannie passed. It might upset Deacon before.

Anything she could do to minimize the stress on Deacon was worth whatever it cost.

Her phone rang on the nightstand.

"Hey, how are things going?" Tandy asked

"Not great for poor Deacon." Rayna said

"I know. Maddie wanted to talk to him. We called him last night. He sounds horrible."

"Is he OK, Rayna? I mean…the Jack Daniels bottle the night you left."

"I dunno, Tandy. He's going through a lot right now. It's not just his mom." Rayna said as she moved to the bedroom of the suite and closed the door so Scarlett wouldn't hear.

"His sister is having a breakdown. She's in the mental ward at the hospital. I have his niece Scarlett here at the hotel with me."

"Isn't she only Maddie's age?"

"Yeah, she's 6 months older."

"So…what are you gonna do about her?"

"Deacon told Beverly we'd bring her back to Nashville with us."

"Did he talk to you about that first?"

"No, but what can he do? Beverly begged him to take her, and there's no one else."

"Where's her father?"

"I dunno. I have no idea how this is all gonna work out, but right now I can't refuse to take the kid."

"We're all she has. Deacon and his sister are a mess. …." Rayna was close to tears

"Oh, honey. I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, I've been holding it all in trying to keep it together for Deacon, but I'm scared for him. I hope he can handle this. I hope we survive this. I'm so scared he's gonna flip out and start drinking a lot again." Rayna said as she wiped tears from her cheeks

"He'll pull it together. He loves you and Maddie. I'm sure he'll be fine." She said not really believing it herself after seeing Deacon with the Jack bottle the other night

Rayna's other line started ringing

"Oh Tandy I gotta go. I think Deacon's calling."

"Hello"

"Hey, Ray. How are things going with Scarlett?"

"Good, How are you holding up baby?"

"Best I can, Ray. It's hard, ya know sitting here watching her breath, waiting for the last breath, hoping maybe by some miracle she'll wake up or respond with more than a hand squeeze. Not sure how much more I can take." He said voice cracking

"Do you need a break, Deacon? I can come sit with her if you wanna come to the hotel with Scarlett for a while. Maybe you'd feel better if you take a shower, and eat something."

"Thanks for offering. It means a lot Ray, but I need to be with her."

"Have you had anything to eat in the last 2 days, Deacon?"

"I'm not hungry, Ray."

"DEACON, please…take care of yourself. There are 2 little girls that need you….and I need you so much Deacon. I miss you. I love you. I just wish I could take all this pain away from you."

"I know, Ray. I'm tryin to get through this, and not completely lose it. I'll call you tomorrow, OK? I love you too."

Deacon settled in his chair holding his mom's hand for another long night. Her breathing was more sporadic than it had been. Her hand felt cooler to the touch than it had before he left the room to call Rayna. The nurse came in to check her vitals a little while later.

"Is she dying?" he asked as the nurse checked her pulse

"Yeah, her body is shutting down. That's why her breathing changed, and temperature is dropping. I'm soo sorry Mr. Claybourne. Is there anyone we can call for you?"

"My sister is here in the mental health ward. She should probably know, but I'm not sure she can handle this."

"I'll check with her Dr's and see what they think."

30 minutes later a nurse pushed Beverly into Frannie's room in a wheelchair. She appeared to be heavily sedated, and barely responsive as she stared at her mother, and brother.

"Bev, I'm here OK." Deacon said as he took her hand

"Does she even know what's going on? What did you give her?" he asked the nurse

"All she's had is a sedative to help her sleep. Nothing that would cause this." The nurse responded

"Bev, sweetie…can you talk to me, please?" he tried again

"Mom doesn't have much time left. Do you want some time alone with her?"

Beverly slowly nodded "yes"

Deacon and the nurse stepped into the hall for about 15 minutes. He didn't know what went on in the room, but Beverly had tears on her cheeks as the nurse wheeled her back to her own room.

He sat alone with Frannie for the next 2 hours as her breathing slowed, and eventually stopped at 12:17am November 21st, 1997.

The hotel room was dark as he entered around 1am. He was trying to be quiet and not wake Rayna or Scarlett. He quietly got some clean sweat pants and a T shirt and slipped into the bathroom for a long hot shower.

He stood under the shower with the water almost too hot to bear for almost an hour as he let the stress of the past 2 days fall away. He felt somewhat relieved that his mom was in a better place. She deserved so much better than the life she'd had.

He felt some joy that in her last 5 years her grandkids have given her some happiness, and he was glad he'd made things right with her the year before Maddie was born.

Maddie and Scarlett had been her world for the past 5 years.

He dried off, brushed his teeth, and peered in to check on Scarlett before he slipped into bed with Rayna.

He wrapped his arms around his sleeping wife from behind and held her tight. Rayna knew Frannie must be gone as she turned to kiss him.

"I'm so sorry, Deacon."

"I know. Thanks for being here, taking care of Scarlett. I love you soo much, Ray."

"We've got a lot to do tomorrow." He whispered to Rayna

"It's done, Deacon. I already made all the arrangements. We just need to give the funeral home the date and time we want services."

"I didn't pack a suit."

"There's a new one hanging in the closet."

"I don't know what to say, Ray. I can never thank you enough for all you've done. I love you so damn much it hurts."

"I know, Deacon. I love you too. Get some sleep. You look exhausted. We'll figure the rest out tomorrow."


	11. Chapter 11

The sun streaming through the crack between the heavy hotel room curtains woke Deacon. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was only 6:32am. He wasn't sure what day it was. The past couple days had been a blurr. Rayna was sleeping soundly beside him.

Yesterday he'd had so many things running through his mind. Rayna and Tandy had taken a lot of the stress away. He was devastated by his mother's untimely and unexpected passing, but Tandy had reassured him that Maddie was fine, and he didn't need to worry. She was there as long as they needed her to be.

Rayna had completely blown him away when she said she'd taken care of all the funeral arrangements. He'd been dreading that in the back of his mind. Somehow hoping his mom would wake up and be OK, and there'd be no need for a funeral.

For the moment there was nothing he could do. He missed Maddie, and couldn't wait to get back to Nashville and his little girl. Aside from the few nights last week he and Rayna had been fighting, and his trip to the cabin, he couldn't remember the last time he'd really been away from Maddie this much.

Deacon's mind drifted to Belcort and their demands for new material. He had a few songs down, and some ideas for more, but nothing more modern and upbeat like they wanted. It just wasn't his style. He had no idea what he was going to do to satisfy his contract with them.

He was deep in thought with lyrics running through his head. He hadn't noticed Rayna was awake and watching him.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she asked

"You'd be paying too much." He laughed as he leaned in for a kiss

"Good morning, baby." He smiled has he pulled away from a lingering morning kiss

"How did you sleep?"

"Actually, pretty damn good. Guess I was tired after 2 nights in a crappy chair."

"Helped having you in my arms. I've missed you, Ray."

"I missed you, babe. I'm glad you got this last couple day's with your mom, even if she wasn't awake. I'm sure she knew you were with her. I wish I'd had some time with my mom at the end. She was gone before they let us see her that night at the hospital." Rayna said tearing up a little

"They brought Bev in for a little while before she…" Deacon was tearing up again

"How was Bev"

"Not good, Ray."

"I hope she snaps out of whatever it is she's going through, but she just isn't there. There's this hollow look in her eyes."

"We'll get her the best doctors, Deacon. We can move her to Nashville. The doctor said he wanted to admit her to a 21 day program here. We'll see where she is in a few weeks and go from there."

"What about Scarlett, Ray?"

****silence*****

"I'm sorry I agreed to take her without talking to you first, but Bev was begging me, and there is no one else…."

"I know, Deacon. It's OK."

"We spent some time shopping, and getting to know each other yesterday. She's a sweet little girl. So different than Maddie."

"Maddie's sweet." Deacon protested with a smirk on his face

"That's not how I meant that to come out. Yes, Maddie is sweet. She's my little girl, and I love her for who she is. It's just I dunno…Maddie is such a daddy's girl. I know that's my fault for being away so much. She doesn't really like shopping, or makeup."

"She seemed awfully happy about her nails and toes being painted the night of the CMA's." Deacon said

"She likes a little glamour, but you know as well as I do Deacon she'd rather be fishing with you, or watching a Titans game on your lap any day than dress shopping, or sitting still long enough for makeup." Rayna laughed

"She loves you, Ray." Deacon tried to reassure Rayna. He knew Rayna struggled with Maddie being such a daddy's girl, and he hadn't helped matters much by always making Rayna be the strict parent, while he overindulged Maddie and spoiled her rotten.

"I know she does, Deacon. I guess I just got a little taste of what you go through with me gone, and trying to make up for it with whatever Maddie wants to make her happy. I kinda did that with Scarlett yesterday. We just shopped and shopped and shopped…."

Deacon was looking at Rayna questioningly now

"The next visa statement….maybe you shouldn't open it…." Rayna laughed and playfully ran her fingers through Deacons hair.

"I just wanted to take away all the fear, and hurt, and make sure Scarlett feels like we love her, and want her to come stay with us."

Deacon was smiling. He pulled Rayna into his arms for a deep kiss.

"So, you're OK with taking Scarlett back to Nashville for possibly a long time, maybe forever?"

"Yeah, Deacon. She needs us. Just do me a favor…this one's mine….I could use a mommy's girl." Rayna laughed as Deacon kissed her again

"Do you have any idea how wonderful you are, Ray?" he asked with tears in his eyes

"Thank you for making all the arrangements for mom, and making Scarlett feel like part of the family, and putting up with my drunk ass on the way down here. I'm really sorry about that, Ray."

There was a light knock on their bedroom door. A little pajama clad blonde girl politely asked for some juice as she stood in the doorway.

"Aunt Ray, I'm sorry to wake you up, but can I get some juice from the fridge."

"Sure, baby. You can have whatever you want. We'll get up and go get some breakfast, OK?"

"OK" Scarlett said as she stared at Deacon not sure how to feel about seeing him after being alone with Rayna for the past couple days.

"How you doin Scar? Are you havin fun with Aunt Ray?" he asked as he moved to the foot of the bed

"Yeah, yesterday was really fun. Thanks for all my dresses and toys Aunt Ray." She said thanking Rayna again for everything.

Her little lip started to tremble as she stood in the doorway looking at them

"When are mama and gramma gonna come get me?" she asked trying to hold back tears

"C'mere, sweetie." Deacon said as he scooped Scarlett into his arms and sat in a chair with her on his lap wiping tears from her little face

She wasn't completely comfortable with Deacon holding her and felt a little rigid in his arms.

"You know me. It's OK. It's uncle Deke. We talk on the phone all the time, remember?"

She started to relax a little as Rayna sat next to them and rubbed her back trying to reassure her. Deacon hugged her tight and kissed her little blonde head as she seemed to realize who he was again and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Uncle Deke." She finally smiled

"Yeah, kiddo. I'm sorry I didn't get to talk to you much at the hospital. I was a little busy."

"With gramma?" she asked

Deacon had no idea how to tell a 5 year old about death. He looked at Rayna helplessly.

"Grammas head hurts a lot. I have to play quiet. She sleeps all the time. Is that why she's at the hospital. Does her head hurt?"

"Yeah, sweetie. That's why she was at the hospital, but she was really sick. They tried to help her, but she was just too sick…." Deacon was trying to hold it together for Scarlett

"Where is my gramma? I wanna see her pleeeeaaasee?"

Deacon took a deep breath and swallowed a lump in his throat, but he couldn't speak. Scarlett was crying and begging for Frannie.

"I'll be quiet. Please take me to see gramma…..pleeeeaassee?"

Rayna took Scarlett from Deacon and pulled her into a hug.

"Honey, grandma was very sick. The doctors did everything they could, but I'm sorry. She died last night. She's in heaven, and I'm sure she's always going to be watching you. She loved you very much."

"Noooo, I wanna see her." The little girl was completely distraught and in tears. Deacon wasn't doing much better as he patted her back and pulled both Scarlett and Rayna into his arms.

"It's gonna be OK, baby girl. I promise." He tried to reassure a bawling Scarlett.

"Where's mama. Is she in heaven too?"

"No, sweetie. She's at the hospital. She's really upset about gramma, and wants you to stay with us for a while. Can you be strong for her, and do that?"

"I wanna go home?"

"You know what, kiddo. We're gonna have breakfast, and then we are gonna take you home for a little while. Would you like to stay in your own room tonight?" asked Deacon

"Yeah." She said between sobs

"OK, Aunt Ray's gonna get you cleaned up. It's OK, sweetie. We love you very much, and we're here for you." He said as he wiped her tears

"Can you give her a bath and get her cleaned up, Ray, please? I need some fresh air. I'm gonna run back to the hospital. They have some personal items from my mom and sister I need to pick up. Hopefully they have a house key. I need to go start going through mom's finances, and see what we have to deal with. Are you OK, with staying at the house the next couple days?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Are you OK, Deacon?"

"Not really, but I don't have much choice right now. Bev's sure as hell not gonna be any help." He said as he kissed Rayna's cheek and grabbed her Escalade keys from the night stand

"I'll be back in an hour or less. We'll go somewhere for breakfast before we head to the house, OK?"

Rayna got Scarlet calmed down and playing in the bath tub.

It was Monday morning. She called the funeral home and requested they have the obituary run in the Natchez and Nashville local papers Tue, and set up services for Wed.

She called Tandy. Maddie was doing well and happy to hear she'd be getting a playmate in a few days.

"So, are you guys driving home Wed after the services?" Tandy asked

"I'm not sure. I'll see what Deacon wants to do. I know he misses Maddie."

"I was just wondering if you'd be back for Thanksgiving on Thur?"

"Oh, you know I completely forgot it was Thanksgiving with everything going on."

"Yeah, I'm sure Deacon will want to be with Maddie on Thanksgiving. If not Wed after the services, probably early Thur we'll head back to Nashville."

"Tell you what. Maddie and I will get a Thanksgiving family party together at my house. All you guys have to do is show up by say 5, dinner time on Thur. How's that?

"That would be wonderful, Tandy. We'll be there."

"Great. I can't wait to meet Scarlett, another niece to spoil."

"Oh…what about daddy? Can Deacon deal with daddy for one night? We can't leave him out of Thanksgiving. He'd love to see Maddie."

"I'll talk to Deacon, but yeah I'm sure he can take Lamar for one night. Do me a favor though? Tell daddy, Deacon just lost his mom, and please go easy on him Thur?"

"Right, I'll make sure daddy behaves." Tandy laughed

Deacon was back in less than an hour as promised. He waited patiently in the Escalade for the girls to finish getting ready.

Rayna signaled him to come get all the luggage and things she'd bought for Scarlett.

"Jesus, Ray. Did you buy out the whole damn store?" he complained as he loaded the Escalade.

"I told you, probably best if don't you look at the next credit card statement, Deacon."

He seemed a bit on edge as Rayna climbed in the passenger seat and Deacon helped Scarlett into Maddie's car seat, but she couldn't read his expression behind his dark sunglasses.

They stopped at Hunt's Hometown Diner for breakfast. Frannie and Beverly had both worked there for years.

It was a little after 10am. A little late for the breakfast crowd on a Monday morning, and too early for the lunch rush. Deacon figured Rayna could eat in peace. After all…who would expect Rayna Jaymes at a mom and pop diner in Mississippi?

Mrs. Hunt was thrilled to see Deacon, and even happier he'd brought Rayna for the first time ever.

"Oh my…I think Deacon's the biggest celebrity we've ever had in here till now!" she joked as she approached the table and Deacon introduced Rayna

"Hey Mrs. Hunt. This is my wife, Rayna Claybourne." He said as he stood up and hugged the older lady

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Rayna. We're big fans of you and this guy here in Natchez." She said as she beamed proudly at Deacon.

There were a lot more tears and hugs as Deacon told Mrs. Hunt about Frannie and Beverly.

After a little more than an hour, and a big breakfast which Mrs. Hunt insisted was on the house, Deacon and Rayna were back in the car heading to Deacon's childhood home with a sniffling Scarlett in the back seat. She knew Mrs. Hunt well, and it had been a tearful breakfast for all of them.

Deacon tensed and let go of Rayna's hand as he shifted the Escalade into park in the driveway, and took the keys from the ignition.

No matter how many times they visited, he always tensed when they arrived. Rayna knew his childhood wasn't good, but she sensed the worse memories Deacon hadn't shared with anyone.

He hated this place, and Rayna was really surprised he was willing to spend a night here. They'd always stayed in hotels when they visited over the past 5 years. Deacon hadn't spent a night under this roof in over 13 years.

The house was older and outdated, but Frannie kept it immaculately clean and orderly.

Rayna found some empty storage tubs in the garage and told Scarlett to pack all her clothes, and favorite toys in them to keep the little girl busy as she and Deacon went through Frannie's personal items.

"…but why?" Asked Scarlet as Rayna put the tubs in her bedroom

"Well, sweetie…you're gonna go back to Nashville with us in a couple days

"I wanna stay here."

"Honey, I know this is hard. You're gonna love Nashville. We'll decorate your new room any way you want. You can pick out all the colors, and bedding. Uncle Deacon will paint the walls whatever color you want."

"Did I hear my name and paint in the same sentence?" Deacon yelled from down the hall.

"Yep, gonna put you to work on Scarlett's new bedroom when we get home, babe.

"That's awesome." He said sarcastically as Rayna joined him in Frannie's bedroom to sort through things

"Deacon, look…you as a baby in your dad's arms." Deacon was surprised to see a smiling JD holding him at maybe a few months old with a toddler aged Beverly sitting next to them in a picture, Rayna had just found.

"I've never seen that, or any pictures of us kids with my dad." Deacon said a little shocked as he took the photo from Rayna and stared.

"I didn't think JD ever smiled."

"Look, Deacon. There are several of you and Beverly when you were really young. 1st birthdays, early Christmases, pictures of your dad playing with you and kissing you."

"Here are some from the delivery room when you were born." Deacon looked at the picture of a beaming JD as he held his son for the first time."

"Wedding pictures of your mom and dad, Deacon." Rayna held up pictures of a young couple happy and in love on their wedding day.

Deacon sat on his mom's bed trying to process what he was seeing. He was overcome with emotion as Rayna put an arm around him.

"It's OK, Deacon. You were really young in these pictures.

"That's not the man I remember, Ray."

"Well, obviously he wasn't always bad. Your mom fell in love with him for some reason. Early on it looks like they were happy."

"I don't remember any happy times in this house, Ray."

"All I remember are beatings, watching him beat my mom and sister. Trying to be quiet and good so he'd leave me alone, but it was never good enough. Something always pissed him off, and it was always my fault, or my mom or sisters fault." Deacon had tears in his eyes

"I couldn't stop him, Ray. I couldn't protect them." Deacon was shaking now

"Deacon, you were a scared little boy. None of it was your fault, and no one expected you to protect them against the monster he became at some point."

"I don't know what made him change, maybe the alcohol, but it looks like there was a time when he loved you and your mom."

"It scares the hell out of me, Ray. I could slip and…."

"Deacon, listen to me. You are not him. I've seen you at your absolute worst, and you've scared the hell out of me a time or two, but I don't believe for one second, even drunk that you could ever physically harm me or Maddie."

"Thanks for having such faith in me, Ray." Deacon pulled Rayna into a tight embrace

"I couldn't do this without you." He gently kissed her head as he went back to sorting and trying to get his mother's affairs in order

It was almost 10pm by the time Rayna and Deacon finished dealing with Frannie's personal affairs and decided to go to bed themselves.

They slept in Frannie's room. Deacon was restless all night. He tossed and turned and seemed to have nightmares when he did fall asleep.

Finally around 3am Rayna had had enough of trying to sleep next to him.

"Good lord, Deacon. Can't you just relax!"

"NO, RAYNA! I hate it here. I know it's been years, but it just still feels like he's here, ya know."

"Would you feel better in another room?"

"No, I'll feel better when all of this is over, and we can go home."

Rayna sighed. The next couple of days were going to be long ones. Deacon continued to toss and turn next to her. Finally by 7am she gave up and went downstairs to make coffee.

Scarlett came down around 7:30.

"Good morning, sweetie. How did you sleep?"

"Good." She said cheerfully

"Well that makes one of us."

"What would you like for breakfast?"

"uuummmm…pancakes with chocolate chips."

"That sounds familiar." She said sarcastically as Deacon snuck into the kitchen and kissed the back of her neck at the stove

"What." He asked as he poured himself some coffee.

"Chocolate chips in the pancakes."

"Damn that Maddie. Kid can't keep a secret to save my life." He laughed

"Good to see you smile, babe. I figured you'd be crabby after tossing and turning all night."

"I don't feel the greatest, but I have you, and that makes all of this bearable." He smiled at Rayna and patted Scarlett's little blonde head as he sat down.

"Good morning, Scar. How's my favorite niece today?"

"I'm you're only niece, uncle Deke." She was getting more chatty and showing more of her true personality with Rayna and Deacon

"You are, but still my favorite." He leaned over and nuzzled her with his scruff like he did Maddie and she giggled for the first time.

Deacon made some calls after breakfast to have all the utilities at the house turned off on Friday. He wasn't sure when, or if Bev would ever be back there. He was planning to look for long term mental health care for her in Nashville when they arrived him.

He figured they'd sell the house at some point, but he wanted to wait and ask Beverly before he made and big decisions about Frannie's estate.

Rayna had found a hand written rough copy of a will in Frannie's personal papers. It left everything equally between Beverly and Deacon. There were 2 college accounts for Scarlett and Maddie with around $5000 in each. There was still money in a savings account from JD's life insurance policy. Frannie also carried her own policy worth around $100,000.

They decided to take it all to an attorney in Nashville to make it legal. Rayna suggested they also get full legal custody of Scarlett.

"I dunno, Ray. I don't wanna take her away from Bev."

"It doesn't sound like Bev was really raising her, Deacon! From what I've got from Scarlett she was with Frannie all the time and wasn't even sure where Bev was for days at a time."

"If nothing else we at least need legal temporary custody to make decisions for Scarlett. If something happens for doctor approval, and maybe even to enroll her in school."

"Yeah, I hadn't thought about that. You're right, baby…as usual." He brushed Rayna cheek with his hand

"We'll set up a meeting with our lawyers Thurs or Fri when we get back to Nashville" he agreed

"Oh, Thursday is Thanksgiving, Deacon. I told Tandy we'd be back in time for a 5pm family dinner at her place with everyone."

"Who's EVERYONE, Ray?"

"Well…you, me, Maddie, Scarlett, Tandy, and….daddy…." she cringed as Deacon's face went serious

"I'm not sure I'm up for Lamar after this week, Ray."

"He'll be fine, Deacon. I told Tandy to ask him to behave, and I'm asking YOU to behave, PLEASE?"

"Me…wh…I haven't done a damn thing wrong, Ray."

"I know, babe. Let's table it for now. It's a couple days away, and we have other things to worry about now."

"Speaking of other things…" he trailed off as Rayna shot him a serious look

"I was only gonna do this if I had time, and we're pretty much done with mamas stuff till the services tomorrow, but I wanna go see if Vince is around while we're in town."

***silence*****

"I don't wanna fight about it, Ray. Come on , he's my best friend and I haven't seen him in a couple years. Hell I haven't even talked to him in months. I just wanna check on him, OK?"

"I REALLY wish you wouldn't, Deacon….but if it'll make you feel better, GO…"


	12. Chapter 12

Deacon had been gone for several hours. Rayna was starting to get worried. She really hadn't wanted him to go see Vince, but she didn't want to fight either.

She knew she could have told Deacon, No, and he would have honored her wishes. He would also have sulked and been a grouch the rest of the day ultimately leading to a fight.

After more than 7 years together she knew Deacon had 2 settings when it came to anger. The sulking, leave me alone, I'm not talking setting. If he was really mad, the yelling, possibly throwing a chair, or breaking something, really pissed setting.

She'd been there, done that, one Christmas when they had been to Natchez for a visit. Maddie was 9 months old. It was her 1st Christmas, and Deacon's mom wanted to see her granddaughter.

Maddie was cutting teeth and had been fussy all day. Of course Vince showed up, drunk, knowing Deacon was in town for Christmas.

Deacon was still doing the AA meetings at the time, and not drinking at all. Vince wanted him to go to a bar to watch football.

Considering Vince was already drunk, Rayna knew it was a bad idea. She'd told Deacon, No. Maddie was crabby, and she just wanted to go back to the hotel for the night.

She'd ended up with a crabby baby, and a crabby husband the rest of the night. Deacon had sulked the rest of that trip, and barely said two words to her on the 8 hour drive back to Nashville the next day.

Her phone ringing on the kitchen table startled her

"Hello"

"Hey baby, sorry I've been gone all day. Just catching up with Vince. Did you and Scarlett eat yet?"

"No, I wasn't sure what you wanted to do for dinner, Deacon." She was trying not to sound irritated.

"Good, I'll pick you and Scarlett up in 10 min. We're going out for pizza with Vince and his girlfriend Kelly."

"Deacon, are you sure that's a …." He'd hung up before she could protest.

10 minutes later Deacon pulled into the driveway and honked for Rayna and Scarlett. He strapped Scarlett into Maddie's car seat and closed the door. Before Rayna got in, she started to protest.

"Deacon, are you sure this is a good idea taking Scarlett?"

"It's fine, Ray. He's sober." Deacon said as he gently kissed Rayna and opened her door for her.

"He quit drinking. He has a job, and a new girlfriend. She's good for him, Ray. He seems happy. Pretty thing too. Her name is Kelly." He told Rayna as he climbed back into the driver's seat and backed out of the driveway.

"So, he's actually sober?" Rayna asked shocked.

"Yeah, says he hasn't had a drink in 3 months. The house is all cleaned up. Kelly is living with him. She's a couple months pregnant, Ray."

"I've never seen Vince so happy. Seems to really have it together."

"Wow, I never thought he'd stop drinking." Rayna said as she grabbed Deacon's hand

"I know. Maybe it just took the right woman." Deacon gently kissed Rayna's hand and winked at her

"Seemed to work for me." He laughed

Deacon pulled into a place called Gusepi's Pizza. He helped Rayna and Scarlett out of the Escalade. They went in to meet Vince and Kelly.

"Holy Crap! Vince told me Deacon's wife was Rayna Jaymes, but I thought he was joking." A star struck Kelly said as Deacon and Rayna approached.

"It's Rayna Claybourne off stage, and it's nice to meet you too." Rayna said as she shook Kelly's hand

"Vince, it's been a while. You look good." Rayna pulled Vince into a hug

"I am good, Ray. Great to see you. Congrats on all the success." Vince sincerely said to Rayna.

"They're setting us up in the back room for a little more privacy. I thought that might be better for Rayna." Vince said

"Yeah, it gets a little crazy if I attract too much attention, but actually I've been out shopping and out to eat a couple times. No one's really looking for me in Natchez so it's been kinda nice."

"We're ready for you now." A man in a crisp white shirt said as he showed the party of 5 back to a private room

"So nice to have you with us this evening Mrs. Jaymes. I'm a big fan. I'm the owner of Gusepi's. If there is anything you need, please just ask."

"So how did ya'll meet?" Rayna asked Vince and Kelly once everyone was seated and comfortable in the back room

"Kelly is a bartender at the Watering Hole, down the street from my place. I was really drunk one night. She was worried after I left the bar, and more when I wasn't on my usual bar stool the next night." Vince smiled at Kelly.

"I couldn't get him off my mind. I asked some of the other bartenders and waitresses if they knew him. Found out where he lived and went to check on him." She said

"I was really hung over and sick. Had pretty much decided I needed to lay off the booze before she showed up, but she helped me. Quit serving me more than 2 drinks a night. If she hadn't been so damn pretty, I probably would have been pissed." Vince laughed

"We started dating about a month later. He's been sober since."

"Wow…well…I'm happy for both of you, and congratulations on the baby. It's gonna change your life in ways you never thought possible. Look how soft Deacon is now that we have kids." Rayna smiled as she watched Deacon coloring and playing with Scarlett at the table.

"What, you talkin about me?" Deacon asked as he looked up from Scarlett.

"No, baby…go back to your coloring." Rayna smiled at how cute and attentive he was with Scarlett as they colored and laughed together.

"The way you two were when Deacon and I first met, I could never have imagined things would turn out the way they are today." Rayna said to Vince

"Having Maddie really changed him in ways I never thought possible, and I hope your little one does the same for you, Vince."

"Rayna, I'm sorry for everything Deke and I put you through all those years ago. We were horrible. All those times you bailed us out of jail. All those nights in at the hospital for broken bones after bar fights, or stomach pumps after too much booze."

"I'm surprised she married your ass after all of that, Deke." Vince joked

"She almost didn't after that trip of ours to New Orleans and being MIA for 8 days, Vince." Deacon said as he recalled his worst bender and memory lapse ever as an alcoholic.

"I got back to Nashville. She'd packed all my shit, and left a note telling me to get the hell out."

"I remember. He was so heartbroken and pissed you were dating that Luke Wheeler guy. He made it big too, didn't he?" Vince asked

"Wheels up. Yeah he's done well for himself." Deacon answered as Rayna felt him tense at the mention of Luke.

"I wasn't dating him. We were just friends. We went out a few times." Rayna clarified and quickly tried to change the subject, as guilt hit her again, knowing she was still keeping things from Deacon about Luke.

She still hadn't figured out how exactly to tell Deacon about the Christmas tracks, the upcoming album Edgehill wanted her to do with Luke, a possible tour next year, and the kiss!

"So have you guys thought about baby names?" she asked Vince and Kelly

"Well for a girl I'd like my mamas name in there somewhere Rosa, and a boy Vince Jr of course." Vince joked as he kissed Kelly's cheek and rubbed her belly.

"I want another baby, Deacon. Remember being like that? You always had your hand on my stomach, and we were so sickeningly in love."

"I'm still sickeningly in love, sweetheart. I just don't think now's the time for another baby. We're gonna have our hands full with 2 little girls. We can practice makin one though!" Deacon joked as he nibbled Rayna's ear lobe.

"I'm serious, Deacon. I really do want another baby sometime. Maybe not now, but in the next couple years when Maddie's in school full time."

"Are you planning to give up your career, Ray?" he asked his blue eyes dead serious.

****silence*****

"I hadn't thought about that part, Deacon. You're not happy with the way things are now?" Rayna asked.

"I'm happy as hell with the years I've had at home with Maddie, Ray. I just kinda always thought when she was a little older I might give my own career another shot, ya know?"

"So, you don't want any more kids?"

"I hadn't really thought about it. I don't think now's the time to think about it, Ray. We have a lot going on. Can we just focus on now for now, please? We'll talk about it more, OK. I'm not sayin no, just no for now." He said as he sensed Rayna was a little hurt at the revelation of no more children.

***silence****

"Ray, please…this isn't a big deal right now. Let's not make it one, OK? I love you, and we'll talk about it more. I promise." He said as he kissed her neck and tried to lighten the mood.

"You're right, Deacon. I guess I just got all excited and wrapped up in the moment with Vince and Kelly's little one."

The mood remained tense between Deacon and Rayna. He knew the baby business wasn't over by a long shot, but he really didn't want another one with things the way they were.

If Rayna was just gonna run off on tour again and continue to work the way she does he couldn't see brining another child into that. He loved Maddie, and having a son would be nice, but he also knew how hurt and upset Maddie was in Rayna's absence and didn't want that for another child.

Plus they had Scarlett now, and he did have dreams of resurrecting his own music career. He couldn't believe Rayna would be so selfish to want another child if she was just gonna run off to be Rayna Jaymes and leave him with 2, possibly 3 kids at home.

"Well…on that note…I think maybe it's time we call it a night." Deacon said sensing the awkward turn the evening had taken.

"Yeah, it is getting kinda late, and we have a big day tomorrow." Rayna agreed.

"I got this." Vince said as Deacon pulled out his wallet.

"I owe you, Deke after all you've done for me over the years."

"OK, then…we'll see everyone tomorrow at the services? Thanks for dinner, Vince, and it was great meeting you, Kelly." Both Rayna and Deacon said as they hugged all around.

The ride back to the house was quiet. Scarlett fell asleep in the back seat. Rayna seemed deep in thought as she stared out the passenger side window.

Deacon carried Scarlett to her bed, and tucked the sleeping child in tight. He kissed her little blonde head. Maddie was a handful. He wondered how he and Rayna were ever going to handle 2 little girls.

"That's just too easy. She never even opened her eyes between the car and bed." Deacon said as he undressed and slid into bed next to Rayna.

"Well, she's been raised a lot differently than Maddie. I think Scarlett has had to play by herself and learn to go to sleep by herself. I don't get the feeling Beverly has been that great of a mother to Scarlett, Deacon."

"Yeah, kinda sounds like mom's been doing it all, and she's been sick for a while. I wish she'd have told us about the headaches. Maybe if she'd seen a doctor…..?" Deacon was tearing up

"Deacon, don't beat yourself up over this. She didn't tell you. There was no way you could have known anything was wrong." Rayna said as she rubbed Deacon's back and shoulders

"You're so tense. Relax. Does that feel better?" Rayna deepened her back massage as she tried to work the knots from Deacon's neck, shoulders, and down his spine.

She'd been massaging for about 10 minutes when she realized he was sound asleep. He was so handsome. She thought about the baby conversation earlier. She really did want another little piece of Deacon.

She'd love to have a little boy with Deacon's deep blue eyes, dark hair, and handsome facial features. Possibly another girl. Maybe it would look more like her. Maddie certainly looked like Deacon. Rayna didn't see any of herself in Maddie's looks.

Deacon glanced at the clock. It was 7:56am. He couldn't believe he'd slept 9 solid hours and hadn't moved a muscle. Rayna was still sound asleep next to him.

It had been a rough a few days. He guessed they were both finally just so exhausted nothing but sleep mattered. He heard a TV on somewhere in the house.

He found Scarlett at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal, watching cartoons, on Frannie's 12 inch kitchen TV.

"I turned on the coffee maker, Uncle Deke." Scarlett pointed to the Mr. Coffee machine full with a fresh pot on the counter.

"Thank you, sweetie. You didn't have to do that. You can wake us up anytime if you want breakfast, or anything. You know that, right?"

"I can do it myself, Uncle Deke. I make gramma coffee all the time. I can get my cereal by myself. Gramma doesn't care as long as I don't use the stove."

"You have us now, kiddo. You don't have to do everything yourself." He said as he kissed the top of Scarlett's head and joined her for a bowl of cereal.

Rayna came down a few minutes later. She poured herself some coffee and sat down with Deacon and Scarlett.

"How did everyone sleep?" she asked

"Great, sorry I fell asleep on you, baby. That massage did me in, thanks." Deacon said as he finished his cereal, kissed Rayna good morning, and headed upstairs to get ready for one of the toughest days of his life.

"I'll be back for you and Scar in a little bit, Ray." He said as he left to pick up Beverly at the hospital, and go to the funeral home for the pre-family viewing.

Beverly's doctor thought the services might be too much for her. He had agreed to let Deacon take her to the funeral home before the services alone to say her final goodbyes, and get some closure.

She was sitting in a wheelchair near the hospital entrance as he pulled up in Rayna's shiny, black Escalade. He was decked out in the expensive suit and crisp black dress shirt Rayna had bought for him.

"Hey, Bev. Are you ready for this?" he asked as she got up and walked toward the SUV.

********silence*******

Deacon helped her into the passenger seat, and shut the door before asking the nurse how she was doing.

"We didn't give her any medication this morning. She's a little edgy. You should probably take the wheelchair, and the doctor wanted to send these pills in case she gets too upset." The nurse told Deacon as he slipped the bottle of pills into his jacket pocket, and loaded the wheelchair into the back.

"OK, thanks. I'll probably have her back in an hour."

"OK, sis. This is it." He said as he started the truck. He squeezed Bev's hand, but she didn't show any reaction.

"Can you talk to me, Bev, Please?" he asked as he drove the few miles to the funeral home.

"Scarlett seems to be doing, OK. We told her about mom, and we're taking her to the funeral. Would you like to see her, before I take you back to the hospital?"

"I don't wanna see her." Bev finally acknowledged Deacon

"Bev, she's a scared little girl. She really could use her mama now."

"I can't, Deke."

"When was the last time you spent any time with her?" Deacon asked.

"I don't know, Deacon. Can we just drop it? She'll be better off with you."

"What, Bev. Now that mom's gone, and you still wanna shirk your responsibilities to your kid, I'm suddenly good enough? For the last 5 years you've told me every chance you got what a rotten son, and brother I've been."

"Guess the truth hurts, Deke."

"If there was anyone else, I wouldn't give her to you, but there isn't."

"What about you, Bev? Are you ever coming back for her? She needs her mom."

"Well, she'll have Rayna. Mrs. Superstar. You and Rayna, and all your money, and fancy cars, and expensive suits. I never thought I'd see you driving a Cadillac, Deacon."

"It's Rayna's car." He was trying to control his temper, but getting irritated with Bev.

"So you're not even gonna see Scarlett before we take her to Nashville?"

"She'll be better off without me, Deacon."

"How can you just walk away from your kid? It's killing me to be away from Maddie long enough for this funeral."

"I guess you're the better parent, Deke. You seem to like playing Mr. Mom while Rayna goes off and does whatever the hell she wants."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Bev?"

"I read the tabloids, Deke. She's been with every guitarist in Nashville."

"Jesus, Bev. None of that shit is true. They come up with a different rumor every other month about who Rayna's fucking. All the pictures are during concerts, and legitimate working relationships."

"What about that Luke Wheeler guy, Deke? The one they call Wheels Up? There were pictures of her having dinner with him. Didn't look like work to me."

"She has dinner with a lot of people. Drop it, alright." Bev had hit a nerve with Luke and she knew it.

"Wasn't she seeing him before you got married?"

"I said drop it."

Deacon got out and slammed the door as they arrived at the funeral parlor.

"You want the wheelchair?" he asked as he opened Bev's door

"No, I'm fine." She said with a smirk knowing she'd gotten to Deacon.

"Good morning. Your mother is right in there. Take your time. Let us know if anything doesn't look right, or needs to be changed. We're very sorry for your loss." The funeral director said as he closed the doors and left Deacon and Bev alone in the viewing room.

"Ray did a nice job." Deacon said as he looked at all the fresh plants and uncut flowers in the room. Just like his mother's prized flower gardens.

"You asked her to plan everything?"

"She just did it. I didn't have to ask."

"Another score for Mrs. Wonderful!" Bev spat sarcastically.

"Look, Bev. I know you have a major beef with me for the way I left, and didn't call, and whatever the hell else I did or didn't do. Rayna is not part of that. She's never done a damn thing wrong to you."

"Can we just drop this little family feud for now, PLEASE? We're burying our mother today. This isn't the time or place for anything else. I'll be in the truck. Come out when you're ready." Deacon said as he left the viewing room.

"Thank you. Everything looks fine. My sister might be a bit." Deacon told the funeral parlor staff as he walked out the front door.

The tears came as he climbed back into the Escalade. They'd done a nice job on Frannie. She was so peaceful looking. He couldn't believe she was really gone. He hadn't had nearly enough time with her the past few years.

He wanted a drink. He had no idea how he was going to make it through the day. Beverly managed to bring up Luke at the worst possible moment. He wasn't aware the tabloids had captured pictures of Rayna's dinner with Luke.

He thought he was over the anger, but Bev had managed to make it bubble to the surface again. He still felt there was more to the California trip than he knew about. It didn't make sense that Rayna hadn't told him, but he pushed the thoughts away again. Today wasn't the day for it.

Bev came out 20 minutes later, tears running down her cheeks.

"You alright?" Deacon asked as he handed her a box of Kleenex

"NO, DEACON. I'M NOT ALRIGHT! MAMA WAS THE ONLY PERSON THAT EVER CARED ABOUT ME, AND SHE'S GONE!" Beverly screamed as the tears fell and all the anger, and pain hit her.

"I'm not gone, and I care." Deacon said as he pulled his sister into his arms and held her tight as she sobbed.

Bev was back in a catatonic state by the time Deacon pulled into the hospital parking lot. She hadn't said a word since they left the funeral parlor. He watched as they wheeled her back into the hospital.

An hour later he walked back into the funeral parlor with Rayna by his side, and a very sad little girl in his arms as they viewed Frannie and tried to explain it all to Scarlett.

"Is she sleeping?"

"No, sweetie. She's never gonna wake up. It's just her body. Her mind and spirit are in heaven watching you. She'll always be with you in here." Deacon said as he placed his hand on Scarlett's little chest.

"I miss her. I want her to come back." Scarlett cried in Deacon's arms

"I know. Me too." He said as he lost his composure and held Scarlett as tight as he could.

The day seemed to drag on forever. The line of sympathetic family, friends, and co-workers just kept coming. Scarlett wanted to be held the whole time. Deacon's arms were so tired by the time the receiving line dwindled and he was finally able to sit with her weight on his lap.

Rayna kept an arm around Deacon through the service, and she ended up driving to the graveyard. He was pretty upset, and she was worried as they left the funeral home.

The day ended at Hunt's. Mrs. Hunt had agreed to close the restaurant to the public for a few hours and host an after services dinner for everyone that attended.

Deacon saw people he hadn't seen in years, and had no idea so many people in town kept tabs on him, and were proud to say he grew up in Natchez, and made it big in Nashville. People loved seeing Rayna, but were respectable of the situation and didn't push the fan antics.

"I think things went pretty well today." Rayna said as she and Deacon got ready for bed.

"Yeah, I guess." Deacon answered clearly still shaken from the day's roller coaster of emotion.

"The worst is over. Home tomorrow to celebrate Thanksgiving, and get Scarlett settled into life with us." Rayna smiled as she ran her fingers through Deacon's hair as they lay in bed.

"What time do you wanna leave in the morning?" Deacon asked as he sat the alarm on the bedside table.

"I told Tandy we'd be there for dinner by 5pm. 8 hour drive. A few stops. We should probably pull out of here by 7am. Don't you think, babe?"

"Yeah, that's fine, Ray. I'll set the alarm for 5am." He said as he finished setting the alarm and kissed Rayna goodnight.

"Thanks again for making all the arrangements today, Ray. It was a beautiful service. She would have loved all the plants and uncut flowers."


	13. Chapter 13

Rayna fell asleep before her head even hit the pillow. Deacon was exhausted, but he just couldn't get his brain to shut off. His arms ached after holding a sad little girl for the better part of the day.

Scarlett had quietly cried in his arms most of the day. He felt so bad for her. He did the only thing he could do, and just held her close for as long as it took.

He layed awake thinking about things…

Maddie, How would she handle another child and sharing her parents? She'd been the center of Deacon's world, and had his undivided attention her whole life.

Scarlett, Another child to deal with. A whole new life for her away from everything she'd always known. A mother that didn't seem to want her, or even care how the kid felt. He knew that feeling, and wanted to do everything he could to make sure Scarlett never suffered the way he did at her age.

JD, the man he grew up with, and the man in the pictures Rayna found. He'd always known hurt and pain associated with JD. He wasn't sure how to process the man in the pictures smiling, and happy with his wife and kids. He was too young to remember that part of JD, and wasn't sure when things changed, or why?

Rayna, the love of his life, the mother of his child. He'd do just about anything Rayna asked, but having another baby didn't feel right. Not the way things were. If that's what Rayna really wanted, she was going to have to make some of the sacrifices this time, and even then he wasn't sure it was a good idea.

Beverly, he'd thought he was a mess. She had him beat by a lot, and he had no idea what the hell he was going to do with her. Leaving her alone in Natchez seemed wrong, but he wasn't sure Nashville was big enough for Beverly and Rayna.

He gave up on sleep and went downstairs. Rayna was so peaceful. He hated to wake her with his tossing and turning.

He tried TV, but nothing much interested him. Bev and Frannie had books and magazines filling 3 huge bookcases in the living room.

He knew Frannie kept a scrap book on his life and every bit of information she could find on him. It was there with the newspapers, magazines and books.

She had been so proud of him. He wished he'd stayed in touch more in the years after leaving home.

As he scanned the magazines he found Bev's tabloid trash. He made it a point to ignore the useless rags in grocery stores, and on newsstands.

Most of what they printed were total lies. Rayna had PR agents that dealt with anything really off the wall if there was a need. Most of the time they just ignored it and the fake story went away without comment, or action.

He flipped through a couple of them just to see what they were saying. Rayna and Tim McGraw were having an affair. He laughed knowing Rayna had yet to even meet Tim, and was pretty good friends with his fiance Faith.

Another had Deacon and Rayna divorcing and in a bitter custody dispute over Maddie. It was dated early July 1997. Pictures of Rayna leaving the Nashville courthouse were displayed.

The pictures were actually several years old and Rayna leaving the courthouse after something with her father's business ventures she'd been subpoenaed for.

Then…there it was…the one he'd subconsciously been looking for. The one Beverly had thrown in his face earlier that day. Luke and Rayna holding hands across a table at an intimate LA restaurant.

Rayna's left hand was clearly visible, and she was wearing her wedding rings. The article title pointed that out, and asked the question how much longer would her marriage to long time love, and former guitarist, Deacon Claybourne last with Luke sized competition.

Beverly had a point. It didn't exactly look innocent, as Luke and Rayna held hands and stared into each others eyes. Deacon took a deep breath and tried to push feelings of anger away.

They'd already had this fight. He'd left for few days. He came back for their anniversary and the CMA's. They'd made up, and agreed not to discuss it again. He knew these tabloids had a way of twisting the truth and making pictures look a lot worse than they were.

He threw the magazine on the coffee table and went back upstairs. He quietly slipped into bed next to his beautiful wife. She was so damn pretty sound asleep with only moonlight barely lighting her face. He found it hard to keep his hands off of her, but she was sleeping so soundly.

He was still sickeningly in love with Rayna. 7 years hadn't changed that no matter what they went through, or how bad things had gotten a few times.

The next time he looked at the clock it was 4:34am. He'd managed to get a couple hours of sleep in, but decided to just get up. The alarm was set for 5am anyway.

He quietly got up without waking Rayna, and peered in on Scarlett, also still sleeping soundly.

After a cup of coffee he started loading the Escalade with tubs Rayna had packed and ready. Between all of the crap she'd bought Scarlett, their luggage, and about 12 plastic tubs he was struggling to fit it all in and still be able to see out the back window. There was still more luggage inside.

"Rough night?" Rayna asked from the porch as he cussed trying to load the car.

"Yeah, just didn't sleep worth a damn." He kissed her cheek as he went back inside for another tub and resumed his cussing tirade to no one in particular. He was just in a bad mood.

"I'll get Scarlett up, and ready. We can just hit a drive through for breakfast, OK?" she asked as he came back for the last tub in the entryway.

"There are more tubs in Scarlett's room, and one with all your mom's papers still in her bedroom."

"DAMMIT, RAYNA! I CAN'T GET MUCH MORE IN THE CAR. DOES SCARLETT REALLY NEED ALL OF THIS SHIT?" He didn't mean to yell, but he was tired, and frustrated, and really just wanted to be home. Driving for the next 8 hours was going to suck!

"I just want her to be surrounded by all of her familiar things at our house." Rayna said as she watched Deacon's melt down.

"OK, I'm sorry sweetheart. I'm just exhausted, and in a bad mood. Ignore me." He tried to smile as he went to the kitchen for more coffee.

He managed to cram the rest of the tubs from Scarlett's room and his mom's paperwork tub into the Escalade.

He was headed upstairs for a quick shower as Rayna and Scarlett finished getting ready and piled more luggage in the hall to be loaded.

He sighed as he saw the pile he still needed to load.

"I hope to hell that's it, Ray. There ain't much more goin in that car, or one of us is gonna have to stay here."

"That's the last of it, Deacon. I promise." Rayna said as she kissed him, and massaged his shoulders. He was a ball of knots and extremely tense.

"Babe, just relax! It's gonna be OK." She tried to reassure him.

"I'm tryin, Ray. I'm just… I dunno… I'm in a really bad mood. Gonna take a hot shower. Maybe that will help." He said as he stomped down the hallway

"Gonna be a GREAT ride home, Deke!" she said sarcastically as he slammed the bathroom door.

30 minutes later he emerged from a steamy bathroom. It was Thanksgiving, and Lamar usually had a comment about his choice of attire. He put on his best black jeans, and black dress boots. Rayna had laid out his dark blue dress shirt. He tucked the shirt in and buckled his belt.

He didn't say a word as he loaded the last of the luggage into the Escalade.

Rayna was just finishing brushing Scarlett's hair as he leaned in her bedroom from the hall.

"We about ready ladies? You look pretty today, sweetie. Is that one of your new dresses aunt Ray got you?" he asked as he tried to lighten up for Scarlett's sake

"Yeah, I got to pick it out." She seemed proud of herself

"Well…you have very good taste."

"I'll be in the truck." He said as he headed for the stairs

He glanced around one last time to make sure they'd gotten everything, all the water was off, lights off, no toilets running.

The tabloid with Rayna and Luke was still laying on the coffee table. He wondered if Rayna had seen the picture. As much as he tried to deny it was bugging him, he just couldn't let it go.

He grabbed the magazine and slipped it into the driver's side door pocket as he climbed into the Escalade.

10 minutes later Scarlett came bounding out of the house. He helped her into Maddie's car seat and buckled her in.

"You all ready for a new adventure, sweetie?" he asked as he nuzzled and kissed the squealing little girl

"Yeah, Uncle Deke." She smiled

They had really started to bond in the past few days. Seeing her smile meant everything to Deacon after the rough past week.

He climbed back into the front seat as Scarlett happily played with her new Barbie dolls behind him.

5 minutes passed…no Rayna

10 minutes passed…still no Rayna

Deacon looked at his cell. It was 7:23am. His irritation with waiting finally got the best of him.

"I'll be right back, Scar." He told the little girl as he got out of the car to see what was keeping Rayna.

"Rayna…RAY…RAY…where the hell are you?"

"I'm coming." She said as she came down the stairs with another box of crap.

"JESUS, RAY…MORE? WHAT THE HELL'S TAKIN SO GODDAMN LONG. I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO BE ON THE ROAD BY 7? IT'S ALMOST 7:30!"

"Calm Down, Deacon, PLEASE? I just wanted to make sure I got everything, and all the water and lights and everything are off."

"I ALREADY CHECKED THE WATER, AND LIGHTS. LET'S JUST GO, ALRIGHT." He said through gritted teeth

"GOOD LORD, DEACON. ARE YOU GONNA BE A CRABASS FOR THE NEXT 8 HOURS?" she asked finally getting irritated with his foul mood.

He took a deep breath and tried to relax as he shuffled Rayna out the door, and locked up the house.

"I'm sorry, baby. It's just been a crappy week. I didn't sleep worth a damn last night. I'm just tense and irritable and….I'm sorry. I don't mean to take it out on you." He said as he climbed back in the Escalade for the umpteenth time that morning.

He started the car, and slid his dark sunglasses on as he pulled out of the drive.

"What do we want for breakfast?" he asked smiling at Scarlett in the rearview mirror

"McDonalds or Hardees?" Rayna suggested something quick.

After a trip through Mickey D's drive thru, 2 extra large coffees, breakfast sandwiches, and more than an hour later than planned they were on their way back to Nashville.

Deacon was quiet. Rayna couldn't read his expression behind the dark sunglasses. She was about to ask if something was bothering him, but thought better to just leave him alone and let him drive.

He was so tense, and his jaw was still set. She figured he was just stressed and upset about his mom and sister. She squeezed his hand reassuringly as she searched for a radio station.

A couple hours passed. Deacon still hadn't said much. Scarlett had fallen asleep behind them. Rayna drifted off to sleep herself.

Another 2 hours passed as she slumbered in the seat next to Deacon.

She woke up 4 hours into the drive. Deacon had the air conditioning on, and it was ice cold in the car. He also had he cruise control set at 90mph.

"Dammit, Deacon. Will you please slow down?" she bitched as she switched the air conditioning off.

"…and why the hell do you have it so cold in here?" she continued to bitch

"Not in the mood, Ray." He answered as he tapped the brake pedal and reset the cruise to 80mph, and switched the air back on low.

"For Christ sake Deacon, It's almost December. Do you really need the air on?"

"I'm tired as hell, Ray. I'm just tryin to stay awake."

"Well, I'M FREEZING, and poor Scarlett is turning blue back there!" Rayna snapped and shut the air off again.

"Why didn't you just wake me up? I can drive the rest of the way if you wanna try to sleep?"

"I kinda liked the quiet." He said more viciously than intended.

"Oh and what is that suppose to mean?'

'Well, you've done nothin but bitch since your damn eyes popped open."

"OK, you know what, Deacon? I've had enough of this mood you're in. What is the problem? There is obviously something bothering you?"

"I'm FINE, RAY! Just go back to sleep alright?"

"I need to pee, and Scarlett probably does to. Will you please pull into a gas station?"

"She's sound asleep, Ray. Leave her alone."

"She might as well try to go, otherwise we'll just have to stop again when she wakes up."

"Yeah, alright, I guess we do need gas." He said as he pulled off the interstate to look for a gas station.

20 minutes later, gassed up, everyone had peed. Scarlett had candy and a soda Deacon had let her pick out while Rayna was in the restroom. He had coffee and chips.

"Candy and soda, Deacon?" Rayna irritatedly said as she got back in the car.

"We've talked about this with Maddie. I thought you were gonna stop with the constant sweets?"

Deacon didn't respond as he started the Escalade, put his sunglasses on, and pulled back onto the highway.

Rayna sat seething for the next 30 minutes in silence. She didn't want to fight in front of Scarlett. Luckily, the little girl fell back asleep as soon as she finished her candy and soda.

"Soooo…are you gonna tell me what's bothering you?" Rayna asked again.

******silence**********

"Deacon, PLEASE…Come on. I hate it when you get this way. What's wrong?"

"For one, you've done nothin but bitch at me since you woke up 2 damn hours ago."

"You were a crabass before we ever left Natchez, Deacon."

The week had taken it's toll on Deacon. He was trying so hard to hold it all in, but this 8 hour drive fighting with Rayna, and the thought of spending an evening with Lamar, when he was already pissed off and exhausted, was more than he could take. He unloaded on Rayna.

"YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW, RAY, HUH?"

"YES, DEACON! IF YOU CAN GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST AND LGHTEN THE HELL UP THAT'D BE GREAT."

"YOU DO NOTHIN BUT BITCH AT ME WHERE MADDIE IS CONCERNED AND NOW SCARLETT."

"I'M SORRY I'M SUCH A GODDAMN ROTTEN PARENT, RAY"

"STAY THE HELL HOME AND RAISE EM YOURSELF, OR GET OFF MY BACK. I'M THE ONE THAT'S BEEN THERE WITH MADDIE FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS, AND EVEN WHEN YOU'RE HOME, YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE OFF DOING PROMOS, AND YOUR NEXT DAMN ALBUM"

"DEACON, THAT'S NOT FAIR."

"YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT FAIR, RAY? I GAVE UP MY CAREER TO RAISE MADDIE. I TOOK THE FALL AND LET EDGEHILL FIRE MY ASS TO SAVE YOUR CAREER. IS THAT FAIR?"

"DEACON, I NEVER ASKED YOU TO DO THAT."

"YOU PROMISED AFTER THE EUROPEAN LEG OF THE TOUR, YOU'D BE HOME, NO WORK FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR. NOW YOU RUSH OFF WHNEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO WORK AND ANYTIME EDGEHILL SAYS JUMP."

"THEN, THE NIGHT BEFORE WE BURY MY MOTHER YOU TELL ME YOU WANT ANOTHER BABY. WHAT THE HELL FOR, RAY? DOESN'T SEEM LIKE YOU WANNA CHANGE ANYTHING. YOU'RE JUST GONNA RUN OFF ON TOUR AND BE TOO BUSY WORKING TO PAY ANY ATTENTION TO IT. JUST LIKE MADDIE."

"SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN, DEACON? THAT I'VE ABANDONED MADDIE AND YOU?"

"I DROPPED EVERYTHING THIS PAST WEEK, DEACON, AND CAME DOWN HERE WITH YOU TO HELP WITH YOUR MOM, YOUR SISTER, SCARLETT."

"I DIDN'T SAY A WORD WHEN YOU AGREED TO TAKE ANOTHER KID WITHOUT TALKING TO ME FIRST."

"WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE, RAY? WE'E GONNA GET BACK TO NASHVILLE AND YOU'RE GONNA RUN OFF TO WORK AND MADDIE AND SCARLETT ARE GONNA BE MY PROBLEM."

"…AND YOU SERIOUSLY WANT ANOTHER BABY?"

"I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, RAY. THE WAY THINGS ARE. I DON'T. WE'RE NOT HAVIN ANOTHER KID."

"OH SO THAT'S IT. YOU JUST GET TO DECIDE, DEACON. I DON'T HAVE A SAY?"

"NOT IF I'M THE ONE AT HOME RAISIN IT, YOU DON'T, RAY"

"…AND WHEN WE GET HOME…I NEED SOME SERIOUS STUDIO TIME. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE GIRLS. BELCORT IS ON MY ASS FOR MATERIAL BY THE END OF THE YEAR. I DON'T HAVE IT. I NEED SOME SERIOUS WRITING TIME."

"WELL I CAN'T JUST DROP EVERYTHING WITH MY ALBUM, DEACON."

"THEN WE'LL HIRE A NANNY."

"I'VE SAID I DON'T' WANT A NANNY RAISING MADDIE, DEACON. WE TALKED ABOUT THAT."

"WE'VE TALKED ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS, RAY. HOW MANY PROMISES HAVE YOU BROKEN, HUH?"

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU PROMISED MADDIE YOU'D MAKE A RECITAL, OR SCHOOL PROGRAM, OR PLAY DATE AND NOT COME THROUGH?"

"THAT'S NOT FAIR, DEACON. YOU KNOW I'VE TRIED TO BE THERE AS MUCH AS I COULD." Rayna was crying now.

"REALLY, RAY? WHAT ABOUT AUGUST, THE NIGHT WITH LUKE, IN CALIFORNIA?" He asked his own voice cracking now.

"DEACON. I THOUGHT WE SETTLED THAT? WE SAID WE WOULDN'T BRING IT UP AGAIN. WE HAD THIS FIGHT 2 MONTHS AGO. WHY DO WE NEED TO REHASH IT ALL OVER AGAIN NOW?"

"HAVE YOU BEEN COMPLETELY HONEST WITH ME ABOUT THAT NIGHT, RAY?" he'd taken his sunglasses off. Deacon's eyes were an icy blue.

*******silence*********

Rayna was wondering where he was going with this. She knew they needed to talk about Luke and the Christmas tracks she'd already layed down with him. The album and possible tour Edgehill wanted with her and Luke…the kiss?

Deacon was already pissed. He was pretty much captive at this point on an interstate driving. Luckily Scarlett was somehow sleeping through the yelling, as Deacon unloaded 2 years of frustrations on her.

She wanted to come clean and confess everything, but she was sure he'd pack and leave as soon as they got home if she did.

"WELL?" He asked

"Deacon, PLEASE…I said I was sorry for not telling you I was in California. We made up. Can't that be enough?"

He pulled the magazine from the driver's side door pocket and threw it on Rayna's lap.

"YOU WANNA EXPLAIN THAT PICTURE?" he asked with such a cold demeanor to match his icy gaze

"It's a tabloid, Deacon! You know they make things out to be a lot more than they are?"

"Pictures don't really lie, Ray. Since when does dinner with a friend require you to hold hands?" he'd stopped yelling. He was just more hurt now than anything as Rayna stared at the picture not saying anything.

"I don't wanna fight anymore, Rayna. I'm so goddamn exhausted after this week. We've argued about all this shit before and we'll probably argue about it again. I just wanna get home, and relax."

"Do you feel better after unloading all of that?" Rayna asked

"I don't know if I feel better, or if I'm just too tired to care right now, Ray."

Neither of them said anything for the next 45 minutes. They had an hour left in the car to go. Thanksgiving dinner at Tandy's, then home to relax after a crazy emotional week, and now a huge fight.

The radio station Deacon was listening to started to fade and become more static than anything. They were close enough to pick up local Nashville stations now.

Deacon changed to his favorite WSM 650 just as the DJ announced:

_Happy Thanksgiving Nashville_

_The holidays are here_

_How about we kick off the season with some new Christmas music?_

_Who's going black Friday shopping tomorrow?_

_Here's a little something to get you in the mood to go, or maybe to stay in with someone special_

_Rayna Jaymes and Luke Wheeler with "Baby It's Cold Outside"_


	14. Chapter 14

_I really can't stay  
But, baby, it's cold outside  
I've got to go away  
But, baby, it's cold outside  
This evening has been  
Been hoping that you'd drop in  
So very nice  
I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice  
My mother will start to worry  
Beautiful, what's your hurry?  
My father will be pacing the floor  
Listen to the fire place roar  
So really I'd better scurry  
Beautiful, please don't hurry  
But maybe just half a drink more  
Put some records on while I pour_

_The neighbors might think  
Baby, it's bad out there  
Say what's in this drink?  
No cabs to be had out there  
I wish I knew how  
Your eyes are like starlight now  
To break the spell  
I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell  
I ought to say no no no, sir  
Mind if I move in closer?  
At least I'm gonna say that I tried  
What's the sense in hurting my pride?  
I really can't stay  
Baby, don't hold out  
Oh, but it's cold outside_

_I simply must go  
But, baby, it's cold outside  
The answer is "No"  
But, baby, it's cold outside  
This welcome has been  
How lucky that you dropped in  
So nice and warm  
Look out the window at that storm  
My sister will be suspicious  
Gosh your lips look delicious  
My brother will be there at the door  
Waves upon a tropical shore  
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious  
Ooh your lips are delicious  
But maybe just a cigarette more  
Never such a blizzard before_

_I've got to get home  
But, baby, you'll freeze out there  
Say, lend me a coat?  
It's up to your knees out there  
You've really been grand  
I thrill when you touch my hand  
But don't you see  
How can you do this thing to me?  
There's bound to be talk tomorrow  
Think of my life-long sorrow  
At least there will be plenty implied  
If you got pneumonia and died  
I really can't stay  
Get over that hold out_

_Oh, (baby) but it's cold outside_

Deacon didn't say a word, but his face said it all as he listened to his wife sing a very flirty, provocative version of Baby It's Cold Outside with Luke.

Rayna wasn't sure what to say. She knew Deacon was pissed.

"….and it's a lot colder in here." She said trying to lighten the heavy mood, as Deacon's demeanor darkened.

She thought things couldn't get any worse.

The DJ came back on:

_Wow, what a sultry version of Baby It's Cold Outside_

_Let's hope they make a video _

_That was Luke Wheeler and Rayna Jaymes_

_Tune in Monday morning at 8am as we interview Luke live and on the air here at WSM 650_

_He'll tell us all about his recent work with Rayna, and also share some exclusive firsts about an upcoming album they're working on together and a possible tour next year._

_We can't wait_

_What a great show that would be both Luke and Rayna together for one amazing show_

_You'll hear all details from the man himself Monday 8am here on WSM 650_

Deacon's face was bright red. He'd floored the accelerator without even thinking about it, and had the Escalade up to 95mph.

"Deacon, please slow down! Scarlett is in the car." Rayna begged almost in tears

"I'm sorry. I was trying to figure out how to tell you about everything going on with Luke and Edgehill when we got that call about your mom and …."

"I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT, RAYNA. JUST SHUT UP. I'VE HEARD ENOUGH." He cut her off as she started crying.

"Deacon, PLEASE…just let me ex….."

"DAMMIT RAYNA, I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANOTHER GOADDAMN WORD. YOU'VE DONE NOTHING BUT LIE TO ME SINCE THE DAY YOU GOT BACK FROM EUROPE. JUST SHUT THE HELL UP, PLEASE!"

Deacon was in complete disbelief. After the fight about California and Luke a couple months ago, he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Rayna had continued to keep so many more things from him. He thought they were in a better place and had an understanding about honesty.

30 minutes passed. Rayna quietly sobbed in the passenger seat as the mile markers whizzed by taking them closer to Nashville. She was sure Deacon would pack his bags, and leave her as soon as they got home.

Deacon glanced in the rearview mirror and noticed Scarlett was awake. He hoped she hadn't heard them fighting.

"Hey, sweetie. Did you have a good nap?" he asked in the calmest voice he could manage.

"Yeah, but I have to go potty."

"OK, baby. There's a rest stop in a few miles. Can you hold it just a few more minutes?"

"Yeah, but hurry. I really hafta go, Uncle Deke."

Deacon barely got the Escalade in park, unlocked the doors, and turned the key off when Scarlett bolted and ran for the rest room.

Both he and Rayna quickly got out to follow her.

"I'll go, Decacon." Rayna said as she tried to swallow a lump in her throat and wipe her tears away. She'd been crying silently for the last 40 minutes as Deacon did his best to ignore her.

"FINE, GO!" He snapped

"Deacon, please…" she pleaded as he turned away from her and walked back towards the car.

"FUCK, GODDAMMIT." He yelled as he punched the front driver's side fender, leaving a fist sized dent in Rayna's shiny black Escalade.

Rayna watched his act of rage helplessly, and turned to go help Scarlett.

Deacon was sitting on the back bumper with his head in his hands as Rayna buckled Scarlett back into the car seat. She handed her some toys and books.

"Here, baby. Play for a few minutes, OK. I'll be right back." She told Scarlett as she closed the back door and joined Deacon on the bumper.

He didn't even bother to look at her.

"You're awfully cute when you're mad at me." She tried to lighten his mood as her voice cracked and the tears started falling again.

"Yeah, well…I bet I'm just fuckin adorable right about now then." He said as he got up to get back in the car, without even looking at Rayna.

"Deacon…I know you're mad as hell, and you have every right to be, but….."

"MAD, RAY?...MAD DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW. I WAS MAD 2 MONTHS AGO. I'M SO DAMN PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW, I DON'T EVEN WANNA TRY TO WORK THIS OUT."

"Deacon, please don't say that. I love you. I need you. It'll kill me if…" she broke down in tears at the thought that Deacon might actually consider really leaving her.

"I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D PUSH ME TO THIS POINT, RAYNA." He had tears in his icy blue eyes as he looked at her for the first time in almost an hour.

"Let's just get in the damn car, and go, alright. I'm not gonna stand here on the side of the damn road arguing." He said a little calmer as he climbed back into the driver's seat, and slammed the door, leaving Rayna sobbing alone on the bumper.

5:13pm Deacon parked the Escalade in Tandy's driveway in Nashville. Rayna had collected herself enough to attempt a family Thanksgiving.

Deacon helped Scarlett out of the backseat, and the 3 of them went to the front door.

"Daddddyyyyyyyyyy" a very happy Maddie bounded into Deacon's arms as she shrieked with joy.

"Hey, sweetie. Daddy missed you sooooo much." He said as he kissed and hugged his little girl as tight as he could for several minutes.

He handed her to Rayna to repeat the same process with her, as he scooped Scarlett into his arms to re-introduce cousins who hadn't seen each other in almost a year.

Tandy knew as soon as she saw Rayna's face something was wrong. She ushered her into her bedroom the first chance she got.

"What's wrong, Rayna?"

"He's gonna leave me." She started to sob uncontrollably again as Tandy pulled her into a hug.

"Honey, I'm sure Deacon is NOT gonna leave you. What happened?" she ask.

"He knows about the Christmas tracks, and the album, and possible tour with Luke."

"Well, I hardly think that's reason to leave you." Tandy said reassuringly as she rubbed Rayna's back.

"I didn't tell him. He heard it all on a radio station." She said between sobs.

"…and that's not the worst part. Apparently a photographer from one of those shady tabloids took this of me with Luke." Rayna said as she pulled the tabloid from her purse and handed it to Tandy.

"So, Deacon has seen this?" Tandy asked

"…what about the kiss, Rayna? Does Deacon know about that?"

"No, and he CAN'T find out. He'll never forgive me." She began sobbing again.

"Well, honey…maybe it would be best to get it all out there. He's already mad. That'll give him time to deal with all of it now."

"He doesn't even wanna talk about it, or try to work things out. What's the point?"

"Rayna, Deacon loves you. You know he has a temper, and needs time to process things. I'm sure it's all gonna be OK. Give him some time"

By the time Rayna and Tandy came out of the bedroom Deacon had both girls on his lap. They were smiling and playing. He was doing his best to make sure Maddie felt OK with a new child competing for her daddy's attention, and at the same time including Scarlett as if she were his own.

His ability with the children continued to amaze Rayna. She wasn't sure how he could completely compartmentalize the different parts of his life, and be so loving and caring with the kids and so cold and unfeeling with her all at the same time, but she was thankful he wanted to protect Maddie and Scarlett from their problems.

"That was an amazing dinner, Tandy. Do you need any help cleaning up?" Deacon asked as he got up from the table.

"No, go spend some time with Maddie. She's really missed her daddy."

Deacon was surprised Lamar was actually civil to him. They'd had their issues over the years. Lamar never felt Deacon was good enough for Rayna.

Tandy had told Lamar about Deacon's mother and asked him to be respectful and put his issues with Deacon aside for the evening.

"I'm sorry about your mother, Deacon." Lamar said as Deacon returned to the living room.

"Well, thank you, Lamar. It's been a pretty tough week. I'm just glad to be home, and back with Maddie."

"You're a great father, Deacon. I wish I'd been better when Rayna and Tandy were little. I know we have our differences, but when it comes to my granddaughter I couldn't ask for a better father for her."

"I'm not sure what to say, Lamar. Thank you. Maddie is my life. I wouldn't give up the last couple years at home with her for anything."

Maddie and Scarlett came running into the living room.

"Daddy, Grandpa, aunt Tandy says we can make hot fudge sundae's for dessert. Do you want some?" Maddie asked

"That would be wonderful, sweetie. How about you make me one?"

"I'll take one too, Scarlett. How about you make grandpa one?" Lamar said to Scarlett trying to make her feel welcome.

A few minutes later the girls came back with sundae's for Deacon and Lamar.

"We put sprinkles and extra fudge on them." They both exclaimed proud of their creations

Lamar actually had both girls on his lap reading to them when Rayna came in the living room to say it was time to go home.

"Say bye to Grandpa and aunt Tandy, and get your jackets." Rayna told the girls.

Deacon didn't say a word to Rayna on the 2 mile drive home. The girls were chattering in the backseat still getting reacquainted.

It was almost 9pm by the time Deacon pulled into the garage at home.

"OK girls. It's already getting late. Bath time, and bed time." Rayna said as they bolted from the car with plans to play on their minds

"Can we take a bath in your bubble tub mama?" Maddie asked

"I think that would be a great idea for tonight. We can get you both in there at once, and off to bed for a story quicker. How does that sound?"

Rayna had the girls in the Jacuzzi tub in the master bath playing, and laughing as Deacon unloaded the Escalade.

When he finally came upstairs Rayna was reading to them. He decided to take a quick shower to relax under the hot water. He was happy to be home, but things were very strained between him and Rayna.

Deacon wanted to get in his truck and go to the cabin to be alone, but he couldn't do that to Maddie or Scarlett. He'd have to deal with being under the same roof with Rayna, at least for now.

20 minutes later he heard Rayna tell the girls it was time to go to sleep. They were both in Maddie's queen sized bed.

"OK, we're gonna try letting you stay in the same room tonight, but you need to go to sleep. If you can't be good Scarlett's gonna have to stay in the guest room." Rayna told the still chatty little girls.

"I want my kiss from Daddy." He heard Maddie say as he sat at the foot of he and Rayna's bed.

"Did I hear my name?" Deacon said as he entered Maddies's room to say good night

Deacon flopped in the middle of the bed between the girls. He nuzzled and kissed both of them with his scruff. They were both giggling hysterically.

Rayna left the room as the tears started to fall again. Deacon hadn't even looked her direction.

"OK, time to calm down and go to sleep." He said as he tucked them both in tight.

"Will you play a song, daddy?"

"Sure, baby. Been workin on a new one." He grabbed his guitar from the corner and sat down.

**"Holes In The Floor Of Heaven" Blake Shelton**

One day shy of 8 years old, grandma passed away.  
I was a broken hearted little boy, blowin out that birthday cake.  
How I cried when the sky let go, with a cold and lonesome rain,  
Momma smiled said don't be sad child, grandma's watchin you today.

'Cause there's holes in the floor of heaven and her tears are pourin down  
that's how you know she's watchin, wishing she could be here now.  
and sometimes if your lonely, just remember she can see,  
there's holes in the floor of heaven, and she's watchin over you and me.

Season's come and seasons go, nothing stays the same.  
I grew up, fell in love, met a girl who took my name.  
Year by Year, made a life in this sleepy little town.  
I thought we'd grow old together, lord I sure do miss her now!

'Cause there's holes in the floor of heaven and her tears are pourin down  
that's how you know she's watchin, wishing she could be here now.  
and sometimes if your lonely, just remember she can see,  
there's holes in the floor of heaven, and she's watchin over you and me. 

But there's holes in the floor of heaven, and her tears are pourin down.  
That's how I know she's watchin, wishing she could be here now.  
And sometimes when I'm lonely, I remember she can see,  
there's holes in the floor of heaven, and she's watchin over you and me.

Well my little girl is 23, I walk her down the aisle,  
Its a shame her mom can't be here now, to see her lovely smile.  
They throw the rice, I catch her eye,  
As the rain starts comin down.  
She takes my hand says daddy don't be sad, 'cause I know Momma is watchin now.  
And there's holes in the floor of heaven, and her tears are pourin down.  
thats how you know she's watchin, wishin she could be here now.  
And sometimes when I'm lonely, I remember she can see,  
Yes, there's holes in the floor of heaven, and she's watchin over you and me.

Watchin over you and me  
Watchin over you and me  
Watchin over you and me.

"Is that about gramma, Uncle Deke?"

"Yeah, baby. It is."

"Do you think she's watching?"

"I think she'll always be with us, Scarlett." Deacon tried to reassure her.

"One more, daddy, pppllleeeeeaaasseeee?" Maddie begged.

"OK, sweetie. Any requests?"

"Kiss the girl, from the little mermaid, daddy?"

"Where's mama? You always kiss her at the end."

"How about I just kiss you guys this time? I think moms kinda tired." He lied to avoid a kiss with Rayna

There you see her  
Sitting there across the way  
She don't got a lot to say  
But there's something about her  
And you don't know why  
But you're dying to try  
You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her  
Look at her, you know you do  
It's possible she wants you, too  
There is one way to ask her  
It don't take a word  
Not a single word  
Go on and kiss the girl

Sing with me now  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
My, oh, my  
Look at the boy too shy  
He ain't gonna kiss the girl  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Ain't that sad  
Ain't it shame, too bad  
You gonna miss the girl

Now's your moment  
Floating in a blue lagoon  
Boy, you better do it soon  
No time will be better  
She don't say a word  
And she won't say a word  
Until you kiss the girl

Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Don't be scared  
You got the mood prepared  
Go on and kiss the girl  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Don't stop now  
Don't try to hide it how  
You wanna kiss the girl  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Float along  
Listen to the song  
The song say kiss the girl  
Sha-la-la-la-la-la  
Music play  
Do what the music say  
You wanna kiss the girl

You've got to kiss the girl  
Why don't you kiss the girl  
You gotta kiss the girl  
Go on and kiss the girl

"OK, go to sleep girls. I love you both very much. Night night." Deacon leaned over for a final nuzzle and kiss from each.

Rayna had been laying in bed listening on the baby monitor. She hoped Deacon would come to bed with her, but her heart sank when she heard the guest room door close.

She knew she'd hurt him, and it was going to take some time to fix things if it was even possible.

She missed him being next to her, but she was thankful he'd stayed. She was so afraid he'd pack, and leave her as soon as they got home.

She quietly cried herself to sleep hoping they could somehow work things out.


	15. Chapter 15

A few weeks had passed since Thanksgiving. Scarlett had settled into life with the Claybourne family and was doing well. Rayna had enrolled her in preschool with Maddie on Mon, Wed, and Fri afternoons. They were waiting on the final paperwork to gain full, legal custody of Scarlett.

Rayna was still working on her album, and had started working with Luke on the dual release album.

Deacon wasn't happy about any of it, but he was barely speaking to her even after a few weeks. The conversations they did have were about the kids and schedules. He had moved all of his clothes and personal items out of the master bedroom, and was sleeping in the guest room.

They had a state of the art home studio, but Deacon had rented a studio downtown to work on his writing, and recording for Belcort. He said it was to get away from the kids and distractions at home, but Rayna knew he was avoiding her.

He was still doing his Thur night Bluebird gig, and Rayna suspected he was drinking quite a bit on Thur nights. He was coming in late, and Fri was the one morning per week he didn't get up with the girls. In fact, Rayna rarely saw him before 3pm on Fridays.

The first Fri he had done it caused a fight. He was normally the one to get up on Mon, Wed, and Fridays to get Maddie to preschool. Rayna usually ran off to Edgehill and left him to deal with Maddie, but he was sick of her dumping everything on him. He was pissed, and it was her turn to deal with some of it.

(A Fri morning 3 weeks earlier)

The girls were up and jabbering in the kitchen. Deacon was normally downstairs making breakfast. Rayna had come down for her morning coffee and was surprised the girls were alone in the kitchen, making a mess.

"Where's daddy?" Rayna asked as she scanned the milk and cereal mess on the kitchen table in front of the girls.

"I dunno. He isn't up yet." Maddie had said.

"Why aren't either of you dressed? You have school today." She said as she scanned the still pajama clad girls.

Rayna had stomped up the stairs and tried to open a locked bedroom door.

"Deacon, DEACON…..DEACON dammit Deacon open this door." She yelled, and pounded on the door, but he just ignored her.

Over an hour later he came downstairs still in his pajamas. By then a very frustrated Rayna was running late. The girls were late for school. She'd barely had time to get ready for her day because she had to get the girls dressed and ready.

A normal day in the Claybourne house consisted of Deacon getting Maddie ready for school as Rayna leisurely, and at her own pace did her hair, nails, and makeup. She was used to getting her cup of coffee and going back upstairs to do her thing while Deacon got Maddie ready and drove her to school.

"Morning girls." Deacon had said as he got some coffee, the paper, and retreated to the living room to flop in his chair. All while Rayna watched in confusion.

Rayna was pissed by that point and stormed into the living room.

"Deacon, what the hell is your problem? You know the girls have school today." She'd said as he barely looked up from the paper.

"Well, you know what, Ray…hire a damn nanny! I told you I need help. I need to work on my writing, and recording. You can either pick up the slack yourself, or we'll hire help. Friday mornings are your problem from now on. I don't think one goddamn morning a week is too much to ask."

"Sooo, you plan to drink Thur nights and just not get up Fri mornings now, Deacon?" she asked irritated as hell, as he sat in his pajamas at 11:05am while she rushed to get the girls out the door. Preschool started at 11.

"Pretty much." He sniped sarcastically

"Which has WHAT to do with writing, or studio time?" Rayna was getting pissed, but he ignored her.

"If you wanted me to take care of the girls on Fridays all you had to do was ask, Deacon! Was all this really necessary? You made your point, happy now?"

"Don't forget you need to pick them up at 3, Ray."

"Deacon, I can't. I'll be in the studio till at least 5."

"Alright, Ray. I'll do it today, but just so you know. I took a job at the opry as house band leader. I'll be busy Tue, Fri, and Sat nights plus special events. Oh and Thur for the Bluebird still. Hire the damn nanny, or you're gonna need to be here those nights."

"Deacon! You know I can't get away sometimes till later in the evening."

"FINE, RAYNA…I'll set up some interviews for nannies. I'm not at your beckon call anymore. I told you I'm tired of this shit. Did you think I was kidding? Try me?" he said as he stomped back up the stairs to go back to bed.

"How could you take a job 3 nights a week without talking to me about it, Deacon?" She said as he got to the top of the stairs.

"DO YOU REALLY WANNA GO THERE, RAY? NOW THAT IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND, YOU'RE THE ONE STUCK WITH THE KIDS, IT'S A PROBLEM, HUH? IMAGINE THAT!" He retorted as he slammed the bedroom door.

"DAMMIT, DEACON…" she screamed in disbelief that he was dumping all this on her now while she tried to get 2 albums finished.

"I'll pick the girls up today and take them out for dinner, but I need to be at the Ryman by 6. I'll drop em off here or at Edgehill after dinner. You let me know where you want em." He said through the crack as he opened the door just a little.

"GREAT, FINE, DEACON! NICE GAME YOU'RE PLAYING HERE. YOU'RE PISSED, SO NOW YOU'RE GONNA PURPOSELY BE AS DIFFICULT AS YOU CAN." She yelled as she stormed through the kitchen, slammed the garage and car doors as she left with the kids for school.

Rayna was adamant about not having a nanny. She rearranged her schedule to be with the girls on Friday mornings so Deacon could sleep in after his Thur night drinking. Also on Tue, Thur, Fri, and Sat nights she made it a point to be done in the studio by 3pm or have the girls brought to her at Edgehill.

Everyone seemed to settle into the new schedule. Rayna grudgingly picked up the slack when Deacon was busy. Friday mornings still pissed her off, but it was one day a week. Deacon was up and taking care of Scarlett and Maddie the other 6 days of the week.

Rayna handled baths and bedtimes Tue, Thur, Fri, and Sat nights. Deacon did it Sun, Mon, and Wed. The school pick up was a regular battle for whoever was able to get away at 3pm. Neither were all that happy sleeping in separate rooms and seemingly living separate lives under the same roof, barely speaking, but both were stubborn.

Finally the weekend before Christmas Rayna decided enough was enough. It had been a month. She was tired of living separate lives in limbo. Deacon barely looked at her, much less wanted to talk about things. She wanted to work things out. She loved and missed him, but it was killing her not knowing where they really stood in their marriage.

Deacon was out doing the Sat night opry at the Ryman. He usually got home by midnight. She had let the girls stay up a little later, hoping they'd sleep later in the morning. She made sure they were bathed and in their pajamas early, but let them stay up till 11:30.

"What's goin on, Ray?" Deacon asked as he entered the kitchen to candlelight, wine, and some of his favorite cheese and expensive chocolates a little after 12am.

"We need to talk, Deacon."

"What are you flying the white surrender flag here tonight?" he sarcastically asked as he put his guitar down, and took off his jacket and boots.

He flipped on the bright kitchen lights, killing the mood Rayna was trying to set.

"Deacon, please…Don't be a jerk!" She pleaded as his demeanor remained as icy as it had been for the past month.

"Where do we stand, Deacon? What do you want from me?" she asked with tears threatening, but she was determined to stay strong, and not end up crying pathetically alone in the kitchen.

He took a deep breath, and blew it back out still not moving far from the door. He had his arms crossed as he stared at her contemplating what to say next.

"I don't know, Rayna."

"What do you mean…you don't know? It's been a month. Are you happy living this way?" she asked imploring him for some kind of answer or explanation about the future of their marriage.

"Not really, but with the girls…I…I don't really know what to do, Ray."

*****silence*******

"I can't keep living like this, Deacon. If you don't wanna work things out then we need to make some decisions." She said as she blew out the candles and put the cheese and chocolates away.

"Yeah, you're right. We do." He agreed still not moving from his spot by the door.

"I'm going to bed." She said, seeking the solace of her Jacuzzi tub where she could cry alone, and not completely break down in front of Deacon.

Edgehill had been bugging Rayna to do some PR outings with Luke. He'd already done several radio spots, and a few red carpet events for other artists where he plugged the upcoming album and tour with Rayna.

After Deacon's rejection the night before she needed to get away for a couple days, and he was free to take the girls till his Tue night opry gig.

Deacon came down early Sunday morning like he always did to make a big breakfast for the girls and Rayna. He was surprised to see Rayna already dressed, with coffee in hand writing a letter at the table. He then noticed the suitcase by the front door, and a limo in the driveway.

"What's this, Ray?" he asked pointing to the suitcase, as he poured his first cup of coffee.

"I didn't think you'd be up so early. I was just leaving you a note."

"OK, well…I'm up. Forget the note. Tell me what's going on."

"You're free till your Tue night opry gig, right? Edgehill has been bugging me to make some promotional appearances. I'll be back by Tue night." She said as Deacon's face started to turn red.

"With HIM?" he asked.

****silence*****

"ANSWER ME, RAYNA?"

"YES, DEACON! LUKE IS WAITING IN THE LIMO."

Deacon didn't say another word as Rayna put on her coat on and wheeled her suitcase out the front door.

She hadn't made it off the porch when she heard Deacon's coffee cup shatter against the kitchen wall, and hit the tile floor.


	16. Chapter 16

"Good morning, Mrs. Jaymes." Frank the limo driver greeted Rayna as he opened the door for her, and took her suitcase to the trunk.

"Mornin, Sugar." Luke smiled wide as Rayna collapsed into the seat next to him, trying to smile and fight back tears.

"I got you a cup of coffee, black's the way you like it right? Also some of these muffins you rave about from that Puffy Muffin place. Did I get that, right?" Luke asked as he offered Rayna breakfast.

"Thanks, Luke. You didn't have to go through all that trouble. It's very sweet of you to remember what I like." She said her voice cracking as she finally lost her composure over everything going wrong with Deacon and her marriage.

"Oh, hey, sweetie if I got the wrong muffins…we can stop somewhere else." He joked as he looked at Rayna sympathetically as she began to sob uncontrollably in the seat next to him.

"Sugar, what's wrong?"

"Rayna, please…what's the matter?" he asked as he closed the privacy shield between them and the driver.

Rayna was shaking, and sobbing. Luke had no idea what to say, or do as he watched helplessly.

"I think Deacon's about to leave me." She finally managed as she regained her composure.

"I hardly doubt that, sugar." He laughed.

"That man has been madly in love with you for a long time."

"I used to think so, but we're having problems. He barely looks my direction now. We can't seem to have a conversation without fighting. He moved into the guest room a month ago. I tried to talk to him, smooth things over last night. He…" she couldn't speak anymore the lump in her throat was suffocating.

"Honey, C'mere. He's a damn fool if he's even thinking about letting you go." Luke pulled her into his arms and held her as she sobbed and soaked his crisp white shirt with tears.

"Look at me, Rayna. All marriages hit rough patches. I'm sure things will all work out." He said as he looked into her eyes and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

At home Deacon was doing his best to get his anger under control before the girls got up. He wanted to smash every piece of furniture in sight.

He wished he still had a bottle of Jack hidden somewhere in the house. He remembered Rayna had a bottle of wine last night. Before he could stop himself he had the bottle in his hand.

"Daddy…daddy….I heard glass break. I got scared and had an accident…." Deacon put the bottle back in the fridge and turned around to a crying Maddie. She had peed the bed and her pajamas were soaked as she stood crying in the kitchen doorway.

"I'm sorry sweetie. Daddy dropped a coffee cup, and it broke. I didn't mean to scare you. Let's get you cleaned up." He took a deep breath, and shuffled a crying Maddie upstairs.

"I'm sorry, daddy." Maddie sobbed ashamed of her accident as Deacon stripped her clothes off, and all her bedding taking it to the laundry room.

"It's OK, baby. It was an accident. I'm not mad at you. Let's get you in the tub." He smiled as he lifted her into the bathtub.

He started the soiled load of laundry as Maddie happily played in the tub. He got some fresh clothes for her and went back to get her out.

"Where's mama?" Maddie asked as Deacon dried her off.

"She had to leave for a couple days for work. She'll be back before you know it."

"She didn't say goodbye. She ALWAYS kisses me goodbye." Maddie's lip started to tremble.

"It's OK, baby." He scooped Maddie into his arms as she started to cry

"Can I call mommy, daddy? Maddie asked sniffling

"Why don't we wait till after breakfast?" he said knowing he couldn't handle talking to Rayna at the moment.

"….but I wanna say goodbye dadddddyyyyyy pllllleeeease I want my mommmmy…." Maddie was descending into a fit over Rayna.

"MADDIE, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME RIGHT NOW, OK?"

"…..BUT I WANT MOOOOOMMMMMYYYY…..PLLLLLEEEEEAASEEE LET ME CALL HER." She was getting louder and more distraught.

"MADDIE! You're gonna wake up Scarlett. STOP IT, NOW!"

He picked Maddie up and carried her down to the kitchen. She was still sobbing as he sat her on the counter to help him cook breakfast.

"What do you wanna make for breakfast?" he asked a still sobbing 4 year old.

"I DON'T WANT BREAKFAST. I WANT MOOOOOMMMMYYYYYY!" she was so inconsolable he finally gave in and dialed Rayna's cell number.

"Hello."

"Maddie wants to talk to you." His voice was so cold and uncaring. Rayna teared up as Deacon handed the phone to Maddie.

"Mama…why didn't you even say goodbye to me and Scarlett?" Maddie scolded Rayna.

"I'm sorry, baby. I had to leave really early. I didn't wanna wake you up." She lied.

"When are you comin home?"

"I'll only be gone a couple days, OK. I love you."

"Love you too mama."

"Can you please give the phone back to daddy? She asked hopeful Deacon would talk to her.

"She wants to talk to you." Maddie shoved the phone to Deacon as he cringed. He didn't want to talk to Rayna.

"Sweetie, why don't you go watch cartoons." Rayna heard Deacon say as he took the phone back, and a now happy Maddie bounded into the living room.

He took a deep breath.

"WHAT?"

"Deacon, come on. Please. Don't be like this. I love you….Deacon…" He could tell Rayna had been crying.

*****silence****** as he tried to swallow a lump in his throat.

"DEACON, are you there? What do you want from me, Deacon? I tried to talk to you last night."

"Do you want a divorce?" she asked trying to hold back tears as the silence from Deacon's end was twisting like a knife in her heart.

"Deacon, don't do this to me. Please just tell me what you want from me?"

"NOT A DAMN THING, RAYNA." He said as he hung up on her.


	17. Chapter 17

"Rayna…RAYNA…." Luke was trying to get Rayna's attention. She'd been staring out the window and hadn't said a word in over 2 hours as they rode to Memphis.

"Sugar, we're here. We need to get checked in and meet with the folks at Graceland for the lighting ceremony tonight."

"OK." She tried to smile as Luke offered her his hand to help her out of the limo at the Peabody Hotel.

"If you're not up for this, I can just say you're sick, and you can hang out in your room." Luke offered to cover for her if she needed to be alone.

"Thanks, but I'll manage. I've had to put on a smile and get through lots of shows when things were going to hell with Deacon."

"I remember a few of those shows with you and Deacon, back when we were all just startin out, nobody's, tryin to make it big." He smiled as they entered the Peabody.

"Some things never change." He said sympathetically knowing how difficult Deacon used to be, and apparently still was.

"Are you sure you're up for this, Rayna? Luke asked as they climbed back in the limo to go to Graceland, after checking into the Peabody. They were hosting the annual Christmas lighting tonight and singing the 2 Christmas songs they'd recorded together.

"I'll get it together. I don't really have a choice. The cameras are rolling everywhere it seems." She tried to lighten up, as she recalled the picture of her and Luke in that stupid tabloid that had completely set Deacon off again.

"Ain't that the truth." He agreed about the constant camera intrusion in their lives.

"Steph picked the night of a big show at LP field to drop the divorce news on me. I was set to take the stage in 5 minutes and she showed up in my dressing room." He told Rayna of the painful night his wife left him.

"She left in tears. Press got all of it backstage. Me begging her to stay and talk after the show. I had literally minutes to collect myself, and walk out in front of 70,000 screaming fans, and reporters."

"I love being Rayna Jaymes, and I wouldn't trade any of the past 5 years since things really took off, but if the price is losing Deacon I'm not sure I'll be able to live with that." She said as the tears started falling again.

"Hey…new subject….this is too damn depressing." Luke smiled as he tried to lighten the mood.

"I want you to forget Deacon for the next 2 days. He's being an ass, and you need to have some you time away from all the bullshit at home." Luke suggested.

"…but for what it's worth Rayna…Deacon's a goddamn idiot if he lets you go! He was lucky to ever get you in the first place. I never did understand why you put up with all his crap. He didn't deserve you then, and he sure as hell doesn't deserve you now." Luke said as he stared into Rayna's sad eyes.

"Thanks, Luke. I'm sorry I'm such an emotional basket case. No more Deacon talk this trip. I'll deal with him Tue. Let's go light up Graceland."

"No more upsetting calls. I don't wanna think about Deacon Claybourne again till Tue." She said as she turned her cell phone off and threw it in the bottom of her purse.

"Rayna Jaymes is back!" Luke laughed as they got out of the limo at Graceland to thousands of screaming, cheering fans.

At home Deacon had made one of his famous late morning Sunday breakfasts for Maddie and Scarlett. They were veged out in front of the TV watching Disney movies, and cartoons. He was doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen as he listened to them laugh in the next room. He was wiping down the kitchen table when he noticed the note Rayna had been writing him just before she left.

He sighed and sat down to read it…

_Babe, 12/21/97_

_I know you're not gonna be happy about this, but I need to get away for a couple days. You have no idea how much last night hurt me. I just wanted to talk. We used to be so close. I never realized how cold and uncaring you can really be when you're hurt, and I'm sorry I've pushed you to that point. _

_I swallowed my pride last night and tried to make things right between us. Do you know how hard it was after the way you've been treating me this past month? Do you even care anymore, Deacon?_

_I love you, and I want more than anything to work this out. I'm sorry I hurt you. I should have been honest with you about Luke, and Edgehill._

_I'm sorry I've dumped so much on you with Maddie the past couple years. I was so busy being Rayna Jaymes, I guess I forgot to be Rayna Claybourne. _

_I meant every word I said in my CMA speech. You are my best friend, the love of my life, and my biggest supporter. I don't know how to live without you, and I am so sorry I've taken advantage of you. You deserve to live your dreams too._

_I will support whatever career choices you make. It's your turn for the spotlight, and my turn to support you for a change. _

_If you can find a way to forgive me, and try to make this work, I swear I will be around more. You, Maddie and Scarlett mean everything to me. _

…_..but if it's too late, I want you to know I don't regret a single second of the last 7 years._

_So many people never experience a love as strong as ours, and whatever happens I will cherish the time we've had for the rest of my life._

_I love you. I miss you._

_Always, and Forever,_

_Ray_

Deacon felt horrible as he finished the letter with tears in his eyes. He'd been a total jerk to Rayna for the past month, and so many times in the past.

They had their problems, and he was still mad as hell about all her secrets, and Luke. He hated that she was with Luke now, especially since he'd been such an ass to her lately.

"Way to go dipshit. Send her off with another man, thinking you don't love her and want a divorce." He thought to himself as he realized what he'd done.

He didn't want a divorce. He couldn't even imagine a future without Rayna. It killed him to even think about it, and it suddenly hurt like hell that he'd let her walk out the door feeling like their marriage was over.

"Why was I such a fuckin jerk last night?" he said to himself.

He needed to make things right. Rayna was right. They needed to talk, and work things out before it was too late.

He grabbed his cell phone and dialed Rayna's number.

He was surprised it went right to voicemail, meaning the phone was off. He thought about leaving a message, but he really wanted to talk. He'd try again later.

Back in Memphis Rayna had managed to push Deacon out of her mind. Luke had been right. Deacon was being an ass, and she was determined to forget him and the past month for the next 2 days.

She loved Graceland. She wondered how she'd lived in Nashville her whole life and never visited before. The lighting ceremony had gone great. She and Luke had performed and over the top version of Baby It's Cold Outside. Sure to get the tabloids talking again, but she didn't care.

Luke and Rayna were in the limo for the 15 min ride back to the Peabody talking and laughing. To her surprise she was having a really good time.

"Hey, sugar…You hungry? I could go for some real Memphis BBQ. What do you say? Wanna stop for dinner?"

"I am hungry, and BBQ sounds amazing. The messier the better, but how about we go back to the hotel and order in?"

"Sure…whatever the lady wants, is whatever the lady gets."

"I'm sorry. I'd love to go out. It's just we already stirred things up with the song, and people know we're in town so it wouldn't be a quiet dinner anyway…"

"Hey…it's OK, Rayna. I get it. Back to the hotel is fine. We'll order a nice dinner, maybe watch a movie?" he reassured her with a kiss on her hand that lingered a little longer than it should have.

"I guess the only question left is…Your room or mine?" Luke playfully asked

"Room service" a man in a white jacket said as he rolled a table heaping full of famous Memphis ribs into Rayna's room

"Complimentary Peabody cocktails included. We're so happy to have Luke Wheeler and Rayna Jaymes here at the Peabody. If there is anything else, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Wow…you guys are quick." Luke said as he handed the waiter a generous tip.

"Oh…those smell heavenly." Rayna said as she reached for a rib.

"Did you try the cocktail yet?" Luke asked

"Not sure what's in there, but what a punch." Luke said as he took another gulp

Several cocktails later, and with a pile of rib bones between them Rayna and Luke moved to the couch to search for a movie.

"How about An Officer and A Gentleman?" Rayna suggested

"Lost and found love….works for me. Can't ever go wrong with a good romance in the company of a beautiful woman." He smiled as Rayna selected the pay per view movie from the on screen list

"…but if we make this a double header I get a war movie or a western, deal?" he playfully asked

"I'm lucky if I make it through The Little Mermaid awake these days." Rayna joked, but felt a sudden pang of sadness as she thought of Deacon singing Kiss the Girl to Maddie

Luke noticed the change in Rayna's mood.

"It's OK if you're missin the kids and…."

"Don't say it." Rayna joked

"No more doom and gloom. Pour me another Peabody cocktail." She smiled and held her glass out for Luke.

"I think someone's a little tipsy." Luke smiled as he held Rayna's hand steady with the glass in it as he poured from the almost empty pitcher.

"I think we need another pitcher of thooose." Rayna pouted like Maddie as the famous Peabody cocktail concoction was almost gone.

Another pitcher later and as Richard Gere carried Debra Winger out of the factory in An Officer and A Gentleman, Luke mimicked the movie and swept a very inebriated Rayna into his arms and put her in her bed.

"Luke, stay…please." She said as he turned to go to his own room.

"Rayna, you've had A LOT to drink. You made it clear in California that we were making a mistake."

"Just stay, Luke, Please? I don't wanna be alone."

He hesitated not wanting to take advantage of her drunken state.

"Tell you what. I'll stay, but just to talk till you pass out, OK?

"OK." Rayna smiled as Luke climbed into bed next to her.

"So what are we gonna say in this radio promo tomorrow?" he changed the subject to something more innocent

She hadn't even answered and she was out cold. Luke quietly slipped out of the bed and back to his own room feeling damn proud of himself for being a gentleman.

He would have loved nothing more than to make love to Rayna all night, make her forget Deacon and all the pain she was feeling, but it wasn't right. Not that way, when she was drunk and would regret it the next morning.

Back in Nashville Deacon had spent over 2 hours reading and playing songs to 2 little girls on wicked sugar highs. He'd taken them for pizza and ice cream.

Later at home watching movies they'd had caramel popcorn, soda, and the not so secret anymore bedtime cookies.

"Damn, Rayna was right about too much sugar." He thought as he exhaustedly opened the guest room door to the room he'd occupied since coming back from Natchez.

"This is stupid." He thought as he turned to go to his own room. The room he'd shared with Rayna for the past 4 years. He missed his bed and his wife.

He knew Rayna wasn't going to be back for a couple nights, but her shampoo, her perfume, her bodywash, her damn hairspray, her scent was everywhere in the room.

He missed her scent. He loved burying his face in her hair when he climbed in bed next to her at night. He missed the perfume she dotted behind her ears that drove him crazy when he kissed her neck.

He wondered if she was still awake as he glanced at the clock 1:26am. He grabbed his cell phone and dialed her number again.

Straight to voicemail again. He figured she probably didn't want to hear from him, after the way he'd behaved the past month. He could've had her in his arms last night if he wouldn't have been so damn stubborn.

The tears fell on her pillow as he held it tight. He'd give anything to have her in his arms now.

"I'm sooo damn sorry, Ray." He whispered in the dark, alone and afraid he'd really blown it this time.


	18. Chapter 18

"Mornin, Sugar." Luke said as he plopped into the seat next to Rayna in the limo with a bottle of water, bottle of Tylenol, and her favorite large black coffee.

"Thought you might need these this mornin." He said as he offered them to Rayna

"Ohhhhh my head! Why did you let me drink so much?" she said as she took the water and Tylenol from Luke.

"Hey, I only ordered that second pitcher of Peabody's Cocktail Concoction because you were so damn cute pouting when the 1st pitcher ran out." He smirked.

"….and I don't recall pourin it down your throat. You pretty well took care of that yourself, my dear."

"Aside from this mornings after effects, I really did have a great time with you last night, Luke. Thanks for keeping me company, and keeping my mind off…."

"Nooooo…don't say it, Rayna." He smiled trying to keep her spirits up

"I had a nice time too, Rayna. Actually the best since our date in California. Guess I need to get out more." He laughed

"So you think that radio interview went OK?" Luke asked

"Not one of my favorite interviews, but I guess we plugged the information Edgehill wanted out there so not a total loss." She replied

"Sorry I got there so late, and left you alone with that jerk for the first few minutes of the broadcast." She apologized rubbing her aching temples.

"I wish they'd leave the questions about Steph out. She hates it when I say anything publicly about her or the kids." He sighed

"The more pissed off she is the longer she's gonna drag this divorce out, and I just really wanna get it done and get on with my life."

"No chance you might work it out?" Rayna asked.

"Not a chance in hell. You can only try for so long, and make each other miserable for so long. Ya know? At some point ya just gotta say enough is enough and think about yourself, and the kids."

"I hate like hell that my kids saw sides of me that I never wanted them to see. The fights, the temper, me belittling Steph out of anger, her knocking my image in their eyes. None of it was right, but what's done is done."

"At least now when I do get back to Nashville and get to spend time with Colt an Sage it's quality time doing things we all like to do, not them watching me and Steph fight about every stupid thing."

"I guess I'd never looked at it like that. I always just thought having the parents together was best for the kids, but you're right. It's not if all you do is fight in front of them." Rayna said sadly, realizing how often she and Deacon had layed into each other in front of Maddie and now Scarlett.

"You handled the personal questions pretty good, Rayna."

"There's nothing really to tell anyone at this point. I don't really know the status of my marriage."

"You know, Rayna, you don't have to be a puppet on a string waiting for Deacon to say he wants you, or doesn't. If it's all too much, you can make the choice to walk away. I know you love him, and it hurts like hell, but at some point ya gotta wonder if it's hurting you more to stay."

Luke was right. Rayna had the next 5 hours in the car from Memphis to Chattanooga to think about things. She realized how miserable she really is waiting for Deacon to want her, or divorce her.

This is the 2nd time in their 5 year marriage divorce has come up. How many times is enough? How many times do you fight and make up? She fell asleep with all these questions running through her mind.

Several hours away in Nashville Deacon had dropped Maddie off at preschool. He was taking Scarlett to the doctor. She had climbed in bed with him complaining of not feeling well. She had thrown up several times and had a 102 fever.

As he sat in the waiting room holding a sick little girl her wondered what Rayna's morning was like. He really had no idea what she was doing. PR stuff for Edgehill was all she really said.

He honestly didn't even know where she was, and her phone was clearly off. He'd tried to call her several times and every time it went directly to voicemail. He knew she was probably trying to avoid him, and he didn't blame her.

Rayna and Luke checked into the Chattanoogan Hotel. Their next PR stop was The Enchanted Garden of Lights in Chattanooga, TN. They were also doing a couple more radio interviews Tue before heading back to Nashville.

"I'm frozen to the bone." Rayna shivered as she and Luke climbed into the limo after their show at the Enchanted Garden of Lights.

"Yep, 24 degrees for an outdoor show is a little too chilly for my liking." Luke agreed.

"You wanna do a pizza for dinner back at the hotel, maybe another movie?"

"Sure, but not alcohol tonight…I'm still hung over."

"Oh come on…best way to cure a hangover is to get drunk again." Luke joked

"What movie tonight?" Rayna asked as they entered her room

"Whatever you want."

"I got to decide last night. It's your turn."

"How about Urban Cowboy?" Luke had just found it on the pay per view

"Really? That was my favorite movie at one time." Rayna said, and got a little teary eyed as she recalled her first Christmas with Deacon.

"It's not really a sad movie, Rayna. Why the tears?" he laughed as he tried to cheer her up.

"It's silly, but our first Christmas together Deacon and I ended up driving to Mexico in his old truck. On the way he bought me that movie at a truck stop. We stopped at Gilley's that night in Pasadena, TX." She said as the tears really started to fall again.

"You were right, Luke. I've been thinking a lot about what you said this morning. My marriage is over. Deacon hates me. He doesn't even look at me anymore. All we do is fight. We're living separate lives under the same roof for the kids, and they see us fight every day. I'm not gonna wait for him to walk out the door. I'm gonna make an appointment to see a lawyer when we get back to Nashville."

"I never thought Deacon and I would end up like this." She was bawling now, not even trying to control it in front of Luke.

"Hey…C'mere. It's gonna suck for a while, but in the long run you'll be OK. You're beautiful, talented, fun, sexy as hell. Someone's gonna make you forget all about Deacon one of these days. I just hope I'm near the top of your list of suitors when you're ready." He said as he pulled Rayna into a hug and held her tight.

"I didn't know you were interested in that way, Luke." She tried to smile through tears.

"Rayna, come on! I have been crazy about you since the day Watty introduced us at the Bluebird over 6 years ago."

"I guess I always just thought of us as friends, and in California I thought you just wanted a one night thing."

"Why didn't you ever say anything all those years ago when we were going out as friends?" she asked

"You were either with Deacon, or crying about Deacon."

"Some things never change." He smiled and looked away shaking his head.

"…..and some things do." Rayna said as she moved closer and shocked the hell out of Luke with a deep kiss on the lips, that was only interrupted by the pizza delivery guy at the door.

Back in Nashville Deacon was dealing with 2 sick kids now. As he was leaving the doctor's office with a sick Scarlett, the preschool had called.

"Mr. Claybourne? This is Barbara Jenkins at Little Nash and Friends. Maddie is sick. We need someone to come pick her up."

"I'll be right there." Deacon said as he finished buckling Scarlett into the back seat.

"Well, I guess it's chicken noodle soup and cuddling tonight in the Claybourne household." He said to the 2 sick little girls in the backseat as he started the truck and headed to the pharmacy.

Deacon got Maddie and Scarlet settled in the living room with water and ice chips to keep them hydrated. He made sure each had a pink puke bucket close for the next vomit episode.

He returned to the garage to clean up his backseat. Maddie hadn't made it home before losing her school lunch in Deacon's suburban.

"Daddy, I'm hot." Maddie whined as Deacon took a temperature reading of 102.

"I don't feel good Uncle Deke." Scarlett cried as Deacon held her blonde hair away from the pink puke bucket.

"I need juice." Both girls whined as Deacon poured apple juice for them

"I threw up on my pajamas, daddy." Maddie cried over her little mermaid pajamas as Deacon stripped them off and put a fresh pair on her.

Both girls had started coughing by late Monday. Deacon had Vicks all over both of their chests, and a vaporizer running to help them breathe.

By 10pm Monday night he was exhausted after a day of doctor's appointments, cleaning up puke, washing pukey laundry, holding one or both girls as they whined, spreading vicks on little chests, making soup and hot tea with honey, cleaning up more puke, taking temperatures, getting juice…..

He gave both girls Children's Nyquil hoping to knock them out till morning, and started singing Kiss the girl per Maddie's request as he sat by their bedside.

In less than 5 minutes both girls were out cold. He kissed both little feverish heads and went to take a long hot shower, before falling into bed himself for another night holding Rayna's pillow.


	19. Chapter 19

The Nyquil worked for about 3 hours before two sick little girls climbed in bed with Deacon. Maddie had puked all over her bed. Scarlett had puked all over herself. Both were crying and coughing uncontrollably.

Deacon sighed as he got up. He ran a steamy bath in the Jacuzzi tub and added some of Rayna eucalyptus bubble bath to help their coughs. The girls played in the tub as he cleaned up the messes in their bedroom, and started another load of pukey laundry.

"How are we doing in here?" Deacon asked as he entered a steamy, minty smelling bathroom

"Better, but my head hurts, daddy."

"Icky, my tummy hurts." Scarlett cried holding her stomach.

"The coughing seems better. Can you both breathe a little better now?"

"Yeah"

"OK, lets get you out, and in clean jammies." He said as he lifted both out of the tub, dried them off, and put yet another pair of clean pajamas on each of them.

"I'm thirsty." Scarlett whined

"I'm hungry. Can I have a cookie?" Maddie asked.

"No cookies. You're sick." Deacon sternly said as Maddie started to cry

"Maddie, you are not getting cookies at 2am when you're puking. I SAID NO. NOW, STOP IT!" He said a little firmer and starting to show signs of frustration after more than 24 hours of puking kids and little sleep.

"Let's get you guys some food and juice, and more medicine." He said as he carried one in each arm carefully downstairs to the kitchen.

"I want peanut butter on my bread." Maddie demanded

"No, dry toast is best when you're sick."

"But, DADDY…I DON'T LIKE PLAIN BREAD." She was descending into a typical Maddie fit, and Deacon's nerves were about shot. He really wasn't in the mood for a 2am temper tantrum. Poor Scarlett was just sitting at the table looking green.

"Just drink your juice then."

"NO, I'M HUNGRY AND I DON'T WANT BREAD." She screamed with her arms folded on her little chest.

"ALRIGHT, MADDIE…THAT'S ENOUGH. TAKE THIS!" he handed Maddie a medicine cup with another dose of Nyquil.

"IT'S ICKY DADDY. I DON'T WANT IT. I WANT MOMMY." She continued to scream

Deacon took a deep breath. He was trying not to lose his temper. The girls were sick and not intentionally being difficult. They were all tired. Patience was wearing thin for all of them.

"C'mere, I need you to please take this. Can you do that for daddy? PLEASE?" he pleaded with Maddie to swallow the Nyquil as he sat her on the kitchen countertop.

"NO, I'M NOT TAKING IT." She stood her ground and stared Deacon right in the eye

He ran his fingers through his thick hair in frustration as he put Maddie back on the floor.

"Alright, FINE. Go to your room." He said as calmly as he could.

"NO, I'M HUNGRY. I WANT MOMMY. I'M GONNA TELL HER YOU'RE STARVING ME. SHE'S ALREADY MAD AT YOU ANYWAY!"

That had stung. Kids don't miss much. Deacon wasn't sure what to say. He was exhausted, and frustrated with Maddie. His marriage was in the toilet. He wanted a drink.

"Well, you know what little girl. I wish sometimes I could just drop everything and run out of here too, like your mamma seems to do when things go to hell." He said as he left the kitchen in anger.

He sat in the living room away from the kids to cool off. Not sure if he wanted to break down in tears or throw something. Neither of which he wanted to do in front of the kids.

"DADDY….SCARLETT'S NOT BREATHING….DADDY!" Maddie was screaming at Deacon from the kitchen.

Deacon ran in from the living room.

"Scarlett, SCARLETT…sweetie I need you to talk to me….PLEASE, baby…..Maddie run upstairs and get my phone on my night stand….HURRY BABY RUN!" Deacon yelled as he held Scarlett limp in his arms.

Maddie ran to get Deacon's phone as he layed Scarlett on the kitchen floor. She was breathing, but struggling, and turning blue and gasping for air as she tried to get more in.

"Come on Scar…Come on Sweetie. Stay with me. Helps coming. Please Scar….talk to me?"he tried sitting her up gain, but nothing was helping. She was struggling to breathe, and coughing up green mucous.

Maddie came back with the phone. Deacon quickly dialed 911.

At the Chattanoogan hotel Rayna had her head on Luke's bare chest as they layed in bed talking after a pretty passion filled couple hours of love making.

"Wow…I should have tried a lot harder to get you 6 years ago." Luke beamed as he kissed the top of Rayna's head.

"If I had known you could do THAT, I might have let you." She smiled and planted a few sweet kisses on his chest.

"So now what?" he asked

"I dunno. Neither of us are divorced yet. We should probably keep this between these walls. The press will have a field day if anything gets out."

"Yeah, it would be a tabloid tidal wave of crap that's for sure." He agreed

"…and we both have kids to think about. Reporters are like vultures even with kids." She sighed

"OK, I'll be your dirty little secret." He laughed and pulled Rayna in for a long, slow, lingering kiss.

"Shouldn't be too hard to pull off considering we'll be working together for the next year or so. Closets, laundry rooms, hotel rooms, planes, trains, busses…." He smirked as he pulled away from a kiss

"I think Edgehill might pop for a private jet with both of us onboard for a tour. We could have an awful lot of mile high fun on this tour, Rayna." He said as she seemed to stare off somewhere deep in thought.

"Something wrong? Regrets already?" he asked

"No, just a lot all at once you know. I haven't even seen a lawyer yet."

"Hey, Rayna…I don't need complication in my life right now either. Steph just left 4 months ago. No telling how long she'll drag this divorce out, and just to be vindictive if she finds out I'm seeing Rayna Jaymes she'll drag it out longer."

"I don't expect anything from you right now, OK? Give me the same?"

"No strings, No messes, No complications. We'll just have fun, hang out….make out." He laughed

"For now whenever we can sneak in some time, great, but if we can't…the next time will be even sweeter after the wait, OK?"

"I don't expect calls every day, although I'd love to hear from you. I go back on tour right after the new year, and we'll probably only see each other a week outta each month to work on tracks for the album, whenever I can get back to Nashville."

"Works for me. No strings for a while sounds really nice." She agreed with a kiss.

"So we're on the same page? We're good? No regrets?" he asked as he pulled her closer

"No regrets, Luke." She said as she wrapped her arms around him and drifted off to sleep

It was just after 5am when the hotel room phone rang

"Rayna…Rayna….the room phone is ringing." Luke nudged her

"Who's calling at this hour? Oh my gosh." She whined as she reached for the phone

"Hello"

"Rayna…it's Bucky. Sorry to bother you so early, but Deacon just called me. He took Scarlett to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.

"What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know. He just said both kids are sick, and Scarlett was having a hard time breathing. He's been trying to call your cell for a couple days."

"OK, thanks Buck. I'm on my way."

"What's wrong, sugar?"

"Deacon took Scarlett to the hospital. She was having trouble breathing. Both kids are sick." Rayna said as she threw on clothes, and packed as quickly as she could.

"Hey…just go! I'll get everything outta the room and bring it to you. Get Frank up, take the limo. I'll deal with Edgehill and the rest of this PR crap. Kids come first." He said as he pulled an emotional wreck of a Rayna into his arms.

"Shhhhhh she's gonna be OK. Don't cry." He reassured Rayna

"I'm a horrible mother. I had my phone off. Deacon's been trying to call." She bawled as she collapsed into Luke's arms hysterical

"You are not a terrible mother. Look at me. Your little girl needs you. Get it together. You better go. It's a two hour drive. I wish like hell I could go, but one of us needs to make these appearance's."

"Call me when you know something, OK" he said as Rayna left


	20. Chapter 20

The 2 hour drive from Chattanooga to Nashville was excruciating for Rayna. She had no idea what was going on with Scarlett, and Deacon's wasn't answering his phone, or returning messages.

She finally arrived at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital a little after 8am.

"May I help you ma'am?" a chubby woman in white at the Information Services desk asked.

"Yes, my niece is here, Scarlett O'Connor. Can you tell me what room she's in, please?"

"Who did you say you were in relation to the child?" the woman asked as she pulled up information on a computer screen.

"I'm her aunt. WHY?" Rayna was getting irritated with questions

"I'm sorry ma'am she's in Pediatric Intensive Care. Only parents and designated persons are allowed up there."

"My husband and I have full legal custody of her. We are acting as her parents. So PLEASE tell me where to find my husband and niece." Rayna demanded.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Jaymes. Your husband said you might be coming." Another woman in a business suit said as she returned with a coffee cup.

"Oh…I'm sorry…I didn't realize who you were." The woman in white apologized.

"I'm a huge fan…." The woman said clearly embarrassed to have just refused Rayna Jaymes.

"Look, I'm really not in the mood to deal with fans right now. Can you PLEASE just tell me where to find my husband and niece or SOMEONE that can tell me what's going on?" Rayna snapped.

Rayna entered room 321 cautiously. She had no idea what to expect. No one had been able to tell her anything about what was going on with Scarlett.

Scarlett was in the bed closest to the door. She had monitors, tubes, and oxygen on, but seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

Maddie was in a bed near the window. No monitors, tubes, or oxygen just sleeping.

Between the beds in a reclining chair was Deacon. He was asleep, but Rayna could see he was tense. Missing were his signature boots and denim. Replaced by sweat pants, and a T shirt stained with puke and green mucous.

She smiled at the sight of him. How could a man look so bad, yet so good all at the same time.

She didn't want to wake any of them. She quietly sat in a chair near the window watching the 3 most important people in her life sleep.

She had no idea what Deacon would be like when he woke. She assumed she was the last person he wanted to see, and was surprised he even had Bucky call her.

He'd been so cold and unfeeling on the phone a couple days earlier, and for the past month in general. She knew she'd hurt him, but even for Deacon a month was extreme to hold onto anger.

He'd always had a temper. Drunk or sober, but normally after a few days at the most, he'd get over anything that was bugging him, and things would be good again.

This time was different. The light in his eyes was gone. He didn't look at Rayna the way he used to. His usual warm and tender demeanor had been replaced by bitterness, and anger. His bright eyes and smile had been icy and cold when he looked at her.

In their 7 year relationship he'd never completely and totally rejected her the way he had the other night. He'd never been completely unwilling to talk, or try. She'd made him pretty mad in the past, but he'd never been the jerk she'd seen the past month.

Something had drastically changed, and she was tired of trying to apologize and pacify him. She'd done everything he wanted. Completely and totally rearranged her schedule and the schedules of several others in her band, crew, and production teams to accommodate Deacon's requests.

None of it mattered or made a difference. He'd continued to be angry and unwilling to cooperate. She was waiting for him to leave her. She knew it was coming. She'd made up her mind to quit waiting. She wasn't going to live like this anymore.

She'd had 2 days away from Deacon, and home to clear her mind. She was thinking about the kids and herself now. She wasn't going to wait for Deacon to walk out the door. She'd made the decision for him.

The door opening startled her, and woke Deacon.

"Hi there Mr. oh and Mrs. Claybourne you made it. Glad to meet you." A young good looking doctor said to them as he entered the room

"I'm doctor Allen Merkley." He said as he shook Rayna's hand.

"I'm just gonna check Scarlett over real quick, and then we'll step in the hall for a talk, OK?"

He was a young, gentle doctor. Rayna could see his love for children as he gently examined Scarlett careful not to wake her as he checked her temp, pulse, and heart rate.

She was concentrating on the doctor and Scarlett trying to avoid Deacon's gaze. When she did look up Deacon was looking at her almost questioningly.

"OK, everything looks really good. Both girls have a flu bug, and bronchitis. Scarlett has asthma which the bronchitis only exasperated. She's gonna be fine. We'll refer you to a pulmonary specialist and get her on some management meds. Otherwise she can go home in a few hours once her oxygen levels are normal."

"So, nothing major?" Deacon asked relieved.

"Asthma can be dangerous if not treated as you saw with her episode this morning, but once she gets over the bronchitis and we get her on a control regimen, No, no danger at all."

"What kind of control regimen are we talking about?" Rayna asked

"With a 5 year old probably a nebulizer for inhaled breathing treatments a few times per day, and they'll decrease to once a day and then only as needed. She'd never had an episode before, right?" the doctor asked

"No, not that we're aware of. We've only had custody of her a little over a month." Rayna and Deacon both answered.

"I think it's probably a mild case of asthma otherwise you would have seen symptoms before the bronchitis, and once she's better her symptoms may clear up altogether."

"I'll get her release papers ready. You should be good to go in a few hours."

"OK, thanks a lot Doctor Merkley." Deacon sighed in relief as the doctor walked away.

"I'm sorry I pulled you away from your PR trip. I guess I overreacted. I just..she scared the hell outta me this morning when she couldn't breathe. I didn't know what was gonna happen." He said as he looked at Rayna.

"It's OK. She's like my daughter, Deacon. I love her just as much as I love Maddie, and I should be here when she's sick. I'm sorry I had my phone off."

"I get it. You didn't wanna talk to me." He said with a new sadness Rayna hadn't seen before.

"Look, Rayna…I…."

"Don't Deacon, OK? Let's just get her home, and get through Christmas. We don't have to do this right now." She said assuming he wanted to have the divorce talk.

"OK" he agreed thinking she wanted to avoid making up now because he pushed her away again.

"Speaking of Christmas…since we haven't really been talkin…what do you wanna do for the girls?" he asked

"I ordered 2 of those drivable power wheels things. The Escalade of course." Rayna smiled

"Oh, we should send Beverly a picture of Scarlett in it. That'll piss her off." He laughed remember her snide remark about driving Rayna's Escalade at the funeral.

"She didn't like my car?" Rayna laughed knowing Beverly hates everything Rayna Jaymes.

"They might be a little young, but I picked up a couple baby taylor guitars. I think Maddie might be able to handle one. She's been bugging me for a year to teach her, and maybe Scarlett will take an interest too." He smiled at the thought of 2 new guitarists.

"Maddie will love that."

"Tomorrow's Christmas eve. Maybe Tandy can stay with the girls and we can go out for lunch, maybe pick up the rest of the smaller gifts, and stocking stuffers?" Deacon asked

Rayna was dumbfounded. Did Deacon just ask her to have lunch? They hadn't shared a meal since they'd been back from Natchez other than Thanksgiving and that was kind of forced by family and the holiday.

"uhhhh, yeah, sure I guess we do need to get a few more things." She answered confused at his sudden interest in spending time alone with her.

"What do you want for Christmas this year, Ray?" he asked with hope in his eyes

"I hadn't really thought much about it, Deacon. You don't have to do anything."

"What If I want to?" he asked

"I dunno, really…what do you want Deacon?" she asked half jokingly

"You, Ray. I want you." He smiled and moved towards her to brush her cheek with his hand.

"Deacon, I…I thought ….you said….you didn't wanna try, you told me you didn't want anything from me when you called me for Maddie on Sunday." She stammered in disbelief that he was doing this NOW after a month of pushing her away, and telling her he didn't want her.

NOW after she'd come to terms with their marriage really being over.

NOW after she'd made the decision to file for a divorce.

NOW after she'd slept with Luke.


	21. Chapter 21

After another 4 hours at the hospital, the Claybournes were finally home. The girls were settled in the living room in front of the TV. Rayna was getting chicken noodle soup and crackers ready for them. Deacon had gone upstairs to take a shower and put on clean clothes.

"I feel better. No more puke and mucous on my shirt." He smiled as he came in the kitchen for some coffee

"If you wanna go back to bed, I can take care of the girls. You look exhausted, Deacon." Rayna said as she sat at the table eating soup and crackers with 2 still sickly looking kids.

"I'm alright, besides…you're feeding them…I'd give it an hour tops and you're gonna be cleaning up noodle vomit." He smirked knowing what was coming after dealing with 2 days of it.

"Gross. I really didn't need that visual, Deke." Rayna said as she dropped her spoon in the bowl and gave up eating. Even after 4 ½ years with a kid, she couldn't handle puke without getting sick herself. Every time Maddie had been sick, Deacon had to deal with that part of it.

"Just bein honest. They've been brutal." He laughed as he felt their little heads for fever.

"Fever's seem to be better, but you're both still looking pretty green. How are you feeling now that you're eating?"

"Icky." Scarlett whined still pretty weak, and wheezing again.

"My head still hurts, daddy."

"OK, we'll get you more drugs and back to bed after lunch. I'll get Scar's nebulizer ready for a treatment." Deacon said as he read the instructions for the 1st home breathing treatment they'd attempted.

Deacon sat on the couch giving Scarlett her breathing treatment as Rayna cleaned up the kitchen. Maddie was whiny and jealous of the extra attention Scarlett was getting. She was used to having Deacon to herself, especially when she was sick and just wanted to be held.

"C'mere, sweetie. Mama's home. Why don't we go upstairs and read a book?" Rayna said as she carried a crabby Maddie up the stairs.

The Nyquil kicked in before Rayna finished 3 pages, and Maddie was out cold again.

Rayna went to her room to unpack and take a long, hot bath. She was surprised to see Deacon had moved back into their bedroom. His toothbrush, deodorant, aftershave, and cologne were back on the sink top. His clothes were back in their walk in closet next to hers. His wallet and keys were on the night stand where he always put them.

The scent of his cologne was heavy in the room. He'd just taken a shower. She'd missed him so much over the past month. He was just down the hall, but she'd missed the closeness. His scruff. His tender kisses on the back of her neck when he climbed in bed.

She took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to do next.

She climbed in the tub to soak her cares away, but her mind was going crazy with questions.

"Should I stay? Do I want to stay? Has anything really changed? If I stay, How can I ever tell Deacon about Luke?"

"It's Christmas. I can't leave the girls, and I can't take them away from Deacon now. Would Deacon fight for custody if I leave?

"I still love him. GOD I love him, but he'll never forgive me if he finds out what I've done. Maybe it would hurt him less if I just leave?"

"…and Luke. I care about him. Will he understand if I stay with Deacon? How will it effect our working relationship? We agreed no strings, right?"

"Oh who am I kidding? We slept together! That ALWAYS means there are strings, even when you say there are none." She sighed and cried. There was no easy answer. No fix. No way out.

"GOD, what have I done?" She sobbed alone in the tub knowing this was the beginning of the end. There was no way Deacon would EVER understand this, or even deal with it. It'll push him over the edge. He barely spoke to her for a month over a tabloid picture holding hands with Luke. This was going to be so much worse.

The water was getting cold. She thought she couldn't cry anymore. She got out, dried off, and put on her fluffy robe. Deacon was sitting on the bed, watching her intently when she opened the door.

"Ray, you've been avoiding talking to me all day." He said as she looked for clothes in the closet.

"C'mon. We need to talk about things, baby. We can't avoid it forever."

"Oh I don't know, Deacon. You've managed pretty well in the same house for the past month." She said a little harsher that she intended, but only because she was trying not to completely break down in front of him now.

"OK, you're right. I deserved that. Rayna, I've been a jerk. I know that, and I know you've done everything to try to fix this. I was mad. Hell, I'm still mad, and hurt, and I don't get why chose to keep things from me."

"You had your reasons, and I guess it doesn't really matter why. I love you, Ray. I am sooo sorry for being such an asshole, and not even willing to try, or talk for so long." His voice was cracking and his blue eyes were wet with tears.

"You dropped everything and went to Natchez with me, and made all the arrangements for mom, and made Scarlett feel like she was part of the family, and you're still doing that, even the way I've been acting."

"She's my niece too, Deacon. None of this is her fault."

"Can we please just forget about the past month, and all the bullshit, and try to work this out?" he asked with such hope in his eyes. It was breaking Rayna's heart knowing how much more she was going to hurt him before this was over.

"Deacon, I….Luke and I have been together the past couple days. There are more tabloid pictures coming, and …." She couldn't breathe, she tried to swallow, she couldn't speak, her mouth was dry, her face was soaked in tears, she was shaking uncontrollably.

"Ray, C'mere, please…I am soooo sorry. I shouldn't have put you through hell the way I did." He completely broke down seeing how hurt she was, and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I love you, Ray. I don't care what the damn tabloids say. It's not worth losing you. Please, baby, say you still wanna try, that you meant everything in your letter?" he was pleading with her to try to save their marriage as he kissed her forehead, and cheeks, and tried to stop her tears.

Rayna was paralyzed with fear. Fear of really losing Deacon forever. Fear of telling him the truth. Fear of not telling him the truth. Fear of a future without Deacon. Fear of a future trying to keep a horrible secret from him, and praying he never finds out.

"Ray, C'mon….please just say you'll try. We love each other. That's all that matters. We'll figure out the rest. I CAN'T LOSE YOU RAYNA!"

"Whatever you want me to say…I'll say it. Whatever you want me to do…I'll do it. You want counseling again? We'll go. You still want another baby? We'll have one, just….PLEASE RAYNA, DON'T SAY IT'S OVER!" He was crying harder than she'd ever seen him cry, and holding onto her for dear life.

"Deacon, I…..I….can't…" she struggled for the right words, but there were none that would soften this blow. She couldn't tell him about Luke. He was falling apart in front of her with just the thought of losing her. It would kill him if she told him now.

"I love you so much, Deacon. I am sooooo sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am for EVERYTHING!" she cried as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and gave in to his pleas to make up, and keep trying.

They cried and held each other for several minutes. Deacon finally pulled away to look into Rayna's eyes, and wipe her tears away.

"I don't give a damn about Luke Wheeler. I know you have to work with him. I don't like it, I don't trust him, but I trust you. I won't bring it up again this time. I promise, OK?" he said as he looked into her eyes with such faith and trust in her, in their marriage.

Rayna felt lower than low hearing him say he trusted her, but there was no way she could tell him the truth right now, maybe never.

"So, we're good?" His smile lit up the room knowing he had Rayna back.

"Yeah, we're good. I love you, babe." She said as she ran her finger through his thick hair and kissed him, happy to be back in his arms, in a place she thought she'd never feel so safe, and loved again.

She was struggling with feeling so happy, but so sad all at once.

"The girls are drugged up pretty good on Nyquil. We have at least of couple hours of make up time, and I can't keep my hands off you for another second." Deacon was all smiles as he lead Rayna to their bed.

She let Deacon make love to her, and kiss every inch of her body. She'd missed him so much, and for now she had her sweet, caring, attentive husband back.


	22. Chapter 22

Rayna watched from the kitchen window as Deacon played with Maddie and Scarlett in the backyard. It was an unseasonably warm early February day in Nashville. They had been chomping at the bit to get outside with their power wheels Escalades since Christmas, but it had been too cold.

Deacon was such an attentive, fun dad. Maddie and Scarlett were his world. He was working more now on recording his own album. Rayna had pushed her touring to the middle of the year so Deacon could have more time to work on his own album. She had finished her album, and it was set for release in a few days.

She still had obligations to Edgehill for the dual release album with Luke, but he'd been gone touring since the first week of January. Before that he was busy with his own kids for Christmas. He'd be back in Nashville soon, and they had studio time booked to work on the album.

Rayna was dreading it. She'd only talked to him once since Chattanooga, and it was basically a thank you call for covering the rest of the PR trip for her. She'd also told him about Scarlett's asthma scare. Deacon had been in the room when Luke called and Rayna made sure Luke knew it and kept the conversation innocent.

Luke didn't say anything during the call, but Rayna sensed some irritation in his voice that she was with Deacon. She hadn't told him yet that they were not getting a divorce, and were trying to work things out. She knew she had to do that next week, and had no idea how Luke would react. She hoped he'd honor the "No Strings" agreement and just let it go easily, but she had a bad feeling.

"It's OK, honey. Relax. Let daddy get your nebulizer ready." Deacon said as he came in with a wheezing Scarlett

Rayna took her as Deacon got the machine out and ready for a breathing treatment.

"Guess the cold air got to her a little. Maybe outside time wasn't the best idea, huh?" he asked as a concerned Rayna held a wheezing Scarlett, starting to cough, and cry.

"OK, we're ready." He said as he took Scarlett to the couch and fitted the mask on her little face.

After about 15 minutes her color was back, and she was playing again, like it never happened.

"I don't think I'm ever gonna get used to her gasping for air." Deacon sighed as he pulled Rayna close for a kiss on the forehead as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"She scares the hell outta me every damn time she starts coughing, and gasping." He said as he watched her play.

"She's fine. We have it under control." Rayna tried to reassure him, but was uneasy herself still. It had been a month and a half since the hospital and Scarlett was still having several asthma attacks per week.

"The worst is at night. Hearing her cough and start to struggle on the baby monitor, or if Maddie comes running in when she's wheezing to say she's not breathing. My damn heart stops every time." Deacon said stroking Rayna's long hair.

"I know, it's scary when your kids struggling to breathe." Rayna agreed

Scarlett had started calling Deacon and Rayna mom and dad shortly after the hospital scare. At first she only did it when she was tired and clinging to Deacon or Rayna, but then one night she asked Deacon if she could call him daddy.

He'd been playing guitar for the girls and trying out some of his new material.

**"He Didn't Have To Be" Brad Paisley**

When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new  
It always winds up feeling more like a job interview  
My momma used to wonder if she'd ever meet someone  
Who wouldn't find out about me and then turn around and run

I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old  
He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go  
A few months later I remember lying there in bed  
I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she'd say yes

And then all of a sudden  
Oh, it seemed so strange to me  
How we went from something's missing  
To a family  
Lookin' back all I can say  
About all the things he did for me  
Is I hope I'm at least half the dad  
That he didn't have to be

I met the girl that's now my wife about three years ago  
We had the perfect marriage but we wanted somethin' more  
Now here I stand surrounded by our family and friends  
Crowded 'round the nursery window as they bring the baby in

And now all of a sudden  
It seemed so strange to me  
How we've gone from something's missing  
To a family  
Lookin' through the glass I think about the man  
That's standin' next to me  
And I hope I'm at least half the dad  
That he didn't have to be

Lookin' back all I can say  
About all the things he did for me  
Is I hope I'm at least half the dad  
That he didn't have to be

Yeah, I hope I'm at least half the dad  
That he didn't have to be  
Because he didn't have to be  
You know he didn't have to be

Rayna had been listening on the baby monitor as Deacon put the girls to sleep. Usually Maddie was the difficult one, and Scarlett was the first one out, but that night Scarlett's little mind was wandering.

"Do I have a daddy?" Rayna heard her ask Deacon as he finished the song

"You do, but some are better than other's kiddo. Sometimes they leave, and sometimes like my daddy you wish they'd leave."

"I'm sure if he knew what a beautiful, loving, little girl he's missing out on, he'd feel pretty bad for not being here."

"Mamas not coming for me, is she?" was Scarlett's next question. Rayna got up to help Deacon. She'd heard his voice crack, and knew he was getting emotional.

"No, baby. I don't think she is, but aunt Ray and Maddie and I all love you very much, and we want you to stay here with us, OK?" he told Scarlett as she started to cry. He scooped her into his arms for a tight hug just as Rayna walked in and saw the tears in Deacon's eyes.

She knew he was emotional about his own childhood, and feeling unloved and unwanted as a little boy. Having Scarlett around, and Beverly's refusal to see her even after her hospital release had hit a soft spot with Deacon, and his heart ached for Scarlett.

"Hey, it's OK. You have me, and aunt Ray." He told Scarlett as he sat her on his knee and wiped tears away as she continued to sniffle, and sob.

"C'mere. I know it hurts like hell Scar. I wish I could explain it, but some people just aren't meant to be moms and dads, and you got the short end of the stick kiddo with two of em."

"Come on. Settle down. You're wheezing." He patted Scarlett's back as she started to cough, and gasp for air.

"Ray, honey, can you set up the nubulizer?"

He followed Rayna downstairs with a wheezing Scarlett in his arms as she really started to struggle, and cry.

"DAMMIT RAYNA….HURRY UP, SHE'S TURNING BLUE" He yelled as Scarlett went limp in his arms and Rayna ran in with the machine. Deacon tried to get her to breathe.

"Come on Scar. Baby you gotta breathe. Come on sweetie….SCARLETT, SCARLETT!" she wasn't responding to the treatment, and was barely getting air.

"CALL 911, RAY, NOW! THIS ISN'T WORKING!"

After a scary ambulance ride, an epinephrine shot, and IV corticosteroids Rayna and Deacon were standing over Scarlett's hospital bed waiting for doctor Merkley to arrive.

She was still wheezing, but breathing again. The nurse hooked up oxygen to get her levels back up and try to get her color back as Deacon and Rayna watched helplessly.

Doctor Merkley came in the room, and examined Scarlett.

"OK, well she's had a pretty serious asthma attack. Has she been sick?"

"No, not since a few days after the last time we were here. Rayna answered.

"Any possible triggers making it worse? Pets, smoking, had she been outside in the cold, or had something really cold, or hot to eat? Physical activity? Stress? Dust?" asked the doctor

"She was upset. We've had custody a couple months. She was asking about her parents right before." Said Deacon feeling heart broken for Scarlett, and hating his sister for abandoning her kid.

"OK, how many attacks per week would you say she's having now?"

"It's not every day. She had a rough day today, and had 2, but usually every other day so maybe 4 to 5 per week." Answered Deacon

"OK, so definitely not under control." Said the doctor

"We're gonna keep her for observation tonight, and probably increase her dosage of albuterol through the nebulaizer, and I'd say treatments daily, maybe a couple times a day even if she's not showing symptom until she's under control, OK? 

"Any questions?"

"No, not right now. Thanks, Doctor." Said Deacon as he slipped and arm around Rayna

"Another long night at the hospital. I'm gettin really tired of these places." Deacon said with his head on Rayna's shoulder

"I know, babe. Why don't you pick up Maddie from Tandy and go home. I can stay with Scarlett."

"No, Ray. I'm not leavin her. She needs to feel like we're here for her no matter what. Poor kids so upset over her loser parents." He said as he brushed Scarlett's blonde hair out of her face.

Scarlett woke up, still wheezing a little but able to talk, and had more color in her cheeks.

"Hey, sweetie. You scared us. How are you feeling?" Rayna asked

"Better" she said in a weak voice

"We love you sweet girl." Deacon said as he leaned over to kiss Scarlett's forehead

"Can I call you daddy?" she asked Deacon

"I'd like that a lot, baby girl."

"I have a mommy, but can I have 2 she asked Rayna?"

"Sure, you can Scarlett." Rayna almost cried

Rayna and Deacon settled in together on couch in the room for the night after Scarlett fell back asleep.

Rayna was restless. She was nervous about seeing Luke soon. She watched Deacon sleeping so peacefully with his head on her chest. She needed to tell him about Luke. Keeping it inside, worried he'd find out was killing her. The idea of hurting him was killing her too.

"I can't lose him." She thought to herself as she watched him sleep

Scarlett was released the next morning, and started her more intense breathing treatment regime. Things seemed to be going, and she was having less attacks. Life was good at the Claybourne house or so it seemed.

Deacon was busy in a recording studio a few weeks later when he got a tearful phone call from Vince. After he hung up he called Rayna.

"Hey gorgeous." He said as Rayna picked up her cell

"Oh, hey, how's the recording going?"

"Really good actually. How are the girls?"

"They're across the street for a play date."

"With the Smith BOYS?" Deacon asked irritated

"They're 5, Deacon. It's not a date." Rayna laughed at how protective he was of his little girls.

"I was 5 once. I know how their evil little minds work. I tried to kiss a few girls in kindergarten." He jokingly said

"Anyway, Vince just called. Poor guy's heartbroken."

"Oh No…Did something happen with Kelly? She was so good for him."

"Yeah, I know. It sucks. I guess she cheated on him early in the relationship with her ex, and turns out the baby isn't his. It's her ex's."

*****silence*****

"Ray…you still there?"

"uuuhhmmm….yeah, sorry, just a little shocked." She stammered with the news hitting a little close to home for Rayna.

"So, he's on his way to Nashville. Needs to get out of Natchez."

"Is he drinking, Deacon?"

"Yeah, he is." Deacon said worried

"I really don't think he should come here with the girls, Deacon."

"RELAX, Ray…I told him he can have the cabin for as long as he needs it. We never use it anymore."

"OK, that's fine." She said relieved Deacon wasn't letting him stay at the house if he was drinking.

"He's a couple hours from Nashville still. He's gonna come into town for some groceries, and he'll swing by for the cabin keys. Are you gonna be home for a while?" Deacon asked

"Yeah, I'm just working in the home studio while the girls are away."

"Thanks, honey. I'd love to see him, but I'm kinda tied up here and can't make all these people rearrange their schedules for me. Tell him I'll come up to the cabin soon to catch up with him."

"Hey…I love you, Ray"

"I love you too, Deacon."

Deacon got home late. He looked in on the girls and smiled. He quietly got ready for bed, and slipped under the covers to snuggle with Rayna.

"How did Vince seem?" he asked when he realized Rayna was awake.

"Not good, he's pretty devastated. He was so happy about becoming a father."

"Yeah, I know. I guess he asked her to marry him on Valentine's day, and that's when she admitted the baby wasn't his, and she'd cheated on him." Deacon said with sadness in his voice

Deacon tightened his grip on Rayna, and dotted sweet kisses on her neck and behind her ears.

"I guess she did the best thing for him, admitting it…" Deacon said drifting off to sleep with Rayna in his arms


	23. Chapter 23

Rayna couldn't fall asleep. Every time she drifted off she kept hearing Deacon's words from the day they got back together, and just hours ago about Vince and Kelly.

"…I don't like it. I don't trust him, but I trust you"

"…she did the best thing for him, Admitting it"

She tried to clear her mind, think about other things, but she just kept hearing it over and over. The guilt was suffocating her.

It had been almost 3 months since the night in Chattanooga with Luke. She thought it would get easier, but it just kept getting heavier and heavier.

Luke would be back in Nashville on Monday. "GOD, only 3 days away." Rayna thought as she lay in the dark listening to Deacon breathe beside her.

She had been lucky. Luke's tour had been extended, and he hadn't been back to Nashville since early Jan. She hadn't seen him, and she avoided his calls. All of that was about to end.

Monday they were booked for a studio time. The producer was ready. They were set to start laying the tracks for the dual album.

"Good morning" Deacon whispered in Rayna's ear as he wrapped his arms around her at the kitchen counter and kissed the back of her neck.

"Morning, you're up early for a Friday." She said as she turned for a deep, lingering morning kiss.

"Yeah, I'm gonna get some stuff done early today, and head up to the cabin to spend the weekend with Vince. Are you OK with that?" he asked

"Sure, he needs some guy time, and you probably do to in a house full of women." She laughed

"I love my house full of women. There's nowhere I'd rather be, but he's havin a really hard time. Gonna try fishing. Maybe I can get him to do something other than drink." Deacon sounded hopeful

"Girls aren't up yet?" he asked

"Nope…peaceful isn't it?"

"Mind if I wake them? I probably won't see em again till Monday." He asked

"Oh, alright…so much for my peaceful morning." She joked as Deacon climbed the stairs.

"Good morning." Deacon said as he nuzzled 2 sleepy little girls with his scruff and kissed them awake, tickling them and playing, as they giggled and kissed him back.

"Sorry to wake you, but I wanted to say good bye. I'm gonna go see uncle Vince for a couple days. Gonna miss you two so much, but I'll see you soon, OK?" he told the girls

Rayna loved hearing them laugh, and play with Deacon. She always knew he was an amazing father, but the past few months with Scarlett he'd completely blown her away with his love for the little girl. Even through all of their problems Deacon remained the strongest, most loving man she'd ever seen with his little girls.

The guilt was back full force, as Deacon came downstairs with two now hyper and chatty kids. He sat and had breakfast with them, before heading out the door.

"You OK, Ray?" he asked sensing something was wrong as he got up to go.

"Just tired. I didn't sleep well." She lied as he took her in his arms for another deep kiss

"OK, I'll be back Monday morning before you leave. You start recording with Luke, right?" he asked. Rayna swallowed hard as Deacon mentioned Luke.

"uuuhhhh, yeah…we do…" she stammered

"Try to get a nap today, honey. You seem frazzled. I love you. See ya Monday morning." He said as he wrapped her in his arms for one last kiss, kissed both girls and left for the weekend.

"I love you too, babe." She said trying to hold back tears, as the guilt engulfed her.

Monday morning was hectic. Deacon got stuck in a traffic jam behind an accident coming home, and was late. He barely had time to kiss Rayna goodbye as she ran out the door on her way to start her dual album recording with Luke.

"I gotta go, babe. I'm late. I wanna hear about your weekend with Vince later. I love you." She said trying to pull away from him

"No you don't…C'mere…you're already late. I need to hold you for just a few minutes before you go. I missed you so damn much." He whispered as he held her tight and placed a slow, gentle, lingering kiss on her lips. She managed to wiggle away as he whined

"Hold that thought for tonight." She smiled and ran for her car before he could get a hold of her again.

As she drove to the studio she was kind of relieved they didn't have much time this morning. The guilt was eating her alive, and she knew Deacon had picked up on it Friday morning as he left for the cabin. He had a look in his eye. He knew her so well. She couldn't keep this up much longer.

She took a deep breath as she entered the studio. Everyone was already set up and waiting for her. She froze when she saw Luke in the booth. He didn't look happy.

"I'm so sorry. My husband was delayed this morning, and I couldn't leave my kids until he got home." She apologized to everyone

"Don't you mean ex husband?" Luke whispered clearly irritated, and quiet enough that only Rayna heard him.

She tried to smile as everyone got in place, frazzled both because Luke was 2 feet from her, and she was late and not prepared, and her nerves were just shot.

Obviously the recording session was not going well. Luke was pissed. Rayna was a mess. Every track took several tries to get it right. Patience was wearing thin for all involved, especially the producer who thought this would be a breeze with 2 seasoned pros like Rayna and Luke.

At home Deacon had the girls ready for school. He felt bad for being late and making Rayna's morning so crazy. He thought he'd surprise her with a visit to the studio, maybe take her out for lunch.

After dropping the girls off at school he stopped by the florist, and picked up a bouquet of a dozen multi colored tulips for Rayna. Spring was in the air on a sunny Nashville March day.

Deacon entered the studio. Rayna and Luke were in the booth finishing the last few verses of "Ball and Chain."

The studio was bright, and the control room was dark. Luke and Rayna couldn't see into the control room with the light so bright in their eyes.

Deacon quietly slipped into the back of the control room, nodding and smiling at the producer, but careful not to make a sound as they recorded.

Rayna and Luke had no idea he was there watching and listening to every word from the booth as they finished "Ball and Chain."

_I've tried all things I could to  
get me off the hook  
But still I keep on falling for  
every single trick in the book  
yeah  
All those little games you play babe  
used to be fun  
Baby we were flying higher  
close to the sun  
But you're tearing me apart now  
All the good is gone  
There's a shadow hanging over us  
What was right is wrong_

_It's so complicated, it's driving me insane  
It's just a ball and chain  
Just a ball and chain_

_Just a ball and chain  
Just a ball and chain  
Just a ball and chain_

"OK, that was great. I think we got it that time. Let's break for 10. We'll lay down one more track before lunch. Back in 10 people." The producer said as he left the room, and all the musicians and production crew also left for a 10 minute break.

"Whoa…you stay right here, Sugar!" Luke said as he grabbed Rayna's hand and pulled her to him once everyone was gone and he thought they were alone in the booth.

Deacon was about to enter the booth, but he held back waiting to see what was about to happen. He watched intently through the glass between the dark control room and well lit booth, struggling to control his anger as Luke grabbed Rayna's hand.

Rayna pushed Luke away

"Rayna, what the hell?" Luke asked

"You've ignored my calls for almost 3 months. I know we said no strings, but I didn't expect you to ignore me either!" Luke said clearly pissed.

Deacon was almost in a rage by this point, but he wanted to hear everything before he did anything, or let them know he was even there.

"Luke, look….I made a horrible mistake in Chattanooga. I thought my marriage was over and I wasn't thinking clearly. We never should have….." she trailed off as the tears started falling.

"So, you're not leaving him?" Luke snapped

"I….I…..I thought I could, but….I can't, Luke. I love my husband, and I'm sorry if I've hurt you, but I can't do this with you. I can't hurt Deacon any more than I already have. Please, please try to understand." Rayna was begging Luke to not make this difficult

"I can't believe you, RAYNA! Jesus…YOU kissed me back in California. YOU pulled me into bed in Chattanooga. Now you're just gonna run back to HIM, and you expect me to just pretend none of it happened?" Luke was fuming

"….and what about the next time your marriage goes to hell Rayna? Do you expect me to keep being there to pick up the pieces and watch you cry cause Deacon's being an ass, and then watch you run back to him again?"

***silence******

"HUH, ANSWER ME, RAYNA?" Luke was more pissed than she imagined he would be as Rayna just stood and cried helplessly.

"I'm sorry, Luke. I really am. I care about you, and I appreciate all the times you've been there for me, but my marriage isn't over. I love Deacon, and …" she was bawling now.

"That's just goddamn great Rayna. How the fuck are we supposed to get through this album and a goddamn tour together? Does Deacon know about everything?" Luke asked

"No, I've been trying to figure out how to tell him, but….." she collapsed on a chair as she bawled.

Deacon was seething with anger, hurt, rage, betrayal. They still didn't know he was there. He wanted to punch Luke into next week, but he was an emotional mess. He had to get away from there before he did anything really stupid.

As the producer opened the door to come back in, Deacon dropped the tulips and quickly walked out the door to his truck.

He just started driving. He had no idea where he was going. He couldn't see the road through his tears, and pulled over.

"DAMMIT." He yelled through rage and tears as he punched the dash of his truck over and over.

"How could she do this, and keep lying, acting like everything was OK between them?" he wondered as he cried on the side of the highway.

She'd done nothing but lie to him since August. Since the California trip he knew nothing about, and now he knew why she'd kept it from him.

He finally composed himself enough to drive. He stopped at a liquor store and bought 3 bottles of Jack Daniels. He had to drown the pain away. Rayna and the girls were his life, and now it was over. His reason for staying sober was gone.

He started the truck, and glanced at the clock as he left the liquor store parking lot. It was 242pm. He had to pick the girls up. He reached down and slid the bottles of Jack under the seat so they wouldn't see them.

"Hey, babies he said as he strapped the girls into car seats in the back seat." Trying to keep his composure and stay strong in front of the kids.

"Hi, daddy." They both said as he kissed them.

"If you guys could do anything you want for dinner tonight. What would it be?" he asked as he started the truck and pulled onto the road.

"ummmm…Gorilla Joe's pizza." Scarlett said

"…and ice cream for dessert." Maddie sang happily from the backseat.

"Done and done." He smiled in the rearview mirror at the two girls behind him

Deacon sat talking to the girls about their day in the booth at Gorilla Joe's. He loved them with all his heart and had no idea how he was going to tell them he might be leaving for a while, and wasn't sure what was going to happen.

They had a lot of fun. After peperoni pizza, soda, cotton candy, and ice cream he watched as they played games, and chased each other in the ball pit, and climbed through overhead tubes squealing with delight.

He called Tandy

"Hey, Tan. It's Deacon. I need you to take the girls for a while tonight."

"OK, I'm on my way home from work now. Are you home, or?"

"No, I just fed em dinner. I'll drop em off at your place soon." He said

"Deacon, you sound really weird. You're scaring me. What's going on?

"You're gonna have to ask your sister about that."

Deacon pulled into Tandy's driveway an hour later, but he didn't move from the driver's seat.

"Daddy…why are you crying daddy?" Maddie asked as she climbed into the front seat and snuggled next to Deacon

"Come up here, Scarlett?" Deacon said as he pulled them both close and swallowed a lump in his throat

"Do you know how much I love both of you? I might need to go away for a little while, but I'll see you both real soon, OK. Things are gonna be a lot different now, but mama and I both love you, and we're both gonna be there for you just maybe not together anymore. I need you both to be good, and try to understand, OK?" he said as he lost his composure and cried holding them on his lap in the front seat of his truck.

He left them with Tandy, and went home to pack.

Back at the studio Rayna and Luke were finishing up after a very tense day. The producer was pissed. Things were not going well.

"OK, well…today pretty much sucked! I'll book the studio for Thur. We'll try this again. Maybe get some practice in together before then." The producer heatedly said to Luke and Rayna

As Rayna walked through the control room she noticed the tulips on the couch at the back of the room and picked them up.

_Ray,_

_Tulips for the two beautiful lips I've missed all weekend._

_Looking forward to those lips tonight._

_Love,_

_Deacon_

"When was Deacon here?" she asked the producer as she read the card.

"Well, isn't that sweet." Luke sniped sarcastically, still very pissed as he saw the card and flowers.

"uuuhhhh…it was before lunch. I think around the first break this morning." He replied.

"Was he in the booth?" Rayna asked as her heart hit the floor.

"Yeah, I thought you talked to him, and had a fight or something. He seemed pissed. You were crying. Didn't think it was my business." The producer said as he grabbed his bag and left.

Rayna sank to the couch. "Deacon knows" she thought as she tried to collect herself enough to go home and deal with whatever was coming.

She cried all the way home, and was relieved to find Deacon's truck in the garage as she pulled in.

She took a deep breath as she entered the kitchen.

There were 2 large suitcases by the door.

Deacon was sitting at the island on a stool with his back to her. He didn't turn around.

He had a framed picture of the 4 of them from Christmas in front of him. The one Rayna loved with all 3 girls in Deacon's arms in front of the tree.

He also had an open bottle of Jack Daniels. He had his wedding ring off, and was spinning it on the counter top.

"Deacon….." Rayna tried to speak as her voice cracked.

"Where are the girls?" she managed to get out as he turned and stared at her with more rage than she'd seen from him since their early years, when he was a pretty heavy alcoholic.

"Tandy has em. They didn't need to be here for this." He said with little tone in his voice as he took another long pull from the bottle.


	24. Chapter 24

Rayna stood frozen in the garage doorway. She wasn't sure what Deacon was going to do. She hadn't seen his really dark side in years. The last time she remembered him being this upset with her was only about a year into their relationship.

Vince lived with them at the time in their first apartment. It was a year before they got married. Rayna had had enough of their drunken partying, staying out all night, fights, hospital visits for alcohol poisoning, broken bones, car accidents, DUI's.

Vince and Deacon came in at 4am drunk. She normally left him alone when he was drunk, but that night she wanted a fight. She asked Deacon to make Vince move out. It got ugly, loud, the neighbors called police.

The police arrived to broken furniture, glass, and a very agitated Deacon. Vince had bailed and left when he realized how pissed Deacon was. It was the one and only time Rayna had been really afraid Deacon might physically harm her.

The police had taken her to Tandy's, and made Deacon stay away from her for the night. He showed up at Tandy's a few days later begging her to come home. He'd kicked Vince out like she wanted. She went back, but only after he agreed to rehab for the 2nd time.

Now standing frozen in the doorway, she saw that haunting look again. She was terrified. She hated that she was the cause, that she'd pushed Deacon to this point again.

"Deacon, please…..calm down!" she pleaded through tears as his eyes bored into her with hate, contempt, distrust.

"I'm sorry you found out this way. I always meant to tell you. I just….."

"There's no excuse, nothing I can say to make this right, or even begin to fix things."

"How much did you hear?" she asked hoping he hadn't been in the recording booth the whole time

****silence**** as he continued to glare, seemingly deep in thought.

"All of it, Rayna. From the last few versus of Ball and Chain to when the producer came back after the break." He said much calmer than she expected.

He wasn't yelling. His facial features were softening. The rage and darkness were turning more to hurt, betrayal, disbelief, sadness, as he slowly turned back to spinning his wedding ring on the counter top.

The ring got to close to the edge and went spinning to the floor, hitting the tile with a ping. Deacon didn't bother to pick it up.

"Why?" he asked in a husky whisper as he tried to control the barrage of emotions hitting him.

"I thought we were over, Deacon. I was sure you were gonna leave me. You said you didn't want to work things out. You didn't want anything from me."

He seemed to nod agreeably as he put his elbows on the counter top and rubbed his face with his hands.

"Ray, I know I'm guilty of letting you walk outta here thinking we were done, that…I didn't care…." He was doing his best to hold back tears

"….but what about California? Luke said YOU kissed him back. Is that true?" he asked hoping he'd heard wrong.

"…..yeah, we'd been drinking. That's no excuse. He kissed me, and without thinking…..yeah I kissed him back, but I realized what I was doing. I stopped, Deacon. I stopped, and told him to leave." Rayna was being completely honest with him now. He deserved that much.

"…and the hand holding in the tabloid pictures?" he asked still keeping his back to her, and rubbing his face in frustration, hurt, angst.

"His wife had just left him, Deacon. It wasn't what those pictures made it look like. I was just reassuring him as a FRIEND that I was there and willing to listen."

"…..and somehow he thought…what….you wanted him? How did it end up a kiss?"

"I don't know, Deacon. It just did."

"….and why should I believe anything now? I mean, hell Ray….you've been lying to me for 7 months."

"I didn't want to hurt you, Deacon. I meant everything I said to Luke today. I love YOU, and never want to hurt you like that again." She was crying now

"Please say you believe that, Deacon?"

"It doesn't matter if I believe it or not, Ray." He sighed still fighting his emotions.

"I can't win here. It's gonna kill me to walk out that door. It's gonna kill me to stay. I can't imagine a life without you, but right now I can't stand to think about you with HIM!" he started crying and took another drink from the bottle.

"Deacon….please….put the bottle down. You've had enough." She said noting it was half empty.

"Whole damn bottle's not gonna be enough tonight, Ray." He said with another drink

"….but that's OK, I got 2 more." He said as he picked up the picture from Christmas and lightly ran his hand over it as a few more tears fell.

"Deacon…come on…please…we can work this out?" she pleaded crying as she moved towards him and tried to put a hand on his shoulder.

"DON'T, RAYNA!" he snapped, pulling away from her touch as the alcohol started to take effect and the rage started to build again.

Deacon was shaking. He was sobbing as he stared at the picture. He wanted the pain to stop. He took another drink.

"Was he good?" Deacon asked as his demeanor darkened a little more with each pull from the bottle.

"…Don't do this Deacon."

"Do what, Ray? It's a simple question. How is Wheels Up in bed?"

"Come on, Ray….the kiss must have done something for you if you dragged him into bed the first chance you got."

"Deacon, please? I know you're hurt, but this isn't going to fix anything." She wanted to hold him, take his pain away, but right now her touch just seemed to infuriate him.

"Why don't you go up to bed, Deacon? I'll sleep in the guest room and leave you alone, OK?" Rayna hoped he'd go upstairs and pass out. He'd had nearly two thirds of the bottle now.

He was having a hard time holding his head up. He still had the picture in his left hand, and the bottle in the right. He took another drink.

"Deacon, PLEASE. Let me help you upstairs, OK?" she said as she tried to get him up from the island bar stool.

"I SAID DON'T, RAYNA! DON'T TOUCH ME. DON'T TRY TO …" his voice cracked and trailed off as he completely broke down into a physical and emotional mess.

The darkness took over. Deacon slammed the picture onto the counter top cracking the glass. He finished the bottle of Jack with one long last pull, and threw it against the kitchen wall with a deafening shatter.

"Deacon, PLEASE STOP?" Rayna begged him through tears as he tried to stand, stumbling, still crying.

'I gotta get out of here. I can't take seeing….." his voice trailed off as he cried and pulled his keys from his pocket.

"DEACON! NO….you aren't in any shape to drive." Rayna begged as he finally managed to stand.

He wheeled the 2 large suitcases out to the garage and struggled to load them into his suburban in his drunken state.

He already had a couple of his guitars, his music bag, and some other items in the car. He had removed the 2 car seats from the back.

"DEACON. NO. I'M NOT LETTING YOU DRIVE LIKE THIS!" Rayna begged him to stop and tried to grab the keys away from him, but he wouldn't let go as he climbed into the driver's seat.

"DEACON, PLEASE! I WILL LEAVE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND ME RIGHT NOW. YOU CAN STAY. PLEASE JUST GO UPSTAIRS AND LAY DOWN."

"It's not just you, Ray. It's everything here. It's a life I had. A life I need to learn to live without." He said through tears as Rayna pleaded with him to stay.

"Deacon, what about the girls? Think about them."

"I do think about them Rayna. Every second, of every day. It hurts so much to think about everything I'll miss, but …." He couldn't finish. He was so completely and totally distraught.

"What do you expect me to do, Ray? Am I supposed to stay here and be Mr. Mom while you run off with HIM on tour now? How the fuck and I supposed to do that, huh?"

"I don't know, Deacon. I don't know how we're gonna get through this, but we need to try."

"I'm done tryin, Ray. Every time I let it go. Say we're not gonna talk about it anymore, I find out more. First you lied about being in the states, then I saw the tabloid, then you run off with HIM, and now I find out there's been something going on between you two all along."

"Deacon, that's not true. There is nothing going on now. There hasn't been since Chattanooga."

"HE'S BEEN GONE ON TOUR, RAYNA! …..AND NOW HE'S BACK! I DON'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE." He was yelling now, still crying as he fumbled to get the key in the ignition.

Rayna grabbed his shirt and struggled to stop him as he tried to push her away and start his truck.

"DAMMIT, RAYNA! LET ME GO. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS, WITH YOU ANYMORE….." he stopped fighting and put his head on the steering wheel crying harder.

"Just go back inside, please Rayna…" he sat up trying to compose himself as he started the truck.

"Deacon, nooooo. Please please please think about your kids, your music…" she was sobbing on his shoulder as he sat with the truck running.

"Didn't you know….I LOVED YOU! I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU!" he told her through tears as he gently took her face in his hands for one last, long, sweet, lingering kiss as their tears mixed.

The kiss caught Rayna off guard. It was the last thing she expected him to do. He took the opportunity as she stumbled back in shock to slam the truck door, locking it so she couldn't stop him.

Before she knew it he was pulling out of the garage.

"DEACON, DEACON…..PLLLEEEAASEEEEE, COME BACK. She yelled, but it was too late. He was gone.

She collapsed on the cold, garage floor bawling, worried sick he'd have an accident. Kill himself or someone else. He'd polished off an entire bottle of Jack Daniels. He could barely walk. Now he was driving.

She had no idea where he was going. Probably the cabin. That's where he always seemed to go when he needed to get away, whenever they had fights bad enough for him to leave. This wasn't just a fight. He'd taken off his wedding ring. It was still on the kitchen tile.

Rayna pulled herself together and up off the garage floor. She went in the house.

She picked up Deacon's ring and put it on the chain around her neck.

"It's not over." She whispered to herself.


	25. Chapter 25

Rayna took a few deep breaths as she tucked the chain with Deacon's wedding ring inside her shirt. She picked up the picture of a happy family, all smiling in Deacon's arms, in front of the Christmas tree.

Deacon had shattered the glass in the frame when he slammed it back down on the counter top. "Seems fitting," she thought of the shattered family, behind the shattered glass, as she picked the broken glass out of the frame, and shed a few tears.

She placed the picture back on the mantle where Deacon had taken it from, and collapsed on the couch in tears as she glanced around the room. They had pictures everywhere, memories everywhere, music everywhere, Deacon everywhere she looked in the house.

She sat alone sobbing for over an hour, clutching a throw pillow that was heavy with Deacon's cologne. "He must have napped on it recently," she thought as she held it closer taking in his scent.

She finally went back into the kitchen to clean up fragments of the Jack Daniels bottle Deacon threw against the kitchen wall. "GOD, what if something happens to him?" she sobbed thinking of how much he'd drank, and was now driving somewhere.

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he has an accident over this," she sobbed. "I lost my mother so young," she remembered how it felt losing a parent. "What if I've done that to Maddie," she worried about Deacon having an accident.

"He was so drunk, and so heartbroken, " she feared he might even do it on purpose. She had to find him, make sure he was OK.

She called Tandy.

"Hey, how are the girls?" she asked trying to sound normal.

"Fine, they're watching a movie." Tandy replied sensing pain in Rayna's voice

"What the hell is going on, Rayna?"

******silence******* as Rayna tried to gain her composure and not lose it

"I….I…..think I've lost Deacon." She sobbed giving up trying to be strong, and letting the tears slow again.

"What? Why, what happened? Did he find out about the kiss in California last year?"

"It's sooo much worse than that, Tandy." She sobbed into the phone

"A few months ago when Deacon and I were having problems. I thought our marriage was over. I was sooo sure he was gonna leave me then. I went on that PR trip with Luke and we…." She couldn't say it. She still couldn't believe she'd done it.

"You what, Rayna?"

"I had tried to make up with Deacon the night before I left. I lit some candles, got out some wine and cheese. He completely rejected me for the first time ever." She sobbed harder

"I never felt so alone, and unwanted. I made plans to go on the PR trip with Luke. I couldn't stay in the house with Deacon. I had to get away. He'd been a jerk for a month. I just couldn't take any…." She broke down crying.

"I thought we were done. I made the decision to file for a divorce on that trip, but then Scarlett ended up in the hospital, and Deacon changed his mind. He wanted to make up."

"…but I had already…I can't believe I did it, Tandy." She cried into the phone.

"You, what, Rayna? Please tell me you didn't sleep with Luke?"

"…..I thought Deacon and I were done, or I never would have…yeah, I slept with Luke." She admitted.

"Rayna, that PR trip was right before Christmas. Almost 3 months ago. How did Deacon just find out?" Tandy asked

"He came to the studio to see me today. I didn't know he was in the booth. Luke and I were fighting about it. Luke hates me too. Deacon heard everything."

"…..now he's gone. I'm so afraid something terrible is going to happen to him. He drank a whole bottle of Jack. He's so hurt and upset. I tried to stop him, but he left."

"He's driving after a whole bottle of Jack?" Tandy was worried now too

"Can you keep the girls tonight? I need to find him, make sure he's OK?" she bawled to her sister

"Sure, honey, but you're in no condition to drive either. You're too upset."

"I can't wait Tandy. I need to make sure he's OK. This is my fault, and if anything happens to him, How will I ever face Maddie again? Or Scarlett? Deacon's all Scarlett has left, and they're both crazy about Deacon."

"OK, I understand, but you CALL ME when you find him. I need to know you're OK, too." Tandy said extremely worried as they hung up. She knew Deacon had a temper and it got 10X worse if he was drunk. She worried about Rayna provoking him.

Rayna drove the hour to the cabin crying most of the way. She had to make this right. Maybe not tonight. Tonight all she wanted to do was know he was safe.

She got to the security gate and decided to just park and walk the last stretch of road. It was only about and eighth of a mile from the gate to the cabin. She didn't want Deacon to see the headlights and know she was there.

They had security gates installed after Maddie was born. The cabin was very secluded, but press could be relentless and follow Rayna at times. They'd never had a problem at the cabin, but Deacon wasn't taking any chances with his girls. She smiled remembering how protective he was with her and Maddie.

She walked the dirt road deep in thought. As she neared she could see the cabin lights through the trees. A deep weight lifted when she saw Deacon's truck safely parked near Vince's car in the driveway. He'd made it.

"Should I go to the door?" she wondered and decided against it. Her touch seemed to upset him earlier, but she wanted to see him, not just his truck. She needed to know he was OK.

She crept around to the porch area, but didn't dare step onto it. The boards creaked, and you could hear footsteps easily inside when someone approached.

She heard voices. Vince and Deacon were around the fire pit near the river. She jumped back quickly when she realized she was in the light from the porch.

She stood in the shadows just watching Deacon. He was noticeably drunk, and had a new bottle of Jack in his right hand, but from where she was it still looked full. He was only sipping from it.

She felt like a peeping Tom watching them this way, but she wasn't sure how to leave without them seeing her. She was wearing a white jacket, and wasn't sure how they'd missed her when she approached, other than both were drunk so observation wasn't at it's best.

There was about 200 feet between the clearing and the covered wooded area of the access road. In white and moving she was afraid they'd see her if they glanced her direction. "Maybe I can go into the woods behind the cabin and back to the road she thought?"

"There's a picture the tabloids would love. Rayna Jaymes traipsing through the woods spying on her estranged husband." She laughed at the thought. "Oh if anyone knew she was doing this."

She really didn't want to go into the woods. It was dark and she hated critters of any kind especially at night when she couldn't see them.

"Crap. How did I get myself into this?" she cursed her stupid idea to see Deacon

Still feeling like a peeping Tom violating Deacon's privacy she continued to watch, and listen.

"So what are you gonna do, man?" Vince asked

"I dunno." Deacon answered with a sadness in his voice that broke Rayna's heart

"You guys have together a long time, through a lot of shit."

"8 years. 5 ½ married." Deacon answered sounding so confused about what to do.

"What about the kids? You gonna see them?"

"Well, of course Vince. I love the girls no matter what happens with Rayna. It's gonna hurt like hell becoming THAT kinda dad. Every other weekend. Splitting holidays and vacations. Being at Rayna's mercy when, if and how I get to see them." He was starting to sound angry

"You could fight for custody." Vince suggested

"I could. I have raised Maddie almost entirely alone since she was 2, and Scarlett is my niece." He seemed to kind like the idea of custody. Rayna's heart sank.

"Would Deacon really try to take Maddie away from her?" she wondered

She hadn't thought about this aspect of things even when she considered seeing a lawyer to divorce Deacon.

"Are you really ready to raise 2 little girls alone?" Vince asked sarcastically

"I've been raising one. Rayna's been off touring for most of the last 2 years. She was only home a couple times a month for maybe a few days. Some weeks here and there, holidays."

"God only knows what the hell she was doing out on the road. Even with all our problems I never thought Rayna was capable of cheating on me." He said his voice cracking

"Women are evil!" Vince sniped clearly still bitter about his own situation with Kelly

"I'm actually glad the kids not mine." Vince admitted

"Yeah, well I don't have that luxury. Maddie is 100% a Claybourne. She has my temper, my looks." Deacon said sadly missing his little girl

"I should be home putting her and Scarlett to bed now. It's my night."

Deacon suddenly got up to get sick and stumbled towards the water.

"Hey, you alright man?

"Yeah, just don't have the tolerance for this shit like I used to. Makes me puke every time." He said leaning down, hands on his knees

"I'm gonna go to bed. I can't drink without puking. I need to just be unconscious for a while. You got any oxy or anything to knock me out for a while, Vince?"

"Yeah, on my night stand. You'll find a selection I think you'll like." Vince smirked

"Thanks, man….and thanks for listening to me tonight. Sorry I was so emotional when I got here."

"No problem, Deke. You've been there for me since we were like 5. Glad to help. Hate seeing you that way." Vince said with a hand on Deacon's shoulder

"Thanks." Deacon replied his voice cracking a little as he stumbled up the incline towards the porch

Rayna could see tears on his cheeks as he stepped into the light from the porch. She was happy he was safe and seemed a lot more sober than he had earlier with her, but concerned he wanted drugs from Vince. He hadn't touched anything illegal drug wise in years.

She was also worried that if he divorced her he might try to take the girls.

She waited several more minutes. Vince also went inside. She made a quick dash for the wood covered area of the access road.

"Maybe Deacon was really going to divorce her?" she thought as she cried on the way home. He was thinking about custody of the girls.

She wondered if maybe she should see an attorney just to check her rights and get an opinion on the matter. Deacon has been the main parent for over 2 years. That might not look so good in court for her.

The next morning Rayna made an appointment to see Ray Westcock. He's a prominent, Nashville divorce attorney that has handled many big celebrity divorce cases.

"Mrs. Claybourne, I'm a huge fan. Nice to meet you." Westcock said as he greeted Rayna with a handshake

"OK, so you're divorcing your husband of 5 years Deacon Claybourne?" he asked as they sat down in his office

"Well, No….I'm not sure it's going to come to that. He left me just last night. I….just really kinda wanna know where I stand if he files for divorce. We have kids." She said still not believing she was sitting across from a divorce lawyer.

"Let me be clear here, Rayna? May I call you Rayna?" he asked as she nodded yes

"It will be best to be proactive here. In your profession with all the publicity this will generate, I would strongly suggest you get a handle on it now, before the press gets a hold of it, and believe me…they will."

"…but also before your husband makes the first move."

"I cheated on him." Rayna said losing her composure and tearing up

"It doesn't really matter who did what, who said what. You're at this point. The best you can do now is try to mitigate the damage especially to your career, and your kids."

"I don't want a divorce Mr. Westcock." She said voice cracking

"I just wanna know if Deacon can take my kids away?"

"I did my research before you got here. I know he's been the primary care giver for your child. You've been touring pretty heavily for a few years, correct?"

"Yes."

"I'm not gonna lie. That alone gives him an upper hand, but I'm also aware he has a drinking problem that's been well documented?"

"He did. He's mostly a social drinker now, but he does occasionally drink to excess still."

"There's a documented history. That's all I need. Mrs. Claybourne."

"I don't know. I don't wanna use his past against him. Deacon is an amazing father. Our daughter and our niece are crazy about him."

"Your niece?" asked Westcock

"We have custody of our niece Scarlett. She's Deacon's sister's child. We've had her 4 months."

"You have legal custody?"

"Yes, Beverly her mother has some mental issues. She's been out of the hospital a few months now, but hasn't bothered to see, or even call Scarlett."

"So, you'd want custody of Scarlett along with your daughter?" he asked

"Yes, I love her like a daughter. She calls Deacon and I mom and dad now."

"OK, that's a little trickier since she's on his side of the family by blood, but since you have legal custody and the mother is MIA I don't see a problem, unless his sister were to come forward and request she stay with him."

"So, you think Deacon has a better chance at custody, unless I make an issue out of his alcohol problems?" she asked

"If he seriously pursues custody. Yes, because he's been the main caregiver while you were away, I think he has one hell of a chance at winning a custody dispute. If you can show that he's unfit it gives you an edge."

"I don't want to say he'd unfit. He's an amazing father."

"Amazing enough that you're willing to lose your daughter to him?" he asked pointedly

"I don't think he'd keep her from me."

"Mrs. Claybourne. These things get ugly very quickly, and what you "think" he'd never do, I assure you when you push him into a corner he will do just that. You said you cheated on him. I'm sure he's very hurt and unfortunately that hurt is going to drive his actions more than anything."

"You need to get something legal in place even if it's temporary. Right now he can take the kids and there is nothing you can do about it. If you act first, claim he left the kids with you, it looks better for you."

"I don't know. I need to think about this. Thank you for your time and the information." Rayna said as she stood to go.

"Mrs. Claybourne, don't wait too long. Time is of the essence here. If he makes the first move towards custody he'll already have the upperhand. As I said whatever we get into place could be temporary, but you need something legal on paper, and soon."

"OK, thanks." She left feeling discouraged, but worried about what Deacon might do, and to make matters worse there was a TMZ photographer outside the lawyer's office.

"Mrs. Jaymes, why are you seeing a divorce attorney? If your marriage to Deacon Claybourne over?"

"No comment." She said as she rushed to her SUV

"Does this have anything to do with your upcoming album with Luke Wheeler? You've been spotted with Luke outside your working relationship. Is he why your marriage is over?"

********silence*******Rayan said nothing as she climbed in her Escalade and quickly drove away


	26. Chapter 26

Deacon hadn't left the cabin in a week. He'd pretty much been spending his days fishing and drinking with Vince, but they were running low on groceries and alcohol. He decided to go into Nashville today.

He'd been doing some writing, and had some things to submit to Belcort. He needed to touch base with the opry and Bluebird. He'd cancelled all gigs in the past week.

He hadn't seen the girls, or even called since the day he left Rayna. He felt horrible, but he just couldn't bear the thought of seeing Rayna yet. It still hurt so much. She had left him a message last week about setting up some type of legal visitation arrangement, but he'd ignored the call.

As he made the hour long drive to town he thought about Maddie and Scarlett. They'd be in school now. He really didn't want to talk to Rayna, but maybe he could pick the girls up and take them to dinner. He'd have to call Rayna to make the arrangement, but maybe he could drop them off with Tandy and avoid seeing her.

He pulled into the Bluebird parking lot, but decided to suck it up and call Rayna about seeing the girls before going in.

He was relieved when it went to voicemail.

"Hey, Rayna. I'm in town today working. I'm gonna pick the girls up from school and take them for dinner. I'll drop them off at Tandy's around 7. Let me know if that's a problem, otherwise that's my plan."

He took a deep breath relieved he didn't have to talk to Rayna, but happy he'd have his girls in a couple hours.

He climbed out of the truck and made his way into the Bluebird. There was a small unknown group playing songs. It wasn't anything formal mid-day, but he shut off his phone out of courtesy, and made his way to the office to talk to Sarah about doing his Thur night gig this week. He has some new material he wants to try out.

Across town Rayna and Luke were back in the studio with the producer laying down tracks for the dual album. Things were still tense between them, but Luke seemed to be softening a little. He could see that Rayna was really stressed.

"OK, that sounded great. I think we got it. Let's take 5." The producer said as they finished another track

Rayna quickly stepped out of the booth to check her messages and get a cup of coffee.

She froze when she heard Deacon on her voicemail. Luke noticed she was clearly shaken.

"Hey, Rayna, I know things are tense between us. I was kind of a jerk last week. I'm sorry. I knew you were married when we…." He trailed off when he saw the tears in her eyes

"Hey, hey…sugar, look…we're friends, OK. I'm sorry I was so harsh last week. C,mere, you seem so upset. What's wrong?" he said as she let him pull her into a hug

"Everything, Luke. I've made such a horrible mess for everyone." She sobbed into his chest

"Hey, Eric, can you tell the producer we're gonna be a little bit. 15-20 min or so." Luke said to one of the PA's as he pulled Rayna into a private meeting room.

"Deacon left me a message. He wants to see the girls today, but not me. He's been gone a week. No calls until now. Hasn't bothered to see the kids." She told Luke through tears hurt, that Deacon didn't want to see her.

"He left you?" Luke asked

"Yeah, he's so hurt and …."she was bawling now

"C'mere. Give him some time. It's only been a week. God, I feel horrible Rayna. This is mostly over me, and everything Deacon heard last week." He said as he held her a little tighter

"I wanna let him see the kids, but he's drinking again. I'm not sure I should."

"That's a tough one. I've seen Deacon drunk. Not a good thing around kids, but he's also a good father, right? Maybe you should ask him about his drinking, set down some guidelines for when he has the girls?" Luke suggested

"Yeah, you're right. I don't wanna keep them from him, but if he's drinking they're not going with him. Thanks. Tell the producer I'll be there in a few. I need to call him back." She said as Luke squeezed her hand and left the room to give her some privacy.

Deacon had his Thur night Bluebird gig set up. He was just about to get out of the truck at the opry office when his phone rang. He saw Rayna's number flash across his display, and hesitated before answering.

"Yeah." He said coldly

"Hey Deacon, I got your message. The girls miss you. I'm sure they'd be happy to see you today, but I need to know that you haven't been drinking before I let you take them."

"Before you LET ME?" he fumed

"Deacon, please…"

"What are you gonna keep the girls from me now, RAYNA?" he asked clearly pissed she'd even go there.

"No, Deacon. They need you. I just want to know they're safe, and that you haven't been drinking."

"I'm not a goddamn idiot, Rayna. NO, I HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING. Not that it's any of your concern."

"The girls are my concern, Deacon! When was your last drink?"

****silence**** as he fumed on the other end

"I had a few beers while I was fishing with Vince YESTERDAY. HAPPY NOW, HUH?" he barked

"Speaking of Vince, and the cabin. I don't want the girls there."

"I'M NOT TAKING THEM THERE TODAY, RAYNA! I JUST WANT TO SEE THEM AND HAVE DINNER WITH THEM, BUT FOR THE RECORD…THEY'RE MY KIDS TOO, AND YOU DON'T GET TO DICTATE WHEN AND WHERE I SEE THEM. I'M PICKING THEM UP IN AN HOUR. IT'S NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION. I THOUGHT I'D BE NICE AND ASK, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO." He was really pissed now

"Deacon, please…don't be like that." She tried to soften the blow realizing she'd pushed him too far, and remembering what the lawyer said about things getting ugly quickly.

"Like what, Rayna….YOU cheat on ME, and now you have the gall to put restrictions on when and where I can see my kids. I'm not drinking today. I'd never do anything to hurt those kids. YOU KNOW THAT! So don't start pushing these rules and regulations and acting like the high and mighty better parent. I raised Maddie. YOU DIDN'T! I'll be damned if I'm gonna let YOU keep either of those kids from me. IS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH, RAYNA?"

"I just want you to be honest with me about your drinking, Deacon. I just need to know they're safe with you." She said her voice cracking at how harsh and cold he was being.

"You're asking ME to be honest." He laughed

"I realize honesty is not your strong suit, Rayna, but I've never lied to you. I'M SOBER. I'LL BE SOBER WHEN I HAVE THE KIDS, but my life is no longer your concern. What I do is none of your damn business."

***silence***she was trying hard not to collapse into a fit of tears

"I'LL PICK THE KIDS UP FROM SCHOOL. DROP THEM OFF WITH TANDY AT 7. WE DONE HERE?" he asked

"Yeah, we're done." She said as she flipped her phone closed and cried alone for a few minutes before composing herself enough to be Rayna Jaymes again.

Deacon was fuming as he walked into the opry offices. He couldn't believe she was going to pull this crap with the kids. "Maybe we do need something legal in place." He thought as he opened the office doors.

She cheated on him. He'd given up his career to raise Maddie, and now she thinks she's gonna play the good parent and call the shots after 2 years away, and try to keep his niece away too. "Rayna Jaymes has another thing coming if she tries." He thought.

He talked to the opry office and resumed his duties as house band leader effective tomorrow. He was off to get his girls. He planned to have a great afternoon with them, and forget Rayna and her crap.

"Daddy." They both shrieked as they ran towards Deacon standing near his truck

He had them both in his arms as the teacher came running behind them with their daily progress reports.

"Mr. Claybourne. Good to see you. We've missed you." She said clearly noting his recent absence from daily pick up and drop off duty.

"Yeah, I'll try to be around a little more." He smiled as he took the progress reports

"Yeah, your wife kinda filled us in on some changes at home." She said as Deacon's demeanor darkened at the mention of Rayna

"Oh she did, huh?"

"Scarlett has been OK with things. A few asthma attacks. Here's her nebulizer." She said handing Deacon Scarlett's machine

"Maddie is struggling. She's been sullen, mopey, and short tempered with the other kids. We understand that things are hard for her at home, but we just want you both to be aware." She said as she turned to go back inside

"Thanks," Deacon replied as he opened the door to make sure the girls were buckled in and realized he didn't have car seats.

"How are my girls? I've missed you both so much." He said as they both bounded into his arms again for hugs and kisses

"We're gonna have to stop by the house to get car seats. Just wear the seat belts for now, OK? It's only a few blocks." He said as he closed the door and climbed into the drivers seat.

Rayna and Luke were just finishing up at the studio.

"OK, today went a lot better, but I'm still concerned about the last 2 we worked on. Can you two get together, work out the kinks, and let me know when your schedules allow to book the studio again?" the producer said as everyone got ready to leave.

"Yeah, sure thing." Luke responded

"No problem." Rayna agreed

"Alone again." Luke said as he and Rayna were left in the studio

"It's not like I have anywhere to be. Deacon has the girls till 7." Rayna sadly said.

"Hey, cheer up. It'll all work out one way or another. How was the phone call?" Luke asked concerned

"Not great. He's pissed cause I asked about his drinking." She sighed

"He's gonna be, Rayna. I just went through it with Steph. It gets ugly even with the best intentions."

"That's pretty much what the lawyer said." She swallowed a lump in her throat trying not to get all emotional again on poor Luke.

"I'm sorry I hurt you too, Luke." She said tears escaping again.

"Hey, look, I was pissed, but I know I shouldn't have expected anything. You're still married. So am I. We agreed to no strings and I should have honored that." He apologized

"I could've handled it better. I'm sorry I blew you off for 3 months. I didn't want to hurt Deacon anymore, but that's all blown to hell now." She sighed again

"Friends again?" Luke asked hopeful

"Yeah, I've missed that part." Rayna agreed

"Maybe someday when the time is right, and both are lives aren't so crazy we can think about more again, but for now….I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on, or just to talk as a FRIEND, OK? He seemed so sincere. Rayna felt guilty for hurting Luke too.

"OK, thanks." She said as she hugged him tight

"Well, we've got 4 hours before you need to get the kids. Wanna come to the ranch and work on those 2 tracks?"

"It's 45 minutes outta town, isn't it?" she asked

"Yeah in light traffic, probably an hour at 3pm." He replied

"Why don't you just come to the house? We have a home studio too. No kids till 7. That way we won't lose 2 hrs of work time." She said inviting Luke to her home.

"Sure, sounds good, Sugar. I'll follow you. I kinda know the area, but it's been a while." He responded with a warm smile happy they were still friends

Deacon had just got the cars seats back in the suburban, and the girls re-buckled as Rayna pulled into the garage.

Her heart went into triple time when she saw him standing next to his Suburban. Luke was right behind her pulling into the driveway in his Lincoln Navigator.

"DEACON, I didn't know you were coming here." She gasped in surprise as she climbed out of her Escalade.

"I hadn't planned on it, but forgot I didn't have car seats." He answered kind of short with her, doing his best to avoid her gaze, and leave quickly.

Deacon heard someone else pull up in the drive. They both glanced that direction as Luke got out of his Navigator.


	27. Chapter 27

"Deacon, this isn't what…." Rayna tried to explain as Deacon held up his hand cutting her off. He was glaring Luke's direction in anger.

"SAVE IT, RAYNA! I DON'T NEED ANYMORE LIES. YOU'RE A FREE WOMAN. DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT. YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY GOING TO ANYWAY." He snapped turning his anger towards Rayna.

Deacon took a deep breath trying to control the rage he was feeling. He wanted to knock both of them in the head for destroying his family, but his little girls were right there in the back of his truck. He had to find the strength to be strong in front of them. Maddie was struggling at school already. She didn't need any more stress. Scarlett's anxiety caused asthma attacks, and he didn't need that right now.

"Deacon, look….this isn't anything. We were just gonna work on some tracks for the album. I know you must hate me, and I don't blame you. We made a huge mistake in Chattanooga." Luke intervened trying to smooth things over with Deacon.

"YOU WERE THE BEST MAN AT OUR WEDDING FOR CHRIST SAKE! WE TOURED TOGETHER FOR 6 MONTHS WHEN WE WERE ALL JUST STARTIN OUT. SOME FRIEND, HUH? HOW LONG WERE YOU TRYIN TO GET MY WIFE IN BED?" Deacon snapped at Luke

"I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT. YOU BOTH MAKE ME SICK. I'VE BEEN GONE A DAMN WEEK, AND YOU'VE ALREADY GOT HIM HERE IN OUR HOME? WHAT THE FUCK RAYNA? YOU KEEP SAYIN YOU LOVE ME, BUT EVERY DAMN TIME I TURN AROUND YOU'RE WITH HIM.

"Deacon…I do love you, and I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Please…I know you're hurt, and really angry. Think about the girls, and the life we've built together. It doesn't have to end this way." Rayna said crying next to her Escalade.

"Come on Deke. She loves you. Don't make the same stupid mistakes I made with Steph. I lost my family over it. You still have a chance to make it right. Don't let all the anger make decisions for you." Luke tried to help

"….AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU? A DAMN MARRIAGE COUNSELOR? SLEEP WITH MY WIFE AND NOW YOU WANNA OFFER MARRIAGE ADVICE. THAT'S JUST FUCKIN GREAT." Deacon sarcastically sniped

"No, Deacon, but I know she loves you, and we made a mistake. We're both sorry. Just keep an open mind, OK?" Luke said apologetically

"YEAH, WELL, YOUR WIFE DIDN'T CHEAT ON YOU WITH SOMEONE WHO WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A FRIEND! YOU JUST STAY THE HELL OUT OF IT." Deacon snapped at Luke again as Luke left the garage to stand near his Navigator. He wasn't leaving Rayna alone with an angry Deacon and the kids.

"I'll drop the kids of at Tandy's at 7." Deacon said calmer now as he climbed into his truck and slammed the door.

The girls were quiet in the back. Deacon knew they'd heard most of the heated conversation, and he felt horrible about it. They looked soo sad as he looked at them in the rearview mirror.

"Deacon, please, wait…let me say goodbye and check on the girls." Rayna said knocking on the passenger side window. Deacon reluctantly hit the power unlock button.

"Have fun with daddy, OK?" Rayna said as she hugged both girls

"Are you coming, mama?" Maddie asked

"No, sweetie. This is daddy's time with you. Be good, OK? I'll pick you up at aunt Tandy's later."

"…but why can't you come?" Maddie started to cry

"Hey, guys…how about some sandwiches and the rest of the day at the park?" Deacon asked the girls

"OK, daddy." They both answered seeming unsure about being with Deacon after hearing him yell

"It's gonna be alright? I promise. I know things are scary, and confusing right now, but daddy loves you both very much, OK?" he said trying to hold back tears knowing how much this was hurting them. It was killing him to see them so afraid of him after his temper got the best of him with Luke and Rayna.

Rayna could see he felt bad, but she was pissed he'd had the outburst with the kids there.

"We need to talk, Deacon…alone!"

"Yeah, fine, whatever, Rayna," he said as calmly as he could as he started the truck

"I'm serious. Soon!" she shot back as she closed the door and watched him leave with the girls

"I'm sooooo sorry about all of that. I had no idea he was coming to the house" Rayna said as Luke came back into the garage

"Hey, don't worry about it. I can handle Deacon. I can't really blame him. I'd be pissed too if the guy that slept with my wife was at my house." Luke answered

"Yeah, I know. I hate that I've hurt him this way, and I'm not sure he'll ever be able to forgive me."

"He may, he may not. All you can do is wait till he calms down. He's obviously still pretty hurt. It's only been a week. At least he's seeing the kids again."

"….and scaring the hell out of them." Rayna sighed

"Let's get to work on those tracks. Forget Deacon for now, OK?" Luke smiled and put a reassuring arm around Rayna as they entered the kitchen

"Nice place." Luke said as he looked around

"Yeah, we could have went bigger, more luxurious, but Deacon has simpler tastes and didn't want anything over the top. We have the pool out back. There were actually 6 bedroom, but we use the 3 downstairs as the studio and then Deacon and I each have offices. It's worked well for us over the years."

"I thought you bought a cabin somewhere after that first tour we went out on?"

"We did. It's about an hour from here on the Cumberland River. We kept it, but rarely get there now as a family. Deacon is living there."

"I have an 8,000 square foot ranch an hour outside Nashville, but it's awfully lonely with that much empty space. Steph never really wanted it, but I fell in love with all the land and space for horses."

"I guess I kinda get how lonely she was there. I've been touring since a month after we got married non-stop. Only home a few days a month. Sometimes not even that much. I've missed holidays, birthdays, first words, first steps." Luke said looking sad and regretting mistakes in his own marriage

"I've always tried to be home for special occasions, and I made it a point to stay home at least a few days or a week if possible a couple times a month except the European leg of that last tour. Deacon's been there for all of it. Every bump, every scrape, every special occasion with Maddie."

"I don't think you need to worry about Deacon with the kids Rayna. He has a temper, and he likes the booze, but he loves those kids."

"I know he does. The lawyer wants me to use his drinking problems against him if it comes to a custody battle. I'm not sure I can do that to him. I've caused this mess. He has every right to be hurt, and lashing out like he is." She said crying as Luke hugged her again

"One way or another it's gonna be OK. Just keep your head up. If you want Deacon. Don't give up on him. Eventually he'll come around, and be less angry." Luke smiled and tried to reassure Rayna

"Ya know we have to have one of the WEIRDEST friendships on the planet." He tried to make Rayna laugh

"Friends, lovers, back to friends…I'll just wait patiently till we're lovers again." He said with a smirk

"I do really care about you Luke. Thanks for being such a great friend, and I'm sorry about Chattanooga."

"Hey, it was just as much my fault. I knew you were vulnerable. It shouldn't have happened. Not that I wouldn't love to explore more of a relationship with you someday, Rayna if the time is right, and we're both available in every way."

Deacon had stopped at a local deli for sandwiches on the way to the park. The girls were still quiet as he unloaded them from the truck and got everything set up at a picnic table.

"How was school today?" Deacon asked as they ate

"Fine." Maddie said

"OK." Scarlett responded

"That's it, just "fine" and "ok." He asked

The girls both shrugged. They were noticeably upset. He wasn't sure what to say, or how to make it better so he just watched them. He'd missed the daily routine. Hearing them giggle and play in the house as he worked in the studio, or his office.

He really missed bedtime, singing to them, reading to them, and watching them fall asleep.

"Maybe Vince was right. He could try for custody. Rayna was going on tour with Luke anyway in a few months." He was deep in thought when Maddie started asking questions.

"Daddy, are you and mama getting divorced?" Maddie asked

"Where did you hear that word, sweetie?"

"My friend Talia said her mom and dad got divorced. Her daddy left too, and never comes to see her."

"I'm sorry I've been away all week, but I'm always gonna come see you, OK?"

"I've missed you both so much. I won't stay away like that again. I promise."

"Will you tuck us in tonight?" Scarlett asked

"Sweetie, that I can't do. Not tonight. Soon though, OK?" he said as Scarlett's little face frowned in disappointment

"Hey, you've got mama. She's good at singing, and reading to you for bed, right? Come on, why the sad faces?" he asked

"She only reads one story, and makes us go to sleep. She cries a lot now, daddy" Maddie told Deacon

"How about we go play, huh? Put all this sadness away? Who wants to swing?" he asked as he took their little hands and led them to the playground

They played for several hours as the Nashville sun sank on a mid – March day. Deacon swung them, spun them on the merry go round, watched them play on the slide and teeter toter, climb the monkey bars, and chase each other. He loved hearing them laugh, but it was 6:40, and he had to get them to Tandy's by 7. He hated having limits with his kids.

"Can we get ice cream?" Maddie asked as he buckled her car seat

"Yeah…ice cream, ice cream." Scarlett cheered

"OK, I think we've got just enough time."

He dropped the girls off at Tandy's with dripping cones, and started a routine of tearful drop offs and pick ups playing the kid switch game many parents play every other weekend.

"Daddyyyyyyy….I want you. Plllllleeeeeeeass stay with me." Maddie pleaded and clung to Deacon's shirt as Tandy tried to pry her away

"Daddy, I want youuuuuuu to tuck me in tonight plllleeeaasee." Scarlett pleaded hanging on to his leg

Tandy finally managed to get them both away from Deacon. They were crying at the front door with Tandy when Rayna pulled up. Deacon sighed. He really didn't want to see Rayna again today. They passed on the sidewalk as Rayna arrived and Deacon left.

"Ya happy now, Ray?" he said with tears in his eyes

"Is this fun watching them cry, and beg me to stay?" he sniped

"Something to fuckin look forward to with every drop off and pick up, right?"

"You and Luke have a good time tonight?" he sarcastically sniped

"I hope he's goddamn worth it, Rayna." Deacon said as he got in his, truck, slammed the door and drove away without giving her a chance to say anything.


	28. Chapter 28

Deacon was struggling to control his anger as he drove to the grocery store. They needed some supplies, and more beer at the cabin.

It had killed him to leave Maddie and Scarlett crying and begging him to stay at Tandy's. Seeing Rayna just infuriated him more. In his eyes she and Luke had destroyed his family.

Tandy and Rayna got the girls calmed down and settled watching movies. They had decided to spend the night, and make a girls night out of it to cheer Maddie and Scarlett up. Rayna needed a big girls night complete with wine once the girls went to sleep.

Deacon was in the check out line with a cart full of groceries and a couple cases of beer. He'd passed on another bottle of Jack Daniels. He'd reached for it, but remembered puking his guts out the first few days at the cabin, and thought "better not."

As the line moved forward he neared the colorful array of tabloids. His own face plastered across one caught his attention. They'd made the front cover. Rayna in the middle picture coming out of lawyer Ray Westcock's office. Deacon and Luke in older pictures with their guitars on either side.

The headline read:

_**Queen of Country Rayna Jaymes divorcing long time love, former guitarist, and husband Deacon Claybourne for King of Country Luke Wheeler.**_

_See Tell All Excusive Pictures Inside_

Deacon grabbed the magazine and flipped to the story.

_Last week our TMZ cameraman Zach caught up with Queen of Country Rayna Jaymes coming out of her attorney's office in Downtown Nashville. While she stayed mum, and refused comment the writing is on the wall._

_Queen Rayna hasn't been spotted in public or performing with her husband, and long time love Deacon Claybourne in quite some time. She has however, been spotted on more than one occasion with King Of Country Luke Wheeler._

_Last August the two were spotted and photographed having an intimate dinner alone together in LA. Both were in town for a BCPA fundraiser, and thought to be traveling together. More recently the two took an intimate PR trip around Tennessee, and appeared to be together as more than working companions._

_They made several stops along the short PR trip, and seemed very touchy feely, as they gave a more than a sultry performance of "Baby It's Cold Outside." It certainly wasn't cold on that stage in Memphis at the annual Graceland Lighting ceremony._

_It's no secret that Luke Wheeler and wife Stephanie Cannon are legally separated and headed for divorce. Wheeler's rep has confirmed that information. _

_Rayna Jaymes's marriage status is a bit more guarded with no official confirmation of separation from husband Deacon Claybourne. However, the picture of Jaymes leaving noted celebrity divorce attorney Ray Westcock's office just last week suggests trouble in paradise for Jaymes and Claybourne._

_The two married in 1992 after a couple rocky years dating. There are numerous public records available detailing early public drunken charges, accidents, and domestic abuse police calls to their residence. Their engagement was public, and short, believed to be due to an unplanned pregnancy. They have just the one child Maddie now 5. _

_Jaymes has not toured in 6 months since her return to Nashville last September, but a dual tour between Wheeler and Jaymes is scheduled to kick off later this year with multiple city stops expected._

_If their performances are anything like what patrons experienced at Graceland's lighting ceremony, It's sure to be one of the hottest tours of the year. We're not just talking about the music. _

Deacon was absolutely fuming as he looked at the pictures of Rayna and Luke having dinner in LA holding hands. There were more shots than what he'd seen in the other tabloid. There were also new intimate shots of Rayna and Luke onstage at Graceland. They appeared very lovey dovey and touching in all the pictures. The final was a shot of just their backs as they entered a hotel room together at the Peabody in Memphis.

"That's not Chattanooga. There must have been another time, or several." Deacon thought as he threw the magazine back on the rack, paid for his groceries, and stormed out to his truck.

He was shaking with rage as he climbed behind the wheel. He wanted a drink. He wanted to go find Rayna and tell her to kiss his ass. They were done. He was filing for a divorce on the grounds of adultery, and he wants custody of Maddie and Scarlett effective immediately.

Deacon took a few deep breaths trying to get his anger under control. He finally calmed down, started the truck and made his way back to the cabin. Once out of town he grabbed a beer from the backseat. He'd had 4 by the time her reached the cabin. Vince had some woman there.

Deacon quietly put the groceries away, trying not to disturb Vince and company and had a couple more beers. He took his guitar, a cooler full of beer, and headed down to sit by the water. He'd been working on some lyrics.

_**"Are We Even Yet" Joe Diffie**__  
_

_That's one for me, and one for you  
Add it up and we're just two fools  
And on, and on, and on, and on, it goes_

_You hurt me, and I hurt you woman  
Like two kids we're keepin' score  
Am I one, two or three heartaches ahead_

_Are we even yet_

_Are we even yet  
Do we even know if we're holdin' on or lettin' go  
Nobody wins, when we can't forgive and forget  
Are we even yet_

_My words hurt, and cause you pain_

_Tear drops fall like pourin' rain  
You cry and cry, love dies and dies some more_

_Revenge is sweet, when you don't talk  
I'm afraid you're gonna walk  
What will it take to take back the things we've said_

_Are we even yet_

_Are we even yet  
Do we even know if we're holdin' on or lettin' go  
Nobody wins, when we can't forgive and forget  
Are we even yet_

"That's kinda depressing Deke." Vince said as he and his evening companion joined Deacon near the water.

"I'm kinda depressed so…" he answered not bothering to look up

"It's kinda chilly out here. I'll start a fire." Vince said as he got up and headed just behind them to the fire pit

Once Vince had a roaring, warm fire going Deacon and whoever she was joined him around the dancing flames. The woman saw Deacon's face clearly for the first time in the fire light.

"Aren't you Deacon Claybourne?" she asked a bit star struck

"The one and only." He tried to smile

"OMG, I'm so thrilled to meet you. I have your only album. You're obviously still great. Why didn't you ever make another one?"

"….family, kids, soon to be ex wife's career kinda took over my life. Shit happens." He answered feeling more depressed thinking about all he'd sacrificed for Rayna just to have it all come to this.

"Oh, this is Connie, Deke." Vince finally found his manners

"Nice to meet you, Connie." Deacon said extending his hand

"So things didn't go well with the kids today?" Vince asked

"Kids were fine. Other than suck in the middle of all this bullshit with me and Rayna."

"….How was Rayna?" Vince cautiously asked as Deacon looked away

"I don't even know her anymore. She says one thing, but her actions seem to suggest she's fuckin Wheeler."

"Still? I thought it was a one time thing and she said nothing's going on now."

"She brought him to the house tonight, and I saw a tabloid at the store with some pretty telling pictures that suggest it was more than once." Deacon sighed

"I'm sorry, man. I never would have guessed Rayna would be that way."

"Yeah, you and me both. She completely blindsided me this time. Divorce was the last thing I ever thought….." Deacon trailed off not able to finish.

"So, you're gonna file?"

"I'm gonna find a lawyer tomorrow. She may have already filed. There are tabloid pictures of her coming out of Ray Westcock's office last week. Of course she picks the slimiest damn excuse for an attorney. He's probably Wheelers divorce attorney too." Deacon sarcastically sniped

"I'm gonna go to bed. Nice to meet you Connie. Night." Deacon sounded so depressed as he walked back up to the cabin

"Poor guy." Connie said when Deacon was out of earshot

"So the tabloids are true? Rayna Jaymes and Luke Wheeler are a thing?" Connie asked Vince

"Seem to be, but doesn't make sense. Rayna's always been crazy about Deacon."

At Tandy's the girls were asleep. Rayna and Tandy were in front of the TV, drinking wine.

"So, Deacon's still pretty pissed?" Tandy asked

"I don't think "pissed" covers it." Rayna said sadly

"He's not lightening up at all?"

"No, if anything I think he's worse. I didn't know Deacon was at the house tonight. Luke followed me home to work in the studio."

"Ohhhh, Rayna!"

"I didn't know Deacon was there or I never would have had Luke…."

"…and what about Luke? Are you guys OK, now?" asked Tandy

"Yeah, we cleared the air. We both accept that what happened was a mistake. Now if I could just get Deacon to understand that, and lighten up a little."

"Rayna, you slept with Luke! Deacon is NEVER going to understand. He may learn to live with it, but it's never going to be the same between you again. You do realize that, right?"

"So, you don't think we even have a chance at working this out?" Rayna asked lip trembling on the verge of tears

"Honey, There's always a chance. Deep down, I'm sure Deacon still loves you, but he's pretty hurt, and it's not a hurt most people get over."

"You think I should just give up, and try to get on with our lives separately?"

"That's something you're going to need to discuss with Deacon when he's ready, and as mad as he is…that could be a while."

"I don't know how to get through to him, Tandy. He's so hurt, and angry. He lashes out at the slightest things, and touching him just seems to piss him off more. He thinks I'm trying to keep the girls from him."

"Have you kept them from him?"

"No, today was the first time he'd asked to see them since he left. I only asked if he had been drinking, and he blew up."

"Is he drinking?"

"He's living at the cabin with Vince. I'd say it's a given."

"Wait, Vince is back? I thought he had a girlfriend and baby on the way back in Natchez?"

"She cheated on him, and the baby's not his. He was staying at the cabin before all this crap with Deacon and I."

"Ohhhh, that's really a lethal combination those 2 heartbroken together." Tandy said worried

"I told him I don't want the girls there with Vince. That just pissed him off more. Everything I do or say seems to be wrong, but the girls safety has to come first."

"That's true. It's all gonna be OK. One way or another. Deacon loves those kids. I doubt he'd do anything to harm them." Tandy said as she pulled Rayna into a hug.

"Did you invite Deacon to Maddie's birthday party, Sat?"

"No, I didn't really get a chance to just talk to him. Do you think I should?"

"Rayna, he's her father. I'm sure she wants him there, and I'm sure he would want to be there."

"I'll call him tomorrow. Hopefully he'll have cooled off a little by then."

Deacon sat in the waiting room of Alexis Stuart's office nervously waiting for his appointment. He had doubts about filing for a divorce, but he really didn't see any way to work things out either. Rayna had crossed too many lines, and he didn't think there was any going back now.

"Mr. Claybourne, come in please." A beautiful middle aged blonde woman extended her hand to Deacon as he got up.

She was prettier than he'd pictured. He'd heard the stories about what a hard ass attorney she was. She was one of the best in celebrity legal matters. He was going to need it if Rayna had Ray Westcock.

"OK, so you came to talk about divorce and custody?"

"Yeah."

"…and your wife is Rayna Jaymes?" she smirked

"Why is that amusing?" Deacon asked

"No reason. I just seem to have this reputation with celebrities. Is that why you're here?" she asked

"As a matter of fact, it is. I think Rayna may have retained Ray Westcock. I'm gonna need the best, and I hear that's you." He said matter of factly

"OK, well I've done my research. I know you basically gave up what could have been a promising career to raise your daughter while you also did everything to help further Rayna's career including writing most of her songs? Would you agree with that?"

"Yes."

"Safe to say Rayna's been the main breadwinner?"

"Again, yes. I have continued to sing, and write locally, and recently took a job with the opry as band leader. I do OK money wise, but Rayna's album sales and touring have far surpassed me that's a given."

"You own two homes together?"

"Yep, the one we live in here in town, and a cabin about an hour from here."

"…and should you get custody, where did you plan to live?"

"I guess I hadn't thought about that. Right now, I'm in the cabin, and Rayna's here in town. I guess with the girls I'd need to be in town."

"girls…isn't there only one child?"

"We have one daughter, but we also have custody of my niece Scarlett. She's my sister's daughter. We have legal custody."

"Would your sister be willing to testify on your behalf that the kids belong with you?"

"I'm not sure. She hates Rayna so maybe."

"OK, why don't you tell me what led to all of this?"

"Rayna's having an affair with Luke Wheeler." He said looking away

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I overheard them talking about it. They both admit it, but claim it's over now."

"…and you don't believe them?"

"No, but even if I did. Doesn't change the fact that it happened."

"OK, I'm gonna tell you probably the same thing Ray Westcock told your wife. This has the potential to get ugly very quickly. If you're sure you want to go ahead with this, we should probably file sooner than later, and first would be best if she hasn't already. My para legal is looking into that now."

"Seeing as you have been the main parent while Rayna pursued her career, I think you have more of a chance than most father's. Also using adultery as the reason gives you more sympathy in court. However, I'm not gonna sugar coat this. Ray Westcock is gonna go after your past with a vengeance. That means all the drug and alcohol addiction, rehab, police reports from early in your relationship with Rayna will be fair game."

"Are you sure you're up for that?"

"What's the alternative? I mean I can't do nothing. I'm not just gonna let her win. She's gonna run off with Wheeler on tour again soon anyway. The kids should be with me when she does."

The door to the office opened, and a petite brunette peeked in.

"No filings under the name Claybourne." The brunette informed Alexis Stuart

"Great, thanks, Kate."

"OK, so Rayna has not filed anything official. Does that change anything for you?"

"No, not really. You said first to file is best, right?"

"It does look better, yes."

"OK, so what do I need to do?" Deacon asked

"Well, I propose we go after full custody of both kids. Half of all assets. You get the house in Nashville with the kids. Child support and alimony since Rayna makes substantially more. She gets the cabin. Half of all assets. Her freedom to pursue her career, while you offer liberal visitation with the kids when her schedule allows."

"We can use the adultery as a bargaining chip if you'd like. If she agrees to your terms without a fight we use irreconcilable differences rather than adultery."

Deacon took a deep breath. He was uneasy about the whole thing, but he figured "Who isn't" when ending a marriage.

"So, do you want us to draw up the paperwork? We should be able to get a court date fairly soon since custody is involved. We can have Rayna served as early as Monday. You can tell her if you'd like."

He thought about things for a few minutes.

"Go ahead with paperwork, and having her served." He said with some hesitation

"Are you sure? Once we start this, things move quickly, and often there's no going back. Feelings get hurt, things get heated. If you think you might want to talk to her, try to work it out, it would be easier now."

"I just don't see any way to fix this. I hate like hell it's come to this, but she made her choices."

"OK, we'll be in touch. See my receptionist about my retainer. We'll get you through this. Thanks for choosing me. I'll do my best for you, Deacon." She smiled as she shook Deacon's hand.

Deacon felt conflicted, wondering if he'd made the right choice as he walked to his truck.

"Could they work things out?" he thought as he sat behind the wheel

"How would it ever be the same again? He'd never trust Rayna the way he used to. Could he learn to live with things for the kids? What if he couldn't? Was it fair to put the kids through more heartache, or just end it now, and let everyone learn to deal with a new life?"

More questions than answers seemed to plague him as he drove to the opry for his Tue night band leader responsibilities.

As he entered his dressing room his phone rang in his pocket. He pulled it out and immediately recognized Rayna's number. He almost answered, but he had to be onstage shortly. He needed to focus, and talking to Rayna just pissed him off lately. He silenced the phone as he continued to rehearse.

Things went well onstage. He was happy to be distracted and doing something he loved. He'd had the Bluebird gigs, but this was more of a crowd. He wasn't the main attraction, but it was great to be onstage again with the energy, and applause.

As he packed up to leave that night he remembered Rayna had called earlier, and checked his messages.

"Hey, Deacon, Guess you're busy, or don't wanna talk. I'm sorry about yesterday. The girls had a good time at the park. They calmed down after about an hour. They're really missing you, and so am I. Not sure what your plans are to see the girls, but I'm having a birthday party for Maddie at Gorilla Joe's on Sat 2pm. She'd really like her daddy to be there. I hope you can make it. I love you, Deacon."


	29. Chapter 29

Deacon tried to relax as he sat in his truck outside Gorilla Joe's pizza. He had a big box, wrapped all pretty by the lady at the toy store, containing a karaoke machine he thought Maddie would love.

He hadn't talked to Rayna since dropping off the girls at Tandy's Monday night. He really didn't want to today, but it was Maddie's 5th birthday. He wouldn't miss it for anything, even an awkward encounter with Rayna. He also wanted to take the girls Sun thru Tue.

He missed all the daily things with them, breakfast, taking them to school, bedtime. He hoped Rayna wouldn't make too big a deal out of him taking them. He knew she didn't want them at the cabin, and she was right. Vince wasn't an example for them. The alcohol and women wouldn't look good in court if Rayna knew some of the things going on at the cabin lately.

Rayna noticed him immediately when he walked in. He was in his best dark blue jeans, black dress boots, and a crisp white button up dress shirt actually tucked in. He was so handsome. It killed her seeing him, knowing she'd hurt him so much, and he might never forgive her for it.

Maddie and Scarlett both noticed him too and ran to greet him.

"Daddy!" both exclaimed excited as he knelt down to hug and kiss them.

"Happy Birthday, sweetie!"

"What did you get me, daddy?"

"You'll have to wait till we open presents later, OK?"

"Come on. Let's get you two back to the party. You have guests." He said as he picked up the large box and walked them back to the group.

"Glad you made it, Deacon." Rayna smiled

"Thanks for inviting me." He looked away from Rayna's gaze

He did his best to avoid Rayna all afternoon, and kept himself busy with other guests. He played some games with the kids, and posed for pictures around the cake as they sang happy birthday. The karaoke machine was a big hit, and Maddie's favorite gift.

The afternoon seemed to drag on. Deacon loved watching the kids play, but he felt so awkward with Rayna, Tandy, Lamar, and so many other parents, and kids all watching. He wondered if people knew what was going on. He was sure many had seen the tabloids, but everyone was pleasant.

He had an opry tonight, so around 430pm he decided to excuse himself. He needed to say good bye to the girls, and hoped that with so much distraction they could avoid the tears this time. He also needed to talk to Rayna about taking the kids for a couple days.

"Rayna, can I talk to you a sec?" he asked

"Yeah, sure…" she said as they moved away from the group

"Ahhh…I'd like to take the girls Sun thru Tue. I'll pick em tomorrow morning and bring em back Tue before I go to the opry. That OK, with you?" he asked still avoiding her gaze

"Are you taking them to the cabin?"

"No, I reserved a hotel room in town. There's a pool. I miss em. I need some time with em. Can we please just not make this difficult?" he asked

"…and you haven't been drinking?"

"….NO, not since yesterday. I won't touch it tonight, or while I have them, OK?"

"OK." She agreed

"Thanks, I'll pick em up say 9ish? Don't worry about breakfast. I'll take them out. Thanks again for including me today. See you in the morning." He said still avoiding eye contact as he walked away.

The girls were jumping around in the ball pit with half a dozen other kids. Deacon called them over to say goodbye.

"Hey, guys. I gotta work tonight so I gotta go, but I'm coming to get you in the morning. We're gonna spend a few days together. Does that sound good?"

"YAY, what are we gonna do daddy?" asked Maddie

"Bring your swim suits. We're gonna stay at a hotel with an indoor pool, and play area."

"Can we have ice cream?" Scarlett asked

"You can have anything you want, sweetie." He pulled them both in for a tight hug.

"Be good. I'll see you both real soon, OK?"

"Happy Birthday, Maddie!"

"Thanks for the krokey machine, daddy."

"It's karaoke, sweetie. You're welcome. I wanna hear a song soon."

"Love you both. See you tomorrow."

He hated to leave them, but it wasn't for long this time. He was looking forward to a few days with them. He headed for his truck with a heavy heart. Everything about this felt so wrong. He hoped in time it would all get easier, but he knew the worst was yet to come.

As he climbed into the driver's seat he heard the passenger side door open. He looked over. Rayna had followed him out to the truck.

"What the hell are you doin, Rayna?"

"We need to talk, Deacon."

"About What?"

"Everything, Us, the girls. Please don't keep shutting me out. I know I hurt you, and I'm sooo sorry. We have two little girls that need both of us. Please just say you'll try to work things out?" she was pleading with tears in her eyes

Deacon swallowed the lump in his throat. He was struggling not to cry. He was angry, and bitter. She had shattered his heart into a million pieces, and the emotional pain was more than he could take.

"Rayna, I can't do this yet." His voice was cracking

"Deacon, please. The more time that passes the harder it is on all of us. We need to make some decisions. We're either gonna try to be a family under the same roof, or we need to set up a permanent schedule. The girls need stability."

*****silence*****Deacon was struggling not to break down. He'd been trying so hard to stay angry, stay focused on ending this nightmare, but deep down he loved Rayna. It was killing him to stay away, but he feared it would kill him to go back to her too. He was so conflicted.

"Deacon, come on. Please, I love you. I can't even imagine a future without you. Please, baby. I am sorry. I made an awful, horrible mistake, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if that's what it takes, but please, just say you'll try to work this out?" she was crying and begging him through tears to give her another chance

"Rayna, I…..I do love you, and maybe I always will, but right now my heart is in a million pieces. Don't you get that? You completely and totally destroyed every ounce of trust, and faith I had in you. You continue to destroy it every time I see you with HIM!" he was crying now as he finally looked into Rayna's eyes with such hurt in his own blue eyes.

"It's like a huge void. There's the past, but I'm struggling to see a future together. I hate not being with you and the girls, but I'm angry. I know I'm partially to blame. I let you leave on that PR trip thinking we were done, and probably pushed you to him." He wiped tears from his cheeks

"Whatever you want Deacon, I will try. I'm not seeing Luke. Nothing is going on. We have two more tracks to lay down, and then the album is done."

"….and the tour?" he asked

"I dunno. I signed a contract. Edgehill has a lot of money involved."

"You can't possibly expect me to stay together, and watch you run off with him on tour, Rayna! That's NOT gonna happen."

"Deacon, please…nothing is going on. Both Luke and I agree we made a mistake. It was a lapse in judgement. It won't happen again." She promised

"I DON'T CARE WHAT IT WAS, RAYNA. I'M NOT GONNA WATCH MY WIFE RUN OFF ANYWHERE WITH A MAN SHE HAD AN AFFAIR WITH. ESPECIALLY NOT ALONE ON BUSSES AND IN HOTEL ROOMS AFTER YOU SING ROMANTIC DUETS TOGETHER ONSTAGE!"

"If you're gonna do this tour, we're done. I'm sorry, but that's just how it's gonna be."

"Deacon, please. This is my career. I've worked very hard to get here. I can't just throw it all away."

"….what about your marriage Rayna? Can you throw that away?" he asked his voice cracking again

"Deacon, please be reasonable. You're putting me in a very tough position here."

"Jesus, Rayna…what the hell do you think you've done to me? I can shut up and stay home with the kids while you run off with Luke on tour, or I can divorce you. Neither option sits well with me. I lose either way, but that's where it is."

"Deacon, don't say that." Rayna was crying now

"No, Rayna. I'm done. You have a choice to make. You're either gonna be Rayna Jaymes, or Rayna Claybourne. I'm willing to try, get some counseling, but I'm not gonna let you go off on that tour."

*****silence******as Rayna cried and tried to process what Deacon was saying, his ultimatum was killing her. Her career was on the line if she cancelled the tour. Edgehill would not be pleased, but she'd lose Deacon if she went.

"You'd really divorce me?" she asked through tears

"I don't want to, sweetheart, but you're not leaving me much choice." He whispered almost breaking down again.

"You've obviously thought about it too. I know you saw Ray Westcock."

"Deacon, I just wanted some information. I didn't file anything or pay a retainer yet." She responded surprised he knew about that, but she had been photographed at Ray's office

"Rayna, there's something I need to tell you. I was really pissed when you brought Luke to our house. I got even more pissed later that night when the kids were so upset. I had to stop at the store before I went back to the cabin. That's how I know about Ray Westcock. TMZ published an article and some pictures. Some I'd seen. The ones I hadn't bothered me. You and Luke going into a room at the Peabody in Memphis…." She cut him off

"Deacon, nothing happened in Memphis. I swear to you…we had dinner. We watched a movie." She had tears in her eyes

"Let me finish, Rayna. I was pissed. I may have overreacted, and jumped the gun…..I saw Alexis Stuart the next day." He admitted

"The divorce attorney Alexis Stuart?" Rayna seemed surprised he'd done it

"Yeah, and I ….Ray I'm sorry, We should've talked first, but I filed the papers for a divorce. I was upset. Alexis said it was best to file first and…" he had tears on his cheeks

Rayna didn't say anything.

"You'll probably get served on Monday." He quietly said

"….so if I hadn't come out here, Were you even gonna tell me, Deacon?"

"I don't know, Rayna. I don't know anything right now."

"…..soooo a few days ago you filed for a divorce? Now you're saying if I give up my career you'll stay and try to work this out? What if I give up my career, and then you divorce me anyway, Deacon?" Rayna was getting angry now

"I don't know, Rayna. There seem to be more questions and uncertainty now more than ever. I can't promise you anything right now."

So, I'm just supposed to blow my career with Edgehill to hell, and hope that you'll forgive me, and try to make our marriage work? Is that what you're telling me, Deacon?"

"…..but you aren't willing to promise me anything?"

"I'm willing to try, to get counseling, Rayna. Can't that be enough for now?"

"Not if you expect me to blow my career at Edgehill." She said getting more pissed the more she thought about it

"OK, well…I gotta go. I need to get to the opry. I'll pick the girls up in the morning at 9." He said as he started the truck

"This conversation isn't over, Deacon!" Rayna said as she reached for the door handle

"I know. Would you do me one favor, Ray, PLEASE? Don't open the papers when you get em. Just give them to me. I'll call Alexis Monday, and put everything on hold. Maybe we can start some counseling, go from there?"


	30. Chapter 30

Deacon didn't sleep well. He was still feeling so conflicted about his relationship with Rayna. His heart was telling him to give her another chance. You still love her. It's worth trying. His brain wasn't so sure. How do you get past the cheating, the lies? How do you ever trust her again? If she was going on this tour with Luke it was definitely a deal breaker, and he'd divorce her.

In town Rayna also had a sleepless night. She loved Deacon, but she had worked so hard to get where she was in her career. How could he even ask her to destroy her career with Edgehill like that? Especially since all he really promised was that he'd try. If he couldn't get past this whole Luke disaster with counseling, where would she be then? No career, and no husband.

Deacon arrived to pick up the girls at 9am sharp. He wandered in through the garage like he still lived there. The girls were watching TV, while Rayna finished packing their little pink suitcases.

"Hey guys." He said as he entered the living room

"Daddy, you're here." Yelled Maddie as she jumped into his arms

"I missed you daddy." Scarlett joined in the hug

"We ready for some fun?" he asked as they cheered

"Where's mom?"

"Upstairs packing our stuff."

He ran up the steps to see if she needed any help.

"Good morning." He said as he entered the girls room

"Oh, you're here. Hi."

"Need any help?" he asked

"No, I think I got it. I packed a little of everything. I wasn't sure what you planned to do with them." She said worried she'd forgot or missed something they might need.

"Ray, we're just in town a few miles away. It's not a big deal. Don't stress about it. If something's missing I'll buy one, or come get it. Just remember their swim suits. The hotel has a water play area for kids Where's Scarlett's nebulizer and meds?"

"On the kitchen counter."

"Has she been having many asthma attacks?"

"Not in the past week. She had a few the first week you were gone, and she was wheezing the night you took them to the park. I gave her an extra treatment, and she didn't have an attack. She's still getting at least one treatment a day even if she doesn't show any symptoms."

"OK, got it." He said as he grabbed both pink suitcases and headed downstairs

"We ready for breakfast?" he asked the girls

"Can we go to the Pancake Pantry, daddy?" asked Scarlett

"That sounds pretty good." Deacon agreed

"Oh my favorite. You guys be good, OK. I'll see you in a couple days?" Rayna said as she hugged and kissed both and Maddie teared up a little

"Why can't you come too, mama?" she asked

"This is daddy's time with you, sweetie."

"You know, Ray, you are welcome to have breakfast with us?" Deacon offered

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you wanna try to work through this. We need to start somewhere." He smiled at Rayna for the first time since before that horrible day at the studio

"OK, thanks for the invite. Just let me freshen up a little. I'll be down in a few if you wanna get them in their car seats, and don't forget Scarlett's nebulizer." She said as she ran upstairs to get ready

Breakfast went well. It felt good for everyone to feel like a family again. Rayna loved hearing the girls laugh and play as Deacon colored with them at the table while they waited for their pancakes.

Rayna had the peach pancakes. Deacon had the raspberry. The girls both had chocolate chocolate chip with whipped cream on top.

"Are the raspberry good? I've never tried them." Rayna asked Deacon

"Yeah, here try a bite." He offered as he fed her a bite off his fork, which caught her off guard a little. He was being so sweet. It was nice, but she felt a little guilty after all she'd put him through.

He couldn't help but notice his wedding ring on the chain around Rayna's neck. Her blouse had gaped open as she leaned forward to take the bite from his fork.

He felt a pang of guilt for taking it off and leaving it the way he had. He swallowed a lump in his throat, touched that she had it near her heart waiting for him to take it back.

"That is good. I'll have to order those next time." She smiled back at him.

"I was thinking maybe the zoo after breakfast? What do you guys think?"

"YAY, we get to see the animals." They both cheered

"What do ya say, Ray? You up for the zoo? He asked his blue eyes twinkling in the morning sunlight

"Deacon, you don't have to….."

"It's OK, Rayna. I said I'd try. I meant it." He seemed so sincere

"OK, the zoo it is."

They spent most of the day at the zoo. Rayna did have a few fan encounters, but people mostly left them alone. A few photographs were taken. Rayna hoped maybe they'd make the tabloids showing a happy Claybourne family and all of these Luke rumors might stop.

Deacon dropped Rayna off at the house a little after 5pm.

"I had a nice time today, Deacon. Thanks for including me." Rayna said as she started to get out.

Deacon shocked her when he grabbed her left hand, pulled her back to him, and gently kissed her lips. It wasn't a big kiss. Just a gentle brush, but it meant so much. He was really trying.

"Night, Ray. We'll see you Tue afternoon. I had a nice time today too." He said as he gently squeezed her hand and let her go.

Rayna wasn't sure what to think of Deacon's sudden outpouring of affection for her. Maybe he was just trying to lighten things up for the girls. They still had a lot to work out.

She was really surprised he had wanted to include her in his day with the girls, but she was happy he was making such an effort. "Maybe we can work things out." She thought as she pulled his wedding ring from inside her shirt. She'd kept it there, on her chain, close to her heart, since the day he took it off.

Deacon and the girls spent a couple hours swimming before he took them to the room for bath time. He ordered a pizza for dinner as they splashed and played in the tub.

They watched a Disney movie, and read a few stories. Maddie asked for a few songs before bed. Deacon grabbed his guitar after he tucked them both in tight.

_"Goodnight My Angel (lullaby)" was written by Joel, Billy._

_Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes  
And save these questions for another day  
I think I know what you've been asking me  
I think you know what I've been trying to say  
I promised I would never leave you  
And you should always know  
Wherever you may go, no matter where you are  
I never will be far away_

_Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep  
And still so many things I want to say  
Remember all the songs you sang for me  
When we went sailing on an Emerald Bay  
And like a boat out on the ocean  
I'm rocking you to sleep  
The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart  
You'll always be a part of me_

_Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream  
And dream how wonderful your life will be  
Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullabye  
Then in your heart, there will always be a part of me  
Someday we'll all be gone, but lullabyes go on and on  
They never die, that's how you and I will be_

He sat and watched them sleep for over an hour before climbing into bed himself. They'd had a good day. He was giving Rayna his best effort at trying to work things out. He was fighting the anger and bitterness he still felt towards her. He knew it was going to take a while for those feelings to subside, and he hoped he had the strength to get through this. He knew he truly loved her despite everything.

Tue came way too quick. Before Deacon knew it he was taking the girls back to Rayna.

It was a horribly crappy, stormy, spring day in early April. Nashville was getting hammered with torrential rains, and forecast for much worse throughout the evening. Deacon pulled into the garage to unload the kids and their bags.

He had his opry gig in a few hours. The girls ran into the kitchen to greet Rayna. He followed with the pink bags and sat them on the floor by the door.

"Wow, it is really comin down in buckets out there!" He commented on the weather as Rayna entered the kitchen.

"Hey, Did you have a nice couple free days?" he asked Rayna

"Scarlett just had a breathing treatment a couple hours ago. She was wheezing a little, but she seems fine now."

"Ahhhh, girls…could you go play in your room for a few minutes please?" Rayna asked the girls as they protested

"Mama, we just got home. Why?" Maddie always the one to argue asked

"I need to talk to daddy, OK, please?" She asked sternly as they grudgingly went upstairs

"Stay in your room till I come up to get you, PLEASE?" she called as Maddie stomped the rest of the way up the steps.

"What's up, Ray? You seem upset." Deacon asked with concern

"I am, Deacon!" She snapped as she handed him an OPEN envelope from Alexis Stuart, his attorney's office.

"I asked you not to open that, Ray." He reminded her

"Curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to see what you'd do if this comes to a divorce. So, you were gonna try to take the girls, and the house away from me?" she asked clearly upset

"Rayna, everything has changed now. We're trying to work on things. I called her office yesterday and put everything on hold. It was too late to stop the process server." He calmly explained

"You were gonna try to paint me as a horrible mother who deserted her daughter to go out and tour for two years. How could you say that? I was back every chance I got. I took an entire year off when Maddie was born. I've been here the past 5 months since we took Scarlett."

"I know, Ray. I didn't want you to see any of that. I'm sorry. I let the lawyer talk me into all of that, and like I said. I was very angry the day I saw her."

"…and what about the adultery part, Deacon? You're gonna basically legally blackmail me into doing whatever you want, or the grounds would be adultery rather than irreconcilable differences? You know what that would do to me in the public eye, Deacon!"

"Look, I'm sorry, Rayna. I let the attorney run with that, and I shouldn't have. We had a good day Sunday. Come on baby. Don't let this ruin the progress we've made, PLEASE?" he begged

"I'd like to make this Sun thru Tue deal with the girls a regular thing, OK? Maybe Sundays can be a family day for all of us? What do ya say, Ray?" he was trying to smooth things over with a clearly upset Rayna

"Did you check into marriage counselors? I liked that woman we used a few years ago. How about her again?" he asked trying to change the subject

"I think you need to go, Deacon." Rayna wanted him to leave. She was a lot more upset than he thought.

"Rayna, come on, sweetheart. Don't do this to me. I'm sorry about the papers. None of it matters now." He gently reached for her and she pushed him away

"Please don't, Deacon." She said as she held back tears.

"OK, Sooo….I'll pick the girls up Sun 9am again?" he asked but Rayna didn't answer

"Ray, please don't use the kids against me. I wanna take them every Sun thru Tue while we're living apart, OK?" He asked again

"I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ANYTHING NOW, DEACON! MAYBE WE SHOULD LET THE LAWYERS HANDLE IT?" she snapped

"OH COME ON, RAYNA! DON'T FUCKIN DO THIS!" his concern quickly turned to anger

"DO WHAT, DEACON? YOU WERE GONNA TRY TO TAKE THE KIDS AWAY FROM ME." She screamed on the verge of tears.

"So much for a good couple days." He sarcastically said as he turned to leave, hurt and disappointed by the ugly turn things had suddenly taken.

He slammed the garage door on his way out. The rain was coming down even harder now. He could barely see the driveway. He took a deep breath, and sat on his back bumper to watch the rain out the large garage door. He wouldn't be able to see to drive through it. He figured he better wait it out.

Rayna waited several minutes, standing in the kitchen, not sure if she wanted to cry or scream. Things had started to go so well towards maybe working this mess out and being a family again. She wondered if maybe she overreacted about the papers and blew things to hell with Deacon again. She hadn't heard Deacon's suburban start, or the overhead garage door close.

"I thought you left?" she asked as she opened the door between the kitchen and garage.

"I'd like to, but it's rainin too damn hard. I can't see shit!" He answered as he sat fuming on the truck bumper. He didn't bother to look at Rayna.

"So, are you gonna let me take the girls on Sundays? I don't want this to be a goddamn ugly fight, Rayna." He asked finally meeting her gaze as he stood up.

She was angry, and hurt about the papers. Her face was set in a hard line as she contemplated what to say, or how to say it. "God, she's gorgeous when she's pissed off." He thought as he watched her.

"Maybe that's why the sex had been so good in their early years." He recalled. Seemed like she was always pissed off at him then for something or other. Most of their fights were interrupted by angry, passionate sexual escapades back then. They'd fight, fuck, and fight more.

He was suddenly smiling recalling their over the top early years when they couldn't get enough of each other. Most shows they'd barely make it offstage before he had to have her. They rarely made it back to the bus or hotel. They usually ended up in closets, cars, quiet offices, and studio booths.

"What the hell are you smiling for, Deacon? I'm pissed, and you're suddenly grinning like an idiot!" she fumed as Deacon started to laugh.

"You're just so goddamn beautiful, when you're mad!" He replied in a husky whisper as he came around the truck and forcefully pulled Rayna into his arms.

"Deacon, what…." He cut her off with an aggressive, deep, knee weakening kiss as she fought at first, but then couldn't resist him and gave in. She ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair as he deepened the kiss even further.

He hadn't kissed her like that in years, and she couldn't get enough of him.

The thunderstorm raged just outside the open overhead door as Deacon pulled Rayna into the front seat of his truck. He pulled her onto his lap as he sat in the driver's seat. She was straddling him. He undid his pants and pulled up her skirt. He made mad, passionate, angry love to her for several minutes as the storm raged.

Just as the rain slowed, and the wind died down, there was one last loud clasp of thunder and a flash of lightening as Deacon finished.

They sat breathing hard, trying to compose themselves. Rayna was still on Deacon's lap leaning against him with her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and gently kissed her cheek.

"You wanna fight some more?" he asked as both broke into smiles and laughter

"If that's gonna happen again, bring it on." She joked back still playing with his hair.

"Can we please just forget the papers, the lawyers, and all the bullshit? We'll take it slow. Try some counseling? Work on being better parents, lovers, and friends?" he asked looking deep into Rayna's eyes with such sincerity she teared up.

She swallowed the lump in her throat before answering "Yeah, I'd like that. I love you so much, Deacon."

"I love you more." He replied before planting another sweet, gentle kiss on her lips.

"We should probably go see what the girls are doin? It's been a while." He smiled and gently lifted Rayna off his lap onto the garage floor, and climbed out to zip up, buckle his belt, and smooth his hair.

"What's goin on in here he said loud to playfully scare the girls as he entered their room?"

"Nothin, daddy." Maddy said as she hid something behind her back

"Maddie?" he said sternly as she produced a sharpie marker

"You know you're not supposed to have markers upstairs!" Rayna corrected her as she took the marker

Scarlett sheepishly produced a couple more markers. Deacon took them.

"Are we in trouble?" Maddie asked

"No." Deacon smiled and pulled both of them onto the bed for a tickle and nuzzle session before saying his goodbyes

"Daddy's late for work. I gotta go, but I'll see you both real soon. Love you." He said as he left the room with Rayna right behind him.

"Are you coming back here after the opry tonight?" she asked hopeful

"I'm not ready to move back in, Ray." He said as she suddenly looked sad and defeated.

"Hey, hey….slow, OK? We're gonna take this slow. I love you. I'm all in here. I just wanna be 100% sure, before I move back." He said as he took her chin in his hands and kissed her.

"How about a real date night? Wednesday? We'll go out for dinner ALONE? I'll pick you up, bring you flowers, the whole romance thing." He suggested smiling

"That sounds nice, Deacon. Just be careful tonight going back to the cabin. The weather is supposed to get worse again. That dirt road worries me." She smiled kissing his cheek

"Nothin 4 wheel drive can't handle, sweetie. Vince is probably stuck out there with his little Honda. I'm sure that road is a mess."

"OK, have a good night at the opry. See you Wednesday, and please if it's really bad when you get off work, just come here."

"I will. Love you…oh….one more thing before I go?"

"Anything, babe?" she smiled in his arms, next to the truck, as he ran his hand along her cheek, down her neck line, and into her shirt.

"Deacon, honestly you're insatiable tonight." She said as he pulled out his wedding ring, hanging on the chain.

"Can I have this back? I never should have taken it off." He asked with misty eyes as Rayna removed the chain and put the ring back on Deacon's finger.

Deacon made a mad dash for the opry. He was running late. He barely made sound check. Things went well. He was in an amazing mood after what turned out to be the best afternoon he'd had in a long time.

He was still on cloud nine as he left the opry in the once again pouring rain. It was so bad out, he almost went home, but he decided Vince might need him at the cabin. He was sure Vince was stuck there. As heavy as the rain had been most of the day he was sure the road was pure mud. He worried even in a 4x4, he might have trouble making the 3 mile dirt trek to the cabin.

The normally one hour drive from Nashville to the cabin took 90 minutes in sheets of pouring rain. Deacon turned onto the final 3 mile trek of dirt road leading to the cabin. He cussed himself for never having it paved, or even graveled. He and Rayna had talked about it, but decided it looked more hidden left as it was.

It was worse than he'd ever seen it as he started down the road. The suburban was spinning tires and struggling to make headway. He reached down and shifted into 4 wheel drive. The truck struggled even in 4 high to make traction in the gooey mud. It was pitch black in the wooded, rainy terrain.

Deacon made it past the security gate, but found Vince's car stuck facing the cabin. He shifted the truck into park and climbed out to make sure Vince wasn't in the car.

"Son of a bitch, goddammit." He cursed as his best black dress boots sunk in the mud as he stepped out of the truck. No Vince.

He climbed back in and struggled to get the truck moving again. Finally after shifting from reverse to drive a few times he got enough momentum to move forward. As he pulled up to the cabin every light in the place was on. "Vince must be here." He thought.

As he shifted into park and shut the engine off his cell phone rand on the seat. He immediately recognized Rayna's number.

"Hey, baby." He answered

"I've been worried. It's still pouring here in town. Are you OK at the cabin?"

"Just pulled up. Took an hour and a half to get here. The dirt road is completely washed out. It was a bitch even in 4 wheel drive. Probably should've just stayed with you. I miss you and the girls already."

"I miss you too. I'm glad you're safe. Thanks for an amazing evening." She couldn't help but smile thinking about their sexual escapade in the front seat of his truck.

"You liked that, huh? Guess I should be more aggressive with you from now on. I thought you liked my gentle side more." He smirked

"I love all your sides, Deacon. Today was just kinda like our early years when we couldn't get enough of each other."

"I thought so too. I can't wait to take you out tomorrow night. Maybe we'll find another fun place to make love. Guess I could always bring you out here and purposely get the truck stuck." He laughed.

"See you at 7 tomorrow. I love you, babe."

"I love you too, Ray. Night, baby." He hung up and climbed out, sinking into more mud.

"What the hell happened to you?" Vince asked as Deacon walked in with mud on his jeans up to his knees.

"I got out to check on you. Thought you might've been in your car." Deacon shot back irritated to have ruined his boots.

"Went you for a beer run. I made it out and got the beer, but got stuck coming back in."

"Well, it's worse now. I had a hell of a time in 4 wheel drive getting back here."

"How was your time with the kids?"

"Good, we had fun. Kinda cleared the air a little with Rayna too. We're tryin to work on things."

"Glad to hear it. You seem happier already."

"I love her. Doesn't seem to matter what we go through. I can't live without her. I've tried, and I'm just a miserable mess when I do."

"So you think you can get past Luke Wheeler?" Deacon cringed as Vince said Luke's name

"It's gonna be tough, but yeah I think if Rayna works with me on that, and drops this whole crazy tour thing we have a pretty good shot at being happy again.' He smiled thinking about the afternoon they'd just had.

"I'm gonna get outta these muddy clothes. Did you save me any beer?" Deacon asked

Deacon came back freshly showered in sweats and a t shirt for the night. They sat drinking watching some war movie till almost 1am. Deacon had about 8 beers before he realized it and decided to go to bed.

He woke to a knock on his bedroom door around 3am.

"Hey, Deke, DEKE! You awake?" Vince walked into the room

"I am now!" Deacon said irritated as he glanced at the clock 302am

"Hey, man. I'm sorry to bother you. Can I borrow your truck?"

"What the hell for? That road sucks even in the truck."

"Connie tried to get out here after her shift at the bar. She's stuck on the dirt road. I gotta go get her." Vince said

"Keys are on the night stand." Deacon said sleepily without realizing what he was doing

After Vince shut the door he sat up and realized he'd just given his truck to Vince. Never a good idea. He quickly got up and threw on his jacket and boots leaving his wallet on the night stand after realizing there was no back pocket for it in his sweats.

"HEY, VINCE." He yelled as Vince tried to get the truck unstuck from where Deacon parked it sinking in the mud

Vince stopped and Deacon climbed into the passenger seat.

"Do that slow. If you floor it, it just sinks more." He snapped as Vince lightened up on the gas

"Keep your foot on the gas lightly so you don't lose momentum and get us stuck." He corrected Vince who clearly wasn't use to a 4 wheel drive vehicle in rough terrain, and was about half drunk

"You wanna drive?" Vince snapped

"Nope, already fought this battle once tonight. I'll shut up." Deacon laughed at Vince struggling with the suburban.

"VINCE, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! THE CURVES COMING UP. YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT GOING THIS FAST IN MUD." Deacon yelled but it was too late. He missed the curve in the dark and pouring rain. The suburban flipped end over end as he corrected too much

Connie wasn't far away. She saw the headlights as the truck flipped and called 911.

Rayna was awakened by a knock at the door just before 6am. She rolled over to Deacon's side of the bed sleepily thinking the girls were making noise somewhere in the house. The doorbell rang. She glanced at the nightstand clock 5:56am. "Who the hell is here this early?" she grumbled as she put on a robe and padded down the stairs in her socks.

As she opened the door, two police officers in rain gear stood on her porch as the rain continued to drown Nashville.

"Mrs. Rayna Claybourne?" one of the officers asked

"Y…y…yes, What's going on?" she asked fear taking over

"Do you own a 1992 Chevy Suburban two toned black and silver?" the officer asked

"It's my husband's truck. Where is Deacon?" she said her eyes filling with tears

"Can we come in ma'am? Let's sit down." They said as they led Rayna to the living room couch.

"I'm sorry, but there's been a terrible accident. 2 men. Neither had ID on them. One of them didn't make it. The other is at Vanderbilt Medical Center. He's not doing well. We need you to come with us to identify the one and sign paperwork or help us find someone who can for the other." The officer said as Rayna struggled to comprehend what he was saying.

"Which one didn't make it?" she begged for any information

"We think the driver died. It was hard to tell in the wreckage who had been where. They weren't wearing seat belts" Rayna's heart exploded…..

"NOOOOOO, NOOOOOOOO….Deacon can't be gone! PLEASE!" she completely broke down into an inconsolable emotional mess.

"Is there someone you can call, a friend, or family member to come help you?" the officer asked putting an arm around Rayna


	31. Chapter 31

Rayna was a sobbing mess as she called Tandy. She could barely speak, and when she did it was all incomprehensible slurring, and mumbling.

"Honey, what's wrong? Calm down. I can't understand you." Tandy said as she tried to comprehend anything Rayna was saying.

One of the officer's took the phone.

"Mrs. Hampton? This is officer Reynolds with the TN state police. I'm afraid your brother in law has been in an accident."

"Deacon? Is he OK? What's going on?"

"There were two males in the truck. Similar in looks. Neither had ID. One didn't make it. We think the driver. It was hard to tell. They weren't wearing seat belts. The other is at Vanderbilt Medical Center. He's not doing well. We need someone to come identify the one, and help with family contacts for the other."

"So, Deacon might be…" Tandy was trying not to cry. Deacon hadn't always been her favorite person, but in the past few years with Rayna away, and helping him with Maddie they'd become good friends. She knew he loved Rayna, and he was an amazing father.

"Like I said, we're not sure at this point. We need…"

"I'm on my way over. I'll be there in a few minutes." Tandy said cutting him off.

She arrived in less than 10 minutes to a totally incoherent Rayna.

Tandy had been dating Bucky (Rayna's manager) for quite some time. He just happened to be with her that morning. He came along to help with whatever he could.

"Sweetie, C'mere." She said as she pulled Rayna into a tight hug

"So, you need us to come down to the morgue and the hospital?" asked Tandy

"Yes, ma'am." The officer replied

"Rayna, why don't you stay here. I can do this."

"NO, I'm going. I need to see Deacon even if….." she lost it again and began sobbing

"OK, Buck, can you please stay with the girls until we get back?"

"Yeah, sure. No problem."

Tandy led Rayna out to her car. They followed the police car to Vanderbilt.

"Are you sure you can do this, Rayna?" Tandy asked as they entered the morgue

"I need to do this for him." Rayna was shaking uncontrollably as the medical examiner pulled back the sheet.

Rayan exhaled for what felt like the first time since she opened the door to the police over an hour ago.

"It's not Deacon." She felt an instant wave of relief and gratitude as she thanked god.

"That's Vince Mason. He's Deacon's best friend." Rayna managed to get out.

"Do you know his family, any next of kin?" the police asked

"No, not really. He was an only child. Both parents have passed. I think there may be an uncle somewhere in Mississippi, but no idea what the name is." She answered

"If you can't find anyone, I'll handle his arrangements. I'm sure Deacon will want to do that."

"Where is Deacon? I want to see my husband, now!" she demanded

"You'll have to go back upstairs and talk to the information desk. Thanks for coming down Mrs. Claybourne, and Mrs. Hampton."

Tandy and Rayna sat in a waiting room for what seemed like hours. No one could tell them anything about Deacon's condition. All they knew was he was in emergency life saving surgery, and the doctor would be in to see Rayna when he was done.

"Mrs. Claybourne? I'm Dr. Jake Simms. I'm your husband's neurologist." A 40 something well dressed man said as he shook Rayna's hand.

"How is he? How is Deacon? Can I see him?" Rayna asked through tears

"Soon, he's in recovery. He's still unconscious. He's had a pretty serious head injury. We had to relieve the pressure in his head to save his life. You need to be prepared when you see him. We had to drill a small hole in his right temple area to drain excess blood off his brain. His face is pretty swollen and bruised."

"Is he going to be OK?"

"I wish I could tell you more, but right now we wait. We're hoping he'll wake up now that we've relieved the pressure, but I can't promise you he will."

"So, what are you saying? Deacon's in a coma?"

"Yes, it could be hours, it could be weeks, or longer. We simply don't know at this point. He is breathing on his own. That's a very good sign. If he remains this way, we'll need to discuss a feeding tube but we can wait about 24 hrs before that happens."

"When he wakes up, will he be OK? I mean, will he be himself?" Rayna asked

"Again, I have no way to know that at this point. It's possible he may have memory issues, and physical disabilities for the rest of his life."

"When can I see him?"

"Soon, we're getting a room ready in ICU now."

"I'll be in touch, and monitoring him closely. If you have any questions please have the nurses call me. We're doing the best we can for him." The Dr. said as he got up to leave the room

"What if he never wakes up? What if he doesn't remember anything? What if….." Rayna burst into tears again as Tandy hugged her

"Rayna, look at me. He's alive. Right now you need to just focus on that, and getting him through whatever is coming. He's gonna need you more than ever. This could have easily been so much worse. Let's just be thankful to still have him, OK?" Tandy tried to smooth over things a little

"….and Vince. How am I ever gonna tell Deacon Vince is gone? They've been friends for 25 years. Other than me, Vince is really the only person Deacon is close to." She worried how Deacon would handle Vince's sudden death

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, focus on Deacon and getting him through this."

"I don't even understand how this happened. I talked to Deacon just after 11. He was at the cabin, safe. Why would they go back out on such a horrible, stormy night? Why would Deacon let Vince drive?"

"I don't know, sweetie. I'm sure they had their reasons, but it doesn't really matter. It was a horrible accident, but Deacon survived it. That has to mean something." Tandy said rubbing Rayna's back

The nurse led them down the ICU hall to Deacon's room.

"You need to be prepared. He wasn't wearing a seat belt. The officers and paramedics told us the truck flipped several times. He's badly bruised and swollen over 75% of his body." The nurse couldn't prepare Rayna for what she was about to see

The morning sun was steaming through the window. Deacon's handsome features were completely unrecognizable under dark purple and black bruises on his face. His normally chiseled jaw line was swollen and undefined. His lips were pale and scabbed over with dried blood.

Rayna almost collapsed as Tandy put an arm around her to steady her.

"….My poor Deacon…." Rayna gasped as she went to his side afraid to touch him. There seemed to be nowhere he wasn't bruised and battered.

There were monitors tracking his breathing, pulse, heartrate, and brain activity. His head was bandaged at the right temple, and there was a drainage tube. He had oxygen on his swollen face, and an IV tube in his left hand.

More dark bruises were visible at the top of his hospital gown on his chest. His chest was rising and falling in a labored breathing pattern.

"Is he…..in any pain?" Rayna asked the nurse through tears

"We have him on a pretty heavy morphine drip. I doubt he's feeling much of anything right now. Coma patients don't feel pain." The nurse explained

"He needs his rest, but you can talk to him, let him know you're here. I doubt you'll get any kind of response right now, but often when people wake up from coma's they claim to have heard and been aware of things that went on around them. Talk to him like he's awake. Play his favorite music for him. Read to him." The nurse suggested

"Thank you. Can I have a few minutes alone with him?" Rayna asked as Tandy and the nurse left the room

Rayna was still trying to process that this battered, bruised person was Deacon. She leaned down to kiss his cheek, and noticed the scent of his cologne.

She felt horrible for the way things had been between them the past month or so since Deacon found out about Luke, but thankful they'd been trying to work things out. They'd at least had a couple really good days together before this.

She hoped that somewhere in his mind Deacon had that to hold on to, and a reason to come back to her. A reason to fight to get better. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe Deacon had a premonition of some sort.

Yesterday she had been so angry with him about the divorce papers he'd had her served with. She wanted him to leave. She was hurt, but somehow the storm had kept Deacon at the house even after he slammed the door and left her standing in the kitchen.

She fully expected an all out fight when she went out to the garage and found him still there. Instead he completely managed to disarm her, and made love to her in the front seat of his truck like he hadn't in years. She wasn't sure what prompted his sudden hunger for her, but now seeing him this way. She was so thankful for that time with him.

"Deacon, I'm here. I love you soo much. Please keep fighting for us, for the girls. We need you soo much. I can't imagine a future without you. Please, babe. Come back to me?" she said as she gently took his hand. A few tears landed on his hand as she bent to kiss it.

"I'm not going anywhere, Deacon. I don't care how long it takes. I'm gonna be here when you wake up. I'd give anything right now to look into your beautiful deep blue eyes. Please Deacon. Open your eyes for me? She pleaded, willing him to wake up.

He didn't move, didn't have any reaction. There was no indication that he could hear her. She sat quietly in a chair next to his bed, never letting go of his hand for what seemed like hours. Doctors and nurses came and went. None of them had much encouragement.

"Sweetie, it's been 3 days. You really need to go home, see the girls, take a shower, and get some rest. I'll stay with Deacon. I promise I won't leave his side till you get back. I'll call you if anything changes." Tandy suggested trying to get Rayna out of the hospital if only for a few hours.

Rayna hadn't left his side in 3 days. She hadn't showered, or seen the kids. She slept in the chair next to him, but woke with every nurse visit, every sound from the hallway, every slight twitch Deacon had hoping maybe he'd wake up.

"Have you eaten anything, Rayna?" she asked

"I can't. I'm not hungry." Rayna replied not taking her eyes from Deacon

"Rayna…you're not going to be any good to him if you get sick. You need to take care of yourself. The girls miss you. Why don't you go home and take a shower and nap before they get out of school. I'm sure they'd love for to pick them up."

"They're asking a lot of questions. We need to tell them about Deacon, and what's going on." Tandy suggested

"Tell them WHAT? That their daddy may never wake up, that he may never hold them, or read to them, or sing them to sleep again. What am I supposed to tell them?" Rayna cried as exhaustion took over

"II don't know. You need some rest in your own bed. You'll feel better and be thinking more clearly."

"Buck's in the waiting room. Please let him take you home. I promise I won't leave Deacon's side while you're gone. I will call you if the slightest little thing changes."

Rayna reluctantly placed Deacon's hand back at his side, and bent to kiss his cheek.

"Deacon, I'll be back soon. I love you." She whispered in his ear

Tandy watched Deacon's chest rise and fall. His breathing seemed smoother to her than it had a few days earlier. The dark bruising was getting lighter and yellowish. His jawline was more pronounced and not as swollen.

He still had all the wires and tubes, but now there were a couple more. As the days passed he needed nutrition. They had inserted a feeding tube yesterday, and a catheter the day before.

It was horrible seeing him this way. Deacon had always been such a strong independent guy. She knew he'd hate all of this. He loved taking care of Rayna and the girls. He'd hate the fact that now he needed so much care.

"Deacon, it's Tandy. I don't know if you can hear me, but Rayna needs you soo much. Those 2 little girls need their daddy. If you're listening please fight for them. I know we've had our differences, but I love you too Deacon. I know you're the best thing that ever happened to my sister. You're the greatest father I've ever known. Please fight for them Deacon." She had tears in her eyes as she willed her brother in law to fight for his family

Rayna woke to laughter coming from downstairs. She'd fallen asleep after a shower, and 4 hours had passed. She panicked as she quickly dressed. Bucky had picked up the girls from school and was making tacos with them.

"MAMA!" Maddie squealed as she walked in to the kitchen, and both girls ran into her arms

"Hi, babies. I've missed you soo much. How was school?"

"Good, where have you been? Where's daddy?" Scarlett asked

"Why don't we sit down in the living room?" she took a deep breath as she led the girls to the couch

"Daddy had a car accident. He's in the hospital, but they're taking really good care of him, and he doesn't want you to worry, OK?" she was fighting back tears wondering how much to say at this point.

"When is he coming home?" Maddie asked starting to cry

"I don't know, sweetie. He's pretty sick. It might be a while."

"Can we go see him like when grandpa was in the hospital?" Scarlett asked

"No, kiddo. He's in a part of the hospital that doesn't allow kids, but you can record a message for him. Would you like to do that?" Rayan asked as she got Deacons hand held tape recorder from the studio

"Just say Hi, tell him you love him, and miss him, and want him to get better soon." Rayna said with tears in her eyes as she hit the record button

"Daddy, please come home soon. I love you. Don't be sick too long. I miss you." Maddie said into the microphone

"I miss you too daddy. When can we see you? Please get better. Love you a lot." Scarlett finished her recording

The girls didn't know it, but Rayna continued to record them through dinner. She thought maybe if Deacon heard the familiar sounds at home it might help.

She also packed several old cassette tapes of performances with her and Deacon in the early years to play for him.

She took his Gibson guitar to the hospital.

"Thank you so much, Buck for taking care of the girls. I'm sorry I fell asleep for so long." Rayna said as she left to go back to the hospital for the night

"Hey, don't worry about the girls. Tandy and I can take care of them for now. Deacon needs you, but don't wear yourself out. You need to stay strong for him. That means taking care of yourself too." He smiled and hugged her

"Any changes?" Rayna asked as she walked back into Deacon's room

"No, but I think he looks better. The bruising is lighter, and his breathing seems less stressed compared to a few days ago. Did you get some rest?" Tandy asked

"Yeah, I didn't mean to fall asleep, but I was out for about 4 hours. Bucky is wonderful with the girls. I don't know what I'd do without you two. Thanks for staying with Deacon. I don't want him alone if he wakes up."

"We'd do anything for you guys, honey. Just ask. You need to rest too." Tandy said as she hugged Rayna and got up to go

"I know. I hate to leave him though." She said as the tears fell again

"He's gonna be OK. Just have faith." Tandy squeezed Rayna's shoulder one last time before leaving

Rayna settled into her chair for another long night.

"I'm back, babe. I missed you. I brought some things for you to listen to." She said as she pressed play and filled the room with Maddie and Scarlett's voices. She played their messages to him, and then the recording from dinner of their laughter and details about their school day as they giggled and innocently jabbered about their lives.

She thought his hand twitched as she played the tape of the girls. She played it all again, and the same thing happened as she held his hand this time.

"Deacon, can you hear me? Can you squeeze my hand?" she whispered as his hand fluttered again

It was a slight twitch, but he seemed to do it on command.

"I knew you were there, somewhere. You can hear me." She cried as she kissed his cheek and ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair, careful of the bandages and tubes on his right side.

She took his Gibson from its case and played a few chords.

"You're a lot better at this than I am." She said as she placed the guitar across him and moved his hands to the top of it

"I miss you onstage. It's been so long since we've done a show together. When you're better we need to get back to being us again, maybe even another album together. Would you like that, babe?" she asked as she pressed play on the tape recorder again.

She brought their first album from 1992 to play, and several others that meant so much early in their relationship and marriage.

As No One Will Ever Love You finished she whispered in his ear "No one will ever love you as much as I do, Deacon."

"Do you remember writing Postcards From Mexico? We took that trip in your old truck to Mexico our first Christmas together, and wrote it on the way back."

"How about your hit I Do (Cherish You)? You sang it to me onstage the night we got married."

It was almost time for the nurse to come in. Rayna put Deacon's guitar away, and shut off the music. He seemed more peaceful. His face was more relaxed, and his breathing wasn't as labored.

"I love you, Deacon." Rayna whispered as she fell asleep holding his hand.


	32. Chapter 32

The sun was setting on an early May evening in Nashville. Deacon's hospital room had an orange ambience as the large round ball dipped below the tree line casting long shadows.

Rayna sat quietly watching him, like she'd been doing daily for over 3 weeks now. She'd just arrived back to the hospital for the night after a long, hot shower, a few hours of sleep in her own bed, and dinner with the girls.

Tandy and Bucky had taken over daily care of the girls so Rayna could be by Deacon's side. She left only every couple of days to shower, get some much needed sleep, and spend a couple hours with Maddie and Scarlett before resuming her vigil at his bedside.

"Any changes?" she asked Tandy who sat with Deacon when Rayna couldn't be there. He hadn't been left alone since the accident. Rayna, Tandy, or Bucky sat with him most of the time.

He'd had some visitors, Watty had been by a couple times. Deacon was like a son to him. Sarah from the Bluebird had been in once. Several people he worked with at the opry had stopped by. Some of his closer friends from early days in AA had shown up. The room was filled with flowers, cards, and wishes for a speedy recovery.

"No, same. Like always his brow seems to furrow and he seems deep in thought whenever you leave. His breathing gets a little labored at first, but he settles down when I read him the paper, and my boring business reports." Tandy answered smiling

"I'm sure he loves THAT." Rayna laughed, feeling so absolutely blessed that Tandy seemed to care so much for Deacon.

"Well, I gotta go Deke. I'll be back in a couple days. I should have my land use proposal for daddy's new industrial park plan ready to run by you. I'll read you all 37 pages on Monday." Tandy joked as she gently squeezed Deacon's hand.

"I can almost his sarcastic response to that." Rayna tried to laugh knowing Deacon would hate every second of boring business dribble

"Oh, Eddie Stubbs stopped by. He said to make sure you tune into WSM 650 tomorrow night, and let Deacon hear it. The opry is doing a special Saturday night dedication to Deacon. They miss him down there."

"OK, we'll listen. He loves WSM. Did you hear that Deacon? There are so many people praying for you, babe. You just gotta open your eyes." Rayna said as tears rolled down her cheeks in gratitude for all of the support Deacon was receiving.

She hadn't realized how many fans Deacon still had. It had been 5 years since his one and only album release. She knew he had local fans with his Bluebird and opry performances, and a lot of big name artists sought him out for songs and co-writes.

The fan mail from all over the world since news of his accident broke had overwhelmed her. There were 3 huge boxes full of letters, cards, and gifts sitting in the foyer at home, and more arrived daily.

Rayna sat just watching Deacon breathe for several hours after Tandy left. He was so damn handsome even in his current state. The bruising and swelling were almost completely gone. His color was back, and his lips were healed. His strong jawline was visible again.

The drainage tube had been removed from his right temple and the hair was coming back where they'd shaved it. Rayna gently brushed his hair to the right the way he always parted it. It was long enough now to cover the shorter shaved area, and you couldn't tell anything was wrong.

"You really could use a beard trim, Deacon. You're starting to look like grizzly Adams with all that facial hair." She laughed as she stroked his now 3 plus weeks of patchy facial hair growth.

The nurse came in to check Deacon's vitals at 8pm on the dot like always.

"Hey, could I borrow an electric beard trimmer?" Rayna asked the nurse

"uuuhhhmmm….yeah I'm sure we have one of those around. We shave patients for surgery all the time. I'll find one for you. We can shave his beard for you if you'd like Mrs. Claybourne."

"I'd like to do it myself, feel like I'm doing something for him, ya know" Rayna smiled as the nurse left the room in search of a trimmer

She came back 20 minutes later and handed Rayna the trimmer.

"Just leave it at the nurses station when you're finished. I brought you some towels to catch the trimmings. He's got a pretty good beard going on there." The nurse smiled as she handed Rayna the trimmer and towels and turned to leave them alone.

Rayna gently put a towel across Deacon's chest and around his neck to catch the trimmings. She set the trimmer to 1/16 of an inch, down to stubble, but not clean shaved. Aside from last year at the CMA's she'd never seen Deacon shave down to skin. She loved his rough look, but the grizzly Adams look he now sported was a little too caveman for her.

She slowly and gently started trimming under his chin around his neck and moved up to his cheeks. She trimmed his mustache, and up to his sideburns leaving them the way he liked a little long.

She finished and brushed the excess hair away from his face with another clean towel, and carefully removed the towel around his chest. She unplugged the trimmer, and took everything to the nurses station.

As she came back into the room he seemed restless. His brow was furrowed. Tandy said he did that every time she left the room. She quickly took his hand.

"Shhhhh…I'm back, baby. I just took the trimmer to the nurses station. I'm not leaving you again tonight." She reassured him as she brushed his newly shaved cheek scruff with her hand.

"Does that feel better? You are such a handsome man, Deacon. I'd give anything right now to see those baby blues." She couldn't resist leaning in for a real kiss as his lips slowly parted seemingly in response to her hand on his cheek.

That familiar current between them was still there as she kissed him deeply, and full on the mouth, as she ran her fingers through his thick hair.

She'd missed his kiss so much. She longed to be close to him. Most of the contact in the past few weeks had been holding his hand, and quick kisses on the cheek and lips as she came and went. She couldn't take it anymore. She had to hold him, really hold him. She needed to feel like she was in his arms.

She slowly and as gently as she could climbed in the hospital bed with him. She wrapped her arms all the way around him for the first time since the accident, and nuzzled his scruff. She had her head on his chest listening to his heart beat when his hand suddenly moved.

She had to blink. "Had his hand really moved?" she thought. "Was it just wishful thinking?"

It wasn't the slight twitch she'd become used to. It was like he was trying to lift his hand, but couldn't quite find the strength.

She glanced up at the monitor measuring his brain activity. She really had no idea what she was looking at, but the lines were dancing more than she'd ever seen them.

"Deacon….Deacon….Are you there? I know you can hear me. Please, baby…open your eyes. Give me a sign. Something, Deacon…please…come on. I know you can do this. Come back to me, Deacon. I need you so much." She pleaded as she hugged him tight and listened to his heart beat.

His hand moved slightly towards her like he wanted to touch her.

"I'm not imagining this." She thought as she continued to hold him, and talk to him.

She caressed his handsome face, tracing the perfect age lines down his cheek. She kissed his chest and ran her hand through his light chest hair as she dotted kisses from his chest back up to his lips.

His lips parted again almost as if he was asking her to kiss him. She planted a deep, lingering kiss on his lips.

She never wanted to stop, but slowly pulled back from the lingering kiss to catch her breath.

She looked right into his deep, blue eyes.


	33. Chapter 33

Rayna had a hard time catching her breath. Deacon's eyes were open. He was looking right at her, but there was still an emptiness in his gaze.

"Deacon?" she managed to stammer

"Oh…Deacon…I've missed you sooo much!" she breathily muttered as she took his face in her hands and kissed him several times.

"Deacon….can you blink, or ….I'm gonna get a nurse, baby." She said as she ran into the hall for help

20 minutes later Dr. Simms came into the room. Deacon was surrounded by nurses, and Rayna.

The nurses had all taken a shine to Deacon once his bruising and swelling subsided. His rugged handsomeness had captivated them. Now his deep blue eyes really had their attention.

Rayna had overheard two nurses talking about Deacon's good looks a week or so ago. She had to laugh at the conversation.

"_Have you seen the coma patient in 331?"_

"_Deacon, yeah he's hot."_

"_He's Rayna Jaymes's husband."_

"_Oh, well that explains it. Was there any doubt the queen of country would have a smokin hot hubby?"_

"OK, ladies…let's give Mr. Claybourne a little space." Dr. Simms said as he neared Deacon's bed. It hadn't escaped the doctor's attention that his female staff had been extra attentive with Deacon.

He shined a small pen light into Deacon's eyes. There was no dilation of his pupils

"Mr. Claybourne? Can you follow my pen with your eyes?" The doctor asked as he moved a pen back and forth in front of Deacon with no response.

The doctor held Deacon's hand.

"Can you squeeze my hand, Deacon?" he asked, again no response.

He then checked for reflexes with a small rubber mallet. There were none.

He looked at the recording from the EEG machine.

The doctor gently closed Deacon's eyes.

"OK, we're done here. Everyone back to your stations. Mrs. Claybourne can I see you in the hallway?"

"Well…I do see increased activity in his EEG readings. I think he's slowly coming out of the coma, but let me caution you not to get your hopes up just yet. There is still no mental response to outside stimuli. What you're seeing in the hand movement, and his eyes opening is reactivity to whatever you do, but he has no perception of what's going on around him. The brain stimulation causes involuntary movement or twitching."

"…but he responded when I kissed him." Rayna pleaded with the doctor almost in tears

"I'm not saying he's not responding, but what you think is a response to a kiss is simply impulses or electrical charges causing involuntary movement. He's not doing it on a mental level yet. I think he will, but he needs a little more time."

"I think you're wrong Dr. Simms. He misses me when I leave. He gets agitated and his facial expressions change. His breathing becomes uneven. His hand twitches when I ask him for a response, and tonight I kissed him. He responded. He knew what was going on." She pleaded her case with Dr. Simms.

"OK, we'll watch him closely. Every coma case is different. You're obviously with him a lot and know his daily movements and mannerisms. Hope and being positive is the best thing you can do for Deacon. You and your family spending so much time with him is very touching. He needs that. I see so many of these cases where the family just gives up and visits slowly stop."

"I'll never give up on Deacon. He is the love of my life. As long as I'm breathing I'll be here. Please help him. I can't live without him." She begged the doctor

"I wish I could do more. It's simply a waiting game with no defined recovery. What happens with Deacon is strictly Deacon. If you or I were in the same situation it might be completely different. We will do everything we can for him." The doctor squeezed Rayna's shoulder as he turned to go

Rayna went back to Deacon's bedside. His face was twisted and he was clearly agitated.

"I'm back, honey. I know you're in there, and I know you can hear me. You're gonna come back to me soon. I believe that with all my heart, Deacon. I love you." She whispered in his ear as she kissed his cheek and curled up next to him in the bed again for the night.

For the first time in over a month, Rayna slept for 6 solid hours in Deacon's hospital bed cured up next to him.

The morning sun streaming through the window woke her. Deacon was so warm and cuddly. She hated to move her head from his chest.

She wrapped her arms around him and snuggled close, before finally looking up at his face. His eyes were open again. This time there was more of a sparkle. Last night it had just been a blank stare.

"Good morning, baby." She smiled at him watching his eyes for any reaction

She about fainted when he blinked, and tried to smile. He couldn't quite do it, but his bottom lip quivered, and a tear rolled down his cheek.

"it's OK, Deacon. I know you're trying." She gently kissed his lips and wiped his lone tear away.

She got up to brush her teeth and freshen up a little in the bathroom. When she came out his eyes were still open. He was looking towards the window.

"It's a beautiful morning." She said like he'd jump up any second to enjoy the day

His eyes seemed to follow her around the room.

"I'll be right back, baby. I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee." She said as his brow furrowed like it always did when she left the room.

When she came back he'd been watching the door waiting for her. She sat in the chair next to him and took his hand as she drank her coffee. He tried to squeeze her hand, but his fingers couldn't grip.

"There are soo many people praying for you, Deacon. Look at all the flowers and cards. His eyes seemed to pan the room.

"The girls miss you soo much." She said as she reached for a family photo album to show him pictures of the kids and all of them as a happy family.

"Do you remember going to the zoo a little over a month ago?"

She showed him pictures of the day at the zoo. All of them in front of the monkey's.

"Maddie wanted a picture with the monkey's." Rayna told him

Another picture was of Deacon and Scarlett feeding the giraffe. He had Scarlett in his arms. She was afraid to feed the giraffe with his big black tongue. Deacon had coaxed her into doing it with him.

"Here are some from when the girls had that horrible flu bug back in December, and we found out Scarlett has asthma."

"You built blanket forts with them in the living room and watched Disney movies for 3 days."

She showed him pictures on his back and stomach on the living room floor with the girls as he cuddled and played Barbie dolls with them in the blanket forts.

"Remember, baby? It was Christmas. We couldn't go to Tandy's because the kids were so sick."

Deacon started to struggle like he was choking. Rayna pressed the call button, but also ran into the hall to get him help.

"OK, relax Mr. Claybourne. I'm gonna take this feeding tube out." The nurse slowly pulled the tube running into Deacon's nose and down his throat out. He stopped struggling.

"There you go. Is that better?" the nurse asked Deacon as she started his vitals check pulse, blood pressure, heart rate

"Why did he suddenly start choking? That's been in for a month." Asked Rayna

"He's got his swallow and gag reflex back. Coma patients lose that. It's a good thing. I'd say he's out of the coma, and responsive again." The nurse explained

"I'll send Dr. Simms in as soon as he arrives to re-evaluate him. Do you need anything Mr. Claybourne? Would you like a drink of water?" the nurse asked

"Can you blink for me? Once for yes, twice for no?"

Deacon blinked once. He was thirsty.

"OK, let's sit you up. We'll try a sip of water." The nurse said adjusting his electric bed to an almost sitting position. She poured a small cup of water and gently put it do Deacon's lips as Rayna watched. She kind of poured it in, but he did swallow.

"More?" she asked as he blinked again

She gave him another small sip, as Dr. Simms arrived.

"Mr. Claybourne, How are we this morning?" the doctor asked

"I removed his feeding tube. His gag reflex seems to be back. I gave him a couple small sips of water. He was able to swallow without a problem." The nurse explained to the doctor

"OK, thanks." Dr. Simms said as he shined his pen light into Deacon's eyes again and Deacon squinted this time.

"Can you follow my pen with your eyes, Deacon?" As the pen moved so did Deacon's eyes.

"OK, Good. I'm gonna check your reflexes now." As the doctor hit Deacon's knee with a rubber mallet his leg jerked

"Good, good…can you tell me your full name? First , Middle, and Last"

Deacon cleared his throat and tried to speak. At first nothing came out, but then a very raspy "Deacon Paul Claybourne." came out

"Do you know where you are?" the doctor asked as Deacon nodded no

"You had a very bad car accident. You're at Vanderbilt Hospital. Do you remember anything about the accident?" he asked as Deacon nodded no again

"Do you know what year it is?"

"April 1998." He replied as the doctor smiled

"Partly right, but we'll give it to you. It's May 1998. You've been in a coma for 29 days."

"Do you recognize this pretty lady next to your bed?" he asked pointing to Rayna

"Ray, my wife." He tried to smile as his eyes met Rayna's

"OK, good. Can you squeeze my hand?" he asked as he offered Deacon his hand

"A little weak, but good." He said as Deacon lightly squeezed his hand

"OK, you're doing great, Deacon. We're gonna get all these wires and monitors off of you, and move you to a regular room today."

"In the meantime, we're gonna get you up to try a walk, a shower, and some food."

30 minutes later all the monitors were off and disconnected. A man came in from the cafeteria with some broth and apple juice for Deacon.

He struggled to lift the spoon with enough coordination to eat the broth.

"Let me help you with that, baby?" Rayna said as she took the spoon and fed him gently

"You want some juice?" she asked as he nodded yes

She gently put the cup to his lips as he sipped apple juice.

The nurse came back with a walker, and a large man to help get Deacon up.

"OK, Deacon. We're gonna try a short walk. Can you try to stand?"

They slowly helped Deacon to his feet, the large man hanging on to his waist. The man caught Deacon as his knees buckled.

"It's OK. You haven't walked for a month. You're gonna be weak. We'll get you started in some physical therapy to rebuild your strength. Can you grab the walker handles?" the nurse asked as the man continued to hang on to Deacon

"OK, good, now can you try a few steps." She asked as Deacon struggled to walk just to the door and back

"OK, good. Why don't we sit you in this shower chair. No point getting back in bed. You're moving to a new room after your shower. No more ICU." The nurse smiled at Deacon."

The nurse started to wheel Deacon into the bathroom for his shower.

"uuummm…can I do that?" Rayna asked

"Well, we're really supposed to be careful with the fall risks, but keep him in the chair. Don't let him stand. Sure. Let me know when you're done. We'll get a cart and some help to move all of his flowers to the new room. I'll be at the nurse's station." She said as she turned to leave the room

Rayna wheeled Deacon into the handicapped bathroom. It was the first moments they'd really had alone since he became responsive.

"You just wanted to get me alone and naked!" He whispered in a raspy voice with a smirk on his face as soon as Rayna closed the door.

"Deacon, I didn't know you could string a sentence together. That's the most you've said all morning." She smiled with tears in her eyes.

"I'm fine, Ray." He tried to smile and convince himself

"You've been in a coma for 29 days, Deacon. You're not fine!" she finally cracked and started crying tears of joy that he might really be OK.

"C'mere, sweetheart. I'd get up, but I can't." he sweetly said as he weakly pulled Rayna to his lap and kissed her cheek

"I was so worried about you. I thought you were…..dead. The police showed up at our door. You scared the hell out of me, Deacon! DON'T YOU EVER DO THIS TO ME AGAIN!" she sobbed into his chest as he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I love you. I heard every word while I was out. I tried to wake up, but I couldn't open my eyes. It felt like a long nightmare that I couldn't get out of. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm right here, and I'm gonna be OK." He said as his own eyes filled with tears realizing how much Rayna really does love him.

"Now, how about that shower? Got a sponge with my name on it?" he smirked trying to lighten the mood.

Rayna couldn't help but smile. He was so damn adorable sitting there smiling, flirting, waiting for his sponge bath. Just yesterday she wasn't sure he'd even know her when, and IF, he woke up. Now he was all smiles and being so sweet and loveable. Her heart was about to explode with love and gratitude that they'd been given another chance to make things right, and be a family again.

She removed his underwear and hospital gown, and hosed him down with the handheld shower head. She gently washed his thick dark hair and rinsed it. She lathered up a washcloth and began gently washing his body from the neck down. She gently kissed him a few times as she gave him the first bath ever in their relationship.

"Why haven't we ever done this before? It's really kind of erotic. Come down here so I can kiss you." He gently pulled her towards him for a deep, lingering kiss, the first real kiss he'd given her since waking up.

She pulled away intent on finishing her shower detail.

"Come on, baby…don't tease me." He whispered as she lathered between his legs and around his genital area.

She was surprised he was getting aroused. He just smirked and laughed playfully. He was pretty much captive. Too weak to do much on his own.

"Honestly, Deacon…you're seriously thinking about sex already?" she smiled up at him as she rinsed him off.

"I haven't stopped thinking about it since that day in my truck. I need you, Ray. I need you, now." he whispered

"You remember that day?" she asked touched because that day got her through this nightmare, and maybe it had for him too.

"Please, Ray…" he was asking for a sweet release of pent up sexual frustration that had been building for a month.

She knew he was too weak to actually have sex. He couldn't even stand without help. She gently kissed his lips and worked her way down around his neck and ears, dotted kisses along his chest, down his abs, and continued to slowly tease him with sensual kisses as she drifted lower.

"Oh…Deacon…I can't believe I'm actually doing this in a hospital bathroom." She whispered as she took him in her mouth and gently stroked him until he finished.

"Well, I said I'd find somewhere fun for our next sexual escapade, didn't I? He laughed. It was great to hear him laugh after the hell she'd been though.

"Speaking of fun, and that day in the truck, I think I still owe you one hell of a great date night." He reminded her they'd missed they're date.

"Let's just get you out of the hospital first, OK, babe?"

"C'mere…just one more kiss. I love you so damn much, Ray. Thank you for loving me through this." He said with tears in his eyes as she leaned down for one last kiss before dressing him, and wheeling him to his new room.

Maddie and Scarlett squealed with Joy as Tandy and Bucky entered Deacon's room with them a few hours later.

"Daddy….daddy….they both screamed and climbed on his bed."

"Careful, girls...daddy's still awfully weak. Be gentle with him, OK?" Rayna cautioned as they giggled and squirmed next to him.

"OK, one at a time…" Deacon was beaming, but realized he didn't have the strength for both girls at once

"I missed you both so much. Have you been good for Aunt Tandy and Bucky?" Deacon asked

"Yeah, but when are you coming home? We miss you."

"Soon, the doctor said maybe tomorrow if all my tests come back OK."

"Wow, that is soon." Said Tandy

"Yeah, hey Tan…thanks for keeping me company when Rayna was away. I'm not much for business weekly, or production reports, but I'm glad you were there for Ray, and me, and these little munchkins." He laughed as he tickled the girls

"Sure, Deacon. That's what family is for. I'm just glad you're OK. You scared the hell out of all of us."

"I'm sorry….and I love you too." He said because he'd heard her say she loved him when he was in the coma.

"You did hear everything?" she asked

"Yeah, every word, but you can save that 37 page proposal for another time. I've heard enough about Wyatt industries to last me a while." He smiled.

"We should probably get the girls home. Are you staying here tonight, Rayna?" Bucky asked

"Yeah, I've missed my husband. Now that he's back I don't wanna miss a minute that we can be together."

"Hopefully we'll both be home tomorrow." Deacon smiled and took Rayna's hand

"Night guys. I love you." Deacon said as each girl kissed and hugged them.

"Thanks again, Tandy and Buck for everything. You'll never know how much it all means." Deacon teared up a little thinking of all the support he'd been given.

Later alone, Rayna turned off the lights, and turned on WSM 650. She climbed into Deacon's bed with him and wrapped her arms around him, and felt so loved and safe as he wrapped his arms around her too.

"There are a few more people out there that have been pulling for you, babe. You're an awfully loved guy in this town." She told him as the Saturday opry began.

_Welcome to tonight's edition of the Grand Ole Opry_

_We've been praying for our friend and band leader Deacon Claybourne_

_He had a car accident about a month ago. He's still in the hospital, and we'd planned to dedicate tonight's opry to him knowing he might not hear it, but our prayers were answered. His wife ya'll know as Rayna Jaymes called me a little while ago._

_Deacon is awake, and doing well tonight, after 29 days in a coma._

_We continue to pray, and wish him the best. _

_We hope you're listening Deacon. This opry is dedicated to you._

_We can't wait to have you back on our stage. _

Deacon teared up as each performer talked about how they knew him, and dedicated songs to him. He was more touched than he'd ever been. He had no idea so many people thought so highly of him.

**THE END**

Hope you liked Old Friends and Demons. I could go on, but 33 chapters is getting kind of long winded. The story began with _What If,_ and continued through _Old Friends and Demons_.

It's certainly not over. Coming soon… Damnesia

Deacon's life was forever changed the night of his accident. He wasn't yet aware of Vince's death as he left the hospital.

He and Rayna still had issues to deal with in the aftermath of her affair with Luke.

Beverly, Deacon's sister, and Scarlett's mother still hasn't resurfaced to claim her daughter.


End file.
